Author's Note: I have been dying to delve into Harry Potter FanFiction for years, but I haven't been brave enough until now. This is one of many one-shots that I have planned to write about Remus and Tonks (my favorite HP characters), and if this goes well, I will add the others. This takes place between Order of the Phoenix and Half Blood Prince, and the title is based on the song by Eagle Eye Cherry, which was my inspiration for this piece. Hope you enjoy reading it!
Save Tonight
Remus Lupin was on the second floor of 12 Grimmauld Place packing what few belongings he had when he heard the front door open. For a moment, he wondered who it was. Since Sirius' death, the other members of the Order had avoided the house for the most part. Mad-Eye had come by once or twice to collect things that he had left behind, and Arthur had been sent over by Molly with some soup for Remus, but that had been nearly two weeks ago. Remus couldn't blame any of them, he would have been long gone himself if he had anywhere else to go. It was painful to be there knowing that Sirius would never come back. Even Buckbeak had relocated. Now it was just Remus. Remus and whoever was in the front hall. He cautiously picked up his wand and made his way to the hallway, anxious to see who it was, but before he had even made it half way across the room a crash and the screaming of Sirius' mother satisfied his curiosity. He couldn't help but smile as he heard the swearing of a certain witch and he quickly made his way down the stairs to help her wrestle the curtains back over the wailing portrait.
"I know we can't move the portrait," Tonks said, straightening her robes, "but can that hideous umbrella stand go?"
Remus chuckled. "You'll have to ask Harry. It's his hideous umbrella stand now." Tonks' face grew a bit sad and Remus immediately felt guilty. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't make jokes like that."
"No it's fine. I'm sure Sirius would want us to joke, its better than the alternative. I just still get that weird feeling thinking about him being gone. It still doesn't seem real. This house makes it a bit worse doesn't it?"
"It does. Which is why I am wonder what could have possessed you to come here."
"I came to see you."
He studied her for a moment, trying to decipher the look on her face. He had caught her looking at him like that before, usually when she thought he wasn't looking, and usually she would turn away if he caught her eyes. But this time, she didn't turn away. She held his gaze with hers and a soft smile crept onto her face. He resisted the urge to place his hand on her cheek, to feel her soft skin against his, to touch her lips with his own. He wanted to so badly, but he wouldn't. He couldn't. She was a friend nothing more. That's all she could be, and he knew that. But as she held him there, her eyes filled with a sweet mix of affection and determination, he felt his resolve start to slip, and he had to stop it. He turned away from her then, moving down the hall to put the umbrella stand back in its proper place, and moving away from her enticing smile. It had always been manageable when there were others of the Order around them, but when they were alone like this, it was better if he stayed away from her. And yet, he was still curious to know why she was really there.
"Well, what can I do for you?"
"It's not about what you can do for me but what I can do for you." Remus felt tremor go through him. The way she said that was so seductive. He wondered if she was doing it on purpose, and then he mentally slapped himself for being a dirty old man.
She continued, "I heard it through the grapevine that you were leaving tomorrow. Mundungus said Dumbledore is sending you to stay with some other werewolves: that you're going to try to win them over to our side. Is that true?"
He turned to her then. Her eyes were sad. He hated to see her sad.
"It is."
She nodded slowly. "Yeah I was afraid of that. I was hoping Dung was full of it. Anyway, on the off chance that he was right, which it turns out he was, I thought that maybe you'd like some company tonight. I know how hard this must be for you and I… I didn't want you to be alone."
She paused looking like she was on the verge of tears. Remus wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms and reassure her that he was fine, that she shouldn't worry about him, but he didn't, and soon enough she took a deep breath and collected herself without his help or comfort, reminding him again that she didn't really need him. Not in that way.
"So, I thought that instead of being depressed all night," she reached into the bag that was handing off her shoulder with both hands and pulled two bottles of wine, "we could get absolutely pissed. What do you say to that?"
Remus eyed the wine bottles, considering his options. Normally, he would decline. A glass now and then was one thing, but he hadn't drunk enough to really get intoxicated since the night that James and Lily had been killed. He had almost done it again when Sirius died, but refrained because he knew there would be things for him to do for the Order. But tonight was different. He needed to be on his way first thing in the morning, but the night was his. And then there was Tonks, lovely and perfect and sweet, standing there with him, for no special reason other than she didn't want him to be alone. A million voices rang out in his mind, telling him that he needed to be careful, that he was treading dangerous ground and that he should stay guarded lest he get his heart broken or hurt Tonks. But from beneath those voices rose another, louder and stronger, drowning out all his worries, all his insecurities, and it was giving him the answer to her question.
"I'll get the glasses."
A few glasses later, Remus still wasn't drunk, but he was pleasantly tipsy, and thoroughly enjoying watching Tonks as she morphed her face to mimic different animals, though he refused to crack a smile. The point of her little game was to make him laugh, and he was winning, but as she got more creative, he was having a harder and harder time trying to keep his grin at bay. There were the classics that he had seen a dozen times, the duck bill, the pig's snout, and those were easy enough to ignore, but then she pulled out the big guns. Crossing her eyes and contorting her face, she flattened her nose and grew out her ears until her face resembled a chimp. He barely held on after that one, keeping his focus on the flames dancing in the fireplace and the rough wool rug beneath them instead of the way that she was twisting her face.
"Oh come on!" she laughed loudly, "the monkey is a classic, how are you doing this? Ok fine I have one more and if that doesn't work, I will admit defeat."
"Go ahead, try me." He reached for his glass of wine and took a sip but nearly spat it back out again when he saw Tonks' face donned with a rabbit's nose, with two big floppy ears popping up from the top of her head. She twitched her little pink nose once and that was it. He burst out laughing, feeling his face turning red as the convulsing of his chest prevented any intake of oxygen.
"I win!" Tonks cried. "I win! I win! You thought you could win with your strict professor resolve, but I am irresistible!"
Remus gasped through his laughter, trying to slow it to a manageable chuckle. It took him a moment but he was finally able to catch his breath. "I've never seen that one before."
She winked at him, "I save it for when I really need it. Ok now you have to make me laugh."
He shook his head desperately, "No, you know better than that, I am not a comedian I fear. I would only embarrass both of us."
She sighed at him, but her smile was still wide. "Well fine spoil sport, I'll have to think of something else for us to do then."
She took a swig from her glass and he took her in like he had only dared to once or twice before. She had shed her robes, now only wearing a pair of form fitting jeans and a tight Beatles t-shirt: she insisted they were the only muggle band worth listening to. Her hair was long instead of short and spiky, and pulled away from her face. A change from her regular perky pink, it was colored a deep raven black.
"Can I ask you something?" Remus asked quietly.
"Certainly"
He pointed at her hair. "Why black?"
She looked at him confused for a minute, before she realized what he was asking. Her smile faded and she looked at him seriously.
"It's black because I'm sad."
"You were just laughing hysterically."
"Well, I'm not sad at this exact moment, but I have been."
"For Sirius?"
"Yes. But for you too."
"For me?" he asked, confused, "why me?"
". You're leaving, and I can't be happy knowing that you will be in a dangerous place alone, and so far from here."
"I'm going to be alright. You don't have to worry about me Tonks."
"I don't have to but I do. You mean the world to me Remus, I don't know what I would do if something happened to you."
Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the sadness in her voice. Maybe it was just the fact that he couldn't stand it anymore, but before he knew what he was doing, he leant over, closing the space between them and finally capturing her lips with his and gripping the back of her neck to pull her in closer. She seemed hesitant at first and he almost pulled away, but as she began to kiss him back, he realized that it had only been surprise and not disdain that had given her pause. She pushed herself into him, and he could feel her body against his. He wrapped his free arm around her, desperate to bring her closer, to meld their bodies into one. In that moment, he let himself admit what he had known for a long time. This wasn't lust, and it wasn't a passing fancy or a brief infatuation. He loved her. He loved her more than he had ever loved anyone or anything. He had loved her from the moment that he first saw her. He was hers body and soul. He hoped from the deepest part of his heart that she was his in return.
He felt her fingers tug at the buttons of his shirt, pulling them apart, and suddenly it was as if a spell had been broken. He was wide-awake, completely sober. He realized what was happening. He was kissing Tonks, and she was kissing him back, and he wasn't supposed to be doing that. He broke off the kiss, pulling away from her, reeling backwards and knocking over his glass of wine in the process.
"Remus," she said breathing hard "what's wrong?"
"I'm so sorry Tonks. That was inappropriate. We're drunk and we shouldn't be doing things we will regret tomorrow."
He felt a stab of pin in his heart when he saw the look of hurt that flashed across her face.
"You regret kissing me?"
"No, of course not, I mean." He took a deep breath "I have wanted to do nothing else for the past year. But you've been drinking, and so have I, and I don't think this is a good idea. I don't want to take advantage of you Tonks."
Her face softened and she reached out and touched his face. "You can't take advantage of someone who has been waiting for you as long as I have, Remus. This is what I want, and I know tomorrow everything changes. You leave and who knows when you will come back. But we have tonight, and if you want me, know that I want you just as much. Even if you don't, I guarantee you I will be here when you leave tomorrow, and I will be waiting for you to get back. I love you Remus, and I think that you may love me too. Course you don't have to confirm that, I don't expect you too…"
She couldn't finish before he had captured her in another kiss. This time there were no interruptions, not even from Remus' own subconscious. It had been quieted for the moment, and assured of Tonks' love, he was determined to show her his.
Tonks woke the next morning, curled up in her robes on the floor. The fire had burned out, but rays of sunlight were creeping through the curtain and warming the room, daring her to open her eyes, but she refused. She reached across the floor, searching for Remus. He wasn't there. Her eyes shot open and she sat up surveying the room.
The bottles of wine and the glasses were gone, so were Remus' clothes. Her own clothes were in a neat stack next to her. She didn't see Remus anywhere. She was about to call out for him when she noticed a clean sheet of parchment folded up and lay gently on top of her clothes. She picked it up and opened it, hands trembling and began to read.
Tonks,
I am sorry that I had to leave without saying goodbye this morning. It was early, and you looked so peaceful and I couldn't stand to wake you for the painful goodbyes I knew would be ahead of us. I want you to know that last night was the greatest night of my life. I have spent so long thinking that I could never have you, and being with you last night, realizing that for some strange reason you felt the same things for me that I had felt for you all this time, it was a dream I could never imagine coming true. Perhaps I didn't wake you out of fear that you would tell me I imagined it all. I can only hope that I didn't. You'll have to reassure me when I come back. I love you Tonks. Shall I say it again? I love you. It may be a long time before we see each other again, but I hope that is enough for now.
With all my heart,
Remus
Tonks held the letter close to her heart, eyes prickling with tears of joy. After all the wondering and waiting, he loved her. That was enough, enough for a lifetime. She didn't know how long she would have to wait but she didn't care. At long last Remus was hers and that was all that mattered. She reached up and pulled her hair free of its restraints, letting it fall around her face, glowing pink in the sunlight.
