For someone I should never have hurt. I'm so sorry x
It was in that instant that she realised what it felt like to lose the most precious person in the world to you; without her she felt hollow. She would not lose her. She would do what Minerva had asked her too on numerous occasions, but which Rolanda had tried and failed to do. She would fight for her.
This fight had been more ferocious than many of their other battles, Minerva hadn't spoken to her for several hours and Rolanda was scared. Theirs was a tempestuous relationship at the best of times but usually their arguments fizzled out within an hour and they returned to normal. They had an unwritten rule that arguments were always ended with a hug. But 12 hours on and no resolution had been reached; unusually Minerva had resolutely avoided Rolanda all day. Undeterred Rolanda had tried repeatedly to contact Minerva, sending numerous owls but to no avail.
Now Rolanda lay on her quilted bed staring at the open space beside her, at the inescapable emptiness of hole where Minerva would usually be curled up. The women had become fast friends when Rolanda had first begun teaching at Hogwarts; Minerva took her duties as deputy headmistress very seriously and took Rolanda under her wing. Added to that was the fact that she quite liked the look of her.
Within months the two were inseparable, taking late night walks around the tranquil grounds, sharing secrets with a weight which could only be held by the twilight. Both night owls the two friends regularly stayed up to greet the first light of dawn. When they weren't trading insecurities they could often be found laughing uncontrollably at some inside joke, of which they had many.
Rolanda had never told Minerva, maybe now she would never get the chance too, but she often felt as if the rest of the world melted away when she was in her company. Her presence so all encompassing that everything else seemed to fade into soft focus. Rolanda had watched her intently during those first few months until she had all but memorised her mannerisms. She particularly loved the way she carried herself, with grace and confidence. Recalling these memories only served to make Rolanda's heart ache further; she had never really believed that you could love someone so much it physically hurt but now she understood. Unable to reach the woman she loved Rolanda felt hopeless, she ceased to notice the tears spill from her eyes and tumble down her cheeks. She had never felt such a suffocating void between herself and Minerva, even when they fought they were still fighting from within their friendship. But now Rolanda wasn't sure she hadn't damaged their relationship irreparably and for that she would never forgive herself. If only she could turn back time and take back those words she would, she had never meant them in the first place. Unwittingly she had exposed the very insecurities Minerva had trusted her with; she couldn't believe she had been so thoughtless. Tired and cranky she hadn't realised what she had said until it was too late, now she had hurt the most important person in the world to her and she did not know how to fix it.
More than anything she was hurting because she couldn't bear to think of Minerva in pain, a pain she, the one who wasn't supposed to hurt her, had inflicted. If she could just reach her now, tell her how much she loved her and that she would do anything for her, do anything to take the pain away...