The Real Reason
A humorous fiction about the true reason why Naruto wants to get Sasuke back from Orochimaru.
WARNING: Makes fun of certain stuff from yaoi shit fics and just the usage of Yaoi in Naruto, this is the only reason why Naruto would want to bring that sack of shit back to Konoha.
"Naruto, I know how you feel about loosing to Sasuke." Jiraya said as he sat on the windowsill in Naruto's hospital room.
"You do?" Naruto asked as he looked at the perverted old fool.
"Yes. You see when I was your age and Tsunade-Hime and Orochimaru were here we used to be on the same team, and like your situation, Orochimaru was the favorite genin in our group and Sarutobi-Sensei trained him more than he did either I or Tsunade." The white haired man said as Naruto looked at him.
"So you're in the same boat huh? Or were rather?" Naruto asked him.
"Very much so, you see I got so jealous at Orochimaru even before we were on the same team, I started peeking on women to train myself in stealth; the one thing I was sure to be better than that homo-pedophile at." Jiraya said as Naruto looked at him weirdly.
"Huh?" Naruto asked.
"He likes to have sex with young boys." Jiraya said as Naruto leaned or the side of his bed and vomited. "Anyways, when we were taking our bell test, I became over confident and screwed up and was caught by Sarutobi-Sensei; where as Orochimaru came in and won all of the glory by almost grasping the bells."
Naruto sat up in his bed and wiped off any left over vomit from his mouth, he looked at the man and finally said, "I need to get Sasuke back!"
"Why?" Jiraya asked.
"I need to talk to him." He said as the old man started thinking things that no straight male wanted to think.
"Naruto there is still time to save YOU!" he said as he picked Naruto up from the bed and poofed away to the hot springs. Once there, he let go of Naruto, and pried open some tall weeds and shoved Naruto's head in the spot. "Now you are going to like seeing naked women or I will personally shove you into the hot springs!" he hissed as Naruto stiffened.
After ten minutes of hearing giggles, Jiraya pulled Naruto out of the peeping area and looked at Naruto. Naruto who was forced to watch the naked women clean themselves amongst other things, passed out due to blood loss. Once he awoke he found that he was still by the hot springs and so was Jiraya, only he was copying things into his pad of paper.
"I see you're awake, and I take it that you liked what you saw?" Jiraya asked as Naruto looked at is blood soaked hospital gown.
"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked as Jiraya pulled his head out of the weeds and looked at him in astonishment.
"You mean that you didn't like it? You mean to tell me that my first student in the art of peeping is gay?!" he cried as Naruto lurched.
"NO FUCKIN' WAY!" Naruto yelled as Jiraya smacked his hand over Naruto's mouth.
"You don't have to deny it Naruto; if you are gay then your gay!" the man said as tears of pain and sorrow fell down his cheeks.
"I said I am NOT gay!" Naruto hissed at the old man who stopped crying and looked at him.
"Then why do you need to bring Sasuke back then?" he asked as Naruto smacked himself in the forehead.
"I'll tell ya, but you have to keep it quiet though!" Naruto said as Jiraya nodded. "When we were younger, I kinda let him borrow something from me." He said as Jiraya started crying again. "Not like that you moron!" Naruto hissed; "He owed me 50 Ryou!" Naruto said as Jiraya looked at him.
"Then why do you need to bring him back here then?" Jiraya asked.
"Because for everyday when he didn't pay me back I added another 6 Ryou, that was six years ago!" Naruto said as Jiraya started to do the math problem in his head.
"That is about 13,190 Ryou kid!" he said as Naruto smirked and nodded.
"And at the end of the year, I added half of what he already owed me!" Naruto said as Jiraya counted six years worth of money in a few minutes.
"WHOO BOY THAT IS ABOUT 19,760 RYOU!" Jiraya yelled as Naruto clapped his hand over his mouth to shut him up. After Naruto retracted his hand, Jiraya asked, "So you want to bring him back to make him pay up right?"
"Yup, because Kami knows what I am going to do with that much money!" Naruto said as the smiled from Jiraya's face fell.
"Ramen." He stated as Naruto shook his head.
"What the hell, ramen, fuck that stuff, I'm buying me a Geisha house!" Naruto said as Jiraya almost fainted.
"Excuse me, but did I just hear you say that you were going to buy a Geisha house?" he asked Naruto.
Naruto smiled and nodded; "Yup!" he said as Jiraya almost fainted again.
"Why?" he asked Naruto who smirked.
"Because every twelve year olds dream is to have his own personal house full of Geishas!" Naruto said as Jiraya fainted. "What the hell, I say that I want some Geisha and he faints! What the fuck is that too hard to believe?! Maybe I'll just go buy the ramen stand then!"
END