This is a self insert OC, whose father is Orochimaru. This chapter and maybe the next will be the only ones with the sannin.
I was kind of playing with Orochimaru's character here. Don't take it too seriously and everything is still canon in away.
Mukashi, mukashi.
In the time before the Legendary Three Nins of Konoha were known by that honorary title.
Before Team Hiruzen had a chance to crumble completely, the three, together had entered the Second Shinobi World War ready to take on almost anything. They weren't necessarily weak to the ways of Ninja but it was a time when they were still young and a little naive.
Jiraiya had finally came back to Konoha after his time of wandering the lands when Tsunade had lost her cherished younger brother, Nawaki, and was still reeling in grief.
Orochimaru was not yet the cruel and disillusioned monster that we have all come to know.
Instead he was but a youth with the responsibility of the death of a comrade fresh under his belt. The distant and slow gnawing mixture of grief and guilt that Orochimaru never knew he could feel.
When it was just beginning to reveal itself to Orochimaru, that fragility and mortality of human life...
Something unexpected showed up in Orochimaru's life, even if it was but for a short while:
Children.
Orochimaru was chilling in his deep and dark secret Lab underneath Konoha when he found out that he was the proud, new father of two bundles of jo-
Just kidding!
Orochimaru is 24 in this chapter and all of his labs are sanctioned by Konoha and he has not yet sunk into that deep abyss~
But if he wasn't in there than where was he?
Team Hiruzen had chosen to whittle away their time between deployments not in the relative safety of Konoha but in some unnamed town (since the author forgot its name) that the trio had frequented in their youth in between missions.
It was a village that flourished on tourism, and there was even a castle in the middle of town. But it was not for this that the three had come seeking refuge. It was the much seedier and shady parts of town that the trio had come seeking old comforts.
Gambling. It was something Tsunade knew and practiced since she was but a toddler taught to her by the First Hokage himself.
It was nothing more than a vice, a way to pass the time, cheap and quick, but it was now used more like a defense mechanism than anything else. Something to keep the nightmares at bay. To keep a sense of control in her life in a time where war raged not only the shinobi world but also their lives. Nawaki hadn't been just another statistic to them.
It just so happened that this time-between-deployment was longer than the ones before it. It went without being said that it was to allow Tsunade time to grieve and Orochimaru time to come to terms with his failure, and perhaps learn from it. And it might have a secondary reason in Jiraiya's low-key information gathering/undercover work that went hand-in-hand with Orochimaru's info drop-offs.
Thus that was the reason that Tsunade was here in this city instead of Konoha or the front lines. She was seeking a refuge away from pitying eyes, where she could just gamble away her sorrows. Where no one would know who she was except maybe for her most trusted comrades. Not that she would admit that.
Right now, all she did was angst about Jiraiya and his perverted ass; and Orochimaru and his creepy personality.
And Jiraiya had come along to make sure that Tsunade wasn't after Nawaki's death. He didn't know the kid personally in the way Tsunade or Orochimaru did, because he had been gone for the past few years... the last time he had seen the kid was back when Tsunade's bust wasn't as big and Nawaki was barel-
Orochimaru had felt a little left out and not wanting to be left alone twiddling his thumbs in his lab back in Konoha, he had of course followed the two to this run down hole in the shit.
Even if that meant twiddling his thumbs, all alone, in the make shift lab -slash- seedy hole in the wall hotel room of his.
Orochimaru knew from experience that his two teammates were light weights when it came to drinking unlike himself (technically Orochi didn't know whether he was a light weight or not because he practiced self-control).
He knew for a fact that after every binge drinking spree the two would come crawling back to him.
Looking for that nice soothing brew that would ease their bouts of light sensitivity and migraines. A nice healthy tonic that he never had the pleasure of needing. Also for food. Tsunade might of been the Medic-Nin for the team but she couldn't cook for shit.
Especially after the death of Nawaki... she was, what do you call it?
A hot, drunken mess.
So Orochimaru wasn't all that surprised when early one morning the two of them had barged into his rooms unannounced, tipsy and most importantly loud. Orochimaru hadn't seen them in three days, so it wasn't all that surprising that the two of them were so inebriated this early in the morning. It was unsightly for Nin such as themselves to be so visibly disabled but Orochimaru makes many exceptions just for them.
"Orochi!" Jiraiya's obnoxious voice thundered.
The two had stumbled in together, a jumble of limbs. Jiraiya was supporting Tsunade by the shoulder, but that didn't mean he wasn't as drunk as she was.
"Sake!" Tsunade's uncouth, drunken drone demanded.
"S'ats not right, 'suna~de'me. Ish'ts supposed to be daht hangover remed~ee," slurred Jiraya barely understandable. Suddenly being overcome with the need to be needy, he turned on Orochimaru and started tugging on the lapels of his robe ending in a, "Right, Orochi?"
He didn't seem to have noticed that in the process he had dropped a mumbling Tsunade like a hot potato, which had ended with her landing in a heap on the dirty ground.
Jiraiya and Tsunade were both moody as hell drunks, and today wasn't the exception to the rule. Today it seemed that Jiraiya and Tsunade were needlessly needy and childishly demanding respectively.
Jiraiya was way too close. Jiraiya's face was close enough to smell the alcohol on his breath and see the day's old stubble. His eyes rolled and I was met with the whites of his eyes. He practically foamed at the mouth before following our female teammate on the floor, but not before leaving a trail of slime on the front of my yukata.
"Food..." she moaned sulkily from the floor, rolling over.
"Now, now. You should drink something before you eat," I gently rebuked in my silky, rumble-ly and sexy voice. Maybe I could seduce the two of them into submission with it? Bend them to my will and then we could all go home..
But no, Seduction (nor manners) wasn't even in the top ten taught in the classes of Konoha Ninja Academy. I could distance myself emotionally on the field, torture, eviscerate and grind my enemies into not so figurative dust but I wasn't confident enough in my charms that I would consider opening that can of worms.
Maybe when I become Hokage (lol) I could change that? Maybe open the classes up to all ages so Jiraiya would finally be able to 'seduce' a woman and Tsunade would learn the rules of social etiquette and would finally act accordingly.
Which only made me chuckle softly at the prospect of Jiraiya succeeding in seducing anyone that wasn't paid to be. And smile fondly at the thought of Tsunade being anything but Tsunade.
The Senju O-hime-Sama of Konoha my pale, skinny ass.
The thought of the two of them using the assets that they were blessed with... It painted a pretty picture that I found quite amusing. After all, I've had more women and men than the two of them combined and despite how Jiraiya acted and Tsunade griped I couldn't picture the two of them with anyone but each other really. Except for maybe... me?
Kukukukuku-
"You're being creepy again, Orochimaru." Tsunade had rolled over onto her back, and was looking at me with squinted eyes. But she quickly gave up and allowed her head to fall back.
"Oh, really?" I let slip my tongue, letting it hang out in that way that I knew would creep her the hell out. "I couldn't tell."
"That's disgusting, Orochimaru." Tsunade made her voice all matter of fact way, so done.
Nawaki thought it was cool every time I showed it to him...
-Had thought-
Orochimaru wanted to joke about it with Tsunade and maybe mention Nawaki, but then stopped. It was probably too soon for Tsunade.
But if she dwelt on it. It would be her weakness. Make her vulnerable. And make her death all the sooner.
Especially in these times of war. You couldn't hesitate. It was something that Orochimaru was truly afraid of. That her weakness would cause her hesitance that would cost her like (mine) did for Nawaki.
That's why... Orochimaru was so harsh with Tsunade, because it was a war after all.
After Nawaki's premature death there was always that thought, lurking at the corners of Orochimaru's mind.
That his team, would die way before he did, because of their soft hearts. That the death of someone close to Tsunade would cause her own untimely death. Or that Jiraiya would die somewhere alone, on another one of his travels, another nameless Shinobi. Another faceless statistic.
Not even on the field for Konoha.
It was not something that Orochimaru thought of consciously, but as a silent insecurity. They were a team. People he had grown both as people and ninja together. He would always be there to keep them from killing themselves in the heat of battle, and they would always have his back. Sarutobi-Sensei would always be watching fondly...
That was what he thought of, as he surveyed his teammates huddling beneath him, drunk out of their minds.
Jiraiya was grumbling under his breath, and Tsunade was back to moaning prettily, her eyes once again blissfully closed.
"Settle down, now, children. I already have the kettle on." I said to a room that might as well have been empty. I also had some frozen leftovers on the back burners too, but they didn't need to know. It was for their own good (and mine) as the last time they had ravaged their sustenance frozen.
His two teammates were asleep and the stove top was working overtime but he had nothing to do while he waited.
That was when he noticed he had wandered to the foyer, and stopped in front of the package that had arrived earlier. He was about to open the curious box earlier when the two had arrived and interrupted him.
It was a large, non-descript box. The only thing strange about it were the air holes on the side of it.
Funny since I don't remember ordering any live specimens this time...
It was especially strange when he saw what was on the note that came with it:
I'm returning what's Yours.
How deliciously ominous. A kunai materialized from a sleeve, both as a precaution against any pleasant surprises and as a means to open the box.
Truly ingenious these multi-purpose knives...
Maybe one of my many enemies had sent me a piece of Sarutobi-Sensei to enjoy as a threat? But no, that old man was probably going to out live us all.
Shaking those morbid thoughts out of mind, I opened the last of it. Whatever I thought it was, hadn't prepared me for what I saw next.
Golden eyes in a familiar face, too young-
"Whazzat?" Darn it all! When had the two of them woken up and gotten behind me? Curse them and the years we've spent together. I've gotten soft around them...
I closed the cardboard top, nice and calm, turned gracefully and proceeded to make a fool of myself.
"A-ah, nothing! Nothing at all! At least nothing you need to worry yourselves about." I quickly reassured them, all together failing. My shock was all-encompassing, one, that caused years of training to fail me.
"Are you sure?" Jiraiya asked, eyes squinted and suddenly suspicious. "Then what's that?"
Oh, the shinto gods! If the two of them, especially Jiraiya had found out that I had a little accident- remembering the other head of lighter colored hair - or two, than he would never let me live it down.
How was it even possible? I had made sure to use contraceptives.
"A delivery." I said suddenly as smooth as silk.
"I can see that.." Tsunade's sass. "But what's up with those holes? Someone give you a puppy as a present?"
"Its another live! Specimen, of course."
"I don't know, Orochi, that does look like a different make (in boxes). You sure its not a trap?"
"There is a reason I'm holding this kunai, Jiraiya," the last word dripped with derision just as I started to deftly handle my kunai, twirling it in my hands. "And it's not just to do this," a slight of hand and I was handling the kunai with my tongue just as deftly.
"You didn't have to be such a bastard," Jiraiya's voice was indignant but he still turned intending to go to the kitchen. "And here a sealing master was offering you his skills (in diffusing bombs), hmmp." Even though Jiraiya was facing the other way Orochimaru knew that he would be pouting.
"If you want to offer me up something..." I muttered under my breath.
Oh, shit! Tsunade!
I pulled my eyes away from Jiraiya's receding form... only for my eyes to be met with the intense stare of Tsunade's golden brown eyes.
Did she hear that last bit?
I usually throw casual passes at my two dense teammates, but it usually goes right over their heads.
And usually I'm a little... less direct. She's peering at me pretty suspiciously, and although I don't particularly mind Tsunade hearing... but it would still be weird.
Orochimaru wanted everything to stay as it was. The perverted Jiraiya, the violent Tsunade and the aloof and slightly unsettling Orochimaru.
It wouldn't do if Tsunade suddenly added him to the list of who to beat the crap out of, along with Jiraiya.
(But really he enjoyed the fact that they were his moral compass.)
Tsunade was the one constant in Orochimaru's life, the one that stood on equal when they were genin as Jiraiya spent years trying to catch up and not be a burden.
He knew her best.
And he wouldn't admit this but he considered her one of his trusted and precious people right next to Jiraiya.
Back on track though, Tsunade was staring at me with an intense concentration. And such an awkward moment passed that I considered making a crude comment about threesomes, but the moment passed... Since she started to slowly back away, her steps slowly getting more urgent.
For a moment I (was a little hurt) thought I had actually offered that threesome out loud, but then I came to a realization...
That look in her eye that I noticed was not suspicion. Instead it was the product of effort, she was trying to focus her eyes but was failing.
Tsunade had even been swaying on her feet. I was usually the master of using the weaknesses of my opponents, but maybe I was even more rattled than I thought?
...
And cue the sound of Tsunade being violently sick.
I strained my ears, and no this wasn't some sick kink.
"Jeez. Tsunade. You're even worse with alcohol than I am."
And there was my cue. I grabbed the box and casually (but stealthily) went to my room. Passing by Tsunade dry heaving and Jiraiya rubbing her back at the trash can in the kitchen.
I shut the door, lock it, and quickly walk to my bed to dump the box at the end of the bed.
And slowly, slowly, ever so slowly I open it again.
And damn it! They were still there, but now the two babes were asleep. There was that at least.
I used the time to observe them.
Although the both of them had their eyes closed. The one from earlier -the one with golden eyes- had spiky black hair, but the other one had wavy, hair the color.. of apricots. Both of them had a pale complexion like my own but in varying degrees. In all the two looked nothing alike. Were they really mine?
Maybe I should kill them? It would be a mercy...
In this moment of peaceful observation I noticed a note nestled in the grip of the blond.
It was crumpled and a little... wet but still legible.
I'm a little busy, so I thought it was a good time for the kids to meet their father. - P.S there's a picture of me to jog your memories tapped on the inside of the box.
That was it. I stared at the infuriatingly neat handwriting. Expecting something, anything more. But there wasn't anything more.
(Fuck this!) I wanted to crumple the paper up and throw it to the floor. But I was already past that. Now...
I was in denial.
But, true enough there was a picture of my supposed baby mama taped to the inside of the box.
The picture non-surprisingly didn't give me much.
The picture composed of three people: a young woman, and our (alleged) two kids; one in each crook of her arms.
The mother of my two darling children (...) was of slim young woman with messy, short hair the color of apricots. I couldn't see much of her face though. She was smiling widely with her head ducked, but it wasn't demure. Reminded me a little of Jiraiya and Tsunade actually...
Her hitai-ate (of course she was a kunoichi) which covered her eyes had four squiggly, diagonal lines, signifying that she hailed from Kiri, but it had a horizontal slash across it. So she was a nukenin.
A Nukenin from Kiri? That didn't tell me much of anything.
But the picture did jog some memories. Of one night, a while ago, with a deliciously handsome young man that had turned out to be a delightful young woman in the end.
Oh.
Oh.
Fuck. These two might be mine after all.
I don't even remember her name. I don't even know their names. How did she even know where I was? Or who I was? I don't ever remember exchanging names, and we weren't wearing our hitai-ate when we had met...
Fuck it, I'm so screwed. I needed to get rid of them...Be rid of them.
Somewhere far away where they wouldn't be in the way, but somewhere close enough to check on them in the case that they have potential... Maybe I should employ the use of Konoha's orphanage?
I looked down at the two of them and felt... well, it wasn't paternal love. But I did notice something off about them. The abnormal amount of perspiration. The pallid tint to their already pale skin...
I did not believe it to be a simple childhood illness. I wasn't a medic-nin but...
Are these two... on something?
I pick the two up by the scruffs of their necks and bring them up to the light, as if to check the validity of documents. And they really do look sort of ill, and maybe in the stages of withdrawal for something used to keep them quiet. Tucked into the scruff of one of their clothes there was another note, this time neatly preserved and folded.
P.S.S Their names are 杏月 and 蜜月. Their names are pronounced as Kogetsu and Migetsu. But I've decided for their names to be read as Azuki and Mitsuki for various reasons. Its not all that hard to connect the dots, but I've decided to raise them outside of the Clan, so they wont learn any Clan techniques. Plus I think Azuki and Mitsuki are cute names.
She talks as if she'll still be raising them. Kogetsu and Migetsu, huh? I wonder which one is which. But then I notice that their clothes are labeled. The ginger is Kogetsu and the one that looks eerily like me is Migetsu, it seems.
Anyway although I applaud her on finding an efficient way in keeping two children quiet as she ran for her life (their lives) as a Nukenin. It raised a great many questions actually. Were there ulterior motives about? Why did she even have them if she was busy? As a Nukenin she could have, if she chose to, given them up or aborted them.
It could be as easy as ingesting poison, really.
But since she did not, it also raised problems for me to solve.
I needed to get these two Konoha's Orphanage. But I couldn't just up and leave the mission or Tsunade and Jiraiya for that matter. They would become too curious... And I couldn't just simply call someone from Konoha to come and take them for me...It would take too much time, especially with two drug addled babies.
I needed to distract my teammates, get pass them, drop these two off and come back before anyone noti-
"Orochimaruuuuuuu!" Fuck! It's Tsunade!
Tsunade had barged into my room in self-righteous fury (i.e no manners). I had no warning, the handle hadn't even twisted in the lock since she had intended to fucking kick the door down from the start.
Orochimaru being the quick thinker that he was threw his newly acquired children into the closet behind him in the second that it took for Tsunade to stop screaming.
But today was just a bad day, so how does he cover this abnormal throwing motion?
With a flick of his wrist, of course. And no, he wasn't throwing shuriken at her.
"Orochi, the food is..." Jiraiya started over her shoulder.
With a flick of his wrist he had loosened the front of his Kimono shirt, released his pants from his waist but kept it up with a hand. Knowing that his teammates had just seen him undressed turned around and faced his closet, his knees suddenly went weak and he fell to the floor. Allowing his kimono to slip off one shoulder, Orochimaru looked at the two of them over his shoulder.
It might have been over the top but Orochimaru really, really wanted to distract his teammates and possibly get them out of his room, so...
His eyes were wet, his voice cracked. "How many times have I told you two to knock before you come in?" He pulled his shirt back up his shoulder, and leaned back onto his closet door (just as planned), so that it closed.
Orochimaru, who thought himself the master of manipulation, hadn't calculated how badly the alcohol had affected her and instead of feeling embarrassed and leaving something else entirely happened.
Because the next thing Orochimaru knows is that he's being manhandled by Tsunade. She grabs him by the lapels of his kimono and shakes him, yelling all the while.
"We're not kids anymore, OROCHI! Stop acting like this!" Her face was flushed as she was still processing the copious amounts of alcohol in her system.
It was enough to give Orochimaru a headache and warns him off of ever allowing Tsunade near small children.
"And let me look at you!" Tsunade boldly ripped open Orochimaru's yukata.
"Whoa." Jiraiya breathed.
Tsunade's eyes were unfocused, her breath unsteady. Her lips formed a sudden frown. With the way Tsunade's clothes were fussed, her flushed skin, the way she was looking down at Orochimaru...
It looked like Tsunade was about to have her way with him.
If Orochimaru wasn't a Shinobi he might have been a little more afraid for his virtue.
Instead he just laid there as she ran her hands up and down his pale and uncovered chest.
"Guys, I don't know what to feel about this," Jiraiya deadpans.
How about you join in? Orochimaru thinks.
I grabbed Tsunade's hands and pulled her in close to my chest and asked her, "Are you satisfied, yet?" Instead of blushing cutely or reacting like at all, it looked more like she was about to nod off.
But suddenly her head snapped up and she said, "Did you hear something?"
At this though Jiraiya came to bodily break it up, and dragged Tsunade off of Orochimaru by the armpits.
"Jeez. Tsunade, are you still drunk?" can be heard from Jiraiya mouth as they leave.
But not before Orochimaru could here a mumble of, "...tiny heartbeats...closet..?"
Orochimaru really hopes that she doesn't remember this in the morning.
Before he can even get them past his teammates he needs to do something even more urgent.
He needs to go buy drugs for his children (to wean them off with).
Oh, and bottles, milk and diapers.
Author's note: My head cannon of how Tsunade was like before she met Dan. Not girly at all...
It totally matches with how how most of the female cast of Naruto are pretty violent and unfeminine except in front of the people they like.
And Orochimaru... Oh, Orochimaru.
And it might have been Tsunade leaving that might have triggered his evilness? Not Jiraiya like a lot of people think.
Also Orochimaru was not doing any creepy pedo interactions with Nawaki. O.O
Don't take any of Orochimaru's perverted thoughts too seriously, he isn't actually looking for a relationship with his teammates. And oddly enough I was trying to make it canon compatiable. As in he doesn't look like he's thinking lewd thoughts. When other people here him talking... they take him too seriously. Its just the way he holds himself and his soft way of speech. Its like... he definitely doesn't mean it that way!
I know that Orochimaru is going to have a son named Mitsuki in the future. He's still going to have a son named Mitsuki in the future. But in Orochimaru's head they'll be Ko and Migetsu.