"Ten Golden Rules of Survival Around Women"
Disclaimer: Dream on!
Summary: Echizen, Ryoma's perspective about which was the dominant sex. Slight RyoSaku.
A/N: I finished this months ago but I only felt like typing and posting it now. Hope you like it! Enjoy!
"Ten Golden Rules of Survival Around Women"
Ryoma's POV
He had gone up this rooftop for his needed peace and quiet from the high-pitched screams of the various ways one could call his name and his nosy senpai-tachi. Never had he felt so harassed in all his fifteen years of tennis and cat-obsessed living. He had to smirk when he saw the crowds of squealing female adolescents that had their everyday hormone-attack making such a commotion at the quadrangle. The teachers for running around in the school campus and disrupting the morning classes were already punishing them. The devil in him gloated with glee while his outward self just smirked.
Women were so "mada mada dane". From his three years of women experience, they were a fatal headache personified. Great! Now he sounded like Horio, meaning he was so NOT okay.
They had no morning tennis practice today and he was not up to hitting away on the wall with a tennis ball today. He wasn't feeling sleepy either. So he decided to amuse himself in exploring how much information his brain had gathered from his three years of women experience.
1.)Thou shall not mess with them PMS-ing (both 'Pre' and 'Post' is fatal as he remembered his mom and cousin) or menopause( he shuddered just at the thought of his coach).
He glanced down at the quadrangle to see his fan club standing there holding pails filled with water in both hands.
2.)Thou shall not run away from them no matter what your instincts tell you. Hiding from them is a better option.
Somewhere down below he heard a familiar loud voice shouting something along the lines of 'enduring hardship for the love of Ryoma-sama' he recognized as the Osakada girl and the agreeing of others. He wondered at unexplainable surge of relief the passed through him when he didn't see a girl with two impractically long auburn braids beside her whom she was practically attached with by the hip.
But where could she be?
3.)When you find them loud and annoying, just let them be. They won't listen to you anyway so don't bother trying.
Deciding he was only worried about her for he was still getting used to the fact that he was no longer held responsible if anything bad happened to her as he had been during their Jr. high school dats since she was the granddaughter of their coach.
Due to excessive thinking about the girl, he remembered an incident when he was but a 12 year old 1st year jr. high school.
She was close to tears, when unexpectedly Momo-senpai jumped out of a random classroom. Quickly pulled him in a headlock as he was dragged-much to his consternation-along the corridor where many could see as the idiot continued ranting about how to treat a girl properly. The girl's tears haven't even fallen yet! Though he wasn't sure if he was thankful as he no longer had to deal with a girl crying, much less Ryuuzaki.
Besides, he had a broken reputation to mend. He couldn't trust anyone who had witnessed what had happened not to tell it to a single soul. He could only wish that by the time it reached his senpai-tachi the story wouldn't be exaggerated in ten folds. Or there will be hell to pay at the club from his regulars and coach who practically held him suspect for making her granddaughter almost cry. If he didn't love tennis so much, he would have ditched practice altogether.
4.)Never make them cry.
a.) Even if you weren't the one at fault the blame will find its way to you.
b.)If you don't want to be reduced (more accurately: your shirt) into an over-sized tissue paper.
c.) Get a sound beating from your sempai-tachi the moment they got wind of you and a girl crying in one sentence.
d.) The ground has ears and the news has wings. It had never failed. Most of the time, that news is always bad for you and your reputation.
He had seen his father insult his mother's cooking when he was younger and he was wise and sensible enough not to follow his footsteps as he had chosen in almost everything except tennis.
If instinct isn't good enough, maybe a live show of torture right in front of you during mealtime might do the trick. Probably the reason why he only opened his mouth to taunt his father but never his mother. He might be a sadist but he was never a masochist.
After at least ten times in landing in the hospital and using up all his insurance which was originally reserved for a tennis injury, the baka finally learned his lesson. His mother thankfully learned the proper way to cook edible food, which was a good thing since the prize money he had won in his last tennis championship was rapidly diminishing as he had sense enough to sneak bought fast food to actually continue living after barfing in the toilet the food his mother would cook for them.
He could only be thankful that Inui-senpai was born male, and thus, lacking persuasion. He feared for the life of his (Inui) would-be children to take such toxic and die at such an early age right after being fed Inui-juice. No one deserved such death. Especially not one so young.
5.)Thou shall not insult their cooking. Eat it even though you'll risk being food-poisoned.
Scenarios:
a.)Hospitalized and them being repentant for forcing you to eat un-edible food. Maybe even pampered.
b.)Receiving a sound beating and their wrath, hospitalized later and 'you' being
repentant for insulting their cooking despite being the one physically maimed.
Conclusion: Weighing the pros and cons, the unfairness, and the lesser of the two evils, scenario 'A' is definitely much better.
This is common knowledge to all mortals and dead souls alike.
6.)Thou shall not anger them...
"Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned."
if you wish to see tomorrow.
7.)A woman's tears are the most lethal weapon. For it creates an internal battle within you for feeling like a bastard for making her cry or not being able to do anything to stop it. It makes you feel useless. A feeling a man despises the most.
What once was a little spat between the two of you, expect by tomorrow that it will the whole 'United Female Organization' (UFO) against you alone. No man in their right state of mind would ever think of helping you for fear that they would divert UFO's wrath on them. You can only expect at the most a hurried whisper of encouragement, sympathy and (obviously) false regret that they were unable to help due to certain matters that had come, which is obviously non-existent before running like a scared bunny.
Either they stay out of it and help UFO. Just pray to all the gods you know that your sempai-tachi did not decide to betray their gender. They might find the wisdom in the saying 'If you can't beat them, join them.' You of all people should know what they are capable of.
8.)Never argue with a woman. You never win.
Again, he glanced down at the girls in the quadrangle who somehow turned a punishment into a lively contest to win a date from him without his consent.
9.)When you have a fan club that stalks and follow your every action and movement like a shadow everywhere you go, ignore them as best as you could.
Reasons:
a.)A simple glance (but mostly likely a glare)can be easily mistaken as interest.
b.) Trying to tell them off would be suicide. You don't even have the chance to say anything once they start screaming and run after you.
10.) No matter how you say you hate them and never want to see them again, you have to admit that life could never be the same without them. They're a part of your life. After all he needed his mother, cousin, and (grudgingly) his coach.
The End?
Mada mada dane
----
Mouseter: That can't be the end! Oh Ryoma-kun! You forgot someone! Ryuuzaki, Sakuno to be precise!
Chibi-Ryoma: I did not forget her, she is really not include and don't call me Ryoma-kun.
Mouseter: Ryoma-kun's in denial! She's really included and you're just shy!
Chibi-Ryoma: Really? How would you know?
Mouseter: Because I'm the author, silly!
A voice from behind: Ryoma-kun…
Chibi-Ryoma whirling around : I said don't call me Ryoma-kun!
Who happens to be Chibi-Sakuno…
Teary eyed Chibi-Sakuno: Ryoma-kun…
Mouseter: Rule number 7 Ochibi-kun!
Chibi-Ryoma: Don't call me that!
Mouseter: Why not? I have every right! You're a meager 5 flat while I'm 5'3!
Chibi-Ryoma: Grrrr…
Chibi-Sakuno whirled around. Running away crying fat tears falling in her wake, her two long braids trailing behind her.
Mouseter: If I were you, I'd quickly run after her and add Sakuno-chan, Ochibi-kun. Before rule number 8 happens…
Chibi-Senpai-tachi (except Chibi-Tezuka, Chibi-Kaidoh, Chibi-Oishi and Chibi-Taka until he was given his racket) and Chibi-Ichinen-trio: Ochibi/Ryoma is in trouble!
Chibi-Ryoma became more pale than usual before tugging his cap lower muttering dark curses under his breath as he turned before running towards the same direction Sakuno had ran off to. Not forgetting to say…
Chibi-Ryoma: Mada mada dane.
Mouseter: The powers of an author! ensue maniacal laughter
----
Of course, his games wouldn't be the same without a certain clumsy girl with two impractically long auburn braids who awfully sucks at tennis. Has bad sense of directions, stuttered, easily flustered and blushes a lot. Cooked the best meal he had ever tasted though it mysteriously vanished and had never offered again without a loud best friend who had to pull her along to do so. And to watch him in his every game to keep him focused with the knowledge that she was there for him and will always be on his side be it a victory or defeat.
He sighed. "Mada mada dane, Echizen." He whispered to himself before closing his eyes, tuuging down his cap to block the light of the sun and sleeping peacefully.
Whoever said that women were the weaker sex!
-The End-
Seriously
----
A/N: My first shot at RyoSaku pairing. I found that unnecessary author's persuasion cheesy!Gomen for the wrong grammars and any mispelled words. But never mind! R&R please! Constructive criticisms are highly appreciated. I want to improve writing fictions so onegai!