WE COULD BE FIRE
PART I
The more she thought about it, the more it hurt. Watching Liam Booker prance around school with Karma bouncing on his arm was more annoying than watching any sexist television show, more annoying than pouring a bowl of cereal and not having milk. Let's just say, everything about it was wrong.
Amy sat off to the side of the pavement, leaning on a tree that she often visited.
"So, what kind of books do you like?" Oliver asked.
Amy had been doodling. It wasn't a drawing of people or characters. Instead it was a drawing of anger and anxiety. She swirled her pen around fast and hard, not caring that all she was making was a mess of lines on top of other lines.
"I dunno…" Amy said. "I like the books where people die."
With the things she was saying and the way she was scribbling away, Oliver couldn't help but smile and also feel a bit intimidated.
"Y-you're upset." Oliver noticed.
"Yeah, I'm upset. Do you see her with him? It's fucking pathetic!" She didn't mean to be trash talking Karma but Oliver had asked and yeah, maybe she was a little bit pissed.
"It must hurt to see them together." Oliver said. "What happened with that?" He asked, like he always did.
"It's complicated. Don't ask." He always did ask and she always said the same thing.
"And there's my girl," Karma said, approaching Amy with Liam following close behind.
"Go away Karma."
"Hey, hey, now. Don't take it out on me that you have to help Lauren with the dinner plans."
"I'm not. Believe me."
"Ouch," Karma smiled. Amy had been colder than usual but Karma knew it was probably jealousy.
"Hi Oliver."
"Hi."
Oliver was always kind of just there. Amy was the only person in school who actually seemed interesting to him so at times he followed her around and did normal things just for her, like sitting by a tree in the quad where all the other humans felt forced to interact. Normally he wouldn't do these things but for Amy it felt worth it.
"Oliver, do I have something in my eye?" Amy asked, leaning towards him. She knew Karma was watching and she was pissed at her so she had a plan to make her leave.
Oliver got up near Amy to look but when he was close enough he felt himself fall, and his lips landed on Amy's and she was kissing him and smiling into the kiss.
"Mmmm," Amy moaned, thinking of the way Karma's face must be looking.
When she pushed Oliver away. Karma seemed almost mad.
"Wh-ah… Are you two dating?"
"N-" Oliver began to say no but Amy cut him off.
"Yeah, we are." Amy smiled. She knew it would drive Karma mad.
"You never told me."
"Yeah well, you've been keeping secrets so I thought it'd be cool if I just didn't." The anger was spiraling around Amy. She took to her pen and scribbled some more.
"Ohhh, kay…" Karma mumbled. It did upset her, it was upsetting. She wasn't quite sure what about was it was worse. But watching Amy kiss other people always made her heart twist and burn and this was only the second time it had happened but somehow this felt worse.
"Karma, we're trying to have a private conversation, could you please?"
"Oh! Yeah. Totally! Don't mind me." Karma tried to forget that feeling. "And congrats!" She added on, last minute. "You two are totally cute together!" She said and looked down, fixing her hair. Amy watched as Karma's face dropped after that very last bit. It was sort of pleasing to see the look Karma got when she wasn't ready to hear something new.
"Come on Karma," Liam said, pulling her away. It was just like him to not even pretend to be interested. He had been watching the parking lot the whole time like some mysterious robot.
They walked away and Amy watched. As soon as they were gone her anger returned.
"God! She's the worst!" Amy whined.
"Wait, so we're dating?" Oliver was still in la-la-land.
"Uck, sorry Oliver." Amy scoffed. "I was just trying to piss her off."
"Oh… So, you and I?" He wanted to date her, he did. Now that Amy had broken up with Karma she seemed fair game but something was stopping him. In all truth, Amy was stopping him. Amy had no interest in dating him because he wasn't Karma. It was that simple and it always had been. When she kissed Oliver she didn't' feel anything but when he kissed her he felt explosions and waterfalls.
"Just friends." Amy concluded. "Oh, shit. I'm an idiot." She realized what she had done. "Look, Oliver. I'm sorry I kissed you." She thought out loud, "Especially twice." She smiled and he tried to smile back. "It's not that I don't like you it's just that I'm in love with Karma still, okay?" She knew she had to be truthful. It was the one thing she hadn't been doing and the thing she usually relied on for her own sanity. Returning to truth seemed right and normal.
"You shouldn't have used me like that."
"I know, it was wrong. I just. I didn't think you'd care." She said.
"It's okay," he decided. "At least you're honest."
"I'm trying to be," she seemed sad. "I am sorry.. I should have asked you first." She felt horrible.
"So you really love her huh?" Watching her like this, with all this new information, he didn't feel like an outsider with her and for once he actually liked that.
"She's… She's always been my best friend." Amy admitted. "Sometimes I wish we hadn't kissed 'cause it really changed everything."
"I know that feeling." He didn't really. Before Amy touched him he had wanted to kiss her. In truth, he didn't know what Amy meant or how monumental that change had been for her. But when Amy kissed her, he did want more. He had always wanted her though and always that way. It wasn't new or old. They didn't have a history of normalness to precede their kiss and mess with his mind.
"You do?" She asked, believing him with all her heart.
"Yeah… It sucks…" He agreed. She reached her hand over to his and squeezed.
"Thanks for letting me drool all over you. Hope it wasn't too horrible."
"It wasn't horrible at all." He smiled.
PART II
Shane came over after school.
"So what happened?"
"So, Karma walked over with Liam, she was acting all cute and flirty and she looked hot and she was pretending to be happy and I just got this crazy idea. She was pissing me off so much."
"What'd you do?"
"I kissed Oliver in front of her," = Amy grimaced.
"YOU DOG!" Shane exclaimed.
"EEEE! I KNOW!" Amy squealed, spinning round in her room and landing face down on the bed.
"Well, what'd she say?"
"She asked if we were dating…" Amy said, her face in the comforter.
"And what'd you say?"
"I said that we were."
"HA! Look who's lying now!" Shane gasped.
"It's okay, I told Oliver after that I was still in love with Karma and that I was sorry."
"Yeah but still, your best friend is out there feeling like shit because you're macking on some token boy."
"Hey! Oliver's nice."
"Yeah, no." Shane said.
"He's sweet!"
"He's really not." Shane was certain.
"Why would you say that?"
"Amy! He's a guy. He just wants your love for Karma to fail so that he can swoop in and have you for himself."
"Ha, you say it like he's some sort of eagle or something."
"More like a vulture," Shane corrected.
"Well, he let me kiss him and I told him the truth."
"Just be careful. Boys have feelings too."
"I'm being sensitive." She defended.
"No, you're using him."
"Yeah but he knows I'm using him."
"Yeah well, you knew that Karma was using you, how'd that make you feel?" Shane asked, crossing his arms and looking down on her with a smirk.
"Shit. I'm an idiot."
"See."
"It's different though, me and Karma have been friends forever. I just met Oliver. We don't even have a past."
"Boys are dumb though. You've see how quickly I switch from one heartthrob to the next."
"But you'll always have eyes for Liam." Amy teased.
"Let's not talk about that."
"We never do but it's always there."
"Liam will never be able to feel for me."
"You say it like you tried."
"Believe me, I did."
"What?! TELL ME!"
The door flew open and Karma entered.
"Amy? Oh, hey Shane."
"Hi Karma." They didn't speak when they weren't with Amy. Karma hated Shane and Shane hated Karma it was this unofficial official thing.
"Amy, are you busy?"
"Just hangin', what's up?" Amy had been so angry before because Liam just brought that out of her. Since Karma was alone now it was much easier to pretend that she wasn't choosing some dumb boy over her and repeatedly ditching her in her everyday life.
"I- I was hoping we could talk." Karma seemed solemn.
"Aaaaand that's my cue!" Shane decided, spinning around and heading towards the door.
"No! Don't go!" Amy begged.
"It's okay, I've got a date tonight anyway. Good luck with your… situation." He decided to say.
"Bye," Amy sighed.
"Love you boo!" Shane left
"Love you too." Amy called after him.
He shut the door behind him and all the air seemed to go out of the room. Karma was looking on Amy in a sort of desperate way and it was all too quiet and serious, nothing like they were used to.
"You've been busy lately." Karma spoke.
"Yeah, I guess." Amy said, walking back to her bed and laying down.
Karma walked to the other side and laid down next to her friend.
"I miss you." Karma said.
"Yeah…" Amy wasn't going to try anymore. If Karma really missed her she wouldn't be rubbing her lame relationship in her face and running off to Liam every time he called.
"Why didn't you tell me about Oliver?"
"You were busy." Amy said. She knew it was the best way to counter Karma's thoughts. Whatever Karma was feeling it was nothing compared to what she herself had been through.
"What? Amy, I'm never too busy for you. You're my favorite person on the planet." Karma seemed upset. She sat up on the bed and turned toward her friend.
"It used to be just you and me. Now it's you and Liam and sometimes me. That's busy for us Karma."
"Amy…" Karma looked like she was about to cry. "If, if you think Liam is breaking us apart, we need to talk about it."
"I hate him Karma."
"Since when?"
"I dunno…" Amy thought about it. What would be a rational reason to hate Liam? Amy thought about it, nothing seemed rational other than the glaringly obvious: HE SLEEPS WITH EVERYONE IN SCHOOL AND NOW HE'S SLEPT WITH YOU? "Since he was okay with a threesome." Amy decided to say. She thought about it and that was the actual start of her loathing. No good guy would sleep with his girlfriend's best friend.
"Amy that's crazy. You were going to have a threesome."
"Yeah but not for him."
"He was doing it for me too." Karma said.
"Bullshit." Amy scoffed.
"Are you kidding?" Karma was pissed. "So it's okay if you have a threesome but if Liam has a threesome he's a horrible person?"
"Yup."
"Amy that's so backwards."
"It's not, somehow." She decided. "And whatever, it's how I feel. I would never hurt you and Liam would. It's that simple."
"I- I was meaning to talk to you about that."
"Huh?"
"Today, I … This is going to sound stupid but…"
"Talk Karma." Amy ordered, sitting up.
"When you kissed Oliver today. I really. I don't think I liked it." Amy was confused at what to say.
"Karma.."
"Yeah?"
"Why are you telling me this? What are you even saying?"
"I don't even know," she confessed, laying down on the bed, still holding Amy's hand.
"Wait… so. You want to kiss Liam but you also want to tell me that me kissing Oliver isn't right?"
"I don't want to tell you anything. I'm just telling you, when I saw you two kiss today, it kind of hurt."
"Why though?" Amy asked.
"I don't know…" She said.
"But- at the threesome, when I kissed Liam?"
"I left, I know."
"Karma, I thought you were jealous 'cause he was kissing me."
"I know I said that but maybe…" She thought about it. Maybe that was never about Liam.
"Maybe what Karma?" Amy was angry because there was hope.
"Maybe, I dunno. Maybe I don't want you kissing other people."
"But Karma, you said we were faking!" Amy groaned.
"I know what I said but…" Amy couldn't figure if this was to save face or maybe something else.
"Is this about Liam?"
"No! No… Why would you even think that?" Karma asked, annoyed.
"Everything with you seems to be about Liam these days."
"Amy, this about us." Karma said.
"Us..." Amy huffed.
"What?" Karma asked, nervous and confused.
"You've been dragging me around all year and I've just been suffering through it and doing everything you say."
"I know, I've been an idiot."
"Yeah, but so have I. I let you use me."
"Use you?" The choice of words was harsh.
"Yeah, use me." Amy said, sure of herself.
"I, I thought…"
"What?"
"I … I thought…"
"What? That I liked to be kissing you?"
"No, no," Karma shook her head trying to think. "I thought…"
"Karma…" Speaking was becoming hard so Amy laid back down on the bed. After a while it became clear that Karma didn't know what she thought. "So, are you jealous of me now or?" Amy asked.
"No… I don't think so." Karma confessed, still confused.
"What's the matter then. If you want me to break up with Oliver it's already done."
"What?"
"We weren't going out, I just said that cause you were pissing me off."
"Amy? What the hell is that?!"
"What? You get to prance around with Liam and I'm just supposed to be okay with his hands all over you. It never felt right to me Karma. I hate seeing him touch you and kissing you is even worse. I hate seeing it, it like hurts me."
"Really?" Karma asked, her lips twitching with the pleasure of that statement.
"Yeah, you're killing me out there. Every time I see you I just want to grab you and take you away from that school and keep you all to myself where no one else can touch you."
"I know how you feel," Karma smiled. She hated being away from Amy and being with Liam wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
"No you don't." Amy said.
"I do though. Liam doesn't get me like you and you've been so angry with me. I know I've messed up and then that kiss today and... You're really not dating Oliver?"
"No Karma, I'm not dating Oliver." Amy confirmed again.
"So why?"
"I told you, I knew it would bother you."
"It did bother me…" Karma smiled. She liked that even when they weren't trying to be, her and Amy were on the same page. "God, what's the matter with us..."
In the silence Amy knew what her problem was. She thought about saying it but all the words sounded dumb.
"Maybe we should get back together." Amy said plainly. It was an easy way to suggest an actual relationship. Maybe if they were together they could at least pretend they weren't dating other people.
"Faking it was easier, wasn't it?" Karma said.
"Yeah it was easier. Except it was still all about Liam."
"I guess we could do it for us." Karma suggested.
"I know I'd be happier." Amy agreed.
"But wouldn't that just be dating?" Karma asked. She was hearing it and it all felt right but there was something not being said and it was an important something that she actually needed to hear.
They were both quiet for a while and thinking in their own private ways.
"Do you…" Karma's voice trailed off.
"What?" Amy asked, swallowing in her nervousness.
"Ah, it's stupid." Karma shrugged it off.
"Ask me." Amy said, tightening her grip on Karma's hand.
"You can't laugh." Karma smiled.
"I can't promise that," Amy smiled. They looked over at each other and scanned each other's faces. There was something playful and serious about it. They were best friends, nothing could break them.
"Do you wanna date me?" Karma asked seriously. "I mean like, for real though. Like really. Will you go out with me Amy?"
"I feel like this is a trap." Amy said, her eyes squinting. Karma could be kidding or she could be up to something, she wasn't sure.
Karma thought of how to make Amy know she wasn't kidding.
"What if I said, the reason I hate seeing other people kiss you is because I want to be the only one who ever gets to kiss you?"
"Is that what you're saying?" Amy asked. She wasn't going to be the fool again. With Karma she was always the fool.
"Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying."
"Say it a different way." Amy suggested.
"Okay," Karma thought, laughing lightly. "Watching you kiss Oliver made me want to punch him in the face."
"Oh really?"
"Yes. Really." Karma felt satisfied with her choice words.
"Watching you kiss Liam made me want to punch him in the face."
"Are you lying right now?" Karma asked, she had to know that Amy wasn't just running with her words, copying her or teasing her in some tricky way.
"I wouldn't lie about that." Amy turned her head away to look at the ceiling.
"So, you don't want me kissing Liam and I don't want you kissing Oliver." Karma recapped..
"It's more than that." Amy said, sadly. Now that Karma had opened that box, it couldn't hurt to empty it completely. It hadn't been her fault after all. Amy wanted to be out with it.
"What? What else?" Karma asked.
"I don't just NOT want you to kiss people…" Amy confessed. "My feelings, they… I dunno."
"What else is there?" Karma asked.
"Well, I guess…" She thought hard before speaking, "There's wanting now. It's new."
"Wanting," Karma thought, following Amy's lead and looking at the ceiling. "Hmm, that sounds important, that sounds… serious." Karma swallowed, her breath catching. "T-tell me about this… This wanting."
"Well, say there's this person… and like, I love her, okay. I've always loved her but this, this is different. I think I'm in love with her, I think I've fallen for her."
"This person.. Do I know this person?" Karma asked, smiling, her heart racing with Amy's surprising words.
"You know her best. And you're the only one who can understand this love, but lately there's been like more love."
"More love?"
"Yeah, like, I want her…"
"What do you want from her, what can she give you?" Karma asked. She was intrigued by the way this was coming out.
"Everything…" Amy said. "I want everything. She can give me everything. I just want her. I want her more than anything; she's all I can think about. She's driving me insane."
"And this person? We're talking about me right?"
"Yeah, maybe…" Amy said, lost. "Unless this is going to ruin our friendship and turn us against each other and rip you from my life, then I don't want anything but to die and have you bury me because living without you would be the worst sort of hell and-"
Karma rolled onto her side and stopped Amy by kissing her. All the words were too sweet and she needed to just be tasting them. She wanted them in her mouth and she wanted to taste of this want because she knew she understood it and liked it and wanted it too.
Amy felt surprised but Karma was kissing her. It wasn't like Oliver and it wasn't like before. At the threesome Amy had caught Karma by surprise, now it was the other way around. Karma seemed hungry for her and Amy could feel that. Amy was still hungry too. When they kissed they could both feel that desperate need. It was the first mutual kiss they ever shared, the first kiss where they both wanted it bad and needed it more than ever. When they touched they lit a fire.
"Mmm," Amy moaned.
"I've been wanting that for weeks!" Karma confessed.
"Are you kidding?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!"
"How could I?" Karma asked. Amy was holding her head, it was all such confusion. "You seemed so upset and the threesome was just all wrong and then I had Liam and our plan worked and it felt wrong to just be like NEVERMIND, I NEVER REALLY WANTED THIS, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, NOW KISS ME, K?"
"Yeah, that does seem wrong." Amy thought.
"Come 'ere," Karma said, rolling onto her and kissing her again. She pushed on Amy's stomach with her hand and felt her body react to that touch and that unexpected semi-grope.
"Uhh-" Amy whined, "I-I think I'm getting hot." Amy called out nervously.
"Good," Karma said, bringing her hands to Amy's face so that she could hold her there and kiss her hard. Amy tasted so right and Karma had been so confused for so long that this just felt good, it felt good to be having her like this, kissing her friend and knowing that this is what she's been wanting for days and maybe weeks.
"Karma, stop, it's too fast." Amy broke away.
"Oh, shit, I'm sorry," Karma rolled off of her. "Are you okay?" Karma panted, feeling hot from all the touching.
"I, yeah. I.."
"What?"
"I don't believe it..." Amy wanted to cry.
"Amy, come on," Karma turned on her side and ran her hand down Amy's arm until she reached her fingers and began to play with them. "What's not to believe? We've been finding creative ways to touch each other all year. I was slow to figure it out but it makes sense, doesn't it? Of course I'm in love with you." She said with complete certainty. "My brain knew before I did!"
"Wait, you're in love with me?" Amy asked.
"I must be." Karma confirmed.
"All this time, I thought it was just-" She cut herself off.
"And all this time I thought you just hated me."
"Karma, why would I hate you?"
"I dunno, I was being weird, making you kiss me, running away from you, chasing you down. That's kind of obnoxious and you were so sad half the time."
"I liked it though. Well, not the sad part… I mean, I liked when you chased me."
"I can't believe this is happening." Karma smiled, she looked at Amy.
"I know," Amy breathed.
"Can you be touching me now?" Karma begged.
"Maybe, but can we please go slow. I'm not used to this…" Amy warned. She got up on her side and ran her hand from Karma's face to her neck, allowing herself to touch her. Karma's eyes closed in that touch.
"You feel, so good." Karma said.
"I can't believe this is happening."
Amy let her hand go down further, to Karma's shoulder and down her arm, when she got to her hip and saw how Karma's breath hitched at the tender touch, Amy moved in close and kissed her, tasting her slow and sweet, and pressing on her hip, scooting closer to her, her body almost touching hers, her lips soft and wet, her tongue sure.
"Mmmm," Karma moaned. "I think I like slow…" Amy smiled and kissed her again. Karma held at her too and tried to just be patient. But while Amy kissed tentatively, Karma wanted to be touching. She pushed Amy down until her back was on the bed. "I need to be touching you," she said, sitting up and taking her shirt all the way off.
"Karma, whoa. What are you doing?"
"Sit up" she ordered, sitting atop Amy's jeans. Amy obeyed and when she did Karma reached down and tugged her shirt up and over her head until it was off.
"What are you doing?" Amy asked.
"Shhh, I'll be slow," Karma calmed. She was holding Amy up with an arm around her shoulders and pressing her to lay back down with the weight of her body.
When Amy did lay down Karma felt skin-on-skin and it was heavenly, all she wanted.
"Oh my god…" Karma moaned, causing Amy to smile.
Amy's breath sped-up until she was gasping little by little.
"Relax," Karma said, looking at Amy and seeing her eyes as they scanned. She moved her lips to Amy's and kissed her slow to try and calm her down. Halfway through the kiss Amy panicked and broke it off.
"I can't relax when you're touching me like this," Amy confessed.
"Do you want me to get off?"
"Uh-uh," Amy shook her head, no.
Karma ran her hands down both sides of Amy, it felt so good to have her laying there beneath her like that, so good to be touching her.
"Will you feel better on top?" Karma asked.
"I-I dunno," Amy breathed, unsure of what to say.
"It's okay, let's try it." Karma rolled off of her and let her try.
Not knowing what to do, Amy tried to copy Karma. Before Karma had been straddling her with her butt on Amy's thighs, so Amy obeyed and did the same.
"Is this okay?" Amy asked, holding herself up with her arms.
"It's perfect. You're perfect." Karma said, reaching and hand up to Amy's face and pulling her down towards her. "I need you." Karma begged.
Amy lowered and let her body fall. When her skin touched Karma's she moaned into Karma's mouth.
"I, I can't breathe, I can't." She gasped as Karma kissed her hungrily.
"Okay, okay, just lay down." Karma said, breaking their kiss and holding Amy on top of her. "God, Amy, you feel so good."
"Wh-why can't I breathe?" Amy asked. She hated that it was only happening to her. She hated that she was the freak.
"I dunno, why, but we don't have to do anything. It's okay."
"But I want you," Amy confessed.
"I know, baby, I know." Karma rubbed her back and moved Amy's hair away from her face.
"Maybe this is punishment for never saying what I feel."
"And who would be punishing you?" Karma smiled, she loved the way Amy's mind worked.
"I dunno, myself?"
"See, it's all in your head."
"Maybe," Amy sighed, her hand on Karma's ribs. "When you touch me I can't breathe."
"But it's okay when I hold you?"
"Yeah, that's okay…" Amy realized. "But how long would you want to hold me?" Amy asked, thinking she'd probably get bored.
"Forever if you'd let me." It was the sweetest thing Karma could ever say and Amy hugged her.
"Forever would be nice…"
THE END