WITH FEMINIST FLAIR
A GMD Drabble
AUTHOR'S NOTES: All characters in this story belong to The Mouse Avenger (that's me), with the exception of Gunsmoke Gary, who is based on a minor character from "The Great Mouse Detective". Gary & all GMD elements & properties belong to Disney.
The tall, voluptuous bat-mouse hybrid glared daggers at the equally-tall, thin mouse with the upturned nose & the snobbish, snooty expression--the mouse who was standing just a few mouse feet away from her. He was dressed in the fine clothes of an established criminal kingpin, complete with a glass monocle over his right eye, & he had a certain air about him, indicating that he was a mouse to be respected highly. But Eunice Karlin didn't feel that the mouse deserved that much respect, considering how he was treating her. The mouse--one Herr Mausfiend, by name--had only been here for an hour, & Eunice found it increasingly difficult to put up with his highbrow, arrogant attitude & his chauvinistic mannerisms towards the ladies--mainly her.
Herr Mausfiend had been invited to the sewer lair of Mouses Fiennes, the worst rodent in all of London, so that the two criminal mouseterminds could collaborate on a villainous scheme that Mouses had recently devised. And now that Mouses, Herr Mausfiend, Eunice (who was to play a major part in the wicked plot that was being formed), & the other thugs had finished making introductions at Mouses' library, they had a little free time to themselves before their servant Olga was done preparing the breakfast banquet, during which everyone would discuss the plans for their criminal activities in further detail as they sat down to dine in the grand eating hall.
Unfortunately, when Herr Mausfiend began his attempts to make conversation with Eunice, the relationship between the two rodents did not get off to a very good start.
"May I ask," Herr Mausfiend asked in his airy Germanic accent, "why on Earth you are wearing that dress, Fraulein Karlin?" He pointed to Eunice's slinky, sleeveless turquoise dress, which had a low-plunging neckline & a slit on either side that went up alongside her slender thighs, ending just below waist-level. "I hate to be frank, but your choice of attire is simply not proper for a lady to wear."
Eunice promptly placed her clawed paws on her hips & sneered at Herr Mausfiend as she blurted with btter facetiousness, "Well, thank you very much, Herr Mausfiend, but I didn't ask for advice from the freakin' fashion police!"
"Oh, must we resort to such nasty language, Fraulein Karlin?" Herr Mausfiend asked, looking offended. "There's no need for a lady to speak so...rudely. Pardon my asking, but do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"
"For your information, gut herr, my mother is dead," Eunice snapped. "As are my father & siblings."
Herr Mausfiend was taken aback by Eunice's revelation, but then, he appeared to be apologetic. "My goodness...I-I'm dreadfully sorry for your loss, Fraulein Karlin..."
"Don't be!" Eunice snapped. "I don't miss them in the least bit! They were nothing but a bunch of no-good, hateful, speciesist brutes!"
"Now, that's no way for a lady to speak of the dead, especially her own family!" Herr Mausfiend objected.
"Well, you should be bloody thankful," Eunice retorted icily, "that you weren't rejected, scorned, beaten, & abused constantly by the ones who were supposed to love & care for you. I suppose I would have turned out differently if my folks had treated me with just a little kindness, but they didn't, so I'm afraid you're damn out of luck!"
Herr Mausfiend moaned a little, staring at Eunice with a sad look. "I do wish," he told the lady thug, "that you would be a little more gracious to your mouseter's guest."
"Well, I'm not my mouseter, & you're not my guest," Eunice barked fiercely, "so I'm not going to even attempt to humor you!"
"But, Fraulein Karlin, that's no way for a lady to treat a criminal of my caliber!"
"Sucks to be you, pal!"
But the bitter rivalry between Eunice & Herr Mausfiend didn't stop with their first conversation. Later on, when Mouses, Herr Mausfiend, & all the thugs had sat down at the banquet table to begin their meeting over breakfast, the guest of honor & the female minion continued to argue with each other. Even over the tiniest matters!
"Fraulein Karlin, would you please use your proper table manners?" Herr Mausfiend complained when he saw Eunice gulping down large pieces of her Belgian waffles in a ravenous manner.
"I'll eat my breakfast however I bloody well want to, you frakkin' twit!" Eunice spat angrily at Herr Mausfiend with a mouthful of food, before going back to eating.
Herr Mausfiend glared at Eunice, before turning his head to look down at a thug named Gunsmoke Gary, who was helping himself to some sausage & a cup of Maxwell Mouse coffee. "Your lady-friend," Herr Mausfiend whispered aside to Gary, "is most difficult to get along with."
"Well, Herr Mausfiend," Gary said in his Jack Nicholson-type voice as he reached for his coffee cup, "while Eunice may not be the pleasantest of company to be around..."--he took a swig of his coffee, then placed the cup back down on its saucer--"...when you get on her good side, you'll find that she's not so bad. Really!"
"I hate to disagree with you, Herr Mousedale," Mausfiend told Gary, "but Fraulein Karlin has been arguing with me & saying rude things to me since the moment we first began talking."
Gary smirked at Herr Mausfiend, his five-o'clock-shadowed face sporting a mischievous look. "Then, you must have done something to tick her off!" Gary brought his left arm down to rest in front of him on the banquet table, then leaned forward over said arm as he looked up at Herr Mausfiend with the same wry grin & asked, "So, what'd you do to give her such a hard time, huh?"
"Nothing!" Herr Mausfiend blurted. "I only told Fraulein Karlin that I thought her dress was not an appropriate thing for a lady to wear..."
"Ahhh," Gary said as he sat upright & leaned back in his chair with his arms behind his head, "& therein lies the problem, Herr Mausfiend! You gave Eunice the old chauvinist tirade..."
"'Chauvinist tirade'?" Herr Mausfiend scoffed. "What is so chauvinistic about my attitudes?"
"If you want my honest opinion," Eunice shouted from across the table, "everything!"
Herr Mausfiend & Gunsmoke Gary both stared at Eunice in wide-eyed surprise, then looked back at each other with affronted expressions. "What's gotten into her?" Herr Mausfiend muttered to Gary, who poked him in the nose with his forefinger & replied, "You, obviously."
"Herr Mousedale, this is absolutely outrageous!" Herr Mausfiend thundered, pounding his fist on the table. "To hear a civilized male mouse like yourself sticking up for a rude & ill-behaved woman!"
"She may be rude & ill-behaved," Gary countered, "but she's also a dear friend & a loyal comrade, not to mention a highly-esteemed employee of Mouses Fiennes! So if I were you, Herr Mausfiend, I'd shut my mouth, before I pissed off Eunice even more than I already have!"
"And another thing!" Herr Mausfiend declared, rising out of his chair & turning his head to glare at Eunice. "A proper woman should not be serving as a highly-esteemed employee of anybody! She should be confined to the home & tend to more feminine duties!"
"Well, I admit I'm not a proper lady," Eunice shouted as she also rose out of her chair, "but frankly, my dear Herr Mausfiend, I don't give a damn! I'm a feminist, & I'm gosh-darn proud of it, & if you don't like it, then you can go jump in a lake & drown, you sexist pig!"
The other thugs couldn't help but clap & cheer for Eunice, who smiled smugly as she basked in her praise. Herr Mausfiend looked absolutely shocked! Mouses Fiennes' face was a mask of mixed emotions--on one hand, he wasn't too happy about his lady-thug making a scene at his banquet, but on the other hand, he couldn't help but admire Eunice's courage to stand up to the mouse who was giving her a hard time. He had to admit, she had spunk (& plenty of bollocks, too)!
It was a while before the thugs' applause subsided, & as his face continued to sport that wide-eyed look of astonishment, Herr Mausfiend stared at Eunice for the next several seconds, before calmly sitting back down in his chair. With that, the banquet resumed normally, & after everyone was finished eating, Mouses, Herr Mausfiend, & the thugs discussed their plans for the crime they hoped to commit in a few days.
That evening, after the meeting was over & all their plans had been made, Mouses & the thugs went out to wish Herr Mausfiend a safe return home. When it was Eunice's turn to bid Herr Mausfiend "goodbye", she went up to the mouse & extended a wing to shake his paw as she said with a soft-eyed expression, "I wish to thank you, Herr Mausfiend, for visiting us today. Even if I didn't enjoy your company too much, at least, everyone else did..."
"Danke...& I suppose I can forgive you of your inhospitable behavior, Fraulein Karlin," Herr Mausfiend said with a smile. "You may be an improper lady..."--Eunice frowned slightly at this comment--"...but if it is a lifestyle that you think honestly suits you, then I shall not raise a fuss with you about it."
"Thank you," Eunice said, gently withdrawing her paw from Herr Mausfiend's. "I really do appreciate that."
With that, Herr Mausfiend gave one last bow to Mouses & the thugs, then turned around to begin making his way back home. It was only after Herr Mausfiend had crawled down through the sewer grate leading to the outside world that Eunice turned to face Gunsmoke Gary & said, "You know, Gary, there is something else I wanted to give Herr Mausfiend before he left..."
"What's that, Eunice?" Gary inquired.
"A good kick in the nuts!"
THE END