The Legend of Zelda: What is This Crap?: Toilet Story

*Disclaimer* I do not own The Legend of Zelda or any of the characters with the exeption of the SFX guy and others. Enjoy.

Chapter 1: Ranchin' Goats

Somewhere in a parallel universe that's not the one where the plot takes place:

Intro Guy: *sigh* A long time ago, in a place far away from here...Do I really have to do this?

Moi: Yes.

IG: Why? It's not important! Besides, most readers don't even care about this intro crap anyway.

Moi: Because I like torturing you. Now stop complaining.

IG: Fine. I'm going to make this brief. Basically there was this green guy who beat up an evil guy with a cool sword. Can I have lunch now?

Moi: Y'know, if you're going to be so apathetic, I will just have to lower your salary!

IG: You don't even pay me!

Moi: Good point. I don't care! As of now, your salary is now negative twenty dollars an hour. That means you have to pay me $20 every hour!

IG: This argument is getting old.

Moi: This intro was a huge waste of time...

Meanwhile, in our protagonist's universe:

Link and Rusl are sitting by a pond eating doughnuts.

Rusl: They say it's the only time when our world intersects with theirs...Cool, isn't it?

Link: Yeah it's cool I guess...I couldn't care less. (looks at his nonexistant watch) Oh, look at the time. Gotta go.

Rusl: For what?

Link: Y'know, my JOB? The one at the ranch? Did you bang your head or something?

Rusl: Nope, I'm just stupid. Oh yeah, you have to deliver some crappy sheild and sword to Hyrule, just incase you didn't know that already.

Link: Great! I'll grab my stuff!

-akward silence-

Rusl: Don't ever quote from the CDi games again.

Link: *sigh* Fado's gonna kill me. Bye!

Link: Where can I find one of those grass thingies? *revelation* Found it!

He picks it up and starts whistling. You readers are probably thinking that Epona's going to come running to Link, right? Well...not exactly. He gets a pretty rude awakening when he instead finds himself being teleported.

Link: What the Q is going on here? I don't remember walking to the Q'ing ranch!

Fado: Hey! You're late! Stop messing around with that piece of grass and start ranching those goats! And do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Link: Well, that's one problem solved. But where's my horse?

Epona: I'm right here you dumbasqxvyp!

Link: (completly unaware of what his horse just said) Epona! Let's go.

He saddles up and begins riding around trying but epically failing at getting the goats into the barn. It took two minutes just to get the first one in.

SFX Guy: GOAT IN!

Link: Shut the Q up. Who are you?

SFX Guy: The PO of PO told me to follow you around and stuff.

Link: Well don't!

With each successive goat, Link's performance improved linearly.

With each successive GOAT IN! from the SFX guy, his annoyance meter increased exponentially.

Needless to say, he finishes, although with agrivation, agitation, and exaustion.

Link: *omg tired sigh* I'm exausted.

Fado: Since you performed oh so marvelously awesome today, I'm letting you have a day or two off.

Link: Okay. Bye! (leaves).

This chapter is brought to you by Malo Mart. If you're smart, buy something at Malo Mart!