H* e* a* l
Lies.
No. No. It had to be lies. And she wouldn't believe it. No way…
She heard them, talking, trying to tell her.
He didn't--
They both--
Shiki, listen, they both d--
No. No. No. No way. Not him. Not him. He was too experienced, too cool, and too cautious to get taken down. He had fought some of the worst Noise. No way…could anyone…
And not him. He was definitely too skilled to be defeated. Who could, who thought they did…? Not him, and not him…
Listen, they chorused. Her friends. She didn't, no, not him! No please, not him…
Despair. It was a terrible feeling. Let it go, away it flows. Away. Away. Let the ice take you and though you see the light, don't ever resurface.
It only brings about pain.
Let…it…flow down the river. Away.
Listen.
No.
She found them, unexpectedly one day. A dusty pair of blue headphones that made her heart and head ache with their familiarity.
Maybe…she'd understand.
They fit, that wasn't anticipated. They fit well. Right over her head, her ears, and the songs that played were his songs, not her type of music at first but she quickly began to like it.
Mellow. Just let it flow.
Listen.
No. Sorry. She couldn't. That would mean letting the truth in, and she was doing what he had once done, blocking out everything.
Go away.
Stop talking.
Just leave me the hell alone!
The words weren't hers, but they felt right, and Shiki just closed her eyes and heart to her friends' pleas. It wasn't Eri, not her best friend that got to her. It was Rhyme. Intelligent, young Rhyme with her bright blue eyes and sad smile.
Sad. Her smile had never been sad before, except for after the accident. She must miss him t--
No. He had never left. No way.
Never…never…No. He was here. She just didn't--
"Shiki."
Don't listen, just turn the music up. She's not there. The music has his soul; he loved hi-s-
"You have to come out."
No, no, no! She must not…
She felt a touch on her shoulder, delicate, light, and she wearily opened her eyes to look at Rhyme. The girl's eyes were soft and gentle. "He's gone, Shiki. He's been gone for three months now. It's time to let go."
Let go, she says?
That's easy for her to say, she never loved h--
No, no, no! Neku was still here. He had to be here. He just left, because she--
"It's hard for me too," Rhyme continued, aware of the inner war. "I… liked someone too. I don't know if it was love, but I feel the pain for the both of them. My friends. But you have to come out."
Shiki closed her eyes tight, letting Rhyme lead her, blind and deaf save for the pumping music, out of her room. Where're they going? Doesn't matter.
Neku's gone.
He hadn't come back, and Mr. H believed they both didn't survive that special mission the Angels sent them on.
The demons. Mr. H saw no way they could survive.
A memorial. She could tell she was at a graveyard. The air was heavy with the scent of death, the feeling of despair, of that chasm that never leaves a heart after someone passes.
Rhyme guided her hand onto the stone, and when Shiki opened her eyes she saw the terrible monument, and she flinched back, instinctively touching her headphones.
"I can't." She pleaded, desperate. Rhyme just blinks sadly at her, still smiling, but inside she's just as broken as Shiki is. But she's strong enough to help others even in her weakened state.
"You have to. He'd be ashamed of you right now." She stated this bluntly, her eyes hardening faintly, and Shiki can see the pain in her eyes as clearly as if she saw her heart.
Slowly, understanding dawns. With shivering fingers, Shiki removed the headphones. She felt lighter, but more vulnerable, and before she knew it she almost put them back on. But Rhyme gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder, and she manages to slowly, carefully, place them down.
She won't, can't, read the tombstones that Mr. H put up for the pair of them. She just places the earphones on the ground beside some bright blue flowers, and tears are finally running down her face. She's wrecked inside, having finally shattered, but her desolate sobs are the beginning of a slow, but necessary healing process.
She used to secretly scorn people, like certain book characters she had read, that had suddenly gone into an emotionless state over their boyfriends. But now she understood.
God, she knew now.
"How?" She whimpered to Rhyme, wondering how her friend was holding it together. The girl smiled sadly again, because that's all she could do.
"Joshua wouldn't want me to frown, he liked my smile." She said simply, softly, so much hurt in those words that it easily eclipsed the pain on Shiki's own face.
Shiki blinked, remembering Neku's words to her before he had left.
"Smile. I want to see it when I get back."
Fate had changed that "when" to a "never".
She'd have to smile for the both of them.
A single, slow smile crept across her face, sad but at the same time happy, and Shiki
began
to
heal.
"I told you I'd be back."
~***~
…Um…I don't know where this came from. At all. I'd be lying if I said I did. It's probably badly written.
I guess if you want to flame, go ahead. Rhyme feels like getting some hot dogs roasted.
I found this in some hidden folder while I was cleaning my computer out—it's almost a year old. So excuse any errors.
Want to review?...Angst fail, probably.