A/N - First story on here. Hi :) R&R
Disclaimer: Covert Affairs is not mine. Sadly.
Auggie stood backstage getting ready to step out into the limelight, breaking his cover as a CIA covert operative. He could do this. He had to, he had agreed to take the promotion. It was time to make his decision irreversible.
His hands began to sweat and shake - his hands, which were always steady even while handling the most stressful covert operations.
"You're leaving me."
Auggie's heart ached as he remembered the catch in her voice when she had voiced the realization. She had sounded unsteady and less controlled than usual. Her hand on his arm had trembled slightly before she removed it completely. He wished for the millionth time that he could have seen her facial expression to understand where her emotions were coming from.
Auggie took a deep breath to steady himself. He wished he could tell her he had done it to rescue her. Traded his last chance of returning to field work to extract her from her last mission. He couldn't, of course, she could never know the strings he had pulled, it was above and beyond what his job as her handler had required. He wasn't even quite sure why he felt so personally responsible for Annie Walker yet.
He remembered the way she had rearranged his suit before walking out the door, hoping she hadn't noticed how it made his heart skitter all over the place. She just saw him as a friend, he couldn't jeopardize that. Not over something he wasn't yet sure about. She was the one person in this place who simply got him. No explanations necessary.
He had told her they would find a way to maintain their friendship but the truth was that they would not be able to meet openly with his new position as one of the three faces of the CIA. Any meetings between them would have to be within the walls of Langley. He would no longer be with her through every mission, talking her through the tough spots. His replacement was good, maybe even brilliant; he had chosen her carefully to make sure Annie would always get home safely. But he would have to wait until she arrived home to find out she was safe. Everything would be different.
When she had approached him earlier that day for help with her current mission he had been distracted by his failed assignment from Arthur. Under normal circumstances he would have done anything within his power to help her. He hoped he hadn't hurt her.
Auggie shook his head to clear his thoughts. He had just been offered the biggest promotion of his life and all he could think about was how Annie would feel about his decision. This was ridiculous. He couldn't make career decisions based on a girl who just thought of him as a friend. But if he took this position she might become an option he would never have again.
One more step - that was all it would take to blow his cover forever.
Jai would kill to be in his position right now. But Auggie had worked so hard after going blind to gain enough credibility in the CIA to maybe be able to go back to field work one day. Why was he giving it up so easily? Was this really about a deal he had made to rescue Annie or was he simply scared that an opportunity like this would never come up again? Maybe they would never let him go back into field work anyway. Then again, he had been one of their best agents - experience that even the CIA could not brush off lightly.
Taking a slow breath in through his nose Auggie laughed cynically, took a hesitant step backwards, then set his mind firmly as he turned and walked back to Arthur's office. He had made his decision. It was not yet his time. He was not ready to give up on the possibility of field work in his future – and although he did not want to admit it, he did not want to give up the possibility of him and Annie either.