"See, it's like this," Jack says, kicking his heels against the grain of her desk. "Penny said she wouldn't go to the Christmas party with me unless I fixed Mac up with a nice date- which I didn't even worry about, he's usually got more than enough beautiful women hanging off him without my sticking an oar in. But that's what she says. And now there's only a week to go, and he still doesn't have a date, so who else was I gonna ask?"
"Do you really think I'd have let Deborah have her chance, if I'd wanted to date him myself?" Nikki inquires, feeding another confidential report into her shredder. The best way to handle Jack Dalton, she's decided, is to take what he says at face value, then privately discount fifty percent of it. "I like him as a colleague, I like him as someone I can call up at midnight to get chemistry lectures-"
"Wait, you like that?"
"It comes in useful sometimes." Certain missions that Jack Dalton isn't cleared to know happened, let alone discuss. "The point is, though, that dating him just isn't in the stars for me. You'll have to find somebody else."
"Who?" Jack moans. "All his exes are dead or foreign or serving jail time- well, there's Zoe, but no way am I inflicting her on him."
"You're certainly not doing anything to sell me on dating him."
Jack sighs. "And Penny says it's gotta be somebody nice. I can't just dig up Miss- Good Looks, out of my little black book. Even if Mac was the sort to go for that kinda thing. And even if I had one," he adds, seeing Nikki's dubious expression.
"I find it very hard to believe that you don't."
"Hot pink, actually," Jack assures her with a smirk.
"Did she specify gender?" Nikki suggests. "Sounds like you've ruled out everybody in his life except Pete Thornton. Who doesn't have a date either, as far as I know."
"You gotta be kidding. They go way back, sure but there's no- I mean, Pete's been married!"
"And last time I checked he was divorced, wasn't he? And MacGyver's a freelancer. It's not technically the same thing as dating your co-workers."
"But they both think of Pete as Mac's boss. Nikki, that is the dumbest idea I've ever heard."
"So tell Penny to go with MacGyver. It sounds like that's what she's angling for."
"That doesn't work either," Jack says sadly. "He asked me a favour- and you know Mac never asks me for favours- he said after last year's party, would I please do whatever it took to make sure he didn't have to be her date this year. Can't turn down a call for help like that. I'm doomed."
"Go with him yourself, then."
Jack looks abruptly alarmed.
"Y'know? Funny how that Mac n' Pete thing suddenly sounds like a great idea..."
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Of course, once he's made the decision, it's easy to rope Penny into the job. That way he only has to take half the blame if it goes wrong.
From her, and also anybody else who might hear about this.
"Because they've known each other for years," Jack explains to her, solemnly. "But you know how taciturn Mac can be- a picture might be worth a thousand words, but Pete Thornton will never think of dating him just on the strength of a few looks." Which is only reasonable, since he's positive Mac has never given Pete a look like that. "And Pete Thornton- well, look at his marriage. He's a hurtin' guy, he wouldn't trust himself to know what to do with a romance if we handed it to him on a silver platter. Besides, imagine how he'd feel, if he asked Mac out and not only got told no, but had his best field agent quit on him. For a guy as wrapped up in his work as Pete is, that'd be too much heartbreak to take at once."
"So neither of them feel like they can say anything first," Penny breathes out, eyes wide. "Oh, that's the saddest thing I've heard all year! After that dolphin that got stuck-"
"Penny. Gotta concentrate on the job at hand here, remember?"
"Oh, right...what if we did it like one of those old movies?" Penny asks. "You know, like have them write love letters that get swapped around. Or an unexpected meetup, or something."
"We can't really do a meet-cute with two secret agents," Jack says thoughtfully. "Or, for that matter, two people who see each other at the Phoenix Foundation every morning. That first idea, though, huh. I think we might have the makings of a plan there. Here's what we'll do..."
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"But you know Mac better than anyone else," Jack says to Pete. While kicking this desk as well; he is an equal-opportunity nuisance. "Except me, of course, but I'm not cut out for the delicate stuff. Bull in a china shop approach, that's me."
"Let me get this straight," Pete repeats. (Why, he's asked himself more than once, do they let Jack Dalton hang around Phoenix? Oh yes, to humour MacGyver. Well, that's worth doing.) "Mac wants to write a love letter, but doesn't think he can do it properly- what does he think I know about love letters? I write reports, those aren't the same thing!"
"But you are in the habit of looking over just about anything he does write," Jack points out. "He says it's blocking him, not being able to talk to you about it."
Pete huffs. "Who is this even for, anyway? I thought I knew my troubleshooter better than that. To the best of my knowledge he's not going out with anybody right now."
"Happens to be you, actually," Jack says, with his most deliberately casual air. "That's why he hasn't asked you for help."
"MacGyver- what?"
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"He doesn't know how to ask," Penny explains, as they loll on the California beach. "I mean, he hasn't dated anyone since Connie broke up with him, and he's feeling very shy about it."
"Uh-huh," MacGyver says, adjusting his sunglasses. "And since when has Pete been confiding in you about his love affairs?"
"Since he started having one," Penny says. "Or wanting one- besides, he says I'm the only person he knows who wouldn't just laugh and tell him to give up."
"Huh. Anybody who Pete would want to date is probably the kind of person who'd at least let him down gently."
"Well, he's a lot older than the other person."
"No harm there."
"And they're awfully good looking. He thinks it might look a little silly."
"So what?"
"And it's a guy."
"Is that really the way Pete's tastes run?" MacGyver says dubiously. "I mean, of all the things that broke up his marriage with Connie, I never heard that was on the list."
"Oh, I'm sure it wasn't!" Penny says quickly. "You see, he only met this person after the divorce. Only he's just so kind, and sweet, that it just didn't seem to matter about anything else."
"Well, if he's that great a guy, what's Pete waiting for?"
"Because...well, because he feels it'd be inappropriate to date one of his field agents."
"I don't see the problem there," MacGyver says, shrugging. "Pete runs the freelancers for Phoenix on a contract by contract basis. If they don't want to see him anymore, they could just walk away."
"So you think he should say something? Oh good," Penny says, light in her eyes. "Because he wants to ask you to the Christmas party."
"Pete wants to- what?"
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"I'm not sure I can do this," Pete says, peering nervously down the corridor.
He's never have dreamed of being afraid of his own office. But he's due to meet MacGyver in there in about five minutes, and he's finding it surprisingly difficult to just walk in already.
"Go easy on yourself," Jack reassures him. "Say that you'll have to think about it, but that you'll come with him to the Christmas party and see how it goes. Piece of cake."
"Easier said than done," Pete mutters. "But...well, if this is what he really wants. The best friend I've ever had- best agent I've ever had, too, morally or otherwise. That's not an easy thing to do."
"He sure keeps me on the straight and narrow, when he's around," Jack says. More to himself than to Thornton.
"I might end up having to let him down gently," Pete says softly. "But- oh, good lord. The missions I send him on, I shouldn't be complaining about being a little brave on his behalf, this time...you know what? I've talked myself into it. If he wants to go to the Christmas party with me, I'll do it. All the way."
"I'm not sure I'd phrase it just that way," Jack mutters under his breath.
That one, however, he does keep to himself.
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"I dunno about this," MacGyver says, staring around Pete's office (he'd nerved himself up to come in early, then been surprised that the man wasn't there.). "I mean, I owe Pete a lot. My life a couple times, just for starters. Getting me out of the DXS, just before they went bananas- I'd never have made the jump to Phoenix without his guidance. About ninety percent of the good stuff I've done these last few years, that's all down to him. And he's a great guy. I like hanging out with him."
"So what's troubling you?" Penny asks.
"Even with all that to think of, this is still throwing me for a loop...I guess his professionalism has something to do with it. He did such a good job hiding the way he felt, I never even dreamed he was thinking of me that way."
"It's only one date," Penny says. "To the Christmas party."
"Yeah, I don't think Pete Thornton really thinks that way. He's a guy who goes in for deep, long-term commitments- look at how long he hung on with Connie, even though that wasn't working out. Maybe that's my problem. If I get stuck in, I'm in it for good."
"Right," Penny says, nodding. "You always do have trouble with that."
"Well, not always," MacGyver says thoughtfully. "In a lotta ways, Pete's been the best and steadiest relationship I've ever had- I can't think of even one time we had a tiff that we hadn't patched up in a day or so. He's always been there for me. So if he wants me to be there for him, too...maybe it is time I started thinking about that. For real."
The door swings open. "Morning, MacGyver."
"Heya, Pete."
Jack and Penny retire, discreetly.
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"They've been in there an awfully long time now," she says.
"Only twenty minutes," Jack says. He's not sure what he's so nervous about- but sheesh, confirming a date for the Christmas party shouldn't be taking this long.
Mac pokes his head out the door. "All right, you two, you can stop loitering and come hear the news. Pete and I had a nice long chat."
"And?" Penny asks breathlessly, as they come back in.
"And we're not going to the Christmas party after all," MacGyver says.
Penny's face falls.
"Because," Pete explains, in his usual forthright manner, "we're going to be having a quiet honeymoon together, up in my cabin. Since this week is the only time off that I'll be having for six months, we're going to spend all of it together."
"And after six months when we can wrangle ourselves more leave, we can have the marriage ceremony," MacGyver says thoughtfully. "An unofficial one, anyway. Plus we'll want to start thinking about where we want to live, if we stay here in LA or maybe buy a second house in Minnesota-"
"You-" Jack splutters. "You guys went from not even dating to engaged in twenty minutes?"
"More like five," MacGyver says. "The rest of it was all doin' stuff like this-"
and he leans across the desk, for a long, long, unnecessarily drawn-out kiss with Pete. Who reciprocates with noticeable enthusiasm.
"This is the most adorable thing I've ever seen!" Penny squeaks.
"I'm...really happy for you," Jack says, weakly.
"You don't sound very happy," Penny notes. She can see that the other two participants in the conversation are likely to be preoccupied for some time.
"Course I am. Mac getting married, that's- great. Yeah. Perfect."
"Jack Dalton," MacGyver says, breaking away somehow. "The whole thirty years we've known each other, that's about the worst eye-twitch I've ever seen."
Jack puts a hand to his face, completely mortified; and then notices MacGyver's very dry smile. And Pete Thornton's hugely evident amusement.
"You- absolute bastards! You two set me up!"
"And it only serves you right, tryin' to get me to propose by setting me up with somebody else! Just how screwy are your scams gonna get, Jack?"
He's about to reply, but finds he can't, because MacGyver comes in and gives him a free sample of what he was just doing to Pete. Yup, that was definitely French kissing.
(That'll be ten dollars for him then, the next time he sees Zoe.)
"Would you believe me," Jack ventures, when it's gone on long enough that they just have to stop for breath. "Would you believe me if I said I hadn't planned any of this?"
"Sure you didn't. None of your schemes ever work out right," Mac says, cheerful and very loving. "Which in this case, I think was just as well."
"I'll say," Pete comments with relief. "Come to think of it, Penny. As it looks like the two of us have been stood up, would you like to go to the Christmas party with me?"
"Sounds like a lot of fun," Penny says. "Only, I'm confused. Are we still having that wedding MacGyver was talking about?"
"I'll write out a wedding registry tonight!" Jack calls.
Mac shuts him up with another kiss.
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Nikki sighs. As the only person at the Phoenix Christmas party who's not either drunk, asleep, or otherwise preoccupied, bouncer duties have devolved on her.
"Murdoc. Out."
"I had to see it for myself," Murdoc says, casting a vicious glance at one particular couple who are clearly trying to ignore the outside world. With distinct success. "With MacGyver off the table, whatever am I going to do for amusement now?"
"You could always start taking pictures of me," Nikki says, very droll. "Some of what you got up on on the Widowmaker, I found rather...pulse-pounding, shall we say?"
"In what way can you consider yourself a credible substitute, I ask you?"
"Like this," Nikki says, bodily throwing him out the door. "More where that came from, if you change your mind!"
That's absurd. In no way does she measure up to MacGyver.
Still.
Might pass the time, anyway...