Ryan pushed the "end" button on his cell phone and looked back at his beer. He shouldn't have been early but he had expected Zach Stephens to be early himself. That's the way he had always been, punctual. Looking at his beer, and then at his watch, Ryan decided that it was too early to go home. He had been looking forward to going out tonight, and now he was left alone.
The young man had learnt to hate Newport. He wished the Cohens had moved to Berkeley, like they had briefly talked about four years ago. That earthquake had shaken up Sandy and Kirsten's life—it would have a perfect excuse for them to escape—but they had decided to stay on. For them it was their home, a place for Seth and Ryan to come home to during the holidays and summer vacations. To Ryan, it was a city full of ghosts.
Ryan finished his beer, and not wanting to go home just yet, decided to order another beer. Zach promised he's be in town tomorrow, and that was fine and good, but what about tonight? Ryan hated Newport evenings; there was a certain fragrance in the air that reminded him of Marissa. She was the ghost that stalked the city, stalked his dreams while he slept in his Newport bedroom. Her soft laughter was the wind and her smile was the blazing sun. Even the nighttime stars, so far and distant, reminded him of her eyes. They sparkled in a dark realm that he could not reach.
"Thanks." Ryan drank the cold beer slowly, relishing the cold and crisp liquid as it passed down his throat. As he blankly watched the Dodgers game on the bar television, Ryan was thankful that at least he didn't have to spend a very long time in Newport. He was just down to spend a couple of days with the Cohens. Seth and Summer was busy setting up their lives in Boston—Summer was studying law at Harvard and Seth was studying art at Boston College—and therefore Sandy and Kirsten were lonely. It was a shame that Kirsten's lost the baby in the earthquake of '07, Ryan thought to himself. It would have been nice for them to have another child in the household.
As he drank and watched the Dodgers, Ryan thought of Los Angeles, and his future there. His four years at Berkeley had passed, and now he was preparing for the next stage of his life. Graduate school beckoned. He would study architecture at USC and a blazing world of success was opening up before him. Ryan would have money and all his friends and mentors knew he would make a name for himself.
That was good. But was he truly happy? He asked that himself every day; no, he wasn't. Ever since Marissa died—so many days had past but still the memory was vivid—he had gone through his own dead years. A dust had settled over him. Women had tried to win his heart, but they had all failed. One after another they had smashed themselves against the dark wall around his heart, around his spirit. He sometimes wondered if another woman would capture him. Ryan wanted to love; no one had yet been able to tickle his spirit with fire.
Out of the corner of his eye Ryan noticed a young woman sipping a martini. She struck Ryan as being pretty so he slowly, and slyly, turned his head to get a look at her. The young woman, who appeared to be Ryan's own age, made eye contact with him and smiled back. It was a lovely smile. There was something else about the girl that struck Ryan; she seemed to be a familiar face. He could not place her, but it seemed that he should know who she is.
Ryan went back to his beer and watched a bit more of the game. His mind settled quickly on the young woman. Why did she look so familiar? No doubt she was a girl he knew at Harbor. Ryan didn't particularly want to talk to anyone tonight not that Zach had cancelled. It was probably best of him to finish his drink before the young woman came up to him and attempted to talk his ear off.
Suddenly, his beer was finished. Looking down at the empty glass, and being surprised that it was empty so quickly, Ryan briefly mulled over the idea of ordering another. For whatever reason, he let his gaze pass back over to the young woman. This time she waved to him as she smiled. It was at that moment that his memory caught up to the present moment. The young woman was Taylor Townsend.
He smiled back at her wave; she took this as a sign to approach him.
"I didn't think you recognized me."
"I didn't. Not at first anyway." The young woman took a seat next to him and smiled. Taylor was prettier than Ryan remembered. She also seemed older and more mature, even older and more mature than what her age should indicate.
"It's okay—I didn't really recognize you for a few minutes either." They had never been friends. Taylor and Ryan would smile at one another in passing, and would from time to time talk, but that was all. They had never had anything in common except for Summer Roberts and Seth Cohen. "It's been what, years?"
"Since graduation." The remembrance of that day sent a knife like pain through Ryan's gut.
"Yes—long time." She sensed the sadness and pain in Ryan. Of course she knew about Ryan's pain about losing Marissa—Taylor had kept in touch with Summer long enough to know about that. "I guess you still keep in touch with Summer and Seth."
"Yeah—they're engaged." Taylor smiled widely and uttered a small "yay." As he sat next to the young woman, telling her of his life in Berkeley, Ryan found himself stunned by her beauty. There was something else that was drawing Ryan in to her. There seemed to be a sadness to her eyes. She too must have experienced her sorrow and her dead years. As Taylor listened to Ryan and smiled at his experiences in Berkeley, Ryan noticed for the first time that there was a residue of sadness on her face as her smile passed.
"That's really great to hear—I haven't spoken to Summer in years but I'm really happy to hear that she's still with Seth."
"You guys lost touch back in freshman year, right?"
"School just got really busy for the both of us." Taylor shrugged her shoulders. "I always thought she was a real sweetheart though." Taylor's hazel eyes seemed pained and disappointed. The young woman was at the height of her beauty, and her eyes seemed to express, to Ryan at least, a sense of betrayal. They seemed to exclaim a sadness at how life and love had passed her by, had not rewarded her loveliness.
"How about you? The last I heard about you was that you were married."
"Yes—I was." She swirled her drink for a few moments and then began to tell Ryan about her own life, about her years in France. She discussed the happy times at first—days spent in gardens and parks and museums. There were trips to the alps and small provincial villages. Slowly though, the stories turned to the world that had spread the dust that had settled and choked her passions. "We were happy for a little while—maybe a few months." Taylor looked in Ryan's eyes and as they gazed into each other, Ryan felt a small heat inside of him. He could see a tiny flicker in her hazel orbs as well. "I think I realized long before he did that it wasn't going to work out—I was dying inside but he didn't notice—or if he did he didn't know how to heal me."
"I" He wanted to say something, to comfort her, but everything seemed insipid to him.
"I was faithful to him—at least for a while. I didn't think I'd find love again until Marius." Her face was lit up with a large grin and her eyes suddenly exploded like dying stars. "I fell in love with him the moment I saw him—he was everything that Henri was not: young, passionate, giving. We went behind Henri's back for a while but then we became—I became--sloppy." As she spoke, Taylor seemed to be awakening. The dust that covered her soul seemed to be shaken off and when she looked at Ryan, there was a deep tenderness in her eyes. "I thought we'd be happy together when he told me that he had found paradise for us. Marius and I went to Morocco together and that ended things for Henri—he cut me off completely" Taylor finished her drink and shook her head. She was quiet for a time and then continued her tale. "Marius was a different man when we got there. He was distant, vague. He'd make plans with me and then run off in the middle of things—I was confused at first but it didn't take me long to figure out that he had replaced me—there was a local girl there who had caught his eye you see." Again Taylor paused. "I hadn't done anything really foolish until I ran off to Morocco like that. That's what really finished me. Whatever hope or idea for love I had died when I left Morocco."
As if a spirit had seized control of Ryan, he reached out and took her hand. He squeezed it and looked up at her. The confusion on her face turned to pleasure and gratitude.
"What are you going to do now?" Ryan noticed that she had not taken away her hand yet. Her flesh was soft and warm, like the springtime.
"I'm going to move to Los Angeles—I guess you can say we're neighbors."
"In a larger sense, yes we will." They both laughed and a sweet silence spread over the two of them. He sense in Taylor that there was much she wanted to ask of him, but he was glad that she was holding back. There would be time for that later, he hoped. "How long are you in Newport?"
"I leave tomorrow afternoon—I've had enough of my mom and I think she's had enough of me."
"I'm sorry that you're leaving so soon." She liked that. When she looked at him now, she seemed to be alive again. There was a brightness in her eyes that had not been there earlier. It seemed that she was thawing. As they sat side by side, Ryan realized he was thawing too.
"Well LA is a small place, I'm sure we'll bump into one another." The bartender came and asked if they wanted anymore drinks. Taylor shook her head; she was tired and wanted to go home.
"I'll walk you to your car." Taylor nodded her head, pleased with the attention. They both paid their tabs and walked out the bar in silence. It was warm and bright summer evening. The stars were not ghosts anymore; rather, they sparkled and danced in hope and life.
"I'm really glad that I ran into you."
"I am too." They paused by Taylor's car. The moonlight made her beautiful and as they looked at one another, Ryan realized what he wanted to do. He had done many daring things in his life, but what he wanted to do now froze him with fear.
"I guess I should go." Taylor was about to say something else when Ryan leaned into her suddenly and kissed her. Pulling back, he saw her eyes dancing in amusement and excitement. The night air was intoxicating and a sweeping madness made him gather her into his arms again. He kissed her long and passionately and when they broke away from each other, all they could do was look and smile at one another.
"I'll see you in LA then."
"Yes, you will." Taylor laughed softly and got into her car. Ryan watched her drive away. Standing there in the moonlight, he felt happy. He had not felt happy for a long time.