Random silliness, starring one of my most favoritest characters ever, Reno! Not to be taken seriously. And just for the record, I have a lot of respect for the character - he's just this wonderfully jumbled, conflicted guy, who I think can be very laid-back and funny one minute, and beyond professional the next. He's charming, but with dangerous habits, hobbies, what have you. Someone who'd drink with you off-duty, but kill you two seconds later if he was ordered to. Ain't bad to look at either. And yes, I'm well aware that Reno would probably be fired for doing some of the stuff he does (later) in this fic, assuming he got caught, of course.

Let's say this takes place a short time after Sector 7.

I don't own any of the Final Fantasy VII characters, locations or anything else.

"Any volunteers?" Tseng asked, hopefully, having just briefed his team on the solo mission currently up for grabs. "I'll take that as a no, then," he resigned, with a sigh, as no one had responded to his request.

Elena stood right in the middle of the Turks' "office," squeezing her travel coffee mug so tightly her knuckles were white. When she was nervous, she had a grip that could turn mako to materia.

"Elena?" Tseng called her name, mostly out of concern.

"No," Elena said, firmly, shaking her head.

Reno, and even Tseng was visibly surprised by her refusal. No doubt Rude had been surprised by it too, though he was sure not to let on.

"No?" Tseng asked, bemused.

"I...I don't want to," Elena sort of mumbled, her resolve faltering. She didn't want to seem the type to shirk responsibility, or do anything to make Tseng angry or think less of her.

Tseng nodded. "I see. Rude?" A second later, he retracted the statement. "Never mind. Then I suppose..."

"Oh, come on. You can't be serious," Reno practically whined, tipping back in his chair. "Elena's the obvious choice," he casually added, having no idea the blonde would react so fiercely to his assessment.

"I'm what?" she squealed, slamming her travel mug onto the desk in front of her, which happened to be Rude's. Her hands almost involuntarily went to her hips. "And why is that?"

Rude wondered if he hadn't just seen a small smile on Elena's face. He didn't say anything, though. After all, his inherent stoicism had already excluded him from serious consideration for this dreaded task and he wasn't about to ruin that.

"You used to do it. That's all," Reno offered up, casually. "Besides, seems more like your thing, being a chick and all."

And with that, Elena had gone off the deep end, making ridiculous references to feminism, spouting off a nice little rant about women being good for more than just answering phones and running copies, and that they weren't all bubblegum smacking, mini-skirt wearing, gossipy trollops with six-inch long red fingernails and a massive collection of poorly written erotica. While she realized it may have been overkill, Elena didn't cut her speech short - in fact she pulled out all the stops. She really, really didn't want to go back to being a secretary, even if it was only for a day.

Tseng shook his head. There was no sending Elena now that Reno had gotten her all worked up, and it had already been decided that Rude was not an option - the big, bald enforcer a receptionist? The job would require speaking more than five words at a time, therefore, not his thing.

That left only... Reno. Tseng rubbed his temples, knowing he was back where he started. He hadn't necessarily wanted Reno to take the "mission" but it seemed he had no choice. Rude was in no way qualified, and Elena had claimed sexism. As for himself, well, he was the Turks leader, and needed in his own department. So it would have to be Reno.

"Reno," Tseng called out. Knowing exactly what his boss meant, Reno sputtered, but was unable to get a single word out before Tseng informed him, "It's an order."

Reno's distaste was evident, if the deep frown adorning his face was any indication.

"It's called taking one for the team," Tseng said to his pouting subordinate. It was as close to a pep talk as he was going to give him.

"I thought that was taking the ugly girl home so your buddy could score with her hot friend...?" Reno somewhat absently asked, still tipping back in his chair. Still frowning, too.

"Process of elimination, then."

"You just have an answer for everything, don't you?" Reno asked Tseng, almost accusingly.

The older man smirked and replied, "Yes, I do. Speaking of..." Tseng reached for the phone, pressing a couple of buttons. "It's taken care of. I'm sending Reno. He's on his way now."

Fate sealed, Reno forced himself upright, sure to make it look as though it was a great struggle. As he made his way out of the Turks office and to the elevator, he leaned over Elena's way and whispered, "That was brilliant."

Elena beamed, having had a moment to calm down. She didn't get many compliments, and none from the likes of Reno. He was always telling her to quit acting so weak, and show a little more leg while she was at it.

"I hate you with a passion right now, but that was brilliant," Reno said, under his breath.

Reno sulked all the way to the elevator, stepping inside and punching '69.' He stared at his pale reflection in the glass. "Think I'm their secretary, huh?" he muttered. A grin spread across his face. "I'll show 'em just what kind of secretary I am."

A/N: Um...hope everyone liked. And, no offense to secretaries! I just can't see Reno being stoked to go be a secretary. Will be updating promptly, because I've already got a lot of this written out. It was going to be a one-shot, but like Elena, I talk too much. So yeah...pointless multi-chaptered fic. Yay!

Also, I skimmed over the summaries for every fic here with Reno as a main character and nothing jumped out at me to lead me to believe this is too terribly close to a fellow author's work. I'm sorry if a similar fic exists. I'm not trying to copy or rip anyone off. I did come up with this on my own, but I doubt I'm the only one to have an idea like this. I said I talk too much. XD