A bit angsty this one... I own nothing, though I would love to have some claim on Shane West ;)
She was gone.
He couldn´t stand to be here, in the place where they had first met, where they had overcome so many obstacles togheter. In the place where he had so many memories of her.
He drove home slowly, like he wasn´t awake but in some sort of dream state. No, he thought to himself, if this was indeed a dream it was a nightmare. He was familiar with those.
Entering his apartment he turned on the light but then turned it off again. The darkness was comforting in a way, the harsh light seemed to make everything more real.
Walking slowly through the apartment he went over to the window, slowly sitting himself down in the chair he sat so many times before, thinking of her. This time was no exception. He sat there, looking out at the citylights, isolated from the rest of the world, locked away in his tower.
Where was she right now?
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you´ve already figured out
In his mind he saw her face, the way she had looked at him the last time he saw her. Like she didn´t know him, like he was a complete stranger. It hurt.
His head bowed down, he let himself feel, the pain was intense. He knew pain. For a long time it was the only feeling,along with rage, that he could feel. The only thing he wanted to feel. Then Nikita had come along and changed everything, changed him.
I´m falling apart, I´m barely breathing
With a broken heart that´s still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
And now she was gone. And he was once again alone.
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I´m an open book instead
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they´re still looking for life
All their moments togheter flashed like a movie before his eyes, wasn´t that just supposed to happen when you were dying? Maybe he was. Maybe it was all just too much.
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven´t forgotten my way home
He had never demanded much from life and still everything he had ever wanted had been taken from him. He had wanted to keep her with him, maybe that should have been the warning sign. He wanted her, therefore he couldn´t have her. He knew she had belonged to someone else, she had wanted to at least. He knew, in reality, they didn´t belong to themselves here in this life. Their life wasn´t their own to do with as they wished. But Nikita didn´t listen to him. He didn´t know what hurt most, that she had fallen in love with another man, that she was broken because he was dead, that she fell in love with him because he himself kept pushing her away, or that she was gone.
Where was she?
Would she come back for him? He didn´t think so given the way she had looked at him when she understood what had happened. He didn´t have anything to do with Daniels death, he hated that man with an intense passion that came from jealousy, he had what Michael wanted, simple as that, but he wouldn´t have wished for Nikita to know this kind of pain. All he ever wanted to do was to protect her, in the end that was their downfall.
And I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
Yes, I am slightly obsessed with the song "broken" by lifehouse and I have to have it in everything I do ;)