Bookends

"Do you remember the day we met?" Logan knew she would say no—he was the real romantic of the two of them. He knew it; he loved it.

"Not the exact day, no…More the era." She smiled and settled in—it was going to be a good story. She inched closer to him on the couch, wedged her arm between the cushions and his back to grip his waist, and set her head on his chest, where she liked to hear his heart beating. She'd never tell him that, though.

"I do."

The new kid in town. Again. But it didn't seem so bad, really. He was on a soccer team and his best friend Duncan let Logan practically live at his house, which was preferable to being at his own with his volatile father and affectionate, but tipsy, mother. Then there was Duncan's sister, Lilly. Lilly was…She was…Well, she was Lilly. Logan was as tipsy as his mom when she was around, just from the waves her personality emitted unconsciously. Yes, it seemed life Neptune would turn out swell.

Duncan and Logan finished their game one Saturday, but stayed behind to watch Lilly play with the girls' team—it's not like they could go home anyway, since the Kanes had driven them to the game. Logan liked the way Lilly's long ponytail seemed to float, and the way her body was proportioned—although that wasn't what he called it at the time. His twelve-year-old innocence just thought, "She makes me feel funny…down there." If only he'd been such a master of wit and diction at 12 that he'd become at 16. But he had Lilly, among others, to thank for that.

The girls' team came out in their short shorts and tall socks and there was Lilly, at the head of the pack, radiating and flowing as usual. She turned to them and blew a kiss to her family, and, Logan liked to think, to him as well. She tossed her ponytail as she turned away from them and went to embrace a girl Logan had never seen before. A tiny blonde—petite and not nearly as… mature as Lilly. But adorable nonetheless. Her smile was genuine, reaching all the way to her eyes—not like Lilly's that was mostly for show. Lilly's real smiles were always secret. There was something about the girl, something Logan couldn't quickly forget. She was pretty, much prettier than Lilly, but she didn't really know it and maybe never would. She was still slightly knobby-kneed and awkward, but there was a fire inside her that Logan felt even from several feet away. There was something about that girl.

"Who's that girl Lilly's talking to?" He figured Duncan would know.

"That's Veronica Mars, Lilly's best friend. They're practically inseparable. I'm surprised you never saw her before today. Kinda cute, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Better to play it cool. Even at twelve, Logan understood the importance of having options. But what he really wanted to say was, "She might be the most amazing girl on the planet."

Had he known what love felt like, he would have been able to name what had happened to him that day on the soccer field. But he was only 12, and consumed by his lust for Lilly, who he grew to love in a unique, true, and ultimately destructive way.

"I can't believe you remember that. I certainly don't."

Logan smiled into Veronica's hair, and lightly kissed the top of her head. "I remember everything about you."

"Everything?" It was a challenge.

"Well, nearly. The important stuff anyway. But enough about me and my elephant's memory; it's your turn. When did you first realize you were in love with me?"

"I still don't know if I'm in love with you," she joked, "you get on my nerves more than any other person alive." She had never and would never love anyone as much as she loved Logan Echolls. It was impossible. If she had all the lifetimes she could imagine, she would never meet someone who made her feel the way Logan could. Of that, she was certain. She'd never tell him that, either.

"Okay. When did you realize that you wanted to have your sordid little way with me?"

"The first time I saw your pasty, skinny, twelve-year-old boy's body swimming at the Kane's house, the summer we met. That did it for me."

"Come on, Veronica. I'm trying to have a tender moment here, and you're being sarcastic."

"Have we met? I'm Veronica." She lifted up her head and held out her hand for a handshake. They clasped hands instead and resumed their intimate position. They were quiet for a minute and then, "Can I tell you about the first time I realized that you were the person I needed in my life, no matter what?"

Now, we're getting back on track, Logan thought. His old, familiar mocking grin came back, a look so familiar it was like a home coming, "Of course, my dear" he said.

She rushed to the lobby of the Sunset Regent to save Logan from himself. She understood a small part of what he was going through—clinging to that last bit of hope that Lynn Echolls could still be alive, facing the reality of a life without a mother. It was more than anyone should have to deal with. Especially after already losing Lilly. God, they'd both loved Lilly too much for their own good, and look what had come of it.

There was a determination in his eyes and a hope. She knew that he really would wait on that couch for as long as it took for that hope to die. Then the doors of the service elevator opened, and the look in his eyes became almost unbearably hopeful—she'd wanted to look away because she felt the moment was so private. But it turned out to be Trina, selfish, messed-up, fame-whoring Trina. Not Lynn, not the mother he so desperately wanted—no, needed to see. Just Trina, unaffected by the whole ordeal, bouncing in and out of the lobby like some sort of strange tumbleweed.

The second Trina hit the door, three emotions flashed across Logan's face in quick succession—so fast in fact that Veronica only came to see them later, when she replayed the scene in her mind. Anger. Realization. Fear. The fear stayed the longest, and was still on his face when he crumbled. Tall, tough, beautiful Logan Echolls crumbled into a boy who'd lost his mother, and Veronica held him while he wept from the fear of facing life with out his greatest ally. This time, it was real.

Veronica held Logan to her chest, not caring that he was heavy; he was clutching her uncomfortably; he was getting her shirt wet with tears and saliva and sorrow. She had her own flashes of emotion then. Anger at the way he'd treated her since Lilly died. Realization that he was a person she had loved since she could remember and missed since he'd been different. And hadn't he been nice lately, almost pleasant? Fear that she'd finally found someone who could make her feel again.

"I can't tell you it's gonna be okay, Logan. But I'll be here as long as you want me to be."

She took him up to the room he'd rented only because he'd had to, and stayed with him until he got himself under control. It seemed like a long time, but it might have been only a few minutes. His anguish was palpable—she felt it in every muscle of his body, in every pore of his skin, heard it in the few words he said, mostly "Mother" and "dead" and "What happens now?"

"I'm still trying to figure that one out myself," she whispered.

She left when he opened the mini-bar.

"I never did say thank you for that." Some days the pain of that day was still so real, even all these years later, that he almost couldn't move. It was Veronica who'd saved him that day, and she saved him now. "You saved me, y'know. That day. Your being there… rescued me from something bad I might have done."

"I guess I just knew that someday you'd repay the favor, over and over and over again." She smiled. He's saved her from Cassidy, from the black hole she'd fallen into when she thought her father was dead, and, eventually, he'd saved her from herself. It just took quite a bit longer than either had anticipated. She squeezed him once, a brief hug, and kissed his cheek. "How long until the kids get here?" She stood up, moving to make busy preparations.

"Your clan or mine?"

"Either or. We've gotta hunker down for them no matter who they belong to."

He smiled. "I love you, Veronica. Always have, even when I was with my wife, I never loved her like I love you." He got up also, and kissed the top of her head again. He couldn't help himself.

"Logan, you know you loved her. I saw you at her funeral, you were… you looked like that day in the lobby."

"Not like I loved you, Veronica." He moved to embrace her, not able to be free of her just yet. "She was a good person, and a good mother, and an amazing friend and companion but she never… She wasn't you." Logan released her and began to walk away, toward the kitchen where he was to prepare dinner for the entire brood, their first Christmas together.

"He wasn't you, either." It was barely a whisper, but Logan heard, and turned to look back at his wife. "It's like you said… he was a good person but he wasn't you." It was the most she'd ever said on the subject; it meant everything. "Why did it take us so long? Why didn't this work before? Why didn't we make it work before?"

"You weren't ready, Veronica, and I got tired of waiting."

"I guess that's true. Why didn't you just snap me out of it?" She was smiling, though, knowing he never could have. It had been up to her to let him in, to let him love her like he needed to, and she couldn't do it, until now. It had taken over 40 years.

"You loved your life though, right? I didn't make you… sad or regretful? I didn't want that for you."

"I chose to be happy without you. It was that simple. Since you appeared, from that day on the soccer field until this moment now, I've loved my life. I love that I had a whole wonderful life, and two great kids, and now I get you on top of it." He had the look in his eyes that she dreamed about for years, since the day she'd first seen it there. A look that told her everything she'd ever needed to know

"I'm just glad you'd still have me after…after everything."

"Well, you can be pretty convincing when you want to be. And I was always here, you knew that. You had a decent life, too, y'know."

"I suppose I did. My Piz adored me, my kids are great, and I was happy. But I never knew I could be this happy. I never let myself…" Her eyes were filling and she allowed him to see, "I love you, Logan Echolls."

"It takes 42 years to work up to this happy. And I love you too, Veronica Piznarski Echolls."

And with one more brief kiss, they prepared for their first Christmas together, married, finally, after half a lifetime apart.

They couldn't have been happier.