Just a silly fic that I'm writing for stress relief. My other one is having issues so while I figure that out, I present this little diddy.

Language will be pretty mild, but I won't be using shell nearly as much as the show does. Also, as I'm known for, this will be somewhat random and silly, so if your not into that this probably won't do it for you.

How We Spent Our Vacation

Chapter 1

The sun was as bright as could be hoped for. It was the perfect time of year, somewhere after spring's blossom but before the heat of summer's rage.

"Ah, I just love the smell of fresh fish in the morning."

Michelangelo raised his arms. A camera strapped round his neck and an empty fishing pail in his hand. The sun reflected in his smile. Per usual he was bright and just happened to be the only one of the small group present to show any kind of excitement. He just loved vacations and any reason to sneak away from the lair for awhile was as good as any to him. Sunscreen coated his normally green face, sloppily applied in two clumsy lines.

"Shut up, ya mutant."

His brother, Raphael didn't share his enthusiasm. He felt like a mile of bad road, eyes close to black from lack of sleep. He was tired as hell and looked like he'd been on another bender. Family bonding didn't mean squat to him. He was already stuck with his three freaky brothers twenty four seven. If you asked him, what they really needed was separation. He'd voiced this to unanimous disapproval.

It wasn't clear who had sparked the crazy idea in the first place. Splinter probably or maybe April. Tensions had been pretty high recently, so the idea of a stress reducing vacation probably seemed like a logical one. That or there was the potential homicide that may have made things a bit messy. Situations between the brother's had lead awfully close.

It was a risky business, taking four mutant turtles and a giant rat that were used to seclusion in the sewers, outdoors. Where they'd be living under tents, eating from cans and partaking in the surrounding beauty of nature. One might even call it suicidal, but April claimed she was up for it. Casey didn't seem so sure. He'd prepped them with extra bandages and enough painkillers to kill an elephant.

"It's too early for this crap," Raph complained to no one in particular. He'd been doing it all morning in the hopes that he might be sent to his room. At home. Alone.

'Will you be quiet? You're getting as bad as Mikey."

Donatello had a shorter fuse that usual, not in the happiest of moods. He wanted this trip like another hole in the head. He felt a bit feverish already, the last thing he needed was outdoor allergies on top of it. Splinter had insisted the fresh air would do him some good, but Don knew that was pretty much impossible. He already leaked like a faucet.

"Don, do us a favor and go take some Midol or something."

"Raphael."

Leonardo's reprimand was even more austere this morning. It was clear he was as tired as the rest of them, but he refused to let his leader facade slip. He'd agreed to the trip solely because Splinter had been so taken by the idea. Truth was, he'd rather be in the dojo or mediating, but spending more time with his irresponsible, accident prone brothers-that was fine too.

His brow fell hard. "That's enough."

"Who asked ya?" Raph sneered as he kicked the wheel of the van before slumping against it.

There was the sound of the sewer grate being pulled back into it's hole on the blacktop, sealing one of several entrances to their home. The last member had finally made it.

"Patience my sons, this is a trip about togetherness and family. Let us use not waste time bickering" Their father and master, Splinter said in his wisest voice. His giant fishing hat almost swallowed his head as he peered meaningfully at his sons from under it. Fishes is ma bitches was written on his shirt. He proceeded to the van to relieve himself of his backpack.

Raph tsked. "Whatever."

"You heard Master Splinter-"

"I got ears Leo-I don't need ya reminding me. Love, peace, family bonding, all that rosy crap. I got it."

Leo's lip twitched. He shook his head "Not today, Raphael."

Raph smirked, his eye ridge rose. "Oh yes, today, Leonardo."

"Alright boys we're loaded and ready to go. Get your butts in the van, sunlight's a wasting." April called.

"Come on guys let's get this over with." Donnie looked like his number had just been called. His march was that toward certain doom.

"Awesome. I get shotgun!"

Mikey hit Raph with his swinging pail as he passed. The older turtle took a moment to suck his teeth, before he viciously wretched it from Mikey's three fingered grasp and threw it in the trunk.

"My pail." Mikey gasped.

Raph slammed the trunk door in his face.

Leo put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "You can have it when we get there." he promised.

"If it makes it." Raph said ominously.

Leo gave him a look.

April took the front seat of the van while Casey got shotgun (much to Mikey's disappointment.) Since they were the only windows non tinted this seemed the safest option. Mikey sat between Leo and Raph while Donnie slumped against the window next to Splinter in the back. All in all, it had the cheeriness of a wake.

"Everybody ready?"

April sounded extra chipper. Probably to make up for the somberness. When only Splinter and a somewhat deflated Mikey responded, she fell back into her seat. "Great a bunch of moody teenagers. Just what I always wanted."

"Babe, just drive. Please."

Casey was hungover, he fanned himself uncomfortably.

April grimly took the wheel. She took one calming breath put in the key and nodded. As soon as the engine roared to life, she peeled the van out in reverse, shifted to drive and floored the accelerator.

The van nearly flipped from the effort.

Raph held a death grip on the headrest of the chair in front of him. "Calm down, would ya, crazy woman driver."

"Raphael." Splinter brought his cane down upon him.

"What, jeez. The woman's tryin' to kill us." Raph held his head, which had been hit twice now and pushed a too close Mikey away from him. "Get off of me."

"Say cheese." Mikey said right as he snapped a picture. The lens flashed at Raph, who hadn't been able to shield himself in time.

Mikey smirked as he looked at the displayed picture. "Not your best look, Raph." he commented.

"I'll show ya best look, ya little creep." Raph reached blindly for the camera, but Mikey moved it over towards Leo who he hoped would protect it.

"Mikey, that was uncalled for." Leo said, looking more amused than upset. "Just leave the camera alone for now."

"Think I'm blind." Raph muttered angrily as he rubbed at his eyes.

Mikey pouted. "I just wanted a picture for the take off, ya know. Us leaving New York. Gotta start the family trip album somewhere."

"Well try not to start off in anyone else's eyes, okay."

"Jeez Leo, baby him why don't ya?"

Mikey stuck his tongue at him. "You're just jealous cause Leo likes me more than you.."

Behind him, Don lost a battle with the wrapper to some cold and flu medicine. His hands slipped and the container flew. He tried to stop it but the bottle smacked into the back of Mikey's head.

Mikey turned and looked. He grinned at the orange, colored liquid and gave a thumbs up.

Don reached forward."No don't-" Mikey downed the container in one shot. "-drink that." Mikey made a face. Don sighed hopelessly. Now he would never be able to stop his sniffles.

"Yuck."

Mikey threw the empty bottle behind him. Donnie floundered with it. He hoped for just an ounce left to soothe his dry throat, but it was bone dry. He heaved a sigh and tossed the empty lump of plastic under his seat.

"Did you just drink cough syrup?" Leo asked his youngest brother.

Mikey shrugged and licked his lips. "Dunno, tasted like crud, whatever it was."

An hour passed in relative silence. Mikey had conked out like a light from the medicine. A line of drool slipped down his open mouth.

Raph was mostly quiet in his attempts to keep the other green mutant away from him. The last thing he wanted to be was his orange wearing brother's pillow.

Donnie swayed in the back, miserable and unable to fully sleep. He sniffed every so often.

Splinter hummed along with the Mp3 player he'd gotten for Christmas. He particularly enjoyed mariachi and country and had quite an assortment of rave tracks as well. Right now his current obsession was nineties pop which blared from the headphones to the unfortunate ears around him.

Leo tried to read for awhile but realized with horror that he got car sick, so instead of upchucking his breakfast on someone, he observed the scenery out the window. There wasn't much to look at.

An eternal half hour later, Mikey decided it was time to wake up, courtesy of a smack in the face.

"That's it, I've had enough."

Leo blinked from his reverie to witness Mikey's rousing at the hands of his brother. Raph was almost as red as his headband.

"Touch me one more time and I'll make ya wish ya never been hatched."

"Raph, calm down."

"Ya have this blockhead on ya all day and then tell me to calm down. He's heavy and he freaking reeks."

"You reek." Mikey shot back with the power of any given garbage boozer. He fell back into the seat and snorted back to sleep. This time he tilted towards Leo who sighed, but accepted his brother's weight.

"April how much further until we reach our destination?"

April shifted her green eyes to the rear view mirror to look at Leo. She hadn't taken him for the 'are we there yet' type. The others maybe, but not him. "Still awhile, Leo."

He nodded solemnly.

The first pit stop came an hour later, but not a moment too soon. They had to choose the more deserted and thus less hygienic of the two gas stations they'd already passed. As soon as the vehicle stopped, Raph was out the door.

April was the voice of reason this time. "Raph, you can't-your disguise?"

It was a little after five so the sun had dialed down a bit, but it was still light out.

Raph threw his hands. "Ya see anybody round?" he asked irritably. Case joined him as the two went off to relieve themselves.

The woman sighed but let them go. The van's gas cap had disappeared years ago so she went straight to the pump. Her eyes widened at the price, over five dollars? Seemed pretty steep for a no name convenience stop.

Leo was against the van now, he looked deep in thought. Then again, when didn't he?

"You wanna go get snacks?' she asked him.

"Oh, no, no, no." Mikey said as he loudly excited, ripe from his nap. "Leo here will get us all some nasty protein bars or supplementary 'drinks' made to balance the bodies digestion."

Leo made a face. "I happen to like-"

"Yes we know. That is why my dear misguided bro, you are not allowed to pick snacks."

April gaped, she was too distracted by his appearance to hear anything he'd just said. "Mikey? What are you wearing?"

He looked down and fingered the colorful sarape he'd found in the dumpster, the long brim of his sombrero made this somewhat difficult.

"You know what century this is, right? You know what country this is, right?"

Mikey smiled. "It's called being creative."

April looked at Leo who shrugged. "He does enjoy being creative."

"So hand over the money chica, and I can get us some-grub...a."

She handed him the cash. "Isn't the mustache a bit much?"

He humphed and was off as soon as the greens touched his own green. Don made it to the door in time to yell a plea for medicine that may or may not have been heard.

"This was a good idea."

Leo didn't respond for a moment. His eyes searched the horizon just in time to see Casey push Raph in that affectionate buddy-buddy way. The were two peas in a proverbially awkward pod.

"Yeah, I guess so."

April pulled a piece of fringe from her eyes. "Ya know Leo, it's okay to have fun, every once in awhile."

"I know that." He almost sounded offended.

She watched the price on the ancient gas pump go higher and higher. Now that wasn't fun.

"April I've been thinking about the route were taking, I realize that you've decided to use the 74, by my calculations we'd get there much faster it we used-"

Neither was Don's preferred sense of direction.

"Thanks, but I got it Don."

"But-"

"Give it a rest egg head. April knows what she's doing. Right Case?"

Don rolled his eyes at Raph's unceremonious return. The larger turtle dug his elbow into his brother' shoulder with a force that almost capsized him.

Case gave April a once over with a wolf like grin. "She certainly does." He pulled her closer while she tried to slap him away.

"Casey Jones, stop it right now." Her stern command gave way to a giggle.

Soon they were running around the pump like a bunch of highschooler's in some bad romance movie. Leo watched in confusion while Don coughed irritably. Raph made a 'horn dog' comment that actually made his stomach growl.

"Where's that idiot Mikey? I'm freaking starving here."

Don's eyes grew in concern. "It has been awhile. Maybe we should go check on-"

There was a gunshot in the distance. All five heads reverted to the quickie mart. An erratic Mikey yelled at them while he waved his arms.

"Go, Go, Go!"

It was like something out of an action sequence and April knew just what to do. The rest followed her cue as she jumped in the van and revved the engine. The man at Mikey's tail was too slow to ever hope to catch him but his aim was decent.

'What is going on here?" Splinter barely missed the bullet that flew through the side. He ducked for cover. "Are we under attack?"

Mikey flew towards the van just as Leo and Raph caught him. They pulled him up and the door rolled closed. By chance they missed the next shot that went only inches too high. Once they were out of range they were all able to breathe, the crazed gunman was nothing but a blot of disappearing colors.

Mikey yelped at the force of Raph's smack.

"The hell is wrong with you. Ya go to get some snacks and ya end up getting freaking shot at?"

"Michelangelo, what happened?"

Mikey rubbed his head. "Dunno, maybe the guy was racist?"

"Or maybe he didn't appreciate that fake gun you've got there."

Everyone looked at Don's remark. However snide he was, he was right. Mikey did indeed possess a gun.

"Not cool Mikey." Casey shook his head.

Raph smacked him again.

Leo raised his hands in disbelief. "Michelangelo, have you lost your mind?"

Mikey pulled the gun from the holster and showed it to them."It's not like it was loaded."

Don stared. "Mikey is that thing, real?"

"Yeah, it was in the pants pocket when I found 'em. but like I said, it's not loaded."

To prove his point, Mikey pulled the trigger. The gun went off with a deafening crack that caused those nearby to jump in horror. The smell of gunpowder filled the air.

There was a second of silence. No one moved.

April was the first to flip when she realized her van was littered with bullet holes. "Oh my god!"

"Not loaded huh?' Raph growled, ready to wring Mikey's little neck. He ducked out of Raph's reach and they both ended on top of Don.

He pushed them off and turned to Leo to demand he stop their tussle, his eyes widened. "Um, guys?"

They didn't stop, April was close to hysterics and Splinter was still under his seat.

"Guys!" He demanded louder.

"Whadaya want? Can't ya see I'm-"

Raph stopped when he saw what his brother pointed at. "Ah hell-"

There was blood on the seat. Leo was pale as he held his shoulder. He noticed all eyes on him and pulled his hand away. It was coated red.

"There ya happy now Mikey, ya shot Leo."

Leo's eyes rolled upward, right before he passed out.

For some reason I like the idea of Donnie being sick-I don't know what's wrong with me. Chapters will probably get stranger from here.