Gabrielle was conflicted, because in so many ways, it was as if Xena was still there. They talked, laughed, and even touched during the days while Gabrielle travelled. But it was hard for her to remember that Xena wasn't actually there, and that she was the only one who could see or hear her. She had already gotten funny looks as she carried on half a conversation with an invisible spirit while walking through town. She had made a mental note to try and be more careful, but as long as she still had Xena as her companion, she didn't really care what people thought.

She had travelled back from the east, but needed to travel through Italy to find a boat to take her across the sea to Egypt. As always, Xena was a perfect traveling companion, but Gabrielle knew she could no longer be her protector. Gabrielle

wasn't worried, though. She had come a long way as a warrior, and was

certain she could take care of herself. But of course she would give anything to see Xena cross swords in her name again.

Xena came and went, to where Gabrielle never asked. But she knew she was probably with Eve, Solon, or any number of friends. But she was never far, and appeared every time Gabrielle called for her.

Gabrielle was reluctant to go back through Rome, too many painful memories. But she knew it was the fastest and easiest road.

"Lots of memories, huh?" Xena asked softly. Gabrielle realized she must have picked up on the bard's uneasiness as they approached the city.

"Yeah," Gabrielle looked up at Xena and smiled. "But not all bad."

Xena looked puzzled. "Really? Crucifixion? Forced to fight your own flesh and blood? Imprisoned in a gladiator's dungeon? Hunted down like dogs? Tell me which of those things are good memories?"

"Well I was with you...so..." Gabrielle blushed a bit. "That alone made it not

so bad." She looked up as Xena put an arm around her shoulder and saw a big smile on her soul mate's face.

"That's my Gabrielle. Always looking on the bright side."

Gabrielle took the hand of the arm across her shoulder and squeezed. She looked up and saw the sun fading. "I think I'm gonna make camp here."

"Really? You're almost to Rome. You'd make it by nightfall," Xena was always concerned about her, especially now that she could offer little protection beyond warning Gabrielle of potential danger.

There was a reason for Gabrielle not wanting to get to Rome. There was a reason she wanted to lay under the stars, away from the bustle of the city. It was the one place she felt most close to Xena. Camping out there alone together, like the good old days. Lately she felt another kind of emptiness, something that was left unfulfilled when Xena died. It wasn't that things were left unsaid between them. They knew they were each others

soulmates, and that they would be together for eternity. Xena knew she loved her. But did she really understand the depths of that love? Gabrielle wasn't sure. That was one topic not fully explored. It seemed known but unspoken. That left doubt in Gabrielle's mind that Xena was aware that beyond them being friends and soul mates, Gabrielle was IN love with Xena. She had been for years. Did Xena know that? Did she feel the same? If she did, why had their love never been expressed physically? The thought of making love to Xena was something Gabrielle often thought about, but had been afraid to broach the topic. She had never been with a woman before, and who knew if Xena wanted her that way. What if it ruined their friendship? On the other hand, what if it only made their relationship better? It was an internal conflict that was never resolved, and now it was too late. And yet, the questions still swirled in Gabrielle's mind, and desire still

swam in her belly. Because although Xena was gone, she was still there, all be it only with Gabrielle, and for some reason that made her desire burn more strongly.

Gabrielle set up her camp, behind some thick brush just off the road. As she sat down to prepare her dinner, her mind kept reeling. She looked up from her preparations to see Xena smiling at her.

"What are you grinning at?" She mused.

"You. You've changed so much since I met you all those years ago. You could barely gut a fish when you first started traveling with me, and look at you now," Xena was genuinely impressed and proud.

Gabrielle smiled as she went about her task. "I had a good teacher."

She pause and looked up. "Xena," her curiosity was getting the better of her. "What's it like?"

"What, being dead?" Xena splayed out her legs in front of her, sitting on a log.

"Well, yeah," Gabrielle

said slowly. But that wasn't all she meant.

"I dunno. It's strange,

wonderful, awful, peaceful, and terrifying all at the same time."

"Do you still, you know, feel? Feel emotions and senses?"

Xena sensed the tension in Gabrielle's words, and got up from her spot. She sat down on the log right next to her.

"It's hard to explain. It's not like before, when I was alive. My hearing, my sense of physically feeling things, like ground beneath my feet, this log I'm sitting on, those senses are all dulled. Like, more of a memory. It's like that for everything," she paused as Gabrielle looked down at her meal. "...except for you."

Gabrielle looked up questioningly.

Xena took her chin lightly. "When I touch you, I can feel you. When I'm near you, I can sense you. I can smell you, hear you, all those things just as much as I could when I was alive." She saw Gabrielle's shoulders relax. "Everything I felt for you before...I still

feel them. All my sensations are here, just like before. With you, it's like I'm

still alive." Her words were spoken tenderly, sincerely.

Gabrielle swallowed as she looked at Xena's lips. She so badly wanted to kiss them, to feel them on her own.

"But, aren't you supposed to be in Heaven or the Elesyian Fields, or wherever, having eternal bliss?" Gabrielle didn't want her to go. But she was curious.

Xena let go of Gabrielle's chin and shifted uncomfortably. "Do you want me to go?"

"No! That's not what I meant. I just mean, you've given up so much for those souls...you should be rewarded by an eternity of peace and love." Gabrielle was genuinely concerned that Xena's afterlife was tortuous because of her loyalty to Gabrielle.

Xena nodded and looked down. "Well, that's the thing. I come and go, here and there. Heaven, the Elesyian Fields, I go to see Eve, lots of places."

"What's heaven like?" Gabrielle asked.

Xena smiled. "It's like being enveloped by a warm blanket of love, and surrounded by every good emotion and loving caress you could ever imagine. It's a peace and love I've never experienced before. It's euphoric." Xena spoke with a passion that Gabrielle had rarely seen from her warrior.

Gabrielle was afraid to ask the next question. "Why don't you stay there? It sounds wonderful. Xena, you don't need to stick around here for me, you know." She forced that out for Xena's sake. She needed Xena desperately, but she wasn't about to stand between her love and blissful eternity.

Xena looked into Gabrielle's eyes, uncertain of what to say. Finally she realized that the truth was the only answer she could give. "It is wonderful. But even surrounded by all that goodness, I still feel the emptiness of being without you." Gabrielle looked at her, a tear threatening to fall. Xena took hold of Gabrielle's hands, which had put down the pot she had been stirring. "Gabrielle, our connection has been so strong for so long, death isn't going to break that. As wonderful as heaven is, I don't belong there. At least, not yet. I belong here with you. Even if it is only partly."

Gabrielle's tear finally broke loose and tumbled down her cheek. She closed her eyes as Xena reached up and brushed the tear away. She put her hand on Gabrielle's arm in a comforting manner. Gabrielle looked over at her lovingly. Xena smiled back, then looked down at Gabrielle's lips. Xena hadn't been lying when she told Gabrielle that she still had all the same feelings as she had before. That included her lingering, blazing desire to take the bard as her lover. She still felt the electricity between them as they sat there, broaching this sensitive subject of love and death. She had never admitted her deep love and desire to Gabrielle, too afraid to ruin their legendary friendship. But sitting here now, sensing a longing coming from her beloved bard, she wondered why. Why had she balked so many times at revealing her true feelings? What was she afraid of? Rejection? Deep down she knew Gabrielle would not reject her. Now in death it seemed so silly to have denied themselves.

Gabrielle saw something in Xena's eyes that caused a shiver to start in her spine and work it's way up to her neck. She saw desire. She knew the same look was probably shining out of her own eyes. Suddenly she was aware. She was aware that this desire for a physical exploration between them was mutual. She started to let her self succumb to these long harbored feelings. She felt herself leaning toward Xena's waiting lips, so soft, so inviting...

Gabrielle snapped out of her haze as fear enveloped her senses. She leaned back and looked back down at the pot she had forgotten about. What was she doing? Coming on to a ghost? Although there was no doubt about the desire she just saw in Xena's eyes, it was quite presumptuous to assume that a celestial being could submit herself like that. Xena

just explained that she felt alive with Gabrielle, but that didn't mean she had the capacity to kiss, make love, and have all the physical feelings as well as the emotional ones. Gabrielle was afraid to put Xena on the spot like that, and have them both be embarrassed at the inability for action.

Sensing Gabrielle's apprehension, Xena played it off to try and put her friend at ease. "You better eat that before it attracts all the critters in a five mile radius."

Gabrielle smiled through her blushing, and placed the pot over the fire to warm.