Fatty and Chubby
(a.k.a. my version of "Hansel and Gretel")
PLEASE, DEAR READERS, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST GERMAN PEOPLE OR THOSE WHO ARE HEAVIER-SET. THIS IS JUST A HARMLESS PARODY THAT IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT.
Once upon a time, there were two fat children named Fatty and Chubby. Chubby was a fat little boy who wore ugly, puke-colored lederhosen and a feathered hat. His sister, Fatty, wore a yodeling dress and her hair was always braided in pig-tails.
If you're wondering why these kids had such strange names, that all began when they were born. When they came out of the womb, they ate so much candy in such a short period of time, they became extremely fat. Their mother and father were so shocked, that they decided to name their children Fatty and Chubby.
One day, Fatty and Chubby were summoned by their father to gather dinner for that night.
"Get ze woods from ze Booger Forest for ze supper ve are going to have tonight: CANDY!!!!" Papa said.
Fatty and Chubby danced around the kitchen crying, "OPA!!!"
Then Papa said, "Hold your horses, cheeldren! Be careful of ze pimply, scary, ugly witch! If you don't, you will be eaten by her und be slathered in ze witch's famous toe jam-taco sauce!"
"Ewwwww!" Fatty and Chubby cried.
Papa said with a chuckle, "Zere is no witch!" Little did Papa know, there really was a witch!
Fatty and Chubby then set out to the Booger Forest. After a short while, when they were in the middle of the forest, they came upon a spaghetti house.
They cried, "OPA!!!!" and started chomping at the house.
They stopped chomping when they heard an old, pimply woman saying, "STOP CHOMPING AT MY HOUSE!!!"
Fatty and Chubby screamed. There was no way that they could get away on their fat little legs!
The witch snickered and cast a magnetic spell on the chubby children so they would stick to the witch's fingers like glue! Fatty and Chubby screamed in horror.
The witch went into her house, put the kids into a pot of boiling water, but somehow in an odd twist of plot, they escaped quicker than Harry Houdini did from a Chinese Water Torture trap.
They ran through the forest, not looking back at the fate that they barely escaped. They gathered some candy and ran back to their house.
"Vat took you so long, you slow children?!" Papa screamed. "I've been waiting for two hours!!!"
Fatty quickly made up a lie.
"Er…ve vere attacked by radioactive ferrets and ve vere held hostage for about an hour an a half."
"Oh…" Papa said, obviously gullible enough to believe to believe such a crock of lies. "Zose darn ferrets!! Zey alvays get me ven I valk through ze Booger Forest… NOW LET'S GET GOING ON ZAT DINNER!!"
They then ate their dinner and lived happily ever after…except for the witch, who starved for about two months because Fatty and Chubby were the only food that skipped into the forest for a very long time.
THE END!!!!