The Silence Of You.Nikita's POV
How can I forget about him?
How can I go on with my life as if he never existed?
I was another person without him, hiding behind fake bravado, hiding my need for love, even hiding my need for human kindness.
He remade me, inside and out. There wasn't a single important moment in my life when he was absent. Before him.it was only pain, fear, violence, loneliness. and yes, there was hope. Hope of finding someone like him to help me change my life, the hope of finally being loved. Even before I saw him my heart cried out for him.
For as sick as it sounds.I was born, I only began to live after I met him. I'm too tired to keep denying the truth.
Funny.my seven years with Michael are worth more then the nineteen years I lived outside this hell. Those past seven years are the most alive I have ever felt.they are the most real memories I have.
If he could see me now, I think he would be proud. I'm practicing all that he taught me. Lord I miss him.how I ache to hold him.
I shouldn't do it.I have work to do.and he.he has Adam, his hope.
They say that time heals, then why does it just make my wounds bleed more?
I can't live without him. It's impossible to really part our lives, and I wish I could ask him to wait.that I'll come for him. But I can't disillusion him. And I can't expect him to return to share this darkness with me. I would NEVER do that to him.
I hope he doesn't keep his promise, I want him safe and free like he deserves to be.and like I cannot be. Not now. Not anymore.
And then the night falls and before I close my eyes to sleep I need to hope he will come to me.and then I pray he does the opposite of what my heart desires most. I pray for him to do the one thing I'm only brave and strong enough to want for him during the light of day.when the coldness of my bed, of my so called home, can't invade my every sense and leave me destroyed.
I doubt he would do it anyway. Why leave a real life for a woman he would no longer recognize. A woman he might night even be able to love anymore.
I want to cry. But if I give into the urge the tears won't stop. This night I will not sleep, because If do.the dreams will start.dreams of him. Dreams that leave my soul feeling a despair I know will never leave me.
Where are you Michael? Are you thinking of me? Do you long for my company as I long for yours? Are your nights as sleepless, as lonely and as empty as mine?
Are you whispering my name in sleep with that soft sexy voice of yours? Or is another woman warming your bed.warming your heart?
Did you forget? Don't forget.please don't forget about me. Maybe.maybe you should forget about me.please don't.
I want to hit you for making me love you so damn much, and then take you in my arms and thank you for the very same reason. I want to thank you for teaching me to love.
Why are you the island of my retreat when I smell the blood on my hands?
But you're gone.lost to me.
Rightfully so.you're with your child where you should be.very far away from me.
I know that one lifetime will never be enough to get over you. And this horrible bitter silence inside of me is the invisible scar of you.
The price I pay for loving you enough to let you go.
How can I forget about him?
How can I go on with my life as if he never existed?
I was another person without him, hiding behind fake bravado, hiding my need for love, even hiding my need for human kindness.
He remade me, inside and out. There wasn't a single important moment in my life when he was absent. Before him.it was only pain, fear, violence, loneliness. and yes, there was hope. Hope of finding someone like him to help me change my life, the hope of finally being loved. Even before I saw him my heart cried out for him.
For as sick as it sounds.I was born, I only began to live after I met him. I'm too tired to keep denying the truth.
Funny.my seven years with Michael are worth more then the nineteen years I lived outside this hell. Those past seven years are the most alive I have ever felt.they are the most real memories I have.
If he could see me now, I think he would be proud. I'm practicing all that he taught me. Lord I miss him.how I ache to hold him.
I shouldn't do it.I have work to do.and he.he has Adam, his hope.
They say that time heals, then why does it just make my wounds bleed more?
I can't live without him. It's impossible to really part our lives, and I wish I could ask him to wait.that I'll come for him. But I can't disillusion him. And I can't expect him to return to share this darkness with me. I would NEVER do that to him.
I hope he doesn't keep his promise, I want him safe and free like he deserves to be.and like I cannot be. Not now. Not anymore.
And then the night falls and before I close my eyes to sleep I need to hope he will come to me.and then I pray he does the opposite of what my heart desires most. I pray for him to do the one thing I'm only brave and strong enough to want for him during the light of day.when the coldness of my bed, of my so called home, can't invade my every sense and leave me destroyed.
I doubt he would do it anyway. Why leave a real life for a woman he would no longer recognize. A woman he might night even be able to love anymore.
I want to cry. But if I give into the urge the tears won't stop. This night I will not sleep, because If do.the dreams will start.dreams of him. Dreams that leave my soul feeling a despair I know will never leave me.
Where are you Michael? Are you thinking of me? Do you long for my company as I long for yours? Are your nights as sleepless, as lonely and as empty as mine?
Are you whispering my name in sleep with that soft sexy voice of yours? Or is another woman warming your bed.warming your heart?
Did you forget? Don't forget.please don't forget about me. Maybe.maybe you should forget about me.please don't.
I want to hit you for making me love you so damn much, and then take you in my arms and thank you for the very same reason. I want to thank you for teaching me to love.
Why are you the island of my retreat when I smell the blood on my hands?
But you're gone.lost to me.
Rightfully so.you're with your child where you should be.very far away from me.
I know that one lifetime will never be enough to get over you. And this horrible bitter silence inside of me is the invisible scar of you.
The price I pay for loving you enough to let you go.