THIS IS IT! I SPENT SO MUCH TIME TO BUILD THIS AU I'M SO GLAD TO FINALLY POST IT. It is very complicated and you'll understand eventually what happens. A lot of shit.
The characters tagged are the main in this chapter. Also, characters from dr:ae will appear later.
This is gonna have a shit lot of relationships.
Um also, Komaeda's pronouns are they/them
And for the names, most people are referred in the narration with their last names, with the exception of Junko and Izuru who kinda feel weird to call otherwise. But this has no relevance to the plot.
Enjoy!
The pod opened in a hiss before his eyes could get used to the sudden light that almost pierced through his lids. It was abrupt, unpleasant, bringing him a strong feeling of discomfort. Something about an experience not yet known he didn't enjoy.
He was tempted to return to the calm that slipped away as soon as the opaque glass was pulled up but it seemed impossible. He felt oddly detached from his body, as if he was floating.
There was a figure above, completely silent. Other apparent humans waiting, in front of other capsules. Black stains everywhere to look. Was his vision deficient?
A faint sound of beeping that sounded strangely like a heart monitor. Loud, frantic breathing, shuffling of fabric, was it him? The sounds were soft to the ear at least.
A scent of antiseptics that brought displeasure. A sanitized, sterile environment, like the ones where bacterias are cultured.
A sky blue hospital gown that was only on sick people. The figures were definitely human but who exactly? Brunet hair like his. A smiling face that inspired confidence. Someone he did know, a boy who was here to help.
And suddenly a harsh pain stabbing his forehead, making him cringe and screech. He immediately stuck his hands to his burning head, ripping the wires attached to it, and the boy helped him to. As soon as they were gone, the pain vanished. Or maybe it didn't but he wasn't focused on it anymore.
A series of pods. Only five open. For five survivors.
(Survivors, right.)
The simulation. The murders, the trials, the betrayals, death. The forced shutdown. Waking up.
Naegi supported him slightly while he tried getting up out of the capsule, but Hinata was so weak he could barely stay on his legs. The shorter one didn't look disconcerted though, only tightened his grip on the brunet to carry him.
He could now definitely recognize two other people helping the survivors, with his senses coming back, meeting in the real world the ones who allowed them to get out of the simulation.
"Is everyone alright?" Naegi asked to the silent room, once Hinata was grounded and could carry his own weight, but nobody responded at first.
The luckster looked really concerned for their well being. Well, Hinata guessed they had to be in a pretty pitiful state. Souda seemed to be the one to have the most difficulties to stay up, completely livid. It was a miracle he didn't fall, they ought to thank the member of the Future foundation who was holding him so strongly.
Kirigiri released her own grip on Sonia – who was already standing in a regal pose – before walking through the room, giving a long glare to each capsule though Hinata couldn't determine what she was doing. They were all the same, and the other students wouldn't be waking up before... who knew? If they wake up. Yes that's true.
No, he shouldn't be so negative. They will wake up, though nobody could know when. They weren't omniscient, they could only try their best to maybe reduce the waiting time. They had to try everything they could, they all had a debt towards the friends who died.
"They are all stable. You can escort these ones to the dormitory. We will be able to take the others from their coma very soon, probably in two or three days. The test experiment was successful, we will be able to actually start next time."
Hinata frowned at her words, what was she talking about exactly by experiment? W-Were they only tests? All for a gloomy research?! More than half of them died on this simulation, for an experiment?!
It couldn't be possible, no no not ever! He wouldn't have let himself being experimented on after the Izuru's project (and the idea that he willingly accepted the surgery was still a disgusting weight he couldn't swallow). No way! He had to be mistaken.
"Hinata. Hinata can you walk?" Naegi asked, interrupting his thoughts.
"I think."
His curt answer might have reflected a bit of his inner panic, because the luckster gave him a concerned look before turning away to face his associates, asking them to guide the survivors to the sleeping room.
Hinata had no idea how long it took but it felt like centuries, his atrophied muscles protesting against the sudden work they were asked to do. His whole body was yearning for sleep, and he found it atrociously hard to fight. For a second, he wondered if he was even walking. He felt so numb it seemed his feet weren't even touching the ground.
At some point Naegi said something and the next second Hinata was in front of a bed. They said the survivors should sleep and each one of them nodded, too exhausted to do anything else. But when Naegi moved to leave the room with his co workers, the brunet stopped him.
"What is this experiment thing?!" he hissed, before realizing there was a much more important information in the detective words. "And is it true the other students will be able to wake up so soon?"
The feverish talk worried the shorter one but embarrassed him more than anything. Right, they made a terribly unprofessional mistake.
"I can't explain you now, sorry. I promise you'll know everything tomorrow, we just have to give your memories back. Don't worry Hinata, I'll tell Kirigiri not to repeat this slip in the future."
It didn't give the spiky haired boy the information he wanted, on the contrary it only added more questions to his mind. Yet he accepted to drop the matter for now, and respect his body needs. It wasn't a difficult choice, he could barely stay awake after all.
Hinata didn't even see the luckster get out of the room; his vision clouded itself before turning to black, his conscience fading. The last thing he had on his mind before finally falling asleep was the future they were going to build together.
He hoped he would see Nanami again one day.
When he woke up he was still laying, but not on a bed anymore.
The operation table covered in a white sheet gave him violent flashes (from a not completely erased recollection) of the operation that made him become Izuru Kamukura. He still forced himself to remain relatively calm, because Naegi was smiling right in front of him, trying to soothe him by speaking reassuring words Hinata didn't quite understand. But he trusted Naegi, out of the whole Future Foundation he was the only one who believed in them and saved them. No harm would be done from the young man.
"Are you okay Hinata?" Naegi asked when his breathing calmed down and the reserver nodded.
"Alright! We're about to give you back your memories. Take it slow okay? Since it's the first time it may not be easy."
Once again Hinata wasn't completely sure he was aware of what the other was talking about, but he agreed. He turned around his head to watch his surroundings; as much as he could with the captors loosely stuck on his head. The other survivors were near, told the same talk.
Once every single one of them accepted the operation and went back to rest their head on the small pillows, brought to make the operation tables a bit comfortable, unknown scientists came and proceeded to it.
It was relatively painless at first as Hinata could sense the part of his mind that was clouded and inaccessible being cleared, for him to look back at the recollections taken from him. The men (were they really scientists?) left them with the Future Foundations members, watching them expectantly as if fearing they would fall back in despair. At least that's the only thing the former reserve student could assume.
Hinata hadn't been waiting impatiently to remember everything he had done during the Malefaction honestly, but he couldn't just ignore the memories now that he had them back. It was already incredibly lucky that they could.
However, as soon as he tried to remember what happened in Hope's Peak Academy, a deep malaise took hold of his body and he felt as if loosing his senses. Something else was waking up in his mind. Another thinking being in his body. Hinata breathed frantically, perfectly panicked, thinking that Izuru Kamukura was waking up yet again.
Air barely inhaled. No exhale. Silence. Exhale. A strong, stinging pain leaving him breathless, his head throbbing for no reason. A realization.
Izuru Kamukura had never been an entity separated to his own mind.
"Huh, what's that? Oh don't tell me, a diagnosis again? Ah hell." she commented, annoyed, as Hinata handed her skittishly the paper, mortified by the sole need to show it. There wasn't anything great about a personality disorder, nobody would be proud to display it. It made you out of the norms, sickeningly different. It was seen as deeply problematic and completely abnormal, alien. The brunet avoided speaking of it at any cost, so very few people knew.
"Stop complaining about that, ugly. You don't even take care of these so stop wasting our time." the one who presented himself as a neurologist replied, already bored by the formalities and paperwork. He was eager to start the project that looked so promising, and all this time lost next to Junko was getting on his nerves.
"It's not my fault you're always so busy Matsuda-kun! I wonder if you could overwork yourself to a point where even you would be bringing me a paper like this. That would be terrible wouldn't it ~"
Matsuda rolled his eyes in reply before turning to Hinata.
"This doesn't matter technically. It shouldn't hinder the experience, so don't worry. It will in fact appear during the project, but there is no reason for it to be an issue. Your participation has been recorded. You can come back in two days for some collective tests. If you pass them, you'll be one subject of the experiment. You're allowed to leave now." Hinata grimaced, what a horrible way to word it. A nice formulation for "lab rat".
The last thing the brunet heard before fleeing from the uncomfortable room was "So formal Matsuda-kun!" He really didn't need to stay any more.
Hinata spotted Komaeda quickly when he exited the building and sighed in relief, which was caught by the other as easily as if Hinata had been yelling his discomfort.
"What's wrong? You didn't believe me when I said I would be waiting?"
There was a hint of laughter, which the brunet wasn't completely sure was for him and decided to ignore. Komaeda's self depreciation wasn't too terrible but always given through little reproaches and hints that irked him. Especially since Hinata knew what it was to have a self destructive tendency, though Komaeda's one was stronger. But Hinata would rather not compare their mental state.
"Of course I did. I'm only glad I left this place. These two make me uncomfortable."
Komaeda smiled gently at him before slowly tangling their fingers together, the two of them holding each other's hand.
"It's alright. You don't need to do this you know. You can still decide to drop it. There are other solutions, we can talk more about it. And no matter what you choose I'll accept it and follow you, you know?"
Hinata sighed deeply, trying to muse why the white haired teen just couldn't understand it wasn't only about the brunet. There was two decisions to make, not only one. Komaeda wasn't bound to follow his every choice. He frowned, annoyed. What a mess.
"That's not it! It's just-"
"Yes I understand." Komaeda cut him, looking suddenly disappointed. "Enoshima-san has a way of acting that puts you on edge. She's definitely strange for a psychologist. I imagine you wouldn't be surprised if I tell you that I'll surely be cautious around her. I don't trust her."
Hinata nodded, finding himself agreeing that he rather disliked the woman, even if they had just met.
"Yes, I am the same."
Komaeda smiled pleasantly again, shifting as if looking ready to kiss him before finally opting for pulling Hinata in a quite awkward hug. Obviously they still weren't used to physical contact, though they tried to make up for it, but it didn't bother Hinata. Komaeda needed time to be less insecure about their whole relationship and warm up to him, so Hinata couldn't be more willing to give it to them. What use would it have if it made the white haired teen uncomfortable?
"Ah, let's see how it turns out."
Hinata flung the door of the room open. Inside, the ten pods left were still closed and the place would be devoid of any sign of life if it wasn't for the neurologist watching over strange beeping machines that made no sense for the brunet. At the loud sound, Matsuda rolled his eyes, not even looking at Hinata.
"What is it again? I'm busy."
His calmed annoyance unsettled Hinata who found himself at loss of a word for long seconds, gaping at the abrupt stop of his quirky moves, before remembering the reason why he came to bother the scientist.
"Uh. They said the others would wake up from the artificial coma you put them in before three days. Is that true?"
This time Matsuda actually lifted his eyes from his work, looking at his interlocutor with a blank expression.
"Oh good it's only you."
Surprisingly enough Hinata could tell immediately who the other was talking about. For some reason, the neurologist and the psychologist didn't seem to get along easily, though Junko kept stalking the former as much as she could.
"So you remember now?"
Matsuda's expression was probably the closest to delighted as it could be.
"Ha, I knew these machines weren't so shabby! My 'co-workers' – that don't know anything honestly they're so stupid – thought it would never work but apparently they forgot I wasn't chosen for nothing. That'll shut them up, these brainless "scientists"."
Hinata decided not to push on the matter of the neurologist's arguments with the others staff members. Whatever they yelled at each other didn't concern him, and he'd rather not be told too much about Matsuda's life. Not only he didn't care and didn't want to be involved in anything, but it was better for their relationship to stay professional. It would be awkward to befriend the one who was messing with their memories for this experiments.
(He wouldn't admit it but he was still uncomfortable about the experiment. They said not to participate if you weren't completely alright with every detail, but he did anyway. Now he could only wonder why, but still he wouldn't be giving up. Not even when he'll start seeing the other test subject's as dangers. Enemies. Because it is going to turn like this, he knows.)
"Anyway yeah, that boyfriend of yours is gonna wake up soon if everybody here can let me work."
Hinata immediately replied that it was wrong to call Komaeda like that. They hated the cis-normative term that erased their identity's validity. Matsuda glared at him as if he didn't give two shits about it, in what looked like an antipathetic gaze, but eventually he nodded. Hinata couldn't tell if the other really understood, but it wasn't his place to explain. It had to be said by Komaeda, and them only.
"I assume it was the only one you were interested in." Matsuda added, to end the conversation.
Despite having spent several weeks with the students in the simulation, Hinata couldn't bring himself to claim the contrary. Not yet, when their sole resemblance was their membership to the experiment. It was very likely he would eventually get closer to the group later.
(Before fear scratches the wall of the thin, barely real sympathy, and their group shatter.)
Even the survivors weren't really interacting. Fuyuhiko was waiting for the silver haired girl who claimed to be his bodyguard – what kind of politician's son even had a bodyguard, it was a wonder – and Owari for the man who kept training her.
The others weren't doing much more than waiting in general like they were supposed to, having nobody they particularly desired to see. Sonia in particular was rather closed to them since the recovery of the experiment's recollections, though she constantly kept her perfect princess composure.
The student might have mumbled a "thanks" because Matsuda replied they would actually get the safety they were promised throughout the whole experiment in exchange of financial aid for their studies.
"We gotta respect this damn contract you know? I'm not turning illegal for her sake." Matsuda looked very serious about this paper, and it eased Hinata a bit. At least, he could believe the conditions of the contract will all be respected.
Unfortunately, talking about the devil only makes it come, and within the next seconds they could both hear clearly Junko's voice calling for the neurologist.
"Ugh. Make me a favor will you?" Hinata didn't even have time to reply that he didn't owe him any shit before Matsuda continued, obviously not trying to get any answer for him, just for Hinata to do whatever the scientist wanted to be done.
"Tell her I have shit to do and I don't have time for her. Hell I'm the only one to work in this building."
Then he dismissed Hinata with a wave of a hand, telling him to leave his "fucking work place", which made the brunet frown but he walked away without any word.
He'd barely made a few meters through the hallway before the psychologist called him and swung her arm, wrapping it around Hinata's before grinning, showing her long range of shining teeth that were more frightening than attractive. But then it might be just because the woman was generally weird and completely ignoring the principle of personal space that Hinata preferred to keep large with strangers.
"Perfect timing! I need you anyway, follow me."
Without any more word she started to walk quickly and energetically, not before leaving a wink to Hinata who had to rush to keep with her speed. Once they had entered in Junko's office, and sat down on the chairs from both sides of the desks, the atmosphere felt more professional. It wasn't though.
"I'm gonna ask you a few questions, you know the procedure." she sighed dramatically, looking deeply bored. "How do you feel?"
"Um I don't know? Okay I guess?" Hinata responded, a little dumbstruck. That was a very vague question. Was she really qualified for this?
"God, I don't care about that! What you're supposed to say is what do you think of the experiment now that you've made one simulation! Jeez you're depressing."
Hinata would almost feel sorry if she wasn't so annoyingly eccentric.
"I dislike the idea. I understand what you need to analyze, but your method is gruesome. Kill or being killed? It sounds like a fucked up fantasy. Where did you even find these ideas?"
Maybe Hinata should alleviate his criticisms a bit but nothing prevented him from speaking his mind. No one in the staff members was his boss or anything, and their generally young age made them even more on the same equal step than him. They were only bound by a contract setting them as scientists and volunteers. Nobody mentioned they had to be accommodating or polite.
Besides, she was a psychologist, it was her job to hear what they had to say. There was no reason to be afraid to speak his mind freely. Her sole purpose – no maybe that was a bit harsh – was to analyze their state of mind.
Junko smile looked like a business woman's, as if half serious, half pleased by Hinata's answer, for a reason he couldn't fathom. He had just fired a round of shot on her experiment after all.
"You're right, this idea is mine and mine only."
She suddenly took a terrifying imposing look, excited, proud and superior at the same time – Hinata was glad Komaeda wasn't here to see it. It was absolutely horrifying.
"It's pure genius, you are incapable of recognizing how brilliant it is. One mastermind that instigate despair throughout the whole world and blocks a few students – their classmates – in a simulation where they are forced of murdering someone! They make the students create their own despair in a simulation that was supposed to be for therapy. It's utter hopelessness because of one single person! It's fascinating to watch how you would all react to this, how come simple minds like you can turn completely messed up!"
The expression of actual despair painted on her face frightened the brunet who was left speechless. It wasn't only stunning coming from someone whose work isn't to play with people's mind, but the excitement Junko showed for her experiment almost made Hinata fear for his safety. He could only wonder during and under which circumstances she got these ideas.
Himself suspected her to have thought of it before- no no that was absolutely crazy. Junko was certainly offsetting, moody and particularly hard to deal with, probably a doubtful psychologist, but this was a plot that could only be made by someone completely messed up.
A few months earlier, he might have said demented, but now it hurt to even think it. Now that he actually knew the reality of dementia, that wasn't even close to what he previously thought. It was unthinkable to have him mock it. This experiment would be alright for Hinata as long as Izuru didn't appear but it was another story for Komaeda. They needed to converse about it between the two of them as soon as they'd wake up; Hinata wasn't certain the first simulation didn't perturb his lover.
Of course the way the dementia manifested itself through the simulation wasn't Komaeda's fault but Hinata believed the other might consider it this way. Especially since he was the one to start and close the murders. But this wasn't real, the simulation was only an experiment and this would never happen to them. The circumstances would never be similar in real life.
Hinata knew it was a cruel joke Junko played on them when she gave him the memories of the traitor from the Future Foundation (she didn't do it herself but who was choosing every single trick played on them? She ordered it.) – that indeed didn't exist. The only one left alive would have been him if Komaeda's plan worked.
It was a biting irony when the students found themselves in the court room and the traitor had to reveal themselves and get executed for the others. It was supposed to be this way.
Yet then, the person called Nanami – which existence didn't make sense – stepped in, claimed to be the so called traitor who, in reality, couldn't tell their identity, and sacrificed herself. A glitch in the simulation probably, that she got executed as the real culprit. An end without any logic for a messed up case that could have left marks on Hinata's character in the real world.
Junko had no shame nor reservation, she didn't give any shit about their well being. She was only there to make her ideas become true and test them. She really had no sense of ethic, Hinata realized, and he frowned in displeasure, not wanting to spend any other second in this office.
"You signed this contract anyway, we have your consent for this so don't go whining! You gave us your agreement, now bear with it!" she almost yelled.
She threw a fit, and continued screeching disgusting things about what happened in the simulation until Hinata ran away from the room, unable to stand her anymore.
Nanami had dozed off for long when Hinata found her lying on the table she worked on, her arms sprawled on the high technology computer she bought lately. Her head was resting on the dark sleeves of her hoodie.
Hinata shook her gently, knowing she would get scolded at if someone found her sleeping during work hours. He flinched when Nanami suddenly stood up, alert, and retracted his hand quickly.
"I wasn't sleeping." she says in a blank voice and Hinata can only laugh in response.
"Huh? Fujisaki isn't here?" he asked once he noticed what unsettled him in this place.
"Ah no, she left this morning. She wasn't working this afternoon, since you're now all out of the simulation. We both have a few days break before working on the program again. I have no idea what we'll have to do next." she responded, yawning.
"Enoshima is tiring, she pushes us to work in rush." she pouted and Hinata smiled at her.
"Yes, I know you hate it. At least you have your cousin."
It seemed he managed to make Nanami cheery again, he realized when she grinned wholeheartedly. Hinata was aware how much the hacker hated this job she was forced to do. Thankfully her cousin, a very gifted programmer, volunteered to be a part of the experiment's staff.
Besides, Fujisaki was so sweet she could make every single person happy in a few seconds. Not that Nanami was usually sad in the first place, it was rare not to find her smiling – at least when she was allowed to live at her own pace.
"Anyway, you wanted to see me Hinata?"
Oh right, he lost track of the matter he wanted to discuss during the conversation. Nanami was really great at clearing your mind from any worry.
"Ah yes. I have an important question for you actually. What exactly was this Nanami in the simulation? Did you join the experiment without their accord?"
It was really confusing to compare the two of them when getting back his memories of the experiment. The hacker was one of his childhood friends. In fact, they had always been inseparable almost since kindergarten. The gamer however was a good support on the island, yet different from Hinata's friend, though he couldn't figure why.
"Oh yes this one. How was she?" Nanami smirked, showing one of her rare expression. Hinata was unsure how to reply, so he let her continue though he was slowly starting to collect the pieces.
"Ha, I bet she's a great creation. I spent three whole days on her after all! Well, if you count hours like 4 am as parts of the day. Yes I still got sleep." she added the last sentence upon spotting his half-worried half-scolding gaze. Hinata sighed, as if it was wrong to remind her night is made for sleeping and not playing games or doing whatever thing she can do in daytime. "Hopefully Fujisaki was there with me! She did most of the work actually, since it isn't really my field. I stayed awake so late to take care of her actually."
"So you inserted a program representing yourself in the simulation?" he asked, bewildered.
"Yep! An Artificial Intelligence to be exact. I figured a bit of help and support wouldn't hurt. This is a terrible experience for all of you."
"But your superiors won't agree! Nanami, you're already in trouble because of this hacker thing, are you sure it is worth the risk?"
Hinata was aware the question was more rhetorical than anything since himself would act like her if he were in her place but he was worried for his friend who was too kind to end up in prison (or with further problems). It was already a miracle they made her work for them instead of suing her for hacking.
"Of course it is." she frowned, boring her serious eyes into his.
"And it's not because I have to work for the government cause I got caught stupidly that I will obey to every single shitty program I have to create. This thing is only going to bring a bunch of issues. Besides, they only are my superiors because of this work contract that was forced on me. They don't even have to know. Not a single one of them is gifted in computer sciences, they won't ever find my creation. We protected her, don't worry, she's invisible to anyone who can't crack the code to reveal her. I don't intend to be caught again. As long as you all keep quiet, the information of her existence has no reason to leak."
Hinata chewed on his lips, unsure if he was relieved to hear that or not. On one hand they would have emotional support directly in the simulation, but on the other hand it put Nanami in danger.
"Just... be careful please. Your stubbornness might cause you trouble one day." he sighed, giving up on reasoning her. There was no use, Nanami almost never listens to anyone who criticizes her initiatives.
"But not today don't worry." she smiled gently, trying to relieve him, and somehow it did work. She was impressive to comfort people.
"Hinata. You should rest, as long as you're waiting for Komaeda. You're worrying too much, it won't help. I'm afraid of this too, but at least you know the scientists are all the best in their field. The students are going to wake up."
Hinata nodded.
"How do you feel?"
Komaeda was often staggering, and it was exactly what Hinata expected. It had only been three days since Matsuda woke the rest of the students from their artificial coma, and told the staff and survivors to be careful with them.
There was a risk their bodies would be weaker because of the three weeks they spent unmoving. Besides, their flesh would technically not remember the island so it wasn't unnatural that any corporal memory or mark disappeared.
"Peculiar. There aren't quite the same perceptions from this body than from the one I had in the simulation. Surely you feel that too, don't you? It's strange to get your normal body back after that."
Komaeda chuckled and Hinata started laughing with them, completely understanding the awkwardness of moving in a taller, older body after using the one they had back in high school.
"You must feel this gap more than me though. I mean, since you aren't as thin or um-"
"You can say weak you know. I'm aware of how fragile I was."
Hinata rubbed the back of his hair, feeling embarrassed. It wasn't easy to tell what could disturb or upset Komaeda, neither what would cause them to fall into self-depreciation. Thankfully, this habit was slowly dying by itself, most likely – and he was somehow proud of it – because of the brunet's influence.
"Yes. Anyway, are you alright?"
Komaeda flashed their usual wide smile at him, but Hinata wasn't fooled. The luckster was still looking slightly perplexed. Their eyebrows were furrowed and their whole expression seemed to be frozen in anxiety and discomfort. Ah, Hinata was probably right to expect them to be perturbed.
"You're over thinking. It won't be of any good to ponder too much on the simulation."
It would be great if at least one of them believed these words, it would be easier. Unfortunately they were both far too similar not to realize it was an awful lie and none of them would actually listen to this advice. As if they could read each other's mind.
"It's not your fault. Really. Don't blame yourself."
Komaeda had the decency to appear taken aback by his perceptiveness – though they both knew it was an act – going as far as to ask since when Hinata understood their thoughts so well; a question Hinata didn't bother responding, knowing no answer was expected.
"Komaeda. You shouldn't feel guilty of what happened in the simulation."
It was surprising, how Hinata managed to make Komaeda trust him. Enough that when the brunet would push the other on a conversation they didn't want to have, they would still respond instead of smoothly changing the subject.
"Of course I should. You can deny it as much as you wish Hinata, but these actions were by my own hands, no matter if it was an orchestrated situation. I still desired to kill all the students." they retorted harshly, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Komaeda was definitely not alright. Hinata had to tell Naegi about it.
"Komaeda! It doesn't prove anything! They manipulated your brain!"
"So what? It makes it crystal clear what I'd be ready to do in a critical situation."
"That's not true! You won't have the same memory, you wouldn't have this fear of your illnesses! It's not your fault, the dementia-"
"You're going to blame it on this now?" Komaeda cut him, their tongue dripping out the word slowly, as if they were too disgusted to pronounce it. "That's just foolish Hinata. The dementia is part of my brain. You can't think it's some kind of exogenous factor that makes me kill people. If you think it's because of the dementia, then don't go around claiming I'm innocent, when it's really quite the contrary!"
Hinata didn't quite realize how disrespectful he was being before having Komaeda's anger shoved in his face. It'd never be right to put all the blame the disease that was turning their neurons into protein mush, as if it was completely separated from their brain.
"I apologize. I didn't mean to tell you what to do." Komaeda muttered, their tone completely blank.
Hinata had rarely received such a dull apology. But then it was his fault for being so ignorant on what he should never say to Komaeda.
"No, you're right. I shouldn't have said this kind of things."
Komaeda suddenly seemed awfully triggered, their eyes widening and a shocked expression of sorrow drawing itself on their features as if they'd finally decided to open to Hinata on how appalling it felt.
"I-I'm sorry. I wouldn't wish to murder anybody here. It's terrible, I- it's wrong! How could I do this kind of things, I'm the worst! It's so horrible, I- I- I'm really despicable aren't I?"
Hinata definitely didn't think they would break down so suddenly, yet he still managed to hold on them as soon as Komaeda started to sob, their voice breaking by itself, leaving them gaping in desperation.
Hinata grabbed on their shoulder, pulling them into a tight hug, and though the position wasn't the most comfortable one, Hinata would keep it for hours if it could make the other feel even slightly better.
"I don't want to cause any one else to turn into a corpse."
"Now, that wasn't your fault. As much as you can blame your luck, you didn't murder your parents. Don't blame these accidents on yourself."
Hinata replied with cool assurance, suppressing the shiver coming by the mention of dead bodies. He still had trouble about it himself, especially with what happened because of Izuru.
"You should go to see Naegi alright? He will probably help you."
Komaeda stiffened, but still nodded.
"Ah, Komaeda-kun!" Naegi's eagerness made him trip, forcing him to catch himself on the desk to avoid falling in the middle of the room.
"Yes? Hinata told me you called for me."
Komaeda kept their tone formal and impersonal, coldly pretending they didn't know exactly the reason why they were now in front of the young therapist.
"Ah yes! I wanted to see how you were doing. You should enter."
They both acted as if they weren't perfectly aware Hinata had asked Naegi to take care of Komaeda and help them for what himself couldn't. Instead, Naegi made them sit on the deckchair, taking a small stool to place himself in front of his patient who was wiggling their left hand in the immaculate white sheet.
It's far too similar to the hospital.
"How do you feel?"
Naegi tried not to be too harsh with the half reluctant patient who – even though they weren't wording it – made it obvious they would rather not stay in the office.
"Enoshima already asked that." as well as Hinata, but that wasn't Naegi's concern.
"No, you misunderstand. How does your body feel? Are you in pain?"
Naegi stopped himself from saying that he was actually skilled. He wasn't one to speak with a spiteful tongue about his co workers, but it was a wonder how Junko even got her diplomas.
"It feels weird to realize my hand had never gone missing."
Naegi nodded, keeping note that the memory of the injuries in the simulation was corporal. It was surprising, since nothing ever happened to the test subjects' bodies, limp on pods for three weeks. It was very probably Matsuda's work; who else could manage to trick their brain into thinking the injuries were real?
"Can you use it normally?"
Komaeda's grimace was enough of an answer.
"I figured it might happen. Besides, Hinata told me he noticed you weren't using it. Not that he was observing you or anything!" Naegi explained sheepishly, laughing awkwardly to erase his discomfort, though Komaeda's raised eyebrows didn't help.
Naegi would have to see Fuyuhiko. It would be concerning if the politician's eye wasn't functioning like Komaeda's hand. Besides, if the handicap remained for too long, Naegi wasn't even sure he would be able to make their members work again.
Well it was mostly Matsuda's field, since no matter how hard the therapist would work, it wouldn't help the disability their brain convinced themselves they had. It wasn't a physical issue, but Naegi could still try to help.
"Is your hand in pain?"
Thankfully Komaeda was responding easily. Naegi figured they might have realized the therapy was for their own sake.
"Alright. Tell me if it hurts at any time."
The therapist slowly started to move the other's wrist, proceeding with extreme caution in case it could hurt them. However, no matter how much or the way he would bend the hand, Komaeda would never manifested any discomfort. In fact it was as if they weren't feeling anything.
"Okay, now try to use your hand." Naegi asked when he removed his hands from Komaeda's wrist. Yet, even if he could tell the other was trying, their hand refused to move by its own. Naegi frowned.
"Do you have any sensation coming from it?"
His suspicions were confirmed when Komaeda shook his head. Ah, this was far more problematic.
"You should go see Matsuda-kun. He did warn us that it was probable your brains would record the fake recollections as actual facts. You see, your brain figures you lost your hand, and thus can't order the member to move. Matsuda can fix this don't worry."
Komaeda shot him a grim look at the mention of the member loss, one Naegi was unable to interpret correctly. It seemed that despite their work, they were failing at keeping the test subjects similar to their initial state. Urgh, it felt terrible calling them like this, as if their only purpose was to be experimented on.
"Um. You might want to see Maizono-san as well if you have time. She will be able to help you with stress if you wish. But, uh, n-no one is forcing you!"
Naegi was uncomfortable around the androgynous who kept glaring at him.
"I think I'll pass. I'm going to see the neurologist however. Thank you for trying I guess." if their words seemed hesitant, their tone wasn't.
Komaeda left with a determined look that made Naegi wonder how much the experiment could affect them.
"Are you all ready?" Naegi asked genuinely to the whole group of test subjects.
"You should lie down in the pods if you are. But don't push yourself! If you don't feel alright with going through another simulation then we shall wait. I can still help you not to be stressed." Maizono added.
She kept offering her sophrology services, though none of the students came to her even if it could be useful. She realized they might need it when Naegi told her about the white haired teen who was oddly reluctant to get therapy.
At least physical therapy through massage, since Naegi didn't know how their others therapies were going. It wasn't his right to ask about Komaeda's illnesses, he wasn't the one taking care of it. Naegi could only hope he might provide at least a bit of help to all of them, along with Maizono.
Maizono frowned when she saw them all get down. She was dissatisfied to notice they all deemed themselves ready – or pretended to be – when they clearly weren't. Not when it took long and much convincing from her and Naegi to get Fuyuhiko to see the neurologist, the only one able to deal with his eye problem. At least Komaeda wasn't so stubbornly defensive, absolutely refusing to see the staff members more than needed – while this was indeed a meeting that should have been seen as necessary. Fuyuhiko wouldn't even have accepted hadn't it been for the test subject called Pekoyama. She had been the only one to get through the barrier he draw between himself and every single other person.
Besides, the first simulation left the fifteen once cheery students with frowns and sad smiles. They weren't ready. But Maizono wasn't the head, she wasn't the one who created the project and would become famous for it, leaving fifteen too young people hurt.
Oh they were pretending well. Some of them really needed the scholarships, and wouldn't get one by another way with the extremely elitist educational system. But Maizono could tell why none of them came to her. They didn't want to show how much the simple test simulation affected them.
It was a grim omen for the future, for these experiments which creator will always be known. For these tests that shouldn't have been approved. Yet, Maizono was still working here. Maybe her own moral principles were too weak to abandon such an opportunity. For her, it was one of the only ways to be recognized again. Not as an idol of course, but as a useful therapist. As someone whose work wasn't only to hypnotize people and brainwash them.
Sophrology was hardly accepted in Japan, she was sometimes getting dirty looks only for mentioning her job. For a former idol, someone who was always loved by the majority of people – a reward for her constant, every day hard work – it was a violent downfall.
She couldn't think how the experiment was far beyond moral boundaries. Neither could Naegi right now, sweet Naegi who didn't decide to take the easy path. He was too young, didn't even finish his studies. He couldn't really decide to act against Junko, if he didn't want any issue about his precarious status of non-qualified-enough worker.
He will ponder on it though, Maizono knew him enough to be aware of this.
"Hurry up we don't have all day!" Enoshima cut through her thoughts to hush Matsuda. This cold-hearted bitch.
"Now who's going next?! One of you has to make a choice or I will."
Maizono hated her for making the experiment sound like a threat. It was already ethically problematic enough, but Junko decided to make the matter worse. So of course, Maizono didn't miss the look of disgust that crossed Komaeda's features – maybe she was focusing too much on them because of Naegi's words – that let her assume the scientists weren't the only ones to hate her.
"Oh Ibuki! Ibuki wants to be the one!" the loud musician shouted, making everybody wince.
Ibuki tried to meet every single students' gaze, but they were fleeing from hers. Indeed, Maizono understood, it wasn't a privilege to be selected as the next Mastermind. Every single one of the test subjects knew it was going to be their turn eventually, but it didn't mean they were looking forward to it. Quite the contrary, she believed while catching Hinata's uncomfortable look.
None of them wanted to face the consequences of having the recollections of someone that would have destroyed the world and put their classmates in a situation where they were forced to kill each other. It might be that Ibuki didn't understand, or that she wanted to confront it from the beginning to avoid lingering guilt.
It was courageous of her anyway.
"Then this is it!" Junko looked far too innocently happy for someone so repulsive. "Now shut your mouths we're starting."
She changed her behavior so suddenly it took everyone aback, stunned by her sharp condescending attitude. She was their boss though, to every single person in the room. The students were linked to her by the contract they signed to participate to the experiment, and the whole staff was inferior to her in hierarchy since she was the only one who controlled the experiment. Everything came back to her eventually.
She was the mother.
They had to obey to her.
Her words dug a hole, opened again the barely healed wound of the murders' recollections that stung more than physical pain, but none of the students said anything. Most of their faces were closed, serious and letting only a flicker of their damaged minds to light.
The experiment wasn't going to turn well.
It would not create. Destruction was the only thing that could come out.
But Maizono only headed back to her office.
I really hope you liked it cause this is the biggest project I have so far. All chapters will be approximately of this length but please note that my updates will be irregular. I might update one chapter soon after another, and then not publish anything in a long time, it'll depend on college work.
Also yeah, the Worst, Most-despairing incident in the History of Mankind became "the Malefaction" because "The Tragedy" sounds a bit childish and especially it implies they didn't do anything to encourage it, it just happened.
Are you all excited for Mastermind Ibuki? Because I sure am!
Please leave me a review if you liked or if you have anything to tell me or questions on this AU!