Title: The Cold Empty.
Summary: She missed the drell assassin she'd fallen in love with.
Notes: Based on the song "Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart" by Alicia Keys.
Rating: T (some sensuality).
Disclaimer(s): Mass Effect and its characters belong to BioWare. "Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart" belongs to Alicia Keys, and co-writers Jeff Bhasker and Patrick Reynolds.
Months after the Reaper War had ended, the galaxy and its citizens were repairing. The mass relays were restored, the planets were being rebuilt, the people leaned on each other for support in the wake of death and destruction. One such person was former commander Kayla Shepard. Even surrounded by friends and with the warmth of her mother, however, there remained a hole in her heart.
She missed him, Thane Krios, a drell assassin she'd fallen in love with. 'What a waste,' she thought, when she remembered the circumstances surrounding his death. But then, whether or not he'd died defending the Citadel during the Cerberus attack or not, she knew what she was getting into, well aware he was sick and dying, anyway.
"You got involved with him," Kasumi said once. "You fell for him. You slept with him. You continued to see him, even though you knew you were going to lose him soon. The important question is, do you regret any of it?"
No, she didn't regret a second of her time with Thane Krios.
She wasn't the only one with such a loss. She wasn't alone, but she had never been one to share her emotions with others, with the exception of Thane himself. Sometimes Garrus and Kasumi as well, but they had their own problems. She didn't want to burden them with her grief.
"Well, you should," her mother would say. "They're your friends, and they've lost loved ones, too. They know how you feel. Never be afraid to talk to them."
God, this hurt, as if a piece of her had been ripped away and could never be regained. Was this what Kasumi felt when she lost Keiji, how Garrus felt when he lost Tali, who had been gunned down during the battle for Earth? How did they bear it?
'I should talk to them, but not until I'm ready. It's not like all they want to talk about is Keiji and Tali. It's. . .it hurts too much, still, to do anything but keep it inside.'
She talked less, because she missed his conversation. Thane was the easiest of people to talk to, secure in his own opinions, but willing to hear out and consider the views of others. She could tell him anything, and he could do the same.
She ate less, because she enjoyed sharing her meals with Thane as they talked. They couldn't always eat the same things, and would often discuss their contrasting meals.
She exercised less, and lost muscle tone for it. Once they'd become familiar with each other's routines, they would often work out and exercise together, learning the other's techniques of fitness.
She slept less, yearning for his presence in her bed. She wanted to be in his arms as she drifted into sleep. She wanted to feel his touch, taste his kiss, get lost in passion with him. She would reach out to the opposite side of the bed sometimes, and flinch from the cold empty.
'How do you speak, eat, be active, or sleep with a broken heart?' she wondered.
She'd just have to follow suit with everyone else, and find a way to make it.