My first time doing a self-insert fic. Hope you guys like it.

I own nothing in this story except my original character.

Chapter 1 - Dying Sucks, but Living Sucks More

Dying sucks.

"Well no shit," you're probably saying right now, so perhaps I should elaborate a bit. More specifically, my death sucked. The details of that little mess aren't really that important. All you need to know is that it was swift, it was sudden, and in hindsight, I probably should have seen it coming. Oh well, what can you do?

Whatever happened after one shuffles off the mortal coil was never a topic I put too much thought into. By most religions' standards, I would probably have earned a free lifetime pass to the underground steam room due to my lack of belief, along with my various youthful indiscretions. Whatever the case, waking up to find myself in the body of a baby definitely wasn't at the top of my list of most likely destinations.

Back in my old life, I briefly studied child development. I forget the exact details, but the gist of what I'm getting at is that when children are first born, their brains aren't quite "awake" yet, so they're pretty much running on autopilot for the first couple of months. Apparently this also applies to twenty-somethings reborn into babies as well, since my recollection of the first couple months of my new life is a haze with one day blurring into the next.

Then again, since all I really would have done in that time was eat, sleep, and mess my diaper, perhaps I simply repressed that time so as to not snap from sheer boredom.

I did learn a few things though. The first, and most important thing is that my new parents don't freaking speak English. I'm not an expert on the various Asian languages, but my first guess would be Japanese. I hope that I also inherited a young child's ability to absorb information like a sponge, because if not, I'm fucked. I suck at learning languages. I struggled to learn German, and that was a language I actually wanted to learn.

But I digress.

I'm pretty certain it's Japanese, since my new name is apparently Riku, which last I checked was a Japanese name. It's close enough to my old name that I don't really mind, even if it sounds a little girly for my taste. I blame Final Fantasy X for that. Thankfully, I was born with all my original plumbing intact; I don't know how I would have handled being reborn as a girl. A freak out of epic proportions, most likely.

Another thing I learned is that my parents are probably pretty well off financially. Though my newly infantile perspective may be skewing things a bit, this house I live in now seems awfully big, and I read somewhere that space is a premium in Japan, so you needed to have a decent income in order to afford a house with a decent amount of real estate.

Thus far, being reborn has been a bit of a double-edged sword for me. On the one hand, it's nice to have your every need attended to and not have to give a shit about anything. On the other hand, there are certain things about my adult life that I miss, like walking. Or talking. Or chewing. Or being able to see past a foot from your face.

…Okay, that last one isn't anything new, but still! All in all, life as an infant has been a rather lackluster experience for me. Been there, done that, don't need to do it again.

I was about six months old when things started to go tits up for me. By then my motor skills had developed enough for me to crawl around on my own, and I could finally see shit! Huzzah! Unfortunately, I didn't like what I saw. As soon as I was ambulatory, I started searching for a mirror. I was curious about how I looked now, okay? Anyway, I found a mirror and, under any other circumstances, I would have thought that I was a damn cute baby. Messy black hair, black eyes like a teddy bear, that little button nose that all babies seem to have, I was adorable. But what caught my attention was the blue onesie I was wearing with a very familiar red-and-white fan embroidered on the front.

The red-and-white fan that symbolized the Uchiha clan. The Uchiha, as in the clan from Naruto.

The Uchiha, as in the clan that conspired to rebel against the leader of the village for…something, fuck if I know. Maybe they were being repressed or some shit like that.

The Uchiha, as in the clan that, as punishment for said conspiracy, was reduced from a clan of hundreds to a clan of three in a single night by a kid whose balls had just begun to drop. And the worst part was, I had no idea where on the timeline I ended up in. The Uchiha Massacre could happen in 50 years, or it could happen tomorrow. I had absolutely no idea.

As I sat in front of that mirror trying not to bawl my eyes out, I realized then that as much as dying may have sucked, living was going to such so much more.

Since that day, life was a series of ups and downs. I tried my best to enjoy my new lease on life, and some days I actually succeeded, but I always went to bed with that pants-shitting fear of waking up with my throat sliced open.

My new parents were another issue. They weren't bad or anything, in fact they were great, which was the problem. Right now I'm sure you're wondering what sort of brain damage I must have to think that having good parents is a bad thing. The thing is, I distinctly remember my parents from before, and that I loved them. Sure, I got into all sorts of juvenile snits whenever they impeded on what I perceived to be my independence, but at the end of the day I loved them, and I was averse to accepting my new caretakers. I felt that if I did, then I would be betraying my parents' memory. But as I was loved and cared for by these strangers, a small part of me did start to consider these people my parents, which made the rest of me feel guilty and ashamed. So yeah, anticipation over my eventual murder with a side helping of self-loathing; I don't know what sort of effect all this stress is having on my developing body, but I can't imagine that it's anything healthy.

But I digress.

Amidst all this angst, I wondered what I should do concerning the events of the series. Should I try to interfere, or should I just let things ride out as they're supposed to? I was familiar with the series up to the end of the Pain Arc, though only in broad strokes as I had only reached about halfway through the Chunin Exams Arc in the anime. The romantic notions of giving Naruto a friend while growing up and saving my favorite characters from an untimely demise was quickly quashed by the reality that not only was I not in a position to actually do anything about it, but as soon as I nudged anything in the canon timeline, things would likely go wildly off course and render all that foreknowledge worth jack shit. I eventually decided to focus my effort on figuring out a way to survive the Uchiha Massacre first.

My…Tou-san…was an active ninja, judging by the hitai-ate he wore around his brow. He also wore one of those green flak jackets with a dozen pockets on them, so he was at least a chunin. My Kaa-san took care of me full-time, so she was either a civilian, retired, or Konoha was very generous with its maternity leave. She would often talk or sing to me, especially if I was being fussy or seemed down – which, granted, was often – so I managed to pick up the language fairly quickly. I wouldn't call myself fluent, but I could follow the gist of a conversation spoken in front of me.

I was walking and talking by a year old, which brought my parents no end of pride. Potty training began soon after and went rather smoothly; like hell I was going to wear that nasty, awkward diaper any longer than absolutely necessary. I didn't get a grasp on reading till I was about three-and-a-half though, so no prodigy accolades for me. Considering that all the prodigies in the series I could think of were assholes and one of them ended up wiping out his – my – clan, I was fine with that. The real interesting shit happened right after I turned three.

It was a couple of weeks after my birthday when Tou-san sat down next to me, interrupting my attempt to recreate the Eiffel Tower with wooden blocks.

"Riku-chan, want to play a game?" he asked, goofy grin spread wide.

"Okay!" I chirped with a toothy smile, giving my best impression of a three-year-old.

"Great!" Tou-san quipped back before he clapped his hands together, the first two fingers extended with one slightly over the other. I automatically imitated the stance as best I could. I had an idea of where this was going, but was curious as to what was going to happen next. "Okay, close your eyes and concentrate," he instructed. I closed my eyes and relaxed, trying to tune out the world around me. "You should feel a swirling warmth around your tummy area. Do you feel it?" he continued. Fighting the urge to snort at the word "tummy," I tried to find this sensation he described. It took a minute, but I found it. I can't really describe it except as a swirling warm sensation in my stomach area. I informed Tou-san that I had found what he was describing. "Okay, now I want you to imagine scooping up that warmth and spreading it all over your body; top of your head to your toes, okay?" Nodding, I proceeded to do as I was told. I felt the warmth spread out from my stomach throughout me until my whole body felt warm. "Now, push out as hard as you can." Scrunching up my face in concentration, I mentally pushed all the warmth out at once. This is harder work than it sounds, and I was breaking a sweat in seconds. "Okay, that's enough, you can stop now," Tou-san said, and I immediately stopped pushing. Panting heavily, I opened my eyes to see Tou-san with his Sharingan activated.

"Tou-san, did I do it right?" I asked, uncertain what else to say.

"You did fine, Riku-chan," he assured me as his red eyes faded back to black. "What you just did was push out your chakra," he said with a proud smile. I tilted my head quizzically.

"Chak'a?" I said, feigning ignorance.

"Chakra," Tou-san corrected me gently. He proceeded to give me a lecture on the nature of chakra, dumbed down for my pre-school mind. "I'd say you have more chakra than I did at your age. That means you're going to grow up to be a big, strong ninja like your old man!" he declared with a thumb up in victory.

At this point, I nearly pissed myself in terror. Becoming a ninja was the last thing I wanted. I had moral qualms with training people to become soldiers and assassins before they even hit puberty. And more selfishly, I didn't want to become a ninja because ninja tend to die fairly young, and I rather like living.

"No!" I shouted childishly. "I wanna stay home with Kaa-san!" A lame excuse, I noted, but toddlers aren't exactly renown for being expert debaters. Tou-san seemed shocked by my declaration; apparently, he wasn't expecting such a negative reaction.

"Riku-chan," he said patiently, "It's your honor and duty as an Uchiha to become a shinobi. I'm sure your mother would understand if you became one. She used to be a kunoichi – a girl ninja – herself, you know," he continued. Ah, so that answered that question. Still, back to the matter at hand…

"No!" I repeated emphatically, crossing my arms and pouting. Tou-san sighed and shook his head in disappointment.

"You'll understand when you're older," he assured me before he attempted to change the subject. "Wanna see a cool trick?" he asked, suddenly all smiles again. He extracted a leaf from his pocket and balanced it on the tip of his finger. Then he turned his hand so that he was pointing down, with the leaf still stuck fast to his digit. "You want to learn how to do this?" he asked.

"Uh-huh…" I said with a bob of my head. I recognized what he was doing, but despite myself I found myself curious about how to do those chakra control tricks.

"Okay, first you have to…" Tou-san explained the principles of chakra control to me and gave me the leaf to try. The first step was to stick the leaf onto my forehead, which I failed at abysmally. Despite the rough patch earlier, I had a good time that day.

That conversation periodically came up throughout the next few years. My parents, individually or together would broach the subject of joining the ninja academy with me, and I always refused. Sometimes I gave a reason, other times I simply shouted "No!" until they dropped the matter. Not my proudest moments, but they worked, so I couldn't complain. Despite that, my father continued to teach me basic shinobi skills disguised as games; I went along with because despite my aversion to the lifestyle, knowing these things could benefit me in the future, should I live long enough. I managed to complete the leaf-sticking exercise with my forehead and was working on making it stick to my palm. I was also fairly decent with thrown weapons; I wasn't hitting bullseyes every time, but I could reliably hit the target and make them stick.

I received another shock when I was five. I was practicing my reading and writing when my parents came up to me with smiles on their faces.

"Riku-chan, guess what?" Kaa-san asked.

Before I could come up with an answer, Tou-san said, "You're going to be a big brother soon! Isn't that great?" I didn't really know what to say to that. In my old world I was an only child, so I didn't know the first thing about having a younger sibling.

"…Really?" I eventually squeezed out. It probably wasn't the reaction they were quite hoping for, judging by how their smiles lowered slightly.

"Are you all right, Riku?" Kaa-san asked me as she knelt down to be level with me. "You're not upset about this, are you?" she continued in concern. My mind swirled with thoughts. I was having a hard enough time trying to think of a way to save myself from the Massacre, never mind my parents; having a sibling simply complicated things further. I couldn't even protect myself from my own stupidity – if I could, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place – so how could I protect a sibling? "Oh, Riku…" Kaa-san said as she suddenly pulled me into a tight hug, her voice choked with emotion. "You have such a big heart…" she continued with a sniffle, causing me to stiffen in her arms.

Oh shit, did I say that last part out loud?

"To be so protective of your sibling…Words cannot describe how proud I am you right now, Riku," Tou-san said as he knelt down and placed a hand on my shoulder. Despite his clear voice, his eyes seemed to sparkle with unshed tears. "Hold onto that feeling, son, and I have no doubt that you'll protect your brother or sister from anything." I didn't know what to say to that, so for a few minutes, I just remained silent and absorbed the atmosphere around me.

"…So, when'll the baby be born?" I eventually asked, prompting a laugh from my parents.

"That eager to meet 'em, eh?" Tou-san chuckled as he ruffled my hair. "Well, the baby won't be born till nearly Spring, so don't get too excited, okay?" This elicited a chuckle of my own. It would only be a matter of time before life crashed around me, but for now I ignored that feeling and just enjoyed the moment.

My house always had an air of excited anticipation in it as the weeks drove on. One of the spare rooms was converted into a baby room, painted yellow with little leaves and shuriken dotted throughout. Kaa-san seemed to glow as her belly grew bigger and bigger. Tou-san began disappearing for weeks at a time, I assume to grab the high-paying missions to be able to support another child.

Things began going downhill about six months after my parents announced the pregnancy. I was practicing my throwing when Kaa-san came up to me looking utterly heartbroken.

"Riku, come here please," she said, and I immediately sat down next to her. Tou-san had been gone for nearly a month now; between that and Kaa-san's demeanor, I had a pretty good idea of what was coming up.

"Tou-san's dead, isn't he?" I blurted out. I immediately mentally smacked myself after saying that and added, "You're sad." Kaa-san seemed shocked, but quickly settled down to a mournful smile.

"You always were a bright one," she said wistfully, confirming my belief. I wrapped my arms around her, taking care not to put too much pressure on her belly, as she rubbed my back and whispered reassurances to me. I had lost family members in my old life, so I had an idea of what I should be feeling right now. But when I realized that Tou-san died, I didn't feel it. I felt a tightness in my heart, and a couple of tears leaked out, but I wasn't a sobbing wreck like someone who had just lost their father should be. God, I'm a horrible person.

The air of joy was replaced with an air of melancholy as Kaa-san and I grieved. I couldn't think of any way to cheer her up, so I simply hugged her at every opportunity, a gesture she seemed to appreciate. About a week later, I heard a loud cry of pain ring throughout the house, and I immediately dashed about to find the source. I saw Kaa-san clinging to the table with her legs limp and her face contorted with pain.

"I-it's too soon…" she whimpered out before crying out again. I looked down and saw the floor was covered in water…and blood, lots of blood. Shit. I barely knew a thing about childbirth, but I knew that seeing that much blood was never a good thing. So I did the only thing my nearly thirty-year-old mind could think of in that situation:

I screamed for help.

Thankfully someone heard me, because the next thing I know an Uchiha I didn't know came barging in and, upon see Kaa-san's state, immediately scooped her up in his arms and ran out with me chasing after him. For whatever reason he either could not or would not take her to the hospital; instead, he took her to a nearby house and hastily informed the woman residing there about what he had seen. She was quickly taken into another room. I tried to follow, but was stopped by another man – the woman's husband, perhaps?

The hours ticked by agonizingly slowly. Through the walls I could hear my mother screaming in pain, but I could do nothing to help. I anxiously gnawed on my shirt, a nervous habit that I developed in my past life, as I sat patiently. The labor continued on into the night and despite my anxiety, my five-year-old body grew weary, so I was taken into a room to sleep. After what only felt like a few minutes, I was shaken awake by the man who had found us.

"Your mother wants to see you," he said gently. Nodding, I rubbed my eyes awake and followed him into the room that Kaa-san was taken to. There was rags and medical equipment strewn throughout the room. In the center was a bed with Kaa-san, a whimpering baby in her arms. The baby seemed to be healthy, if somewhat small due to being born a month premature. Kaa-san, on the other hand, looked terrible. Her eyes were sunken, her hair was limp and stringy, and her skin was bone-white and glistening with sweat. In short, she looked like a corpse.

"Riku, come here," she beckoned weakly. I shakily walked up to her and she took my hand in hers. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I'm afraid that I won't be around for much longer. I so wish that I could see you and your brother grow up into fine young men." She groaned in pain, growing weaker with every breath. "I want you to promise me something, Riku," she said.

"Anything," I assured her as my eyes teared up. What else could I say?

"I want you to promise that you will always look after your brother," she whispered.

"I promise," I answered with a quivering voice. I finally cracked and wrapped my arms around her in the last hug I would ever give her. All the fear and grief and frustration that I had bottled up over the years came pouring out as I sobbed into her chest. She stroked my hair in a final attempt to comfort me.

"I love you so much, Riku," she said softly. "You and Obito. Be strong, my child, and keep your little brother safe." With her final words, she breathed her last breath and her heart gave its last beat. As if sensing her passing, Obito joined my sobs with his own.

…Wait, Obito?

My head suddenly snapped up to stare at the squalling infant opposite of me. A small part of me was relieved that I wouldn't have to worry about the Uchiha Massacre for a while yet. The rest of me was shocked and terrified beyond words that not only was I living in the middle of a world war where I would probably die young and horribly, but my little brother was Obito Uchiha, a.k.a. Tobi, the bastard responsible for half the horrible things that happened in the original series.

The woman who helped Kaa-san gasped in shock, and the man that brought us seemed surprised as well. I asked what was wrong; in response, the man pulled out a small mirror from his pocket and wordlessly handed it to me. As I gazed into my reflection, I saw not two black eyes staring back but two crimson orbs, each with a single swirl lazily circling around the pupil. Great, so on top of all the other shit piled on me, I now have the Sharingan as well.

I fucking hate my life.

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