I looked around my cabin from where I sat on the couch. It was all too peaceful, too safe for what I just dealt with on Horizon. I signed heavily, dropping my head into my hands. How did it all go so wrong? How did I let more than half of that colony be abducted? I grabbed fist fulls of my hair, ready to scream, until the sound of my cabin door sliding open filled the room.
I looked up to see none other than the beautiful Miranda Lawson, staring down at me from atop the steps. Her icy blue eyes bore into mine with such understanding and long hidden passion that my breath caught in my throat. She slowly descended the three steps and took a seat next to me. Without a word, she took my hand, unclenching it from my hair, and held it silently.
Her hand was cold, but it wasn't an uncomfortable feeling. It was soothing, reassuring, reminding me that this moment was real. It was soft, periodically squeezing my hand gently. She moved her thumb back and forth along my palm, tracing every line etched into it. I watched her silently, confused and thrilled by her presence. This wasn't what Miranda did, this comfort. The few times they spent together were nothing more than pure physical release. Miranda made it clear that emotions would never play a part in what they were doing.
While I hated to, I agreed, only to be close to her in those few short hours late at night. I put my feelings aside, the want I had for her that wasn't just physical anymore, just so she would stay near. It has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. And now? What is this? What does this mean, now that shes here, comforting me like this? I stayed silent, however, not wanting to push or scare her away. I waited patiently for her to say something, feeling my heartbeat against my rib cage every time her thumb stroked my palm.
It felt like hours before Miranda finally spoke. Her speech was hushed and soft, as if terrified to voice the words spilling off her beautiful, soft lips. "It wasn't your fault." she said, taking my hand in both of hers. Again, her icy blue eyes connected with my light green, showing her understanding and communicating the truth behind her words. My heart seemed to stop along with my breathing as I looked into her eyes. Every emotion Miranda tried to hide, to shelter behind pure physical need, flowed behind deep blue ice.
I could see the need, the want, the appreciation, the love she felt but tried so hard to deny, swim in her eyes. She was letting go. This was no longer just physical to her. I leaned into her until our lips were mere inches away. I waited there, letting her take the next step. What I wanted was understood. For her to make the next move would say she wanted this to be more. She hesitated, just like I knew she would. Her warm breath brushed against my lips and they quivered in anticipation.
For a moment, I thought she would run. Her grip loosened on my hand and she took a deep breath, but then our lips connected. They molded into each other, fitting like a puzzle. Her grip tightened once more as she deepened the kiss. She sighed when my lips parted, the tip of my tongue swiping her bottom lip, asking for permission. My free hand moved to the back of her head, my fingers intertwining with her soft, raven hair.
When we finally broke apart, we were panting heavily. I rested my forehead against hers, soaking in this moment, feeling the relief wash over me. This woman, this beautiful, perfect woman was finally mine. After months of stolen glances and admiring her from a distance, she was finally mine.
"Shepard," she said in a sweet whisper, breaking my trance. "Yes?" I whispered back, my hand sliding from her hair to her neck, softly running my thumb along her jaw line.
"If… If we're going to do this, you need to promise me something." she said with her usual determination. "Anything," I whispered, "Anything you want." I probably sounded extremely desperate, but I wasn't going to lose her after I just got her. I'd fight the entire galaxy just to be by her side, to make her happy.
"This mission… It's suicidal, basically. Now isn't the time for emotional entanglement." she sighed, shaking her head slightly. She was flustered, and if I was honest with myself, it was super cute. "What I'm trying to say is… just don't die on me, damnit." her voice cracked at the end. She laughed, trying to cover up the worry in her voice. She began to pull away, clearly uncomfortable with herself.
I firmly, but gently grabbed her chin to keep her in place. "You're right, it is dangerous. Practically impossible. That's why I can't promise you that," she scoffed and began to pull away again. I wasn't sure if she was mad at herself for asking something like she did, or at me for not promising, "However," I began again, tightening my grip slightly on her chin to make her stay, "I can promise that I will do everything in my power to stay alive and keep everyone else alive. I'll never leave you, I'll never betray you, I'll never intentionally hurt you. I'll always be here for you, Miranda. And if for whatever reason, I'm not. I'll fight this entire galaxy to be."
I stared into her eyes, hoping that they conveyed just as much emotion as hers did before. I could see the calculation in her eyes as she absorbed my words. I knew she was scared. Scared of the commitment, the power of a partner seeing her for who she really was. Scared of giving her heart solely to another individual that could do with whatever they liked. I understood her fear. I wanted to make her feel safe, to drop her barrier and know I would never hurt her like her father, betray her like Niket, or use her like the Illusive Man.
"I love you," I blurted out, I immediately felt my cheeks warm with a blush from my bluntness, but I didn't care. I continued anyway, "I love you, and I believe I have since the first time I saw you on that operating table. You've been there for me from the start, ever since I died. And I get that it was your job at first, but you truly cared, I know you did. I know you've come to care for me even more, and I get you're scared, but I'm not your father. I'm not Niket. I'm not the Illusive Man." I paused, letting my words sink in.
Her eyes began to water, but she remained frozen, taking in my words. She was careful not to let anything show, and I'm sure she was kicking herself internally for the tears welling behind her eyes. A single tear fell, rolling down her cheek. I wiped it away with my thumb, my eyes never leaving hers.
"You're everything to me, Miranda. You have been since you brought me back. Let me be everything for you." I finished, hoping she could hear the conviction in my voice, the solid determination to make this woman happy, no matter the cost.
She shut her eyes, the tears she tried to hold back finally spilling over and down her cheeks. I cupped her face with both my hands, kissing her again. I slowly moved my lips, hoping she felt the love I was trying so hard to convey. She softened, moving against mine just as slow, with just as much passion.
When we broke, her arms wrapped around my neck, burying her face in my neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her as close as humanly possible. Feeling her chest slowly rise and fall against mine, her warm breath on my neck along with her wet tears. I rubbed her back slowly, silently comforting her.
Some time passed as we both just enjoyed each others presence. At some point, I thought I heard her mumble "I love you, too." but I remained silent, knowing she would appreciate it. Her sigh was confirmation, and I smiled to myself. Nothing seemed impossible anymore as I sat with the perfect woman in my arms. The Reapers, the Collectors, Cerberus, the Alliance, the Council, nothing was going to stand in my way anymore. Nothing was going to stop me from being with her.