Author's Notes: This story is based off of an AU within the Simpsons world, "The Gnarly Adventures of Busman." This was a comic first proposed by Otto in the episode "Three Men and a Comic Book" and later Bongo Comics expanded the idea into an actual, one-shot comic.

The "Busman" comic tells the story of a post-apocalyptic world, devastated by nuclear war, in which the survivors of the war are now being hunted by hordes of mutant vampires. (Not your sparkly kinda vampires either, the mean, bite-y, bloodthirsty kind.) Otto stars in the comic as "The Busman" who drives people to safety in his trusty school bus while fighting vampires and listening to classic rock along the way.

This is rated "T" at this point, though it might change in the future. There will be mentions of drugs and alcohol use, some violence (You know, fighting vampires and such…) and some sexual innuendo/jokes (but I don't have any plans to write any actual sex scenes) So that's it as far as warnings.

Well, let's get on with the show! I hope you enjoy!

Chapter One: The Gnarly Adventures of Busman!

Desert stretched out to the horizon in every direction. Long, vast expanses of barren wasteland as far as the eye could see. There was little to break up the monotony of sand besides one long, straight road. The only route to the last vestiges of civilization was this one desert highway, and he knew it well. Day after day he drove this road, his bus carrying people to safety in the few cities that were free from vampires.

He used to dream of being a super hero when he was a kid, while reading comic books and listening to heavy metal music. But he had never imagined that day might actually come, or at least, something similar. Maybe he didn't necessarily have super powers, but he was damn good at fighting vampires, and because of his willingness to drive a bus through a dangerous wasteland there were quite a few people alive today that wouldn't have been otherwise.

He was born Otto Mann, but these days most people referred to him as Busman. He had gained quite a reputation for his reckless, yet successful, navigation through the desolate no-man's-land that had become the home of mutant vampires. The nuclear war had made most people's lives miserable, but it had made his strangely better. This was a much more awesome life than shuttling screaming kids to school and listening to his father the Admiral tell him how he had wasted his life.

No one would tell him that he was wasting his life now. The Busman was a hero, a legend even! And he had no shortage of people willing to come along for a ride.

He had picked up three passengers in the last city. The first was a spicy little lady who worked her charm- as well as few other assets- in order to survive. Her name was Ella, or Emma, or something like that, though Otto thought of her as the "Floozy." She had been run out of the last town when several of the women had found their husbands in rather compromising positions with her.

The second was the "Bounty Hunter." He was a gruff man, dressed in a blue denim shirt and cowboy hat, with a nasty scar along his right cheekbone. He tended to keep to himself, and wouldn't say who or what he was after, other than the fact that he had "business" in the next city.

The Bounty Hunter made Otto a little uncomfortable. Reminded him a little too much of a cop. He even wondered if he had been one before the war, though he wasn't about to ask. No one ever asked anybody about what they had been before the war. It was like that world had ceased to exist. They all were what they were now, and that's all that mattered.

The final passenger was the "Lush"- a large and disheveled man, who probably hadn't been sober since even before this whole vampire nonsense had begun. Most likely he didn't even know where this bus was headed, but Otto didn't mind. It wasn't his job to judge, just to drive. That's what made him the Busman.

It was getting late into the evening now, and sunset was less than an hour away. They'd need to get moving before the sun went down if there was any hope of evading the hordes of vampires that roamed the desert at night.

Otto hopped onto the bus, banging loudly on a surplus muffler that was occupying one of the seats. "Alright everyone, time to wakey wakey!"

The passengers sat up in their seats, all of them giving him cranky looks.

"Do you have to be so loud about it?" muttered Edna Krabappel- or as Otto called her, the Floozy.

"Hey, lady, I'm just tryin' to give you a chance to do what you gotta do before we get moving."

The Bounty Hunter- formerly known as police officer Clancy Wiggum- was silent, merely giving Otto a scathing look as he made his way off the bus into the dilapidated supply outpost where they had spent the day. There wasn't much there, save for a few outhouses and a makeshift shower that used collected rainwater, but it was more luxury than he normally encountered.

Barney was a little more difficult to wake up, and it took a few firm nudges from Otto before he managed to snap out of his drunken stupor. "Ah… are we… there already…?" Barney stammered, before belching loudly.

"No way, dude! The city's still a few days away. Now go clean yourself up before we get moving for the night."

"Sure…" Barney slurred, hoisting himself up and stumbling down the aisle of the former school bus.

Once he had shooed the passengers off, he headed outside himself, to look over the engine before they got going for the night. He lit up a joint before he started his check. Nothing wrong with a little all-natural relaxation, he figured. With all the life-and-death struggles he faced on a daily basis, he needed something to calm his nerves.

After tinkering with the engine for a few minutes he decided everything looked to be in order before he slammed the hood shut. He looked up to see a figure approaching him, and he instinctively tensed, preparing himself for possible danger. However something about this form that was drawing nearer to him seemed decidedly non-threatening.

A moment later he realized it was a lady, and he began to be able to make out her features in the dim evening light. She was rather petite, with light brown hair, wearing a modest pink dress. She approached him cautiously.

"Excuse me but… are you the… Busman?" Her voice was shy and timid, but her eyes seemed full of hope. Otto glanced at the shiny crucifix hanging from her neck. Well that meant she was definitely not a vampire.

"Yeah, that's me," Otto said proudly. He patted the hood of the decked out former school bus. "And this here's the ride that's gonna take you to freedom!" He made a motion with his hand that seemed more reminiscent of an airplane flying than a bus driving.

The lady smiled pleasantly. "I'm so glad to finally meet you. I've been trying to get to the city to reunite with my husband and sons for months now."

"Oh yeah?" Otto said, pausing to take a drag from his joint. "Well what're they doing there without you?"

She frowned, and backed away from the smoke almost as if she was scared of it. "We got separated several months ago. I told Ned to keep going and take the boys to safety if that happened. I was more worried for them than for myself."

Otto smiled at her. "You're one cool mama, lady. So what's your name?"

"Maude. Maude Flanders," she replied.

"Maude." He glanced at the cross hanging from her neck once again as it glinted in the red glow from the setting sun. "You some kinda missionary then?"

"I suppose you could say that."

"Ah, I see. Missionaries don't have much money…" he replied, hoping she'd catch his drift.

She bit her bottom lip a little. "I'm sure my husband will pay you nicely once we get to the city."

Otto nodded. He wasn't particularly concerned with money, but he did need to eat. However he didn't mind extending a little credit in this situation- he couldn't imagine a nice Christian lady like her would lie to him.

"Well welcome to the magic school bus, Missionary Lady! Hop on board, cause as soon as the sun goes down, we gotta get rollin'!"

"Of course. Thank you so much!" she said gratefully, carrying her one small bag and her Bible as she stepped onto the bus. Otto followed quickly.

"Listen up dudes, we got a new passenger tonight. Her name's… uh… well you can call her the Missionary Lady. Now get situated and hold on tight!" He plopped down into the driver's seat and started the loud engine as Maude made her way to the back of the bus. She had just sat down when Otto took off in a hurry, the bus jerking as he revved the engine.

Edna looked Maude over disdainfully. "I suppose your name really isn't Missionary Lady, huh?"

"No, it's Maude," she replied with a friendly smile. "Maude Flanders."

"My name's Edna. What're you doing out in the desert? You look a little too clean cut for that lifestyle."

"I'm trying to reunite with my husband in the city," she said, trying to sound amicable.

"Husband, huh? Must be nice." Edna scoffed and took a drag from her cigarette. "I wonder how many other husbands are there, missing their wives…"

Maude scowled a little, quickly figuring out just what kind of woman her fellow passenger was. She bit back a retort, and instead decided it would be better just to keep to herself and read her Bible.

Edna watched her for a moment. "Is that a Bible? Please tell me you don't believe in that non-sense."

"In these dark times, our only hope is to place our trust in the Lord," Maude said sweetly, clutching her Bible to her chest.

"Oh brother," Edna muttered.

Wiggum grinned bitterly, and turned his head to look at the woman sitting behind him. "Trust me lady, the only thing the Good Book is good for at this point is knocking vampires over the head."

Edna laughed. "Good one, Bounty Hunter."

He shrugged and turned back around in his seat. Maude shook her head and went back to reading the scriptures, still content to place her hope in a higher power, despite the ridicule of the others.

"So when are you gonna tell us who you're after, Bounty Hunter?" Edna asked after several moments of silence, hoping to liven up the conversation a bit.

"It doesn't matter. Just trust me, he's a real sicko."

"Hmph," Edna replied. "I don't see any reason to be hunting humans, when there's plenty of vampires to kill."

"If you say so, ma'am." Wiggum tilted his head and looked out the window, hoping she got the clue that he wasn't interested in talking.

Edna rolled her eyes and slouched back in her seat. There was no need talking to Barney, he was already three sheets to the wind and the night had barely even begun. She resigned herself to yet another boring night, hoping that life would get more exciting when this bus finally reached the city.

Stay tuned very soon for Chapter Two, in which Otto picks up a few more passengers for his journey to the city!