be me
hardcore brogre living in a swamp hut far far away from civilization
100% off the grid
not even the NSA knows I exist #fuckPRISM
spend my days jerking off to Shrek and farming DSK and onions
one day somebody knocks my door
must be a lost traveler
ready the drugged drink
my peeny grows in excitement
open door
holy fuck it's the chinese postal service
how the drek did they find me
Asian postman hands me box
I look down at the box
For ShrekSoul OnionWaffle DinkaJohnson
shit that's me
From a friend
look up to ask asian how he found me
he vanished
x files theme song
I pray to shrek and open the box
it contains all the kung fu panda DVDs and blu-rays, all the Kung Fu panda video games for all consoles, a copy of World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria, and a bowl of noodles
throw that shit in my fireplace
spooked out
get the munchies
go to kitchen
gonna make some onion waffles
open fridge
all the onions are gone
replaced with dumplings
open drawer to get waffles
replaced with noodles and rice
what in the everlasting fuck is going on
get really worried
where the hell is shrek
make another prayer
as soon as I finish I hear the most terrifying sound of my life
watch?v=hm9uYDh1pdQ
its coming from my TV room
where I keep all my shrek movies, music, and games
shit is getting real
grab a nearby dildo for self defense
kick down the door with dildo in hand like whats up I like it up the butt
holy mother of shrek
all the shrek stuff is gone
the shrek movies are replaced with Kung Fu Panda movies
the Smash Mouth and Shrek OSTs are replaced with Carl Douglas, Tenacious D, and Kung Fu Panda OSTs
shrek video games are replaced with kung fu panda games
I'm getting tired of this shit
look around the room
only person there
there's only one door
camp that door like I'm playing call of duty
suddenly I hear the window break
oh shit the window
hear someone shout "I love Kung Fuuuuuuu!"
something tackles me from behind
fuzzy hand rips my pants apart
holy shit its Po
his 1 inch Asian dick penetrates my used butthole
his noodly goodness enters my being
suddenly everything is clear
Po is love, Po is life