The Gift of Paying Attention
(is not something everyone shares)
As much as Tsuna was glad about the upgrade their rings had got, there was one thing that really irked him. Aside from the fact that his own rings were now linked by a strong silver chain. It was cool and all, but there was a reason behind the ban of any kind of jewelery in P.E. class and part of Tsuna was terrified at what would happen to his hand when the metal would catch on something while he was using his X-burner to soar through the sky.
No, he was completely relieved that the Vongola rings hadn't been destroyed, that they had been gifted with a power boost they had desperately needed, but— But. (It was a rather big but, in Tsuna's opinion.) Couldn't Gokudera's rings have transformed into anything but a belt-buckle?
Again, he was happy that he had it, that the Storm ring could have been reborn, that Gokudera had the means to defend himself and help them keep everyone else safe, too. Gokudera himself was so obviously and openly delighted by his new 'Vongola Gear' that Tsuna even felt bad about resenting it this much (besides feeling embarrassed and kind of abashed). It wasn't that it looked stupid, Gokudera's new fighting device being a belt-buckle and all (which, Tsuna had to admit, wasn't as unhelpful as it seemed as Gokudera at least had his hands free and didn't need to worry about losing two fifths of his hand because of clumsiness— well, there were his bombs, but he digressed...) because it didn't. Quite the contrary. It looked good. Really good. So good that it was by far too distracting. And there lay part of the problem.
Tsuna just couldn't stop looking. Not that he really could before the buckle came along, yet he had somehow managed. Now, though, everything was just so much harder.
And Gokudera would always wear it, too. It didn't matter what he was doing at all. He only took it off for the shortest of moments. Gokudera had now perfected the art of changing his trousers with nearly light-like speed. Therefore he was now always the first one finished in the locker room and used the spare time to scout out the hallways before their next lesson began. (Tsuna still wasn't exactly sure how he felt about no longer being able to subtly watch Gokudera change. On the one hand he didn't have to be afraid about being caught at it anymore or feel guilty about it, on the other hand, well, there was no more watching Gokudera change. So, yeah.) Their teachers obviously disapproved of Gokudera wearing a belt to sports class at all (not to mention the breach against the school's uniform regulations in general). As always, though, Gokudera just intimidated them into silence. Tsuna was astonished at the whole staff just giving up on trying to discipline his friend as well as how Gokudera somehow managed making sports wear and his elaborately decorated belt look good together and not —how it should be— completely idiotic.
Tsuna would bet that Gokudera wouldn't even drop the belt to go swimming, even if the weight would drag him down and make moving more difficult. He mostly tried very hard not to wonder if Gokudera would take the risk of at least taking a shower without it. Not only because of the image of Gokudera under the shower, but Gokudera under the shower with nothing but the Vongola Gear— no, not going there. Definitely not going there. (At least not when Tsuna couldn't be one hundred percent sure that he would not be seen, heard or interrupted and that there was at least one secured lock between him and the rest of the world. A scenario which was, all things considered, unfortunately not taking place very often at all.)
"Tenth? If you're stuck at problem number 3 I could try to explain, if you want me to."
Tsuna did actually startle. He then quickly stopped clicking his pen open and shut, tore his gaze away from the part of the tabletop that hid the belt-buckle from his sight and did his best at fighting down a furious blush. He stared down at his homework in front of him, not comprehending nor even remembering what he had been doing before his mind had drifted off.
"Uhm..."
"It's not all that complicated, really! And I'm sure you would have figured it out by yourself if I hadn't interrupted you just now, Tenth," Gokudera exclaimed good-naturedly. Yamamoto had currently a lot of baseball practice due to a fast approaching tournament, so they didn't see him all that much out of classes anymore. Tsuna missed his company, though he had to admit that seeing Gokudera's nearly permanent scowl being replaced by big, dorky smiles instead was rather nice. (He didn't really want to think "worth it" but the thought had crept up.)
Gokudera took his pillow with him around the table to place it next to his own on the floor, sitting down near enough to get a good look at what Tsuna had already got done which was not really all that much. He then quickly started scribbling down notes onto a second sheet of paper in a way that allowed Tsuna to be able to see exactly what he was writing, pointing out different ways to solve the problem and taking the time to explain each of them in more detail than Tsuna could have swallowed even if he had been actually paying attention.
"Now, if you look here, Tenth, you can—" Tsuna was looking— just not at what Gokudera was pointing at. The belt-buckle was barely visible from how its wearer was hunched over the desk, writing away. Just above it peaked out a small patch of pale, smooth skin contrasting sharply with the black shirt that had ridden up with Gokudera's movements and the cold, hard edges of the shiny metal.
"...and that would be how you prove that your answer is correct." This time, Tsuna found looking away even harder as he dragged up his eyes to Gokudera's beaming face. His throat felt dry and his cheeks far too warm, yet he found himself smiling back. He just knew that he must look besottedly stupid. Or stupidly besotted, he wasn't really sure. He also knew that he was so, so screwed. And that damn belt-buckle had made things even worse.
When Tsuna kissed Gokudera for the first time just about ten minutes later, it had been an accident. He had been probably as shocked by it as Gokudera had been. He remembered watching Gokudera lick his lips and then suddenly their noses were bumping together, mouths pressed against each other in an awkward, not really comfortable way.
The next couple of kisses, luckily, weren't quite as accidental and also far more enjoyable. To Tsuna, it was still an enigma how he had ended up with arms wrapped around him and Gokudera's tongue sliding against his own. Tsuna's hands had migrated to Gokudera's hair and, predictably, the belt-buckle. The metal was already getting warm under his touch and if he wouldn't know better, he would swear that he could actually hear Uri's purring when he dragged his thumb over it. Clearly, he was completely out of his mind. He didn't even know what exactly he was doing, just that all of it felt oh so good. Getting them even closer together seemed like a brilliant idea, so Tsuna pressed forward and managed to tip them over. The way Gokudera's head hit the floor did sound rather painful, but he didn't seem to mind, only pulling Tsuna back down when he tried to ask if everything was alright. Tsuna took that as a sign that yes, he wasn't hurting too badly and settled his body more comfortably on Gokudera's, pressing them together in all the right places, making them gasp into each other's mouths.
"Tenth," Gokudera mumbled, sounding disbelieving when they finally did stop kissing to actually breath. His voice made Tsuna's head spin even more and he dove down for another long, deep kiss. Gokudera's whole body arched up to meed him, making them both moan and clutch at each other. Tsuna decided right then and there that he needed to hear Gokudera make that sound again. He also needed them to wear considerably less clothing as fast as possible.
Would he still have been able to think, he would have been horrified at how bold he was acting and would probably already have frozen up in mortification. As it was, his hands trembled only a bit as he slipped the one currently located under Gokudera's shirt downwards to the one still splayed over the belt-buckle. Working it open shouldn't have been too hard, even without looking, Tsuna thought, but he didn't even get to try because Gokudera suddenly tensed up completely and painfully knocked their heads together while scrambling to sit up and back away.
They sat there in silence for a minute or two or a couple of hours, Tsuna couldn't tell, both panting as if they had just been chased through one of Reborn's hellish training courses. Tsuna's brain did its best at finally catching up and when it did, he kind of wished it hadn't. He was completely mortified. Horrified. Terrified. This was the worst situation ever. He couldn't even bring himself to look into Gokudera's direction choosing instead to inspect the small dust clouds sailing down onto the floor. He was far too afraid to see the disgust in the other's face. That thought actually hurt more than Tsuna would have anticipated and felt worse than a lot of things he had already experienced, which that was saying something. He knew he had to apologize. Opening his mouth, though, he found that he couldn't get his vocal chords to work properly. Out came only a shuddering breath.
He tried again, but Gokudera was faster, soundly smashing his forehead onto the floor and wailing: "I'm so sorry, Tenth! As your right-hand man I shouldn't—"
That got Tsuna talking, tongue nearly tripping over itself. "No, Gokudera-kun! This is all my fault! I'm so, so sorry! I don't know what I've been thinking! You don't have to apologize! You shouldn't think you have to— I mean, just because I—"
"I'm sorry for pushing you away, but I just— I can't do this! What if, what if someone would just barge in to—"
Oh god, what if somebody would have seen? That thought hadn't even occurred to Tsuna. He was pretty sure that his mother wouldn't really mind. There would be relentless teasing and embarrassing questions from Lambo, no doubt, but not anything too bad. Reborn probably already knew. But he didn't even want to think about what this would do to Gokudera. Dealing only with Tsuna seemed to be hard enough on him, having to face everyone else would have been so much worse. Just imagining that he could have pushed him into such a situation made his stomach twist in guilt even more.
"No, I am sorry, Gokudera-kun! I didn't think— I really shouldn't have done that in the first place! This isn't any of your fault at all!"
"I apologize for my shameless actions, Tenth! You don't have to worry about any of this ever happening again! I promise!"
To Tsuna these words felt a lot like a physical punch to the gut. He tried to tell himself that this would be for the best. He didn't believe it for one second, though.
"I-it's okay, Gokudera-kun. We'll just— pretend this never happened, okay?" Oh god, just saying that hurt so badly. Tsuna also knew that no matter how hard he would try, he would never be able to forget any of this. But right now he just wanted to calm Gokudera down, to get his friend from cowering on the floor, to make sure that he wouldn't lose him. Because this, this would be the worst thing happening to him. The pain he was in right now was nothing to the thought of Gokudera leaving him. Even if he already knew that their friendship could never be the same again.
"I'm sorry for disgusting you, Tenth!"
"It's okay, it's okay. You don't have to apologize," Tsuna bit his lip. He wanted to reach out to comfort his friend so badly, but he feared that he would only make things worse. Then he blinked. "Wait. What?"
"I'm so sorry for being so repulsive! Tenth obviously wanted to stop, but I didn't let you go! Just kept you selfishly in place! I'm apologizing for taking such shameless advantage, Tenth! I'm so sorry! I'm not worthy to be—"
"Gokudera-kun!"
"—even in the same room as Tenth! I should—"
"Gokudera-kun! Listen to me!" Somehow, that got through and Gokudera shut up. Even before Tsuna kind of belatedly added, "Please!" His storm guardian was suddenly frozen in place, head and hands still pressed onto the floor. He looked a lot like he was waiting for his own execution. Tsuna did his best swallowing against the lump in his throat.
"Does that mean that you don't hate me?" he asked quietly.
Gokudera's head shot up. "I could never hate you, Tenth!" he exclaimed loudly, incredulously, like he couldn't even believe Tsuna would think something like that.
"And you aren't disgusted by me? By what— what I did?"
"Never! Tenth is the most wonderful person I know! And I didn't mind! Not at all! I would love to kiss Tenth all day!" At first Gokudera seemingly didn't even realize what exactly he had just so loudly declared. Then he flushed scarlet. "B-but as your right-hand man I shouldn't— I mean, I have no right to—"
Tsuna would have none of that, though. He wasn't finished yet and determined to see this through. "So you didn't push me away because I disgusted you or went too far?"
Gokudera looked at him, horror written all over his face. "You though that...?" He suddenly surged forward to kiss him, hands placed on Tsuna's cheeks. When he pulled back he said, "I would never, ever push you away because I thought you disgusting, Tenth." Then Tsuna could practically see Gokudera's brain catch up with what he had done. Before he could drop down to prostrate himself again, though, Tsuna's hands clasped around his shoulders to stop him.
"Then... Why did you push me away, Gokudera-kun?" he asked in a small voice, confused, heart fluttering in his chest with hope and happiness.
"Because I need to always be ready to protect Tenth! What if somebody would try to attack you while we're— And I couldn't defend you because I couldn't get to the Gear fast enough? I would never forgive myself! What kind of right-hand man would fail his boss like that?" Gokudera was declaring loudly, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world.
"So you stopped me because you didn't want to take off the buckle?"
Gokudera nodded. "I can't let you get hurt, Tenth." His voice sounded sure, honest and not in the slightest embarrassed.
Tsuna didn't know if he should just go smash his head against a wall, grin like an idiot, cry or start laughing hysterically. He settled for kissing Gokudera again because he now knew he could.
He also hated the belt-buckle quite a lot right now. And just after thinking that they could maybe even manage to get along.