Disclaimer: Don't own and never will.
AN: The Stormtroopers have a reputation for generally being…less than expert marksmen to say the least. So this little drabble hit me;D Also, I'm using the word pew for the sound effects of the blasters because I can't really think of anything better to describe them.
Pew! Pew! Pew!
Three shots from his blaster rifle. Three shots that were aimed just above the heads of the rebel soldiers they were fighting.
The rebels responded swiftly, returning fire with deadly accuracy with three shots of their own that sent stormtroopers falling down dead and Stormtrooper TK-159 (or was it TK-332? He really couldn't remember.) frowned.
"Keep firing men!" the sergeant TK-182 (Or 188. Or 673. Or 221. Sure there was a two in there. Or was it an eight? Anyway, he was a sergeant. I think. Or possibly a commissioned officer. Or corporal. For the sake of the story, lets just call him sergeant and have done. Please?) shouted as he fired off a shot of his own that was hopelessly off course. Because it had to be off course to miss.
"Sarge, maybe we should try aiming to hit the enemy instead of aiming to miss?" the Stormtrooper we met earlier said. (For crying out loud, it's easier than saying all the numbers it could have been.)
The sergeant frown under his faceless helmet and shook his head.
"No, no private. We are Stormtroopers, the elite soldiers of the great and glorious Galatic Empire and we obey orders! How else do you expect us to win?" he paused for a moment as if to think, a trait generally discouraged among Stormtroopers. That was what superiors were for after all. "It's no doubt part of a plan well beyond our comprehension. Just have faith and don't think about it."
The Stormtrooper rolled his eyes at his sergeants words. Thankfully the faceless helmet helped no end in covering a wide variety of expressions.
"Well can we actually have an environment to actually fight these rebels in?" he asked with a hint of annoyance. Yellow 14 rolled his eyes as the Stormtrooper ducked away from some more rebel fire.
"I suppose that might be important," the Sergeant grudgingly admitted. Yellow 14 raised an eyebrow and started to imagine a suitable scene.
Smoke rose from the buildings in the distance and the fire of blaster fire could be heard all around them as the city around them-
No, not good enough. I want something…less Killzone inspired.
The Stormtrooper rolled his eyes as the environment began to change into something else and suddenly in place of buildings there were trees and greenery.
Deep within the forest, a small group of Stormtroopers hunkered down in their bunker and its defences-
No, Unoriginal and far too much like the Forest of Endor. I'm getting the urge to add a couple of ewoks into the mix. Or wookies. Wookies are always good fun. But…not right.
Amidst the sand-coloured buildings, the sun beat down mercilessly as the Stormtroopers looked down from their polished white durasteel tower. It was easy to get a sense of superiority from the view alone-
No, doesn't really fit. Especially not with the scenes I've already written.
"Hey author, can you make up your mind?" the Stormtrooper asked as he saw the environment melt away once more. "You're supposed to be in control of this story."
"Respect your superiors young man!" the Sergeant reprimanded, before being hit in the head by a rebel soldier.
Yellow 14 sighed in annoyance. The Stormtrooper had a point. Then he smirked. There was one way of sorting out this problem. The Stormtrooper gulped. He didn't like the sound of that.
Suddenly the ground beneath the stormtroopers opened and a massive, monstrous being with huge teeth and terrifying visage popped out to suddenly bite several stormtroopers in two with a single bite. As the creature retreated, the Stormtrooper (or at least his top half did) looked up and growled.
"Was I REALLY being that unreasonable!?" he demanded and Yellow 14 shrugged.
"Nah, I'm just being lazy," he said as he moved the mouse over to the close button. And that is why the Imperial Stormtroopers can't hit anything. Remember, author powers are cool.