The Study of Stupid~ An Edward Cullen's Tale

HI I'm Edward Cullen's. You may all know me by now as the hot young vamp in the Twilight series. But I'm also the hottest , most wanted guy in Folks High school. Here's MY story.

Chapter 1

This is Bella Swan researcher and student of mythical figure. I will start my study here in the Cullen's home . The Cullen are like the most famous vamps in the world thanks to Twilight.

Okay Jim get the camera and voice recorder ready we're heading into the field of research now.

( Bang) knocks on door

Hell Mr. Cullen's I'm Bella Swan here with the research team may we come in?

Just call me Edward, please.

This is my house it's great. When we first moved back to folks we lived in the Motel 8 up the road from the Post office. It sucked really bad because I had to like share a room with Jasper. There's something left out of the first stories ...well.. when a human male is first turned they either loose the their umm manliness or common sense. I lost my common sense and Jasper well.... just come with me.

(We walk up the stairs to my side of the house and through the arched ways Carlisle had to have. Me personally I would have went with open beam. More fun to throw things at and have them stick. We walk down the hall to where the bathroom is)

Okay listen......."When ever I wake up I just put on my makeup" comes a lovely soprano tone voice.

Wow Mr.. err Edward is that your sister? She sure can sing. A lovely voice too!

Hah..umm ..err no that Is Jasper. ( Starts coughing )

Jim did you get that on camera

Yes Miss Sawn.

So I'm guessing her lost the other uh?

( clears his throat) Yes As I was saying it sucked rooming with Jasper. I didn't have any sink space , the TV stayed on HGTV and A&E the whole time. And oh my god if you touch his hair he will punch you in the junk then run screaming for the nearest bathroom.

Is that his reaction every time Mr.. I mean Edward.?

Well it was the reaction he had for me the 13 1/2 time I did it..... I told you already I lost all common sense right?

Yes .

Good do you want to see me light my hair on fire using hair spray, a ping pong ball and tape??

UM No

Okay then maybe next time.

Sure, so where are your parents.

Oh their not really my parents in like the biological sense just in the turn-me-into-the-evil-dead-drinking-guy-thing parent.

SO you don't have a close relationship with them?

Oh no we are really close, just yesterday Esme shared with me the secret of immortal if!

Wow really what was is it?

She said if I keep setting myself on fire I want have any.

Yeah ( why did I even ask)

She's real maternal , I told her not to worry I always leave my window open above the pool. I think though I'm starting to piss Emmett off because he has to clean the pool and he get real mad fishing out pieces of crisp Edward,

Hey didn't we date or something like one time??

Edward we are dating but we're not talking about that now I'm doing my research for the class thing come on act professional..

Can we do it now

EDWARD!!
Fine but can we do it later?

....

Yeah whatever let's just find Rose and Emmett

(we walk back down stairs and into the garage to fine Rosalie and Emmet)

Hey guys Bella's doing this thing for class so act right!

Ha-ha , We need to act right, Edward when's that last time you completed a whole thought??

Rose that's not fair you so no thinking gives me migraines.

Rosy if when the car is on can I cook a steak on the engine like the guys off of that show?

Emmett no

A potato

No

egg

no

Can I toast bread

No and NO and NO

SO I can't cook anything on the car?

.....

Hey Bella do you think I can cook something on the car?

Sure Emmett

Don't encourage him Bells

I'm not but I sh

Shh

what?

Just don't

Fine what the hell is your problem today or like for your whole life?

B E L L A ! !

HI Alice!

Your here, your here ( runs up and hugs with a death grip)

UM Alice I can't breathe anymore

I know right hehe

SO what brings you out today?

I'm trying to do this class thing.

What class thing?

Well it's a study of stupid and I thought Edward could help.

Wow you shore did pick the right one for that.

(all the females laugh...really..really..hard)

Come on Bella let's get on with his I'm hungry and moms got that new blood in its suppose to taste like burgers and fries! WOOT

Okay Edward tell me about Emmett.