Starting Over: Seeing Her Again

by tarskeewee08

(John's POV)

Standing outside of her door everything comes back to me. It's been a year and a half since I last saw her. I remember her standing in the lobby of the courthouse on her cell phone right after the judge announced the release of Christian Vega. She saw me in the shadows and rolled her eyes continuing to talk to into her phone. I wanted to tell her that Natalie knew the truth and I was leaving town to get some help. To deal with my problems, but I couldn't. I couldn't make another promise to her. I couldn't give her false hope.

She paced the courtroom hall in a navy pants suit with her hair flowing around her shoulders. I looked at her glossy lips move as she talked into the phone and smiled at the sound of her soft sound of her voice. She looked up again to see me staring and decided to move further away. I watched her hair sway and let my eyes travel downward enjoying the familiar sashay of her hips. Shaking my head I smiled at her retreating image. "Bye Baby".

That was the last time I saw her and in therapy I talked about that moment quite often. Dr. Ashton said that I wanted her to walk away. It made it easier for me to let her go. That was so true. Each time she walked away from me I felt relieved.

When she broke up with me and walked away I died inside but part of me felt relieved. When she pushed me away after the rescue in the hospital part of me felt relieved. When she turned me away from her door that drunken night I came to confess my soul part of me felt relieved. To face her, would mean to face myself and I wasn't prepared for that.

Now I was in Llanview and as soon as the plane landed I had the driver bring me to her. I called Mikey two days ago to get her new address. She bought a loft downtown in the newly renovated warehouse district near the docks.

I hear laughter inside and my hand freezes. What's going on? She's giggling behind the door and I can't make out the other voice. She's not alone maybe I should come back. But to leave her door is too much like my old m.o. It's too much like running. Instead I suck in my breath and knock.

(Evangeline's POV)

"Stop Phil or I swear I will throw this!" I say with a hand full of flour.

He'd been chasing and tickling me all day. If he came one more step near me I was going to throw it in his face and he would have baked chicken instead of fried for dinner tonight. But true to form he lunges at me. Laughing loudly I throw the flour and it floats through the air in a powder covering us both. Phil scoops me up by my legs throwing me over her his shoulder and now we both are laughing with me struggling. My ponytail is hanging downward and my face and hands are covered in flour. Pinching his butt hard he squeals and almost drops me.

I leap from his grip and run across the room with him in hot pursuit laughing. Then we hear the knock at the door. Both of us freeze and look at each other. I burst into laughter at his face coated in flour. Hilarious seeing a black man in white face! He looks at the door and I shrug going to it. I have on a grey fitted tank top and grey sweat pants. I know I must be a sight but I don't care. Passing Phil I stick out my tongue at him and he jumps at me like he will give chase so I run the rest of the way to the door. "Who is it?"

Not hearing a response and still giggling at Phil I unlock the door and swing it open.

"Oh my god!"

(John's POV)

The door opens to her musical laughter and she looks at me wide eyed.

"Oh my god" she says.

I look her up and down and she is more beautiful than ever. Her face and hair with flower in it. Some of it on her collar bone and hands. With the sweats and pony tail she looks like she's 16. She smiles slightly and I smile. Thank god she smiled at me.

"Who is it Baby?" I hear a male voice. The door pulls open wider and I see Dr. Phil Jamison. We look at each other in shock. He's covered in flour and I know I've interrupted an intimate moment between the two of them.

The ironic thing is I was supposed to continue my therapy with him. By the stunned look of shock on his face I guess that he hasn't received my referral yet.

"Hi Evangeline" I say locking my eyes back on hers.
"John, Hi….how are you?"
"Hello John please come in" Dr. Jamison says quickly interrupting us and opening the door wider.

Still looking in her face I resist the urge to touch her. Finally breaking my stare I smile at Jamison and walk inside. "Thank you"

Carrying my suitcase they both look at it as I walk through them and I can tell Evangeline is signaling behind my back. I smirk and keep walking.

(Evangeline's POV)
I can't believe it's him. I mean I really can't believe he's in front of me. My god. Phil tells him to come in and I hear him but I cant stop looking into those wonderful blue eyes. God how long as it been. He says "Thank you" and I step aside seeing that he has a suitcase. Phil shoots me a look behind his back and I raise my hands signaling I don't know what he wants or why he's here.

He disappeared from all our lives. Mike wouldn't tell me where he went and Natalie now back with her husband never gave any indication of being in contact with him. Now he was here out of nowhere.

"John would you like something to drink?" I ask wiping my flour coated hands on my pants.
"That would be nice. You have any beer?"
"Baby get him one of mine!" Phil blurts out quickly both me and John look at him realizing he's trying to send a message. I smile at my man. There's no need for him to be so nervous, but I understand it all the same. Going to the kitchen I hear Phil start his interrogation.

"John, what brings you back?" Phil asks

Looking up from the refrigerator I see him glance at me. "Unfinished business"
Phil frowns "Really"
"So you two are a couple?" John asks directly and I freeze at his bluntness. Looking him up and down I can see something is different about him. He's less darker in someway. Walking back over to him I hand him his beer, he purposefully touches my hand with his fingers and desire shoots through me. I blush and go over to Phil's side. "Yes we're a couple."

John pops the beer and smiles "Good for you Van I'm happy that you're happy."
"Where have you been John?" I ask curious.
"New Jersey"
Phil looks him up and down. "You here to stay?"
"If I can get my old job back yeah."
"Where are you staying" I ask slipping my arm around Phil's waist. John looks at my maneuver and smiles slyly. "Got an extra bedroom?" he asks

Phil chokes and I can't help but laugh. John laughs too and Phil looks at us confused, then realizing he's joking he laughs too.

"Seriously I'm staying at The Palace. I just came by to see you so it wouldn't be awkward with me in town."

Phil realizes how crazy he looks and sees that we may want to speak alone so he discreetly excuses himself to the bathroom. John smiles at him leaving and looks back at me. "So you two have some kind of food fight?"

I smile wiping my face "Yeah something like that."

John moves around my place drinking his beer and I watch him. He picks up a picture of me and Phil on our ski trip and looks at it.

"John why are you here?"

(John's POV)

Looking at the picture of her and Phil dressed in ski gear with snow around them my heart bleeds. God she moved on. I wasn't gone that long. Dr. Ashton warned me that this could be the case. But with him? Please she can't have the fire with him that we have. Hearing her ask why I came I swallow and put the picture down. "I wanted to ask you to dinner. There are some things I need to tell you"

She looks toward her bedroom positive that her new lover was listening to them. "Dinner?"
I smile at her "It's just dinner. We can be friends right. I know you are with Dr. Jamison but I would really like to tell you some things."
"What if I call you this week and set something up?"
I shake my head. "I'd like to meet tomorrow. It's important Van."

She frowns at me and I can understand her confusion but I can't wait any longer. I need to say these things and free us both. If she's with another man I can accept it but we need closure.

"Okay…how about 7 at the Palace"
"That will work." Grabbing the handle to my suitcase I head for the door. She walks over to it and opens it for me.

"Thanks for coming bye John it was real good seeing you again."
Standing close to her I look into her eyes and I want so bad to touch her. She sees it on my face and steps back putting a little more distance between us and it stings. "See you tomorrow" she says smiling sweetly.

"See you tomorrow. Tell Phil that I will be seeing him as well." I say winking at her and then walking out.

(Evangeline's POV)

He looks at me and I see it again. The old lustful heated stare from so long ago, before it all went terribly wrong. I can't go there. No…I won't go there. Stepping back I try to mask my nervousness with a smile. Saying goodbye he alludes to seeing Phil as well? What does that mean? Closing the door familiar feelings of love and desire beat into my heart again.

Turning I see Phil standing behind me watching me intensely. Jumping I smile at him. "How long you been standing there?"
"Why did you accept a dinner invitation from your ex without consulting me first?"
"Phil…please." I say dodging the question trying to walk away. He grabs my arm stopping me.
"Answer me Van."
I look into his face and see he's hurt. "He said he had to tell me something, it's innocent."
"I bet"
"Phil…you aren't threatened by him are you?"
"I was here Van, remember the nights you cried wondering what you did to have him trample on your heart and disappear. Remember not allowing me to make love to you for the first eight months of our relationship. Do you remember how he broke your heart?"

"Thanks for reminding me" I say weakly feeling as if he slapped me.

Phil looks at me and his face softens. "Sorry baby" reaching for me he pulls me into his arms and rubs my back. "I don't mean to hurt you. I just don't want you to open yourself up to old pains."

I kiss his face "Don't do that Phil" I say pulling away.
"Do what love and protect my girlfriend?"
"Don't analyze me. I'm a big girl and I am no longer in love with John McBain. I will go to dinner to hear him out and come home to you. End of story."
Phil sighs as I walk into the kitchen. I look back at him and wink "Now what do you want with this chicken?"

Later that night

(John's POV)

Lying on top of my bed fully clothed with both hands behind my head I stare at the ceiling. That visit didn't go as I hoped. She's with Dr. Phil? How in the hell did that happen? Why didn't Mike tell me?

Seeing her again was a breath of fresh air. Claremont was full of stocky short nurses. The woman in the center that were half sane didn't hold a candle to her. Besides I spent every night dreaming of her. When I went home to my mom broken and exhausted she drove me to Claremont and checked me in. I fought her at first but after just one week I found a inner peace I had no idea could exist. I suffered two nervous breakdowns in therapy and had to be medicated after one heart wrenching session but a year and a half later I am back from the dead and I plan to live again.

Sitting up in my dark room I walk over to my window and pull back the drapes. Leaning on the side of the window seal with my arms folded I look at the full moon and see her face. Tomorrow I set us both free. Dr. Ashton said it was necessary for me to move on. I agree. But moving on is not my only person. I want her forgiveness. I want her back.

(Evangeline's POV)

Phil's arm is draped over me and I rub it lovingly. He's my best friend; he saved me from my own self pity and doubt. He gave me a second chance and I'm happy. Then one day while playing and flouring chicken my past blows in and I question my life choices all over again.

Dammit why does he have that affect on me? It's not fair! Where the hell has he been anyway? Leaning over I kiss Phil on the forehead and get out of the bed. He moans softly and rolls over. Walking over to the edge of the bed I put on my robe and walk out the room. Going to the window facing the Walker Street I push it open letting the autumn breeze blow in. Inhaling the stale smell of the city I watch the cars drive by every couple of minutes and I think of my life now. What will it mean to have him back and so close? What did he want to tell me?

I look up at the moon and smile. Whatever the outcome I am not going to be sucked back into his world I have a man that loves me and only me. I will protect my happiness even from John McBain.

This story archived at: The John and Evangeline