Knocked up joke
By kira and VegaSailor
Author's note: This is a minor rewrite of an old fic. While looking it over it, I found several inconsistencies, and I decided to correct them.
888
Renkotsu found Jakotsu just outside their room at the inn, heaving his guts up. The cross-dresser had been quietly getting sick after they had eaten for two days now, though he had been pretending that everything was fine. But enough was enough in Renkotsu's humble opinion. Sauntering over to his friend, he asked, "Morning sickness?"
Jakotsu looked up at him and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "No, it's more like morning, noon, and night sickness..." He looked apologetically at the fire-breather before turning back to the garden and retching again.
"Must be carrying triplets..." the fire-breather smirked.
"Triplets...?
"Never mind..." And when the cross-dresser shot him a questioning look, he clarified, "Well, if you're vomiting morning, noon and night, you must be carrying triplets."
Jakotsu laughed weakly. "But I can't be knocked up."
"It was a joke, Jak."
"Not funny, Ren. Besides, Aniki-chan has been so neglectful lately we haven't been doing it as much..." Jakotsu said sadly.
"Tsk, tsk, Ban..."
The cross-dresser sighed. "I wish there was a way of getting him to be more attentive..."
The fire-breather chuckled softly, an evil grin tugging at his lips.
Noticing it, Jakotsu asked, "What?"
"How good an actor are you?
"Well, I used to be a whore so how good an actor do you think I am?" Jakotsu chuckled and Renkotsu was pleased to see he appeared to be feeling a bit better.
The fire-breather grinned. "Think you can pretend to be a woman who's knocked up?"
Jakotsu nodded. "I've seen plenty of them working in the bathhouse..." He thought it over. "So, yeah, I think I can do that... But how is that supposed to make Aniki-chan more attentive?"
"Well, he might be more attentive for a while if he thinks he's knocked you up."
"You think?" Jakotsu laughed. "But Aniki-chan's not stupid, Ren, he knows I can't get knocked up."
"Not if Sui and I introduce some obscure knowledge."
"Yeah...?" Jakotsu thought about it. "Ummm... Ren, what's 'obscure' mean?"
"If something's obscure it means it's not well known."
The cross-dresser laughed. "Oh, you mean like a man getting knocked up?"
"Yup." Renkotsu smiled. "Ever hear of a hermaphrodite?"
"A hermawhat?" Jakotsu blinked.
"A hermaphrodite. They're people who have the sexual organs of both men and women."
The cross-dresser looked stunned as he took in that bit of knowledge. "There are people like that?"
Renkotsu nodded. "They're very, very rare."
"I see..." Jakotsu nodded. "So we tell Aniki-chan I'm one of those...? But he knows I don't have a bitch crack and thank sweet Kami-sama for that!! Still, I don't know..."
"Well, we can explain that even though you don't have the external parts of a woman, you still have the internal parts, you know, like a womb." He grinned. "Just to be sure, I'll converse with Sui about it. He knows more about it than I do, but I think we can pull this off."
"Okay... if you think so, then I'll do it!" Jakotsu laughed, quickly regretting it when his stomach rebelled again.
Renkotsu knelt next to the cross-dresser and gently rubbed his back as he got sick all over the garden again. "Uh, Jak, can you walk? We have to leave."
Jakotsu sat up and hugged his sore stomach. "I don't think so... Can you carry me? Please...? I wish I was home..."
The fire-breather sighed. "I suppose I don't have much of a choice, seeing as Ban would kill me if I left you here. And don't give me that look. Despite neglecting you very badly, he still cares for you." Renkotsu groaned when Jakotsu's eyes welled up with tears. "And for Kami's sake stop crying! Shit! I said I'd carry you home... Now, let's go get your things and go." He gave the cross-dresser a few minutes to compose himself and when it looked like his stomach had settled down, they went back inside to get their gear before leaving.
888
They made their way slowly out of town, Jakotsu clutching his abdomen as he lagged behind. The way things were beginning to look, it was going to take twice as long to get home as it did to get there and Renkotsu was impatient to get home. He knew whatever was wrong with the cross-dresser would be blamed on him for letting it happen, so the sooner he got Jakotsu under Suikotsu's care; the better things would be in Renkotsu's humble opinion. He heaved a long suffering sigh while he waited for Jakotsu to catch up to him.
"I don't feel so good, Ren…" he said forlornly. Eyes widening, Jakotsu looked around wildly, before turning away and falling to his knees, and vomiting.
Ignoring the cross-dresser's retching, Renkotsu replied, "I know which is why I'm going to carry you." He turned away and squatted. "Now get on," he commanded.
Jakotsu scooted closer and threw his arms around the fire-breather's neck. Renkotsu counted to three, and hefting the cross-dresser onto his back, he stood up. "Ready? And uh, Jak, please let me know if you start feeling sick again so I can put you down and get out of firing range."
"Will do..." Jakotsu said softly. He laid his head on Renkotsu's shoulder. "And thanks for everything, Ren..."
"Hey! Don't get all cuddly; like I said before, I'm only bringing you home because Ban'll kill me if I didn't."
"I won't..." The cross-dresser sighed. "I honestly feel like shit, so you're safe with me this time, Ren. You know, the sad part about all of this will be if Aniki-chan suddenly decides he wants some, because I don't want any..." Feeling suddenly nauseous again, Jakotsu begged to be let down and not a moment too soon. "Excuse me..." he moaned, and turning away from Renkotsu, he vomited.
The fire-breather shook his head. "I told you not to eat that sushi. It looked bad and now I can see it was bad," he smirked.
Jakotsu laughed weakly. "I know... but I couldn't help it. You know how much I love tuna rolls! And as much as I love kappa rolls, I had a sudden craving for tuna..."
Renkotsu let out a long suffering sigh. "Are you sure you're not knocked up?"
"Hunh?"
"Never mind..." Renkotsu said, while helping Jakotsu climb back onto his back. They made their way home as quickly as they could despite Jakotsu's frequent need to stop.
888
Judging by the familiar surroundings, it would not be long before they were home.
"Jak?" Renkotsu said. "Now when we approach home, you don't know you're knocked up yet. You're just really sick like you are now. We'll get Sui to examine you and that's when you explain things to him. And don't worry; I'll take Ban aside so you can be alone with Sui."
"Okay... Ummm, Ren...? Is there any way you can go faster? I think I'm going to be sick again and I really want Aniki-chan..." the cross-dresser whined.
Renkotsu held onto his friend tightly and quickened his pace. "Hold on; we're almost there."
"Uh-hunh..." Jakotsu groaned as another wave of nausea hit him. "PUT ME DOWN!! NOW!!" He struggled to get down.
Renkotsu, in one swift movement, hauled the cross-dresser off his back and set him down, holding the cross-dresser's hair back, which had come loose from his topknot, as Jakotsu got sick again. "Shit! How much of that crap did you eat...?" The fire-breather muttered softly.
"I want to go home..." Jakotsu wailed plaintively. He retched again and spat, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"I know," Ren said as he bent to pick him up. "We're almost there. Look there's the house. It won't be long now, just a lil longer."
"Okay..." Jakotsu said as he closed his eyes and held onto to Renkotsu a little tighter. "Ummm, Ren, next I see tuna rolls remind me about this..."
"You can be sure I will."
"Good..."
As they made their way towards home, Jakotsu looked up weakly and said, "I think I see Aniki-chan... Hurry, Ren."
888
Back at the house, Suikotsu and Bankotsu were sitting outside on the low veranda that surrounded their home, playing go in the late afternoon sunshine. They had been waiting for their comrades to return from negotiations with a local daimyo, and Bankotsu was starting to worry because they should have been home yesterday.
"They were probably held up with some minor details in the negotiations, Oo-Aniki. I'm sure they'll be home today." Looking around while Bankotsu contemplated his next move, Suikotsu saw the gate in the high walls surrounding their home move. "There they are! I told you they'd be home today. You see, you were worried over nothing."
"Hunh?" The young leader of the Shichinintai looked up from the go board. "Oh good." He grinned in relief. "I can't wait until they get here. Do you think I should show Jak the pavilion now or wait until after dinner? I hope he likes it..."
"Why don't you save the surprise? And I'm sure he'll love it. It looks just like your rooms here, so what's not to love?" The claw-bearer chuckled softly over the pavilion's resemblance to the local bordello. "Here they come now," he said, as a figure came into view.
"Hey, where's Jak?"
"It looks like Ren's carrying him..." That can't be good. I wonder if he's sick and if he is, he must be really ill if Ren's got him… Suikotsu slid off the veranda and hurried over to them, Bankotsu following suit.
"Shit!" Bankotsu swore. "He was fine when they left a week ago."
"Sometimes it takes a few days for an illness to make itself known." Suikotsu watched his leader sprint ahead.
"Sweetness...?" Bankotsu panted when he came over to them, concern for his lover written all over his face.
Jakotsu rested his head on the fire-breather's shoulder. With his eyes closed, it was hard to tell if he was a sleep or in a lot of pain form some severe injury.
"Sorry we took so long, but your girlfriend's knocked up," Renkotsu said dryly. He chuckled inwardly at the play of emotion that flitted across his leader's face. Serves you right for being such a pain my ass over that pavilion you wanted built.
"What? Whose girlfriend?" Bankotsu frowned. He was upset over Jakotsu's listlessness and pallor and he could not wait to get him inside so Suikotsu could look him over. He felt a small measure of relief, when Suikotsu made his way over to them.
"Yours..." Renkotsu motioned with his head towards Jakotsu.
"What?! He can't be knocked up, you idiot!" Bankotsu said with a laugh. Funny, Ren, but that doesn't tell me shit about why he looks like he's half-dead.
Jakotsu moaned softly. "Aniki-chan... I want to go lie down... I don't feel too good..." He lifted his head to look at his lover and sighed dramatically.
"Are you okay, Sweetness?" The sixteen year old did his best to fuss over him while seeming not to.
Suikotsu took that as his cue to see to the cross-dresser. "What's wrong, Jak?"
"No, Aniki-chan... Sui, I'm tired all the time and my stomach feels sick. I can't keep anything down... And I feel like I want to faint..." The cross-dresser closed his eyes and groaned.
"Come here," Suikotsu said softly while he helped the cross-dresser get off Renkotsu's back. Once he was down, Jakotsu collapsed into the claw-bearer's waiting arms.
"What's wrong with me, Sui...?" he murmured.
Suikotsu picked him up. "Let me take you inside and figure it out."
The cross-dresser settled into his arms. "Okay..." Looking wanly over at his lover, Jakotsu added, "Maybe you should wait here, Aniki-chan, in case I'm sick with something really bad..." Stomach muscles clenching as another wave of nausea hit him, he weakly waved Bankotsu away.
Suikotsu nodded. "That's a good idea. We don't want it to spread too much." Looking down at the cross-dresser, he frowned for he could see there was something definitely wrong with him, but he had also seen the subtle shake of his lover's head, signaling there was something more going on here. Mentally sighing as he had the feeling it was not going to be good, Suikotsu started heading back to his room so that he could give Jakotsu a proper examination as well as find out what was going on without alerting Bankotsu to anything suspicious.
"Okay... Let me know what's wrong with him as soon as possible, Sui."
"Will doo, Oo-Aniki."
The young leader of the Shichinintai turned to his second-in-command. "Ren, while they're inside I want to know what the daimyo said," Bankotsu said, hoping to distract himself with talk of their possible new mission.
The fire-breather nodded. "He wants us to break through the defenses of a rival's fortress. He'll contact us in a week's time with more details." Renkotsu carefully kept his expression neutral as he waited for Bankotsu to ask him about the cross-dresser's condition.
"Good! It sounds like a job to me!" Grinning happily, the young leader of the Shichinintai suddenly grew serious. "So what happened to Jak? He was fine when he left here...They didn't poison him, did they?"
"No," Renkotsu quickly assured him. He waited several heartbeats to see if Bankotsu would press him for more details, when he failed to, the fire-breather turned the conversation back to their latest mission. "So I'd say in about another week we should have the first payment along with instructions on where to go."
888
Suikotsu was busy inside, tending to Jakotsu. He helped the cross-dresser lie down on his futon. He gently probed the younger man's belly, looking for signs of tenderness. "Jak, did you eat anything bad?" The claw-bearer asked, letting his good doctor personality wake up and take over.
The cross-dresser nodded. "Yeah... I had some tuna rolls that turned out to be bad, but I don't want you telling Aniki-chan that."
"Why not? Or is there something else going on here that I should know about?" Suikotsu asked, quirking an eyebrow. The good doctor, satisfied that .the cross-dresser did not have a life-threatening illness, went back to sleep, allowing Suikotsu's more stable personality to make itself known again. Whatever this would turn out to be, the claw-bearer was not happy with the thought of his lover being involved. As he calmed his mind, Suikotsu went through the motions of examining the cross-dresser.
"Well, Ren said we should tell him I'm knocked up cuz Aniki-chan's being a real shit and neglecting me... He said there's nothing like a baby to get your lover to pay a lot of attention to you! Please, Sui... I miss him and all..." The cross-dresser looked up at him and there was no mistaking the pleading look in his eyes.
Suikotsu stopped examining him, sighed, and looked at Jakotsu strangely. "Explain that again and I'll pretend it makes sense."
Jakotsu smiled; happy the claw-bearer was going to help. Taking a deep breath, he said, "I ate bad tuna rolls and got sick, which I think I'm going to be again..." He closed his eyes and grabbed his stomach, prompting Suikotsu to hand him a large basin to get sick in. Wiping his mouth, Jakotsu said, "Ren said I should pretend to be knocked up as it would be a good way to get back at Aniki-chan. He said that you know it's possible and if you said it was then Aniki-chan'll believe you..."
"So this is all supposed to be a joke?" Suikotsu felt as though he wanted to get all three of them together and knock some sense into all their heads, and failing that, the mental image of ripping them to shreds with his claws twitched his lips briefly upwards in a smile.
"Yeah... I guess so. That's what Ren said it was. I don't get it, but if it'll make Aniki-chan pay more attention to me then I'm willing to do it. So you'll help me...?" Jakotsu made huge pleading eyes at Suikotsu again.
Suikotsu sighed as he doubted the wisdom of this, but he understood the reasoning behind it. His lover, Renkotsu, had been complaining for the past two months that their leader was making him crazy with all the demands to hurry up and finish the love-nest Bankotsu asked him to build as a surprise for his beloved cross-dresser. Plus poor Jakotsu, who was sick with worry that Bankotsu was thinking of leaving him because of all the neglect. "Well, if Ren is in on it, then I suppose I should, although, I want you to know I don't think it's a good idea."
Jakotsu smiled weakly. "I know… and thanks, Sui, I really appreciate it..." He closed his eyes again and swallowed. "Now is there anything I can do to stop throwing up?"
"It sounds like you have the sickness you get from eating spoiled foods. It's a kind of like being poisoned by one of Mu's lil goodies." Suikotsu smiled. "Throwing up is just your body's way of getting rid of the bad food."
"But I ate that bad sushi days ago..."
"It takes time to get it all out of your system. However, I do know of something I can give you to make you feel better."
"You do...? Thanks, Sui! Oh wait... if I'm supposed to be knocked up, I have to keep throwing up, right?" Please tell me "no."
"Not necessarily," Suikotsu said.
"No..?" Oh good…Jakotsu mentally sighed in relief. He was tired of feeling nauseous all the time.
"I can tell Oo-Aniki the medicine I'm giving you to relive your symptoms is a common remedy for women in your condition." The claw-bearer chuckled.
"Thank you, Sui, I owe you big time!"
Suikotsu smiled and shook his head. "Now how the hell am I supposed to explain how you got impregnated?" At Jakotsu's questioning look, he clarified, "Knocked up."
"Oh that's easy! Ren said you know all about hermadingles," Jakotsu said.
Suikotsu looked at him like he had three heads, silently mouthing the word, "hermadingles."
"You know, Sui, the people with the boy and girl parts...?"
"Oh, hermaphrodites, well I suppose I could say you are a rare form of one where a uterus is connected to the rectum. Luckily for you, Oo-Aniki knows as much about anatomy as you do."
"Ummm... yeah..." Jakotsu lay back with his eyes closed, feeling happy about the whole situation. Soon he would have his beloved Bankotsu doting upon him again as well as merciful relief for his rebellious stomach once Suikotsu made him something for it. As far as he was concerned, everything was starting to look right in the world again.
"I'll be right back with that remedy," Suikotsu said softly, leaving Jakotsu alone with his thoughts. Stepping out of the room into the inner courtyard, the claw-bearer saw Bankotsu and Renkotsu waiting for him. Putting on his best look of "surprise at seeing a ghost," Suikotsu tried to "ignore" them as he headed outside towards his herb garden.
Bankotsu rushed over to him, peppering the claw-bearer with questions. "Sui, what's wrong? Is Jak okay? Can I see him?"
Suikotsu paused and addressed his leader, "Ummm... how do I explain this...?"
The sixteen year old paled, and swallowed nervously. "He not going to... die?" he trailed softly and Suikotsu felt a strong desire to smack his lover upside the head for worrying their leader over nothing.
"No! No! No! He's not going to die!" Suikotsu quickly assured him.
The relief he felt was clearly seen on Bankotsu's face. "Then what's wrong with him?"
"Jak is ill because..." Suikotsu paused to take a deep breath. "Because he's bearing your child."
Bankotsu's look of surprise quickly dissolved into laughter. "Good one, Sui!" he wheezed out between laughs.
The claw-bearer, who shared his leader's opinion on this, tried his best not to laugh along with him. Suikotsu was surprised he was able to keep a straight face when he said, "No, Oo-Aniki, I'm serious..."
"But he's a guy and well, guys don't go around bearing children. Making them..." Bankotsu laughed again. "But bearing them? How the hell is that possible?"
Renkotsu stood amongst the shadows, biting his lip, in an effort to hold back his laughter.
Suikotsu took another deep breath, and looking his leader straight in the eye, he said, "Jak is different... He's what you'd call a hermaphrodite."
"A hermawhat? What the hell kind of shit is that, Sui? I know he acts weird at times, but that's part of his charms..." Bankotsu stared at the claw-bearer like he had three heads.
The claw-bearer cleared his throat as he choked back a laugh since he shared Bankotsu's opinion. "A hermaphrodite is a person who has both male and female parts..."
"No shit!" Bankotsu exclaimed, his shaggy eyebrows shooting up under his bangs. "So that's why he acts like a girl, cuz he really is one?!"
Suikotsu nodded. I hope you have a better explanation for this than Jak had, Ren…
"Wait! He doesn't have a woman's thing..." The young leader of the Shichinintai frowned. Unless he's hiding it somewhere under his balls… he chuckled inwardly.
Suikotsu tiredly rubbed his forehead. "No, he doesn't have the external parts; however, he does have a womb, and I'm guessing it's somehow connected to his rectum since he doesn't have a vagina." I can't believe I just said that...
"His what?" Bankotsu stared at him blankly. Now what the fuck is he talking about...?
Suikotsu heaved a long suffering sigh. "The opening where you enter Jak."
Bankotsu felt his cheeks heating up. "Oh yeah... so his ass is connected to his womb?" he somehow managed to say without laughing to cover up his embarrassment.
The claw-bearer nodded. "Essentially, yes." I hope you're enjoying this, Ren... he thought, stealing a quick glance at his lover.
"Wow... So he's really knocked up? And I did it?" Bankotsu looked at the claw-bearer with the same goofy smile on his face that Suikotsu had seen hundreds of times on expectant fathers' faces. "Can I go see him?"
Suikotsu sighed. He felt this had gone on long enough, but he continued to play along against his better judgment. "He's still a little sick right now, but I think he would like your company while I make him something to relieve his symptoms."
"Okay!" Bankotsu grinned broadly. "Here that, Ren? I'm going to be a father!" he said smugly as he followed Suikotsu back into the house.
Renkotsu smiled. "Congrats, Ban!" he said and as soon as they were safely inside, he turned on heel and headed towards his workshop. He got about halfway there when he burst out laughing. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Ginkotsu, who had heard they back and wanted to hear how the mission went, was looking for his friend when he spotted him. He hurried over to Renkotsu. "What's so funny, Ren?"
Renkotsu sat down on the wooden bench outside the workshop. "Nothing..." he squeaked out, his eyes dancing with merriment. He chuckled to himself.
Ginkotsu, unable to smile with his metal jaw, smiled with his one eye instead. "It doesn't sound like nothing..."
The fire-breather grinned. "Only the best joke in the world!!" he laughed.
"What?" Ginkotsu, finding the fire-breather's laughter infectious, chuckled. "Gesh, gesh, gesh…"
Renkotsu was nearly doubled over with laughter, and finding it hard to speak, he gasped, "Sui told... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! He told Ban... HAHAHAHAHA... He told Ban... Jak was knocked up!" The fire-breather roared with laughter.
"He didn't?!" Ginkotsu laughed his strange metallic sounding laugh. "But how can Jak be with child? He's a he! Oo-Aniki can't possibly be stupid enough to believe it! Gesh, gesh, gesh!!"
Between snickers, Renkotsu choked out, "No he's not... it's just a joke... hehehehe... between me and Jak and Sui... Sui told...Ban… Jak's a hermaphrodite... HAHAHAHA!! You know a person who's got male and female parts..." He sat there, unable to contain his laughter. "Sui was really clever...and...hehehehe… Ban believed it! You shoulda seen his face!" Renkotsu burst out laughing again.
Ginkotsu joined him in his laughter. "Gesh, gesh, gesh… He didn't?! I wish I could have seen it, Ren, it must have been funny! Gesh, gesh, geshi!!"
"It was!" Renkotsu replied. "I mean how many times have you seen me prostrate with laughter?"
"Not many! Gesh, gesh gesh!! Did he get all goofy on you?"
"How do you mean?" The fire-breather giggled.
"All new fathers get this goofy look on their faces as if they can't believe they've actually made a baby!" Ginkotsu chuckled. "Geshi…"
The fire-breather thought about it. "Sweet Kami-sama he did!" He held his stomach and doubled over with laughter again.
"Damn! I wish I saw that!" The half-metal man chuckled. "Gesh, gesh, gesh…So how's the lil mother doing?"
Renkotsu shrugged. "I don't know... Sui's with them." He giggled. "Hey, how about when I get control of myself, I sketch Ban's face for you?"
"Please do!! Geshi!! Gesh, gesh, gesh…"
Suikotsu, who had been in his herb garden digging up some ginger root, looked up at the sound of Ginkotsu's strange laughter. He sighed angrily. Leaving the courtyard garden, he strode across the compound towards them. "It wasn't that funny, Ren."
"It sure sounded like it, Sui!" Ginkotsu chuckled. "Geshi…"
Renkotsu looked up at his lover and smirked, "The hell it wasn't! HAHAHAHA!!"
The claw-bearer stood there and closed his eyes. He could picture their leader's face when he heard the news and try as he might, Suikotsu could not hold back his laughter. He chuckled low in his throat, his muffled laughter finally erupting in a large guffaw.
Renkotsu looked him straight in the eye and said, "AHA!" before the three of them collapsed with laughter.
888
Bankotsu, who had been about to go inside and sit with his paramour while he waited for Suikotsu to come back with the herbs he needed for Jakotsu's stomach remedy, paused when he heard Ginkotsu's laughter. He frowned angrily, having guessed that Renkotsu put the cross-dresser up to it, before realizing he probably had it coming after the way he tortured Renkotsu into hurrying up with the pavilion. Plastering a smile on his face, Bankotsu knocked on the outer shoji. "Sweetness...?"
Jakotsu roughly pushed past him as Bankotsu tried to enter. The cross-dresser made it just in time to get sick in Suikotsu's tiny courtyard garden. "What...?" He moaned. Hand over his mouth, Jakotsu retched a few more times but nothing came up. Sitting back on his heels, the cross-dresser closer his eyes and groaned. Damn it, Sui! What's taking you so long? I'm tired of feeling sick.
Bankotsu was by his lover's side seconds later. "You okay?" he asked softly, rubbing little circles on Jakotsu's back. Sitting down next to him, Bankotsu pulled his paramour close.
The cross-dresser shook his head and sighed. "My stomach's being mean to me again."
Bankotsu gently rubbed Jakotsu's back again and the cross-dresser appreciated the comforting touch. "Awe...you poor thing." Bankotsu held him closer. "Sweetness, Sui told me that's because you're with child."
Jakotsu swallowed hard. "Yeah... Sui said I was one of those hermadingle people..."
His beloved leader kissed his cheek. "I know. I always knew you were special and this just confirms it." Bankotsu gently cupped his lover's cheeks, and drawing his face closer, he kissed him on the nose. As much as I love you, there's no way I'm going to kiss after you threw up and I hope you don't get mad at me cuz I won't…
Jakotsu, feeling guilty about tricking him, stiffened under his touch. "Yeah..." he said softly. Why did I let Ren talk me into this? Oh, Aniki-chan, my lil dumpling, you look so worried… I'm sorry; maybe I should just tell you it's a joke…
Bankotsu noticed the change in his lover's demeanor, but chose to ignore it. Instead, he smiled at him and said, "Don't worry; I don't mind kissing you even if you were just sick in the garden, cuz I'm so happy we made a baby. Sweetness, I wish you were feeling better as I have a special surprise for you. It was something I was planning long before the baby came along. But I am glad that despite my being preoccupied and a terribly neglectful lover, we still found the time to make a baby." The young leader of the Shichinintai held his paramour.
"Yeah..." Jakotsu suddenly pulled away, looking up at Bankotsu in surprise. "What is it?"
"Can you walk? I'll take you there." Bankotsu eased his lover off his lap and stood up.
"I think so..."
Bankotsu helped his lover up and together they made their way to Suikotsu's pleasure garden. But instead of going in there, the sixteen year old lead his paramour along the outer wall to a small building set in the shade of a large pine. Jakotsu felt his eyes well up with tears when he realized some of his favorite plants from the claw-bearer's garden were planted around it. The building itself was rather simple in design, and yet it complimented the main buildings as well as sitting beautifully within the landscape.
Taking Jakotsu by the hand, Bankotsu lead him up onto the tiny veranda, towards the shoji leading inside. He let go of his lover's hand and slid back the door, reveling an opulent room. "Come..." Stepping inside followed by the cross-dresser, he walked over to a rolled up futon. Quickly unrolling it, he made Jakotsu as comfortable as he could. He could see that something besides his upset stomach was troubling the cross-dresser and he waited patiently for his lover to enlighten him, although he had a feeling eh knew what it was.
Jakotsu looked around the room from his position on the futon. It finally dawned on him exactly why Bankotsu had been spending so much time alone with Renkotsu and why he was often sent off on missions with the others while they remained behind.
"I'm such a shit!" Jakotsu said sadly, his eyes welling up with tears. "And I don't deserve someone as wonderful as you!" Oh hell! How could I be so stupid!! Damn it, Ren!! You knew why Aniki-chan was neglecting me and you let me think the worst!!
"That's not true! It's me who doesn't deserve you! I'm the shit, Sweetness. I'm the one who neglected you and probably made you sick with worry over it. I'm sorry..." Bankotsu finished softly.
"No, I'm the one who should be sorry... I ummm... lied to you, Aniki-chan. I'm not knocked up..." Jakotsu trailed off and looked away, trying to hide his tears from his lover.
"I know that." Bankotsu chuckled.
Jakotsu looked back at him in surprise. "What? How'd you know?"
"I knew cuz there's no such thing as a hermadingle, that's how. I figured it was some bullshit Ren made up and talked you and Sui into going along with. You shoulda seen his face when he told me. I could see he wanted to laugh." The younger leader of the Shichinintai grinned. "They think I'm stupid, and I don't want you telling them otherwise, Sweetness, but I do know a thing or two," he said smugly, tapping himself on the temple.
Jakotsu smiled. "I know! I could see you were very smart when I first met you... I'm glad you're not mad at me or Sui and Ren, right?" He gave his lover his best "please don't be mad at me" look as he played with the end of his braid. Tell me you aren't...
"Yeah... I'm not mad. I deserved the whole thing and then some," Bankotsu said ruefully as he gently stroked his lover's cheek. "I've neglected you so much that you went and got knocked up..." They laughed and Bankotsu held him close. "And I probably made Ren crazy with all my demands to have this ready as soon as possible for you."
The cross-dresser sighed. "I love you so much, my lil dumpling..." He sat up, and throwing his arms around Bankotsu's neck, Jakotsu kissed his lover on the cheek.
"I love you too, Sweetness..." Grinning at his beloved as he slipped out of Jakotsu's embrace, Bankotsu said huskily, "So how about we break this place in and have some fun?" He nuzzled his paramour's cheek. "Unless you're still feeling sick...?" he added when he remembered the cross-dresser was not feeling well.
Jakotsu cupped his lover's cheek, and leaning his forehead against Bankotsu's, he said softly, "I'm feeling much better now that I'm here with you, but we can't nookie."
"Why not?" Bankotsu said; the surprise and hurt he felt clearly heard in his voice as he pulled away to stare at the older boy.
Jakotsu giggled. "Nookie's for making a baby, my lil dumpling..." he said saucily.
"Part of the fun of making a baby, Sweetness, is in the trying and failing so you get to try again and again..." The sixteen year old waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"I know that, but you're forgetting one thing, Aniki-chan." The cross-dresser smiled slyly.
"What's that?" Bankotsu frowned.
"I'm already knocked up..." Jakotsu giggled.
"Are you starting that again..?" Bankotsu eased the coross-dresser onto his back and blanketed him.
"What do you think...?" the cross-dresser said mysteriously. His smile quickly fading when a wave of nausea washed over him, Jakotsu roughly pushed Bankotsu off himself and sat up. He struggled to his feet and dashed outside, leaving a stunned Bankotsu behind. Despite what his beloved had told him, Jakotsu was more inclined to believe the others, and yet, he truly wished his lover was right as he was tired of being sick.
Bankotsu sighed and followed his lover outside. He was soon at Jakotsu's side, murmuring little words of comfort while Jakotsu dealt with his rebellious stomach. Pulling him into his arms, and holding him close, the sixteen year old said softly, "Come, I think you should go lie down inside while I go see what's keeping Sui with that remedy."
"Okay..." Jakotsu said miserably as Bankotsu helped him up and led him inside. Once the cross-dresser was comfortably lying down, the young leader of the Shichinintai left.
888
Bankotsu stormed off towards the main house. He spotted his subordinates, laughing it up outside the fire-breather's workshop, and he paused to rein in his anger, before sauntering over to them. Just be glad I don't have Banryuu with me…He growled softly to himself, enjoying the mental image of their heads flying in a shower of blood. You assholes are so pathetic! "What's so funny?" he said as he walked quietly up behind them.
"Nothing..." Renkotsu replied as he tried to close his sketchbook.
"No?" Bankotsu said; quirking an eyebrow at them. "Can I see it, Ren?"
"It's nothing, Ban." The fire-breather grinned ingratiatingly at his commander.
"Come, Oo-Aniki, I have Jak's remedy ready," Suikotsu said, hoping to diffuse the situation before it got out of control. He motioned for their leader to come with him.
The leader of the Shichinintai narrowed his eyes at his second-in-command and his friend, before turning on his heel and, following the claw-bearer.
"Geshi, we're in trouble now, Ren," Ginkotsu said.
"Not necessarily, if Jak is still heaving his guts out and Ban thinks we're laughing about that, then all we need to do is explain we were laughing at something else. I can always do a few quick sketches to show him later."
"I don't know, Ren..."
"Don't worry about it, Gin. Besides, he had it coming to him with all his demands. I've had to hire several work crews to get it done because he was such a pain in the ass about it that they kept quitting on me."
"True..."
888
Bankotsu and Suikotsu had walked about half way to the claw-bearer's room when he turned to his leader and said, "You know don't you?"
"Yeah... You had me going too, right up until you started in with all that shit about hermadingles. But it's not funny any more cuz Jak honestly believes you."
"Oh hell..." Suikotsu shook his head and rubbed at the throbbing in left temple with his hand.
"Yeah," Bankotsu said tersely. "So how are you going to explain it? I'll admit I deserved it as I'm sure was a bit of pain there, but I'm not going to be happy if Jak winds up hurt because of it." I hope you appreciate me letting you deal with Ren, because if I had my way his head would be hanging off the end of my Banryuu.
"No, and I wouldn't want that either..." Suikotsu said. "Oo-Aniki, Jak was worried about losing you and oddly enough, he was wondering if you were looking for an heir."
"You're kidding."
"I wish I was, but we had a long talk concerning that about that time you were away with Ren getting all the supplies you needed for the love-nest," the claw-bearer said somberly.
Bankotsu sighed. "At this point in my life, that's the farthest thing on my mind. There'll be time enough for that when I'm an old man." He chuckled.
"And may you live to a ripe old age as well..." the claw-bearer trailed off, lost in thought. "Hmmm… Oo-Aniki, what if you gave him a 'child' to take care of?"
"I thought we already established the possibility of that happening, Sui."
"No, not a real child as you would definitely need a woman and that would complicate things. What you need is something else that'll be more of a substitute child. It'll still fulfill the same need to nurture something, yet be totally independent at the same time and I know just the thing." The claw-bearer grinned, pleased with himself for coming up with a solution.
"Alright, I'll bite." Bankotsu laughed. "So what's this child thing that isn't a child?"
"A cat."
"A cat...?" Bankotsu looked at the claw-bearer like he had three heads. "How the hell is that supposed to work?"
"Trust me it will, especially if it came from you. I know for a fact Jak was upset when Kyo ate Toraneko-san and I thought about finding another cat for him after that. And oddly enough, I did find one that's going to have kittens."
"You did...?"
"Yup, and let's go, the ginger tea's ready and I'm sure Jak's probably fretting about you taking so long. Truthfully, Oo-Aniki, he claims to have eaten some sushi that was most likely bad and now he's paying for it along with some guilt over worrying about you leaving him. What I suggest you do is simply do as you've always done and pamper him and indulge him and if he's still going on about it, I'll explain to him what it's like to be in labor and combine that with the symptoms for severe constipation..."
"And he'll be pleased to find out he's not really a hermadingle?"
"Exactly."
888
Six months had passed by uneventfully while everyone settled down for the winter months. Bankotsu and Jakotsu had moved permanently into their love-nest and rarely left the place, which no one seemed to notice or care about. So no one knew for sure whether or not Jakotsu actually did grow big with child as the fire-breather had joked about.
When spring arrived, Bankotsu left his paramour behind to go into town to pick up his present. Since Suikotsu was in on the surprise he was planning to get for Jakotsu, the claw-bearer was able to distract the cross-dresser long enough for Bankotsu to leave without any fuss. On the way into town he hoped Suikotsu was right about the cat. While Jakotsu had bothered him about getting another one right after Toraneko-san's untimely death, he had soon forgotten about it, although the kimono Bankotsu had given him probably had something to do with it.
It was not long before Bankotsu found himself in town and he hurried over to the little shop where Suikotsu had treated the owner's son last winter for a broken arm. He entered and after greeting the shopkeeper's wife, Bankotsu inquired about the kittens.
"Yes, they're ready to go, Bankotsu-sama. Have you decided which one you want?" She asked. When he nodded in reply, she led him to the back of the store where her family slept.
"Suikotsu-san told me all about them and now that I've seen them for myself, I think the little black and white cat is cute." He gave her his best charming smile. He always used it on the local girls whenever he felt like a bit of female companionship and it never failed to get him what he wanted. He was pleased to note that it worked just as well on old ladies, judging by the way the shopkeeper's wife blushed as she giggled like a girl half her age.
"He's a cute little thing and the only boy in the litter too." She gave him a look that said, "she wished she was a young girl again."
"Yeah?"
She nodded and knelt next to the basket where the cats were, and tickled the mama cat behind her ear. "Would you like to hold him?"
"Sure…"
"I think Jakotsu will like him a lot, don't you?"
"Yes," she said, picking up the kitten. "It's a pity his other cat died so suddenly like that."
"Yeah..." Bankotsu said, feigning sadness. "And I thank you for letting me pick one out before anyone else."
"You're welcome, Bankotsu-sama. And please tell Suikotsu-sama that his new kimono is ready."
"I will," Bankotsu said. He took the kitten and carefully tucked him inside his kimono.
The little black and white ball of fluff settled in happily and the young leader of the Shichinintai was able to smuggle him home without any trouble.
888
"Oh, Sweetness..."
"Hunh...?" Jakotsu said with a yawn. "How long have I been sleeping?" he asked as he sat up and stretched.
"Just long enough for me to slip into town and back. I got you a present."
"Really?" Jakotsu smiled in anticipation.
"Close your eyes..." Bankotsu, waiting while Jakotsu did what he was bidden, added, "And hold out your hands..."
The cross-dresser sat there, holding his hands out before him. He was wondering what his lover was going to give him when he felt a fuzzy warmth in his hands. Opening his eyes, he squealed with delight, "What a cute lil kitty?! Thank you, my dumpling!" Jakotsu held the kitten up to his face, rubbing his cheek against the kitten's.
"You're welcome. I hope this makes up for all the nonsense you went through and worry I caused you..."
Jakotsu nodded, and looking up at his lover, he gave him a shy little half smile. "And I'm sorry about all the nonsense too, my lil dumpling-chan..." And I promise to show you alter just how happy I am with the present and how sorry I am that I doubted you.
"So what are you going to call him?" Bankotsu sat down next to his paramour.
"Baby..." Jakotsu said impishly.
"Baby?" He frowned.
"Yup, cuz I think it's cute you finally gave me one."
Bankotsu laughed. "What? A cat?"
"No, silly, a baby..."
"If you say so…" The young leader of the Shichinintai shook his head.
888
A few days later Bankotsu was sorry he had ever brought the kitten home because all his paramour did was dote on the stupid thing much to his annoyance. So when Jakotsu teasingly asked if he wanted to have some fun, Bankotsu heartily agreed. He chased his paramour around the room amid much giggling on the cross-dresser's part as he playfully avoided him.
"You can't catch me!" Jakotsu smirked.
"The hell I can't!" Bankotsu grinned wickedly. He feinted left and quickly moved to the right, catching the cross-dresser off guard.
Jakotsu squealed in surprise and when he dashed out of the way, he tripped over the kitten and went sprawling onto the floor. Landing badly on his arm, the cross-dresser unleashed a torrent of curses, scaring Baby, who took off for the safety of his basket.
"Sweetness, what happened? Are you alright?" Bankotsu said as he knelt and helped his paramour sit up.
The cross-dresser cried out in pain when Bankotsu jostled his arm. "No, I'm not fucking alright!" he said through gritted teeth as he leveled a nasty glare at his lover.
"Where's it hurt?" Bankotsu asked; his concern for his paramour clearly seen in his eyes.
"My shoulder, it hurts like hell... and my arm feels weird...Hurry up and get Sui..." he gasped.
"Okay, I'll be right back. Just don't move your arm, okay, until Sui gets a look at it."
"Aniki-chan, it hurts so fucking bad, that the very thought of moving my arm is making it throb with even more pain... hurry... please!"
Bankotsu nodded and quickly took off for the main house. He was worried because he had never seen Jakotsu react that way to pain before and he wondered how seriously he was hurt. Worry lent speed to his feet as he raced across the compound and minutes later he bounded up the two steps leading to veranda just outside Suikotsu's room. He knocked briefly and entered without waiting for the claw-bearer to respond.
Suikotsu looked up from where he sat, sorting his dried herbs. "What is it, Oo-Aniki?"
"You've gotta come quickly! Jak's in a lot of pain!"
"What?" The claw-bearer tried to hold back the joke in his head but could not for his leader reminded him very much of an expectant father. He also had the feeling Renkotsu was listening to every word they said, even though he was pretending to be engrossed in his sketching. Sighing softly, Suikotsu said, "Is he in labor already?"
It was enough to calm Bankotsu down, and rolling his eyes at the stupid joke, he said, "Yes! Now hurry up and get your ass over there!"
"Let's go!" Suikotsu got up and followed his leader across the compound to the love-nest. "I'm sorry, Oo-Aniki, that was bad... What really happened to him?"
Bankotsu chuckled. "That's okay; it was worth the look on Ren's face when you said it..." The two of them laughed. "Seriously, he tripped over Baby and hurt his arm and shoulder. He can't move it and he's holding it kind of funny and he's wailing worse than a woman in labor. It's got to be bad with all that drama..."
"He tripped over what?" Suikotsu gave him a funny look.
"Baby. That's what he's calling that damned cat."
"Cat? Oh right, you were going to get him one." The claw-bearer smiled knowingly.
"Yeah..." Bankotsu made a little sound of disgust. "I don't know if that was such a great idea, Sui, as all he's been doing is playing with that damn thing and cuddling it and I swear he'd dress it up like a real baby if he could..." He rubbed his forehead as they stepped up onto the love-nest's veranda.
Suikotsu chuckled. "Jealous?"
"Jealous? Me?" He looked at him in surprise.
The claw-bearer smirked. "Jealous of the cat..." he shook his head. "It would seem the tables have turn, my friend."
"Yeah..." Bankotsu said sarcastically. "As if I'd be jealous of that thing."
Just then Jakotsu let out another barrage of curses that could be heard outside as they approached the love-nest.
"Oh hell, I think we'd better hurry," Bankotsu said. He hurried up the steps leading to the love-nest's veranda, Suikotsu in tow. The young leader of the Shichinintai slid the shoji open and entered. "We're here, Sweetness."
"Hey, Jak," Suikotsu said, following his leader inside. "What seems to be the problem?" he calmly asked.
Jakotsu, looking very pale and drawn, tears of pain streaming down his cheeks, wailed, "It hurts!! IT FUCKING HURTS!! And did I say it HURTS?!"
Suikotsu winced when he knelt down next to the cross-dresser. Taking his injured arm, he moved it ever so slightly, checking his range of motion.
"AAAAAAARRRGH!! WHAT PART OF IT 'FUCKING HURTS' DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, SUI?" Jakotsu scowled in pain at him.
"Sssh..." The claw-bearer soothed, carefully reaching up, he put a hand on the cross-dresser's shoulder.
"AAAAAARRRGH!! DON'T TOUCH ME!!" Jakotsu wailed. "IT FUCKING HURTS!! AND IT'S ALLYOUR FAULT TOO!!" He glared at his lover.
Bankotsu, meanwhile, had knelt by his paramour and held his hand, wincing every time Jakotsu cried out in pain and squeezed it.
"Jakotsu, shut up and deal with it!" Suikotsu said sternly. "I have to figure out what the problem is and I can't think with all the yelling."
"I can't! I've never felt anything like this before and it hurts so fucking badly that I want to die!! Can't you give me anything?" the cross-dresser whined.
"Listen; you're going to be okay." Suikotsu soothed as he gently examined the cross-dresser's shoulder. Letting go of it, the claw-bearer added, "Hmmm...I think you've dislocated your shoulder. And if you be quiet and just let me fix the problem first, I can give you something for the pain afterwards because I don't have time to make you something right now. So you're just going to have to bear it!"
"I don't want to bear it!" the cross-dresser wailed. "I want my Baby!"
"Calm down or you'll crush your Baby! You're already crushing Oo-Aniki's hand!"
"But it hurts!!"
"Deal with it!"
"I don't want to! I just want the pain to go away!! NOW!! Besides, it's all his fault I'm hurting in the first place!" Jakotsu pouted.
"What?" Bankotsu sputtered. "I didn't do anything! You're the one who wanted some nookie!"
Suikotsu took a deep calming breath, and ignoring their outburst, he said, "Oo-Aniki, I need you to help me with this. I want you to push down over here." He pointed out an area on the cross-dresser's shoulder.
"Sure, anything to get him to shut up and stop whining," Bankotsu said dryly.
"I'm not whining!!"
Ignoring Jakotsu, the claw-bearer said, "Get behind him, and on three I want you to push down on his shoulder while I pull!"
Bankotsu nodded as he moved into position. "Ready..."
"One... two... three... PUSH!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!! It hurts!!" the cross-dresser whimpered. "Stop it!!"
While Suikotsu pulled on Jakotsu's arm, Bankotsu carefully pushed on the top of his shoulder. Despite Jakotsu's screams of pain, they had to do it several times before it popped back into place. As he collapsed into Bankotsu's arms, Baby came over to see what all the fuss was about.
888
Renkotsu, who had hurried over to the love-nest as soon as he could without alerting his leader or the claw-bearer, waited outside with Ginkotsu.
"Oh sweet Kami-sama..."
"Gesssh… He really is in labor..." Ginkotsu finished as they stared in horror at each other.
The fire-breather paled. "He really is a hermadingle... err...dite."
"Apparently so..." Ginkotsu winced when the cross-dresser screamed in pain again.
"I can't believe this..." Renkotsu said softly. "It was... supposed to be... just a... joke..."
"Yes... Poor Jak..."
"Wait! This is a big problem, we're mercenaries! We can't have a kid running around!" the fire-breather exclaimed.
"I know! What are we going to do, Ren?"
Renkotsu thought it over. "Well... we could take it to the village to be cared for, though I bet Jak is going to have a hissy fit over that..."
"Oh yeah! But I also don't think Oo-Aniki's going to be too happy about that as well."
"Well, he's just going to have to listen to reason, Gin!"
"Very true, but I wouldn't want to be the one to tell him. Gesh, gesh, gesh…"
"Neither would I, but he's got to know it's far more dangerous for the child to be with us."
Ginkotsu nodded. "Hmmm... perhaps we could get a woman to come here and care for it. You know, they might go for that especially if Oo-Aniki decides the child is to remain here. That way they'll both be able to fight alongside us as usual."
Renkotsu smiled. "Hmmm... That's not a bad idea, good job, Gin." He grinned and patted his friend on the back.
The half-metal man nodded. "Thank you... Now the question is; who's going to tell them?"
"I guess I'll have to... or wait! We could have Sui tell them as Ban's less likely to bash his brains in."
"Excellent idea, Ren! We'll ask him to do it when he comes out. That way, when Oo-Aniki and Jak are enjoying getting to know their new baby, Sui can come back and break the news to them."
"Hey, the screaming's stopped..."
"You're right... But I don't hear any crying." The fire-breather frowned. "That can't be good."
Inside the love-nest Baby came mewled softly.
"Wait..." Renkotsu held up a hand for Ginkotsu to be quiet. "I think I hear it."
"You sure? I can't hear a thing."
The fire-breather nodded. "My hearing is a little more acute than yours; anyway, I think I heard it again."
"That's true," Ginkotsu said. "So what does it sound like, a boy or a girl?"
"I can't tell, as I can barely hear it. Shit! That poor baby must be weak."
"Noooo... That would be such a tragedy if something happened to it. Maybe it's got a soft cry because it's a girl...?"
Renkotsu, thinking it over, grinned. "I will laugh really hard if it is a girl."
"Yesh, that would be funny if Jak had a daughter!" Ginkotsu chuckled. "Gesh, gesh, geshi…"
"It would serve him right!"
"Yesh, it would!"
They laughed, quickly containing it when Suikotsu emerged.
"Gin? Ren, what are you...?" the claw-bearer started to ask, when Renkotsu brushed past him and entered the room.
"I've got to see this!" the fire-breather said to no one in particular.
"See what?" Bankotsu said as he looked up over his paramour's shoulder. Jakotsu was happily resting between his legs, looking very much like a woman who had just given birth.
"So is it a boy or a...?" Renkotsu paused when he saw the little black and white kitten crawl out from between Jakotsu's legs. The tiny ball of fluff looked up at him expectantly and meowed softly. Renkotsu stood there speechless, opening and closing his mouth in disbelief like a koi out of water, before his eyes rolled back in his head and he fainted.
"He's a boy..." Jakotsu murmured. He opened his eyes when he heard a loud thud. "Aniki-chan, what happened to Ren?"
"Mew...?" Baby meowed as he pawed the bottom of Renkotsu's foot.
Suikotsu entered the room when he heard the thud. Looking down at his lover, he said, "I think he just had an illogic overload."
"A what...?" the cross-dresser said as Bankotsu sat there, laughing softly in his ear.
"It's kind of like that time he caught Scary Sui making daisy chains," the claw-bearer sheepishly replied.
Jakotsu blinked owlishly at him. "What?"
"That was so funny!" Bankotsu, who had seen it, chuckled.
"The poor thing can only deal with so much illogic at one time," Suikotsu deadpanned, although his eyes twinkled with merriment.
"Yeah... Poor thing." Their young leader laughed.
Ginkotsu, deciding to see what all the commotion was about, knocked and cautiously sticking his head inside, said, "Oo-Aniki? Is everything alright?" When Bankotsu nodded he entered the room. "How's Jak and the baby?"
The claw-bearer sighed wearily. "Jak didn't have a baby."
"Nope! That's cuz I already have one..." The cross-dresser smiled. "Come're, Baby!"
"Mew!" the kitten meowed.
"Geshi...?"
"Jak has a pet kitten that he named 'Baby,'" Suikotsu said as the kitten came over to Ginkotsu, and rubbing against his leg, he purred.
Jakotsu beamed like a proud parent. "Isn't he cute?"
Ginkotsu nodded as he bent to pet the kitten, carefully tickling behind his tiny black ear. Baby purred loudly, voicing his pleasure. "Gesh, gesh, gesh…" the half-metallic man murmured. Straightening up, he asked, "So why all the screaming, Jak?"
"He dislocated his shoulder tripping over Baby and Ban and I had to push it back into place," Suikotsu answered for him.
"Oh..."
"Yeah..." Bankotsu said, wrapping his arms lovingly around his paramour.
"It hurt like hell!" Jakotsu complained.
"We know, Jak, you about killed my ears with your screaming," Suikotsu said as he checked the cross-dresser's range of motion in his arm.
"But it fucking hurt!" Jakotsu pouted. "Still does... Ow!" He tried jerking his arm back but the claw-bearer held it tightly. "Even when you touched my wrist earlier I thought I was going to die from the pain!"
"Well you're not in pain any more."
"Not really... and I thank you, Sui," the cross-dresser contritely replied.
"No problem. And, Jak, please be careful with it until it fully heals or it'll pop out again."
"Okay..." Jakotsu patted his chest. "Come're, Baby!"
"Mew!" The little kitten bounded up onto the cross-dresser's chest, playfully batting at his hand.
"Isn't he adorable?" the cross-dresser cooed.
"Very..." Bankotsu said dryly as he rolled his eyes, eliciting a soft chuckle from the claw-bearer, who mouthed "jealous" at him.
Suikotsu, satisfied the cross-dresser was alright for the moment, got up, and turning his attention to his prone lover, he knelt and checked his vital signs, frowning when he realized Renkotsu had gone into shock. "Oh for Kami-sama's sake! He's out cold! You'd swear he'd been severely wounded on the battlefield, instead looking at a lil kitten..." The claw-bearer fussed over his lover.
"Really? Is he going to be okay?" Bankotsu asked.
"Yeah, we just need to keep him warm until he wakes up and he'll be fine."
"Okay..." Bankotsu said as he moved away from Jakotsu. Easing the ache in his thigh muscles, he asked, "Do you need a blanket?"
"Yes, please, though I wouldn't worry too much as his body is probably used to this by now."
Bankotsu stood up and went over to his futon. Picking up a blanket, he came back and handed it to the claw-bearer. "Probably..." He chuckled when Suikotsu draped the blanket over Renkotsu.
A few minutes later, Renkotsu woke up and groaned.
"How you feeling?" Suikotsu said softly.
The fire-breather rubbed his hand over his face. "I had the weirdest dream..."
"Yes...?"
"Yeah... I dreamt Jak was really a hermaphrodite and that he gave birth to a kitten."
"Really...?" Suikotsu said as he and their leader both tried their best not to laugh.
"You mean Baby?" Jakotsu said, holding up his kitten.
Renkotsu, who had sat up, looked over at the cross-dresser. Eyes widening in shock, the fire-breather scooted backwards, clutching the blanket as if that would protect him. "Kami-sama! I'm still dreaming!"
"No, you're not dreaming," Suikotsu soothed. "His name really is Baby, and he's Jak's 'baby.'" The claw-bearer chuckled.
"That's right. Go give your Ren-ojisan a kiss, Baby!" Jakotsu giggled as he held his kitten towards Renkotsu.
"Mew...?"
Renkotsu, thinking he was still dreaming, cried, "Gah! Stay away from me!"
"Why...? Don't you like cats?" Jakotsu said, holding his kitten close while he quietly fussed over it.
Bankotsu, heaving a long suffering sigh, turned to Suikotsu and said, "You see what I've been putting up with for the past few days?"
The claw-bearer shook his head, chuckling, and turning to the fire-breather, he said, "Ren, get a hold of yourself; you're not dreaming."
"Ha! That's what you want me to think! You... you... you dream Sui, you!"
Looking at his lover apologetically, Suikotsu slapped the fire-breather across the face. "Are you dreaming now?"
"Ow!!" Renkotsu rubbed the side of his face. "That hurt, Sui! Shit! And what are you staring at?" He glared at Jakotsu.
"Nothing..." Jakotsu looked over at his lover and said softly, "He's even scarier than Scary Sui, Aniki-chan."
"Yeah..." Bankotsu chuckled.
"Ren, let me explain," Suikotsu said calmly. "Jak has a new cat that he decided to name Baby, he wasn't pregnant and never will be, and the screaming you heard earlier was Ban and I trying to fix his dislocated shoulder."
The fire-breather sighed and gave his lover an "I'll believe you because the alternative is too strange to think about" look. "Okay... So that explains the screaming and the baby, but how did I wind up on the floor...?"
Jakotsu giggled. "You died of cuteness!" he said, hugging his kitten close.
"You fainted," Ginkotsu added helpfully.
Suikotsu nodded. "I think your logical brain couldn't stand all of the illogical thoughts suddenly entering your head and you passed out."
"Oh..." Renkotsu said sheepishly.
"Yeah..." Bankotsu laughed. "I wish you could have seen the look on your face, Ren, it was priceless when Baby crawled out from between Jak's legs... hehehehe..."
Renkotsu sat there, his left eye twitching.
"Really? Damn it! And I missed it too!" Jakotsu said as he tried to keep a straight face only to wind up in a giggle fit.
The fire-breather who was clearly not amused, said, "Well at least that solves the problem of having a kid in our midst."
"Yesh..." Ginkotsu agreed.
"Yes..." Suikotsu said, giving his lover a tiny half smile.
And just when Renkotsu thought he was going to live this down, Bankotsu said, "Tell me, Ren, just out of curiosity... Suppose Jak really did have a baby, what do you think was going to happen?"
The fire-breather, whose head was hurting from the fall, and who really did not want to take a chance on arousing his leader's anger, said softly, "Well..."
"Yes...?" Bankotsu prompted.
"As it is your child and you are our leader," Renkotsu said as he looked Bankotsu in the eye. "It would have ultimately been your decision."
"True..." Bankotsu said. "But what if I asked my second-in-command for advice?"
You're setting me up, aren't you? Damn it! I hate you so much sometimes! "I would have said..." he paused as he chose his words carefully, "'It is much too dangerous for the child to be reared here, what with our current occupation being so...ruthless.'"
"Hey!" Jakotsu chimed in. "You don't think I'm capable of raising a child?!" he said indignantly.
Bankotsu sat there, smugly enjoying the turn of events.
"That's not what I said, Jak."
"What do you mean that's not what you said? You just said it was too dangerous for us to rear a child!"
Bankotsu looked over at the claw-bearer and grinned.
Suikotsu chuckling softly, mouthed, "You set him up, didn't you?"
The young leader of the Shichinintai nodded in reply as he watched the little drama play out.
"It's dangerous! Our world as mercenaries is a very perilous one."
"Idiot! Who said I was bringing our child with me? I was going to stay home and take care of him!"
Renkotsu, rubbing his temples, said softly, "Please stop shouting, Jak." He was about to point out to the cross-dresser the problems with that plan, but decided that for the sake of his headache he was not going to get into a tiff much to Bankotsu's disappointment. "Yes, I suppose that would solve the problem."
"You're damn right it would!" Jakotsu said smugly.
Bankotsu looked over at the claw-bearer and mouthed, "Nice counter move, agreeing with Jak like that, and just when it was getting good too."
Suikotsu smiled and mouthed back, "He figured it out."
Bankotsu, continuing their silent conversation, mouthed, "Damn it! He's getting better!"
"Hey wait a minute!!" Jakotsu narrowed his eyes at the fire-breather. "You honestly didn't believe that shit about me being knocked up, did you?" He laughed. "You said it was a joke!"
"No, of course not..." Renkotsu said.
"Oh yes, you did!"
"No, I..." Renkotsu quickly searched for a plausible excuse while trying not to laugh at the smug expression on the cross-dresser's face. "I thought a nekoyoukai had put a spell on you or something..."
"Really...?" The cross-dresser blinked.
"Yes, as that would explain how you birthed a kitten, if you had," Renkotsu said with mock seriousness.
The cross-dresser mulled it over. "Oh yeah... Imagine that..." He smiled.
Renkotsu, breathing a little sigh of relief that he got out of that one, said, "Yeah... imagine that..."