The zombie story made me sad so I took a break to write a cute little story my husband tricked me into. And then this happened. It started out based on 'She's The Man', which is based on 'Twelfth Night' but then it just decided half way through that it didn't want shit to do with either storyline and went off on it's own like a spoiled 4 yr old at WalMart. So just... I'm sorry.
Remember that time we all thought Sebastian was in Kurt's grade? Let's all pretend that's true. This story also ignores most canon drama. Figure either it didn't happen or Kurt didn't care, depending on the event. (All 'attempts' didn't happen. Dave's suicide, Finchel's wedding, Quinn's texting, no.)
Moving on!
As Kurt stomps into his dorm he glares at his roommate, pointing at him. "Don't say a fucking word, Smythe!"
Sebastian just smirks at him from his bed. "Aww, what's wrong, princess? Did he not smile prettily enough?"
Kurt takes off his leather messenger bag and throws it at Sebastian's head. When the asshole just catches it and sets it on the bed beside him without moving, Kurt growls to himself. Fucking jocks. Why am I always surrounded by guys that make me look weak and pathetic?!
Huffing, Kurt sits on his bed, crossing his arms and legs and glaring at the meerkat across from him. "I hate you."
Laughing, Sebastian puts his phone down, abandoning whoever he'd been sexting. Kurt knows that's what he was doing, mainly because he was awake and there was no one else in the room. Sebastian can't function without some type of constant sexual stimulation. Like an IV drip. The only reason he's able to focus on their conversation is because Kurt knows he gets some sort of sick thrill out of bitch-fighting with him. Whatever.
"Okay, so what happened? He didn't apologize?"
Kurt scoffs. "Of course he did. He was so sorry. He knew it wasn't fair. But what do I expect him to do? He's not in charge of the solos."
Nodding, Seb sits up. "That sounds familiar. It's not like he could, I don't know, say no. That would just be outrageous."
Kurt snickers for a few seconds but stops, glaring at him again. "No! Don't make me laugh. I'm mad. I have to stay mad until I'm off school grounds. If he sees me laughing with you he'll weasel his way in and we'll make up. I don't want to make up with him this time. I'm really done this time! I broke up with him."
"Again."
"Shut up! It's for good this time!" At the taller boy's totally unconvinced expression, Kurt explodes. "You have to help me! I can't go back to swaying in the background and making derp faces because that's what he finds 'appropriate'! I can't!"
Sebastian smirks, leaning over the tiny gap between their beds and putting his face waaay too close to Kurt's person. "Well, we could go make out in the junior commons. That would end things for sure."
Sebastian's best attempt at looking and sounding sexy is ruined by Kurt smacking him right in the middle of the face and pushing him backward onto his bed. By the time he looks back up Kurt is already standing next to the closet taking off his blazer. "Get real, Sebastian. As much as I'd love to jump into bed with someone else to piss him off, not to mention scratch some itches that the boy just can't quite seem to reach, it would never be with you."
Shrugging, Sebastian lounges on the bed and unabashedly watches Kurt take his clothes off. "One day, you'll fall for my charms. Then I'll get to break in that ass properly."
Scoffing again, Kurt slides out of his slacks and starts attempting to wiggle into his jeans. He doesn't respond to the comment out loud though. He handles Sebastian's sexual offers like a recovering alcoholic. One day at a time. I'm not saying it'll never happen, but it won't be today.
Instead of discussing their hopefully fictional future sex lives, Kurt slips on a thin purple sweater over his Dalton shirt after putting on a grey tie with subtle silver pinstripes. He knows he's just driving home to Lima, but he always likes to look nice for family dinner. Especially since his dad had remarried. Finn seemed nice enough and was surprisingly accepting of him. Thank god I'd already been wrapped up in Blaine before our parents met. I can't imagine the awkward crush he would have caused.
Finally turning to Sebastian he notices that although his pants were long since fastened, the boy still hadn't looked away from his ass and was very obviously palming himself.
"Oh my god, Sebastian! At least wait until I leave the room. Jesus."
Seb just smirks at him and winks, "Not my fault you keep flashing me, princess."
Shaking his head, Kurt grabs his bag off Sebastian's bed and heads for his desk to grab his keys. "Why should I walk down the hallway when we both know you see more ass than a proctologist? Doesn't mean you should stare like a creeper, Seb."
He shrugs, unrepentant. "It's a damn fine one. One of the best I've seen, actually. Seriously, let me borrow it? I'll give it back!"
Grimacing in disgust, Kurt throws his history book at Sebastian before sailing out the door. "See you on Monday, knob."
"Love you too, sweetie!"
Burt had declared Friday night dinner a 'No Singing Hour'. They not only weren't allowed to break into song, they weren't allowed to discuss their glee clubs. That was for Saturday or during the week, in Finn's case. Friday was for family. Arguing over being competitors was a no-no. Instead he spent most of the night listening to Burt and Carole being all lovey-dovey. They were still in the newlywed phase and Kurt couldn't be happier for them... but it was still kind of gross.
He hadn't told them about breaking up with Blaine yet. In fact, he hardly ever did because they usually got right back together. He'd tell them tomorrow though, because this time he's serious. He's done with the gelled up hobbit. There's only room for one diva in a relationship, and Kurt has eternal dibs.
After dinner, Burt and Carole decide to 'call it an early night'. Which was code for, 'You guys should stay downstairs and watch a movie. A loud one.' Eewww.
Kurt is curled up on the couch with his head on Finn's shoulder when the bigger boy suddenly turns to him. "Okay, I wasn't gonna ask, because it seems like you don't wanna talk about it, but what's wrong?"
Kurt huffs. "Nothing."
"Lies. You haven't even snuck your phone out to text Blaine. What's wrong?"
Kurt shrugs, playing with the somewhat frayed edge of his hoodie, which he would never wear in public, but after dinner he'd changed into his sweats. "It violates the Friday rule."
Finn laughs, "I really don't think Burt cares at the moment. Go ahead, dude."
Chewing on his lip, Kurt blurts out, "I broke up with Blaine." When he only gets a shocked blink from Finn he continues, "He was being kind of a tool about sectionals. No one but him ever gets leads or solos and he doesn't find anything wrong with that. I'm just so over being a background dancer for Blaine and the Pips."
Finn snorts. Seeing Kurt's outrage he throws his hands up. "No, sorry. I don't mean to downplay your problem, but seriously... you won your sectionals. We don't even have enough people to compete! We're having to get band members to join just so they can sway in the background. They're not even singing!"
Kurt frowns. "Sorry, hun. That sucks. I'm sorry your girls defected. How many do you have left?"
Finn growls. "Two. Rachel got herself suspended for stuffing her ballot box. So we're down to just Tina and Quinn, and Quinn's been acting really freaking weird."
Kurt nods. He'd never actually met any of the New Directions but Rachel. He only really knew her as 'the loud girl that comes to visit Finn'. He'd gone to Dalton after only a month at McKinley his freshman year. He'd never even gotten a chance to come out there, the moronic jocks had just assumed that he was gay and started harassing him. He'd managed good enough grades to get a scholarship, thank god.
He knew that Finn had lots of close friends that were in the group but he didn't bring them home. Probably because he doesn't want the school to know he lives with a gay dude. Finn himself is perfectly fine with Kurt but everyone at school knowing and speculating... yeah, Kurt can see how that would be an issue. So Kurt doesn't say anything about it. It's not like it matters.
Kurt giggles. When Finn questions him he gasps out, "Too bad I can't just go to McKinley. We both know the only person in your club that's better than me is Rachel."
Finn snorts again. "True. Maybe Mercedes, on some songs, just because she can belt it. But overall? Yeah." After a few seconds Finn turns to stare at Kurt for a little too long.
Startled, Kurt asks, "What?"
"Why can't you?"
Gaping at the taller boy, Kurt asks, "Why can't I what?"
Suddenly way too excited, Finn grabs his hands. "Join New Directions! You said you didn't get solos at Dalton, we don't have enough people, switch schools!"
Kurt laughs for almost a solid minute before he notices that Finn isn't kidding. "W-what?! How would that work?! The reason I don't get solos is because I'm too girly. If I'm too girly and too much of a diva for Dalton, I'm sure as hell not gonna make any friends at McKinley!"
Finn whines. "But we need your voice! You're just as good as the girls! Better than most of them! You can wear your wig!"
Kurt glares. "That was for Halloween, Finn! It was a joke!"
"Joke or not, you were hot, dude! You could totally pass for a girl!" It's only after he says it that Finn stops and looks horror struck. Kurt makes no effort to help him. He said it, he can deal with the mental trauma. God knows Kurt is.
A few seconds later, Finn seems to weigh his priorities and goes on, "Seriously! You could pass for a girl, way easier than you'd pass for a straight guy!"
Growling, Kurt snaps, "Oh, thank you so much, Finn. That just makes me want to help you that much more."
Stomping up the stairs Kurt calls out, "I hope you're done, I'm going to my room."
As soon as he gets inside, he grabs his phone to text Sebastian. He sees 9 new texts from Blaine and 3 missed calls. Fucking seriously? This day...
Deciding he can't be bothered with typing, he calls instead.
"What did the jolly green giant do now?"
"Hello to you too, Sebastian."
"Oh, I'm sorry princess. Hello, Mr. Hummel. What can I do for you this fine evening?" The sarcastic tone is expected and ignored.
"Tell me I'd look horrible in a dress and would never pass for a girl if I pretended to be one."
Whatever response he was hoping for, he should have known he'd only get uproarious laughter. He decides to wait him out, grabbing his emery board to fix a nail he'd chipped at dinner. After 45 seconds he puts the phone on speaker and just sets it down, deciding to cut his toe nails while he has his kit out.
Kurt checks the time when Sebastian finally starts gasping like he's trying to speak. It only takes around four minutes, all told, for him to say, "Oh Jesus fucking Christ, please tell me this isn't hypothetical!"
Kurt speaks up, still clipping. "Finn has pointed out that they're short a few members in New Directions. They made it to nationals once, maybe I could actually finish my senior year with a lead roll on a national stage. That would be amazing. We both know that the Warblers won't get there. Blaine is good but not 'beat whole teams by himself' good."
There's a few seconds of loaded silence before Sebastian speaks again. When he does, his voice is more subdued than Kurt had thought it would be. "Are you really considering this? You're really going to leave me here in the land of polyester and skip off -in a skirt no less- to sing solos?"
Before Kurt can respond, there's a knock on the door. "Hang on, Seb, someone at the door. Come in!"
Kurt doesn't even bother to put the phone on mute, he tells Sebastian everything anyway. They'd become so close lately that it was a little scary. He looks up when Finn pops his head in.
With a sigh, Kurt looks back down at his toes. "What, Finn?"
Not stepping in, Finn hesitantly speaks up. "We really do need more people. We actually need like four just to compete, if we could get people with actual talent, that'd be amazing. If you join I'll guarantee you a solo. I'll have to talk to Mr. Shue about it, but he'd be so excited about getting another 'girl' that he wouldn't say no."
Kurt looks up at him. "What about your girlfriend? If you try to tell me she'll be excited to see me, I'm going to point you in the direction of the nearest crackhouse."
Kurt hears a faint, 'What?' from Sebastian but thankfully Finn doesn't.
"Let me handle her. She almost got us disqualified from sectionals with her stunt so I'll talk to her. I will have to tell her what's going on though, because I'm sure she'll recognize you. She'd never out you though."
Kurt nods. "Her dads, I remember. Let me think about it, sweetie. I'll talk to you more about it tomorrow."
Finn smiles, "Kay. Thanks Kurt! Seriously though, anything you want, totally yours. Just please think about it."
When the door is closed, Sebastian immediately pops out with, "What was that about a crackhouse?" Kurt sighs.
He spends way longer than he probably should trying to explain the soap opera that he'd heard about over the past year. I can't believe I'm considering joining this madness and becoming part of these stories.
The next morning when he opens his eyes, he shrieks so loudly it makes his own head hurt and then falls off the bed.
"Love you too, princess." Sebastian sits up, leaning over the bed to watch Kurt as he glares at him from the floor. "Is that really all the thanks I get after packing up all your shit and bringing it home for you?"
Sitting up, Kurt leans back against the wall. "You what?!"
Sebastian smirks. "Yep! I didn't leave a thing in the whole dormitory. I figured since I was packing my shit, might as well grab yours. Don't worry, if I run into a pair of underwear that aren't mine, I promise not to defile them."
"Sebastian, what the fuck are you talking about?! You packed up our dorm?!"
Nodding, Seb gets up and sets the spare house key he'd found down on Kurt's desk, slipping a large duffel bag off his shoulder. "Yeah. Luckily you don't keep much there. I did grab your Dalton uniforms out of the laundry in case you wanted them for nostalgia, or roleplay, or whatever, but you'll have to dry clean them yourself."
Kurt must not be processing this. He has to have some information switched. What the hell is going on?!
"Why did you pack up our dorm? Why were you packing for yourself? What are you doing here?"
"I packed it up because I know you. You would switch schools just to get away from the pint-sized dream boat, the solos are almost unnecessary. I was packing for myself because there's no way in hell I'm staying there without you. I'd have made Père pull me in the first week if it weren't for you. Everyone else there is so boring. And I'm here because I wouldn't miss this shit for the world." Seb is just smirking up a storm, completely at ease. Kurt wants to slap him. But he's too wrapped up in one simple detail.
"Oh my god. You're transferring too?!"
By 2 that afternoon, it's decided. 'Elizabeth Hummel' is going to McKinley first thing on Monday. So is Sebastian Smythe. Burt had been surprisingly accepting of it. Luckily, Kurt had been gone from Lima for almost four years and most people had forgotten that Burt Hummel even had a kid. Being told, 'Na, it was a daughter' would be enough explanation. It's not like Kurt had made any lasting friendships. He hadn't kept in contact with a single person for longer than a week after he'd transferred.
Burt hadn't been sold on the idea of Kurt dressing as a girl until he'd pointed out that it wouldn't be safe to be a boy there, he was too effeminate. And even if somehow the shit hit the fan, he'd have Finn and Sebastian there to protect him. Burt was going to go with him on Monday and sit the principal down. He's pretty sure that the timid man will remember him from years ago. He shouldn't have a problem intimidating the man into overlooking the clerical error of Kurt being enrolled using his middle name and that he was technically male... that paperwork would be buried and forgotten unless Figgins wanted the pants sued off him.
Burt had pulled both Sebastian and Finn aside and made them swear to protect Kurt no matter what happened. He knew he didn't have to worry, both boys loved Kurt in their own way, but he just needed the extra assurance before he signed off on his only son strolling into bully filled hallways in a skirt. Hopefully metaphorically. Girls wear pants too, right?
Kurt had spent most of Saturday dressing himself up in various outfits that he already owned before admitting defeat and letting Sebastian drag him to Columbus to buy, among other things, water filled bras. Despite the boy's best attempts, he refused to go bigger than a B cup and only bought two skirts and one dress. The rest of his purchases were more subtle. The most expensive purchase, by far, was the wig. All jokes aside, a Halloween accessory was not going to cut it.
Eventually he'd settled on a pin straight medium length brunette front lace wig. It actually seemed like what his hair would look like if he grew it out, which is what drew him to it. After he'd bought it, he'd snuck into a bathroom and changed into the clothes, including a damned bra. He wasn't actually shaving yet, so that was one less thing to worry about. After he was dressed, he poked his head out and Sebastian did a double take.
"Wow, you are actually kind of cute. For a chick."
Kurt smiles at him just long enough to step close, then he slaps him on the back of the head. "You're hilarious. Let's get shoes and make up and get the fuck out of here."
They decide to hit make up first, just to help complete the look and stop the stares he's getting. They go with a very natural look, but... It doesn't work. It's only after more guys start staring that Sebastian laughs.
"Oh god. It's because you're hot. They're not gonna stop lookin, babe." Seeing Kurt's look of horror as one of the more cocky guys starts walking over, Sebastian wraps an arm around his shoulders and glares at the boy. Backing off, he puts his arms up in apology and walks away. Seb looks down at Kurt who is eying the arm with distaste. "Would you rather be touched by the 'unwashed masses'?"
Huffing, Kurt wraps an arm around Seb's waist. "Lead on to the shoes, hun. You get to buy an extra pair, because we both know you're loving this."
Chuckling Seb leans down to smack a kiss on top of Kurt's head. "What's not to love?!"
Sunday is spent explaining to the few people who are being told. Finn and Rachel had driven to Kentucky the day before and had picked up a previous member of their glee club, Sam. With Sam living in the Hudmel house, he'd agreed to keep the secret and help Kurt out as much as he could. He'd actually been really cool about the whole thing and Kurt could already tell they were going to get along great.
Rachel had been horrified at a new voice joining until Finn had lit into her about her stupid, rash actions almost costing them everything. After that she'd even offered her dubious help teaching Kurt to walk in heels or the like. Kurt had internally snorted, thinking it more likely he'd have to teach her one day.
Blaine had been the hardest sell. He was shocked and appalled to find out that Kurt had pulled himself from Dalton. All of Kurt's claims of them being broken up had been ignored and he'd sobbed dramatically that Kurt was abandoning him and the Warblers. Not only that, but he was betraying them by stealing Sebastian away with him. Kurt had extracted a begrudging promise to not out him only after he'd pointed out that it wasn't safe for gay guys at McKinley. Blaine had made no promises not try getting his 'ex-girlfriend' back though. So Kurt was still waiting on the second shoe to drop there.
The paperwork was done, the clothes laid out for his first day, and he was meeting Sebastian in the parking lot so they could walk in together. Finn was excited to introduce his new 'little sister' to the group. Kurt was just hoping this wouldn't all end in tears.
Or in him being featured on the news for killing Sebastian Smythe. Because seriously, he was enjoying his best friend's pain and embarrassment a bit too much.
Monday morning, Kurt pulls up to school following his dad. They'd chosen to show up five minutes after first bell. It was early enough that they could lie and say they had bad traffic but late enough to miss the crowds. Sebastian meets him at the front of the lot holding coffee and wearing a huge smirk. The only thing keeping Kurt from doing bodily harm to the man is the cup of heaven he holds out to him.
Thank god Sebastian lived close to the Lima Bean and didn't yet know that money shouldn't be wasted. He could probably arrange for the meerkat to bring him one everyday.
It takes the better part of first period to straighten out enrollment and get everything explained. Figgins had, of course, agreed to keep silent about Kurt's true gender. Actually, he was more worried than anyone else about him being found out. Having a 'trans' student opened up so many debates that he just didn't want to have to deal with. Luckily he'd been assured that 'Elizabeth' was attracted to boys, so using the girls restroom wouldn't be a problem.
Kurt gives his dad a smile and a wave and heads down the hallway with Sebastian to find their lockers. Since they were mid year transfers they're side by side. Storing the extra set of clothes he'd brought to be kept there, just in case, Kurt turns to Sebastian. "Did you have to get almost all of our classes together?"
Smirking, Sebastian drains the last of his coffee. "Of course. Does me no good to be here if I don't get front row seats."
Shaking his head, Kurt closes his locker. "Well, we've missed most of AP French, want to head to... AP Biology?"
Holding out his arm to escort Kurt, Sebastian smirks when he huffs before taking his arm. Seb can't wait for the school's reaction to the 'new girl'. Kurt looks hot as hell, although Sebastian's opinion is influenced heavily on knowing that he has a dick tucked securely into what promises to be very tight panties. If he knows Kurt, and he does, the smaller boy would have been meticulous in dressing.
Kurt had worn a tight, dark blue sweater dress over black leggings with high heeled boots and a short black jacket. He'd left his hair down but had brushed it straight. He'd played with it a lot and it looks realistic enough when pinned back or even put in a pony tail, but he'd been a little too nervous to do much the first day.
As they wait in the hallway outside their next class, Kurt hears his phone chime. After turning it down to silent, Kurt responds to the text.
Sebastian puts his hand on Kurt's hip and pulls him forward a bit when the bell rings. The last thing they need is Kurt being knocked on his ass in the first five minutes. "That Finn?"
Kurt huffs. "Yes. Overprotective brat. Wanted to know if I was here. Then wanted to know if I need him to walk me to class. Now he seems put out that you've got that covered, thanks to you being a stalking creeper." After another response, Kurt giggles. "He said he's already hearing rumors about a hot new chick being escorted around by a hot new guy."
Sebastian smirks, squeezing with the hand he'd yet to move from Kurt's hip. "Wonder who will be the most crushed by us being 'taken', the guys or the girls?"
Smacking Sebastian's hand away now that he'd noticed it, Kurt laughs. "Ugh. One freakin' guess. You tend to leave broken hearts everywhere you go. I can hardly wait to be cornered and quizzed about you."
"Aww! They wouldn't do that to my girlfriend, surely."
Glaring, Kurt slaps him. "You are just loving this."
Seb smirks, leaning close to whisper, "Well, it's not like we can cuddle in our room anymore. I gotta get my snuggles in where I can."
Pushing him away, the smaller boy laughs again. "You act like I was letting you climb into my bed at night or something."
Smirk still firmly in place, Seb hitches his bag up on his shoulder. "Only if I wanted to lose something important. And for the record, I'm rather fond of my-"
"Yes. Thank you. I'm aware of that. Shut up, Seb." Kurt smacks him on the shoulder. Noticing that the stream of students seems to have moved on, Kurt walks into the room, followed by Sebastian.
The teacher seems unsurprised to see them, although that could also be indifference. They take the back table that she indicates and pull out notebooks. It's pretty clear in the first ten minutes of class that they're not going to learn anything in here. They'd done this lab last year. And this was an AP course? That didn't spell promising things for their future.
As they walk out, Kurt sighs. "I'm going to need to buy more books. If this is the stuff we're learning, I'm going to be bored out of my mind. Maybe I can get Dad to get me a Kindle."
Smirking, Sebastian puts an arm around Kurt, leading him down the hallway. "If not, I'll give you mine. You know I don't read that much and Père got me one for my birthday."
Smiling widely, Kurt leans up to kiss him on the cheek. "Thanks, hun! My class is this way, see you at lunch?"
Seb nods and waits for Kurt to turn away before smacking him lightly on the ass. "Later, babe!"
He can tell by the glare that he'll pay for that. But the look on the jocks' faces had been worth it. Kurt probably hadn't even noticed their hungry stares.
Kurt meanwhile is planning Sebastian's death. What the hell was that?! Muttering under his breath, Kurt doesn't notice that one interested stare doesn't break away like the others had.