Sometimes Joren pretends he is content with her. Sometimes when it's late and neither of them can bring themselves to quite fall asleep, he will pull her close, stroking her hair, pressing kisses too soft and too brief to the side of her neck. She likes to pretend that it's always like this, and she knows he does too. So they lay there in the quiet, in the heart breaking, wonderful feeling that seems so foreign but so frighteningly familiar at the same time.
A lot of the time Joren pretends he hates her. His words are harsh and empty, indifferent and searing all at once. When that happens she screams back at him, knowing that she shouldn't be so satisfied when she sees that her own word rub his heart red raw, and leave nicks in his pride. Knowing that she shouldn't feel ashamed when she does that either. Then he will say something that hurts her far more than it should, that makes her feel insecure, which is strange because she doesn't care. And those aren't tears that sting her eyes and make her head ache.
Occasionally Joren pretends he is friends with her. He makes her laugh and their conversations are heated. She tells herself that she doesn't feel safe around him because she knows this won't last. But then he looks at her, with eyes that are for once bright and unguarded, and she doesn't care. But then someone will cross a line, a wire will be tripped, and then he becomes cold and distant, and Kel slips her mask over her face, her heart freezing, because that's the way she is. Not to block out disappointment, and leaves the room. Telling herself that he isn't hitting the wall because he is angry at himself for ruining it is surprisingly frightening. And she allows herself to think for a moment, that maybe she is scared it's true.
Quite a bit of the time, Joren pretends he wants to hurt her. He slams her up against the wall, with kisses that are harsh and bruising and needy. She tries to pretend that some secret part of her doesn't love it, and revel in what he makes feel. Her thighs are bruising as she wraps them tight around him, and when she is with him, she screams more than she sighs. And in the morning, for every bruise on her body after their encounters, then is a matching one on his own.
Very rarely, Joren will let her see he love her. It is never anything extravagant, nor does he hold her like when they pretend they are content. But occasionally, just occasionally, he will glance up at her, and the whole world freezes, and in his eyes she sees herself, tall, beautiful and strong. And she doesn't try telling herself that it isn't real, or that it's something it's not. They love each other. Their love is deep, ardent, and forever.
They never have to pretend that.
A/N: Well, this 500 word drabble will be one of the last installments in fanfiction I will be making. I might follow this one up with a K/N tribute soon. Let me just make it clear that I am NOT LEAVING FANFICTION I am just going to start posting my stuff else ware. I love you all, and your feedback has been a great source of inspiration for me. When I post my K/N drabble, all the details of where you can find my site will be placed both there and on my bio.
With all my love,
Elemental-girl