I Write The Songs contest entry

TITLE: Just a Gigolo

CHARACTERS: Eric and Sookie. Bill, Aude and Freyda are mentioned.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters. Charlaine Harris does. I only gave Eric a slightly different profession. The song "Just a Gigolo" has been performed by a number of artists but I suppose David Lee Roth`s is the one most people remember. I do not own any rights to the song title or the song.

PEN NAME: Thyra10

BETA NAME: Ooshka

TEASER:

Eric has a dream but to fulfill that dream, he needs money. Money women are prepared to pay in exchange for certain privileges. A chance meeting with Sookie makes him want to dream different dreams.

Just a Gigolo

I only knew her as Bill`s ex-wife but when I saw Sookie on the subway I still sat down next to her. Maybe it was the way she stared out of the window even thought she could only see her own reflection in the dark tunnel. Maybe it was the smile I remembered but which wasn`t present now. Maybe it was her ordinary, everyday look. No make up, no high heels. Not even very much cleavage. Just her. I liked it.

I sat down next to her because I wanted to talk to her and it felt good to want that. To want to just talk to someone. Just talk.

"Hi," I said. "Remember me?"

She turned from the window and looked at me. Not directly at me because that would be awkward on the narrow benches of the subway car. It would have been too intimate. She looked somewhere at my chest or maybe my arm. My face must have been in her peripheral vision because she nodded.

"I remember you." She didn`t say anything else. Didn`t indicate what her memory of me meant to her. Was she indifferent? Interested? Annoyed?

"How are you?" I asked.

"Fine." She didn`t sound fine. And what was worse, she turned her face towards the window again.

"I heard you finally divorced Bill." It wasn`t the best conversation starter but I wanted a reaction. Not just the back of her head.

"Yes, and I can do without talking to any of his friends," she hissed.

"Friends? Bill and I? That`s rich. Do you think we have anything in common?" I tried to smile at her again.

"Yes. I do." She didn't elaborate and it brought me to a rare silence.

We rode a station or two without speaking. I decided I`d ride with her until she got off the train even if that meant a detour for me. I hoped she was going to her old neighborhood because it would mean another half hour on the subway. Maybe I`d think of something to say before she left?

"I`m nothing like Bill," I finally said when the silence was getting on my nerves.

"Really?" She`d turned to look at me and her eyebrow was raised in doubt. "You share the same profession, don`t you?"

I quickly looked around to see if anyone could hear us but our subway car was almost empty. The advantage of not having to use the subway during rush hour. Most of the office slaves were already home with their 1.9 children, eating their boring dinner and hoping their wives wouldn`t have a headache later in the evening.

"Is that why you left Bill? His line of work?"

"No, that wasn`t why and you know it. I stayed with him for quite a while after I found out. Of course, I was hurt when I realized he was earning money on the side by "visiting"—Sookie made little air-quotes—"someone called Sophie-Anne. And I was hurt when he didn`t stop. When he lied to me and pretended he wasn`t doing it anymore."

I remembered Sophie-Anne. She was an important client. Very old, very rich and now, very dead.

"I can imagine. Bill should have handled it better."

"So what do you think he should have done? Been a better liar or actually topped seeing her?" she asked.

"He should have been more upfront about the whole thing from the start." I noticed how one of my hands was clenching the other one and I deliberately unclenched both and put them on my knees. "I`m not sure he should have stopped seeing her. It`s a job and I`m sure he didn`t mean to hurt you."

I wasn`t sure why I was defending Bill. Maybe because it could have been me? Maybe because I`d never stopped being a gigolo because a woman had asked me to—and a couple of ex-girlfriends had. The money was too good.

"He may not have meant to hurt me but he did.

I glanced at her and I saw anger in her eyes. Maybe rebellion too. One didn`t talk about cheating exes with strangers on the subway. Semi-strangers.

"I`m sorry." It sounded strange even in my ears. What was wrong with me? I was good at this. Good at getting women to talk to me about the short-comings of spouses and exes. I was good at being what women wanted me to be and all I could come up with now was "I`m sorry?" My only excuse was that I meant it. I truly was sorry for her.

I patted her knee, which made it worse. Made me seem like an awkward 16 year-old. No, an old man. 16 year-olds didn`t pat people's knees.

"Yeah, you know …," she said but I didn`t know. I didn`t know what she meant and I wanted to.

After another station passed us by, a station where a couple more people left our subway car, I asked her, "Do you still work at the same place?"

"Yeah." She smiled at some joke I didn´t get. I understood women but not this one. Usually I knew what women wanted. It was easy enough because they wanted my body. Some even paid for the privilege. But I couldn`t figure Sookie out.

"I work at Merlotte`s bar. I like being a waitress," she said as if I`d doubted it. I knew she liked her job. I´d seen her waitress and she was good at it. It`s not hard to like a job you`re good at. Or, maybe, it`s not hard to be good at something you like. I wasn`t sure. And I wasn`t sure which one applied to me.

"Just like I like being a bartender," I said. That sentence made her smile.

I was a bartender. It was what I told people when they asked me what I did for a living. It just wasn´t how I made most of my money. It was the old story about wanting to make enough money to buy my own bar and never making enough each night to put money aside. A woman walks in with an offer and suddenly the bar of your dreams is one step closer.

I was damned good at my other job too but it`s not the kind of job you told people about. "I`m a gigolo and I never leave my customers unsatisfied." Yes, that would really go down well at any family reunion.

"You`re a good bartender," she said. "I`ve seen how you make people feel at home."

Now she made me smile. I liked praise in general but coming from her, it was …. I liked it.

"Maybe you and I should open a bar together?" I said, not really knowing where that came from. I`d almost made enough money to buy that bar on the corner just down from where she`d lived with Bill. I wasn`t sure if she still lived there.

I`d noticed Sookie when Bill brought her along to the bar where Bill and I worked and to parties both Bill and I went to. Then Bill had invited me along with a few other colleagues, to the place where Sookie worked.

At first, because I didn`t like Bill, I decided that I wouldn`t like her. Then I thought I might steal her away from Bill like he`d stolen one of my clients from me. Tit for tat, sort of. Then I`d realized she was too kind. Too gentle. Far too genuine. Not a good fit for Bill at all. Or for me.

So I hadn`t flirted with her or tried to get her into my bed. I`d admired her. Talked to her. Laughed with her. But I´d never touched her or even given her that special, sexy smile of mine that had women swooning. I`d tried to be a friend to Sookie, not some wolf drooling down her cleavage, and to my surprise, I`d liked that role. Liked the fact that there was one woman who didn't just talk to me because of what I packed in my jeans.

Bill hadn`t really cared about her when he brought her along and whenever Bill was occupied elsewhere, I found myself drawn to her like a moth to a flame. At first I resented how Bill always hit on other women or had to take "important calls" when he brought Sookie along. I felt sorry for her. But Sookie wasn`t pitiful and it was Bill`s loss and my gain that he couldn`t see what he had. That he always seemed to look for something better.

And then Bill started coming alone. He refused to talk about her, or why she wasn't with him. It was clear to everyone she'd left him. He found someone new. A client turned girlfriend. A real estate agent.

I`d seen her on the streets. Seen her on the subway. She`d always had that far-away look. Sad. But I knew she wasn`t sad by nature. I`d seen her laugh. And I wanted to make her laugh again.

So I`d sat down next to her today. I had wanted to before but it was hard. I could do sexy and flirtatious in my sleep but being "just Eric" was hard. And that was who I wanted to be with Sookie.

Sookie turned fully. Made our knees bump. Looked me in my eye.

"Tell me about the first woman who bought your services."

I knew she didn`t mean as a bartender.

For a moment, two moments, I thought it over. I wanted to tell her and, yet, I didn't. She was the person I could be myself with, and I'd spent my time with her pretending the other Eric didn't exist. But a part of me wanted her to know, to see that part of me. See me for who I was. Who I also was.

"Her name was Aude," I said. "She`d lost her husband and was depressed. One night at the bar she made me an offer. She wanted to forget and I helped her."

Sookie nodded and she kept looking at me. Her eyes never left my face.

"It felt strange," I continued. I hadn`t planned on telling her more than the facts, but once I started talking, I found I couldn't stop. "I mean, it`s every guy`s dream, isn`t it? To be paid for fucking. And that`s what I thought when she made the offer. I thought of the bar I wanted to buy and how sexy Aude was. Because she wasn`t ugly, by far. She could have found a man for free in any bar or any online dating service. But she wanted to pay for it. She said she felt less guilty towards her late husband that way."

I wanted to stop talking but I couldn`t. It was like I`d opened the floodgates. Or that Sookie had for me.

I stared at the window. The tunnel we were in was dark and I really couldn`t see anything. I could see my own face. The back of Sookie`s head. So I looked back at her. I wanted to see her face. See what she thought of my story, even if I dreaded her reaction too.

"I told everyone about how cool it was. I told Bill. And it was cool, but not in the way you usually mean cool. Because it was cold. A cold transaction. I fucked Aude, made her come, made her happy. And I was paid for it. And, you know, it wasn't terrible. I liked Aude; she was a nice woman. But one day she terminated our business relationship and I was reminded that's that what it was. Business."

I was quiet for a moment, looking down, surprised to find Sookie`s hand between mine. How did it get there? Did she put it there? Did I grab it? Our hands were in my lap.

"Aude later married someone. A nice man her own age. A rich man, I think. Not outrageously rich, but rich. But she recommended my services to a friend. So I fucked her friend but I kept my heart to myself."

Pressing my lips together, I looked at Sookie`s hand between mine. Then I slowly raised my head and tried to interpret her facial expression. She wasn`t repulsed, at least.

"It doesn`t sound like you enjoyed it much," she said and I wasn`t sure what to say. I`d climaxed most of the times I`d had sex with my clients. Sometimes I`d had to pretend I`d climaxed. But Sookie was right. After a while, I didn`t enjoy it much. It was too cold for me. "I think Bill enjoyed it. I think he enjoyed the power he thought he held over his clients."

I found that very strange as I`d always felt the clients had power over me. They decided when to see me and when not. They decided if they enjoyed my performance enough for a repeat. They decided when to end it all.

I told Sookie as much.

"I never meant for Bill to be involved, to cheat on you. But he was working one night when a client of mine brought a friend in and Bill accepted her offer. I`m sorry." I wanted to come clean with Sookie. Be honest.

Sookie`s other hand was on my cheek, all of a sudden. Caressing me very lightly.

"Bill made his own mistakes," she said. "He wasn`t forced."

"No, but he probably wouldn`t have done it if I hadn`t bragged. Bragged about the money, the women. You know, getting laid and getting paid for it."

"Are you still doing it?" she asked.

"No," I said. "I`ve stopped." And I knew I had. I would call Freyda and tell her I wouldn`t be over tonight.

I thought about the money I would lose. The bar I would lose. I would have to come up with the down payment soon or it would be sold to someone else. Freyda had been my ticket to becoming a bar owner. Because Freyda had been the most generous of them all. The most complicated too but I could do complicated if it paid well. Freyda wanted to own me and I sold myself, piece by piece.

Sookie`s hand caressed me again. "Bill used to say that too. But he never did stop."

What could I do but lean into her hand, kiss the palm of it? I didn't know what words I could use to convince her. I was having a hard time convincing myself. After all, I could have bought the bar some time ago if I hadn´t started spending more and more money. I didn`t need a sports car but I´d still bought one. I took the subway. What did I need the car for, apart from looking like the fantasy these women bought?

"The money is good, I can`t deny that," I said. "But the price I`m paying is high and I don`t think I can pay it anymore." Especially if the price was never being able to be with Sookie.

"I always liked you," Sookie said abruptly and I felt a wave of warmth roll down my stomach. "You never ogled my … me, like all the other guys do."

I grinned because I had ogled her breasts but I`d done it discreetly. And after a while, after having talked to her and laughed with her, whatever she had in her bra became less important.

"I always liked you too. You never treated me like all the other women do," I said with a smile.

Sookie looked thoughtful for a moment. "I want to start a bar," she said.

"With me?"

She moved her hand away from my cheek and placed it in her lap. "We would have to discuss it, wouldn`t we? About what kind of bar we want and what ideas we have."

I nodded because she was right. "I can`t afford a bar yet," I said. "Not now."

Her smile showed me she knew what I meant before I realized it. I was definitely going to call Freyda.

"I have a nest egg. Some money I`ve saved. If we put our savings together, it might be enough."

We came out of the tunnel and the sun hit the back of Sookie`s head. Her golden hair looked like a halo and I had to look down at our hands again. My thumb was rubbing the back of her hand.

"But we`re just talking about starting a bar," she continued. "Nothing more. Not until …."

Not until she could trust me, she meant, and I understood that even though it hurt. I wanted her to want me just like all my clients had wanted me, even at the same time as I realized that I liked the fact she wanted me in other ways, and for other things. That she respected me enough to want to discuss a business venture with me. To form a real business relationship.

If we started a bar together we would see each other every day anyway and sooner or later she might trust me on a personal level too.

The subway exited the last station before Sookie`s and we exchanged phone numbers, making arrangements to meet up again. I quickly told her about the bar I wanted to buy. She liked the bar, particularly the way it was situated on a corner. And I decided I´d call the owner and invite Sookie to meet him.

When we came to her station, I got up with her and walked out of the car. Without saying anything I walked her home. I didn`t ask to come in and she didn`t invite me. But she gave me a hug and I kissed her cheek.

When the door closed behind her, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and made a call.

"Freyda, it`s Eric. I`m sorry. I won't be there tonight. No, not tomorrow either. Actually, I`m terminating our arrangement. Effective immediately."

A/N:

I hope you liked this story.

I also hope you`ll consider entering the I Write the Songs contest. It`s a fun contest and song titles are a great inspiration.

My third hope is that Ooshka, the wonderful beta of this story, will enter the contest. She won the contest the last time around and her winning story still grips me by the heart.