Hello! This is my drabble for the Houses Competition!
House: Ravenclaw
Category: Drabble
Prompt: The Ex
W/C: 600
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Today, I am posing a philosophical question: Can exes go back to being friends?
Hypothesis: Probably not. That is impossible.
Of course, there are a lot of variables for such an experiment. How long you dated, was it serious, were you in love, how did it end. Those sorts of things. All of these are difficult to deal with, based on the degree. If it was a long relationship, but never serious, then there's not so much weight in that. If you were in love, but only briefly, it feels more significant. Personally, I am dealing with a little bit of everything in the sourness department.
Ronald Weasley. Not really an ex-boyfriend. Never really an actual boyfriend. However, still someone that I will eternally be confused by and a little bit attracted to. Merlin knows why. And I was stupid enough to agree to remaining friends with him – even after we kissed. And I was already half in love with him. Idiot.
You know when you're crushing on someone so much that you end up believing that they were your epic love? That's what I had with Ron. You hope for romance, and love, and passion, and for everything ever seen in a Rom-com ever. Yet I get a bloody chamber, filled with a dead snake, destroying a piece of Voldemort's soul. Somehow it still came out as ridiculously impassioned. It's stupid to think that anything would come of one kiss and a few moments of missing me whilst on the road.
I can't say the kiss wasn't good. It was. In the dim green light, in the middle of a grave and powerful battle, both of us cut, bruised, and emotional. The relief of destroying another horcrux, mixed with the drama of the chase practically forcing us to want to be together. In the Chamber of Secrets, tinged with green, the stone slippery with inky water, everything was good. In the real world, we would not work.
Apparently.
So I got dumped. Before actually being asked out. Ronald Weasley did not want to be romantically entangled with me, and I'm not certain I want that with him either. He's not an attractive man. His personality drew me in before, but it doesn't now – it didn't in our first years of school. I have to think to realise what moments I actually enjoyed his company in.
Nevertheless, I can argue with myself all day about how I shouldn't like him, how I should ignore my festering attraction towards him. Nothing is changing anytime soon. Not the aching in my chest, nor the tingling fear in my stomach. Not quite a fear of rejection, but of knowing that I'm doing something that's bad. Being friends with him is not going to be good for me. Not when I have dreams about us in that damn chamber, or when he's introducing new people to me during our lunch-meets.
I hate that I'm attracted to him. I hate that we kissed, making things far more complex than they needed to be.
Mostly, I hate that I can't even blame him. It was me who spent too much time focused on him, and me who waited for him to want me back. Thus, I am always going to be a little bit stuck looking out for him in a crowded room; always feeling a little bit as though there is something more between us.
I think maybe that's okay. I'll be fine.
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