Red VS Blue Surviving the Flood

Chapter 1

The Heretic, SLAYER

Here is the sequel. I know it took me a while to update but what I lack in time I make up in quality. And…I've sort have been preoccupied with my new found ability to draw. I CAN DRAW! I posted a link on my profile in case anyone wants to jeer at my lame "masterpieces". But that's not important. What is important is that I shut up and let you read the story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Halo, bugs bunny, Red VS Blue, a covenant armada, or a dog named Phil.

In Blood Gulch, Donut sat quietly on his lawn chair sipping a cup of tea while watching nature remain a barren waste land….but this has NOTHING to do with the story.

Some number of light years away, the covenant were starting a civil war atop of Delta Halo.

On the surface of Halo, a lone elite makes his way into the center of a flood infested building.

Elite: "CHARGE!"

Hundreds of Grunt, Jackles, Elites, ect: "CHARGE!"

Ok maybe he wasn't alone.

His horde of warriors started shooting at random flood while the Elite took two brutes and made his way to the center of the building. There they find the remains of a certain Spartan….NO NOT MASTER CHIEF! Random Spartan#76 from my last chapter of my most recent fic (if you haven't read my other RvB fics you had best do so before you get lost in my many references to them)

The Elite brushed off the flood currently infesting the Spartans body.

Elite: "DAMN THESE VILE INFIDELS! They killed a demon…BEFORE ME!"

A single message was sent through every radio of every covenant at the same time.

Truth: "Execute order 66."

Brute 1: "huh?"

Brute 2: "That means that there is now a civil war in the covenant most likely do to the current shift in power and now we must exterminate every Elite we find."

Brute 1: "Didn't the author already do a Star Wars Parody?"

Elite: "Hey what are you two talking about?"

The elite barely managed to jump out of the way before a brute shot hit the wall behind him.

Brute 2: "Guess what. The prophets have ordered us to kill you."

Elite: "Impossible!"

Brute 2: "Oh it's true. I wonder what the Elites will do without their great hero…MANGOR! THE HERITIC SLAYER!"

Mangor: "Give me proof of this vile order."

A hologram of Truth appeared on a conveniently located screen next to them.

Truth: "I realized that barely any of you knew what order 66 was. So just know that the Elites, grunts, and hunters have betrayed us all and you must kill them."

Brute 2: "We already know that!"

Mangor: "Did you just talk back…to a prophet!"

Brute 2: "Oh…no."

Before the brute could even fire his brute shot, the famed heretic slayer had thrown himself across the room and decapitated the second brute.

Brute 1: "WOW THAT WAS AWESOME! I mean….NO! BRUTE 2! WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE YOUNG!"

Mangor: "I know not what I did to anger the prophets. But I shall not die until every heretic is dead beneath my feet."

Brute 1 grabbed two brute plasma rifles and fired them both at Mangor.

Mangor ran up a wall as Matrix music started to play for no apparent reason. HE bounced off the wall, did a few unnecessary flips, and sliced off the brutes head. All in less than a second.

Voice: "OMG! THAT WAS KICK ASS!"

Mangor turned to see a group of 5 marines eating popcorn while watching this fight. And another five marines carrying the corpse of the Spartan away.

Mangor: "STOP! Do not touch the heretic's body!"

Marine: "ALL OF YOU! Defend the Master Chief's corpse! I will hold him."

Marine 2: "Um….this isn't the Master Chief."

Marine: "It isn't? I thought there was only suppose to be one Spartan on Delta Halo."

Marine 2: "I know I know. But this is a fan fiction it doesn't have to be accurate."

Mangor: "So…are you going to give me the body or not?"

The nine marines made a break for the exit while the first Marine stood behind.

Marine: "Alright! If you want that body. You will have to go throu-."

Mangor punched the Marine in the face and ran after the Marines. By the time he caught up, the Marines were on the floor below him only a few yards away from their drop ship.

Mangor: "Hm…I COULD simply jump down there and kill them now or I can wait and do something cool."

Two brutes and two jackles stepped behind Mangor.

Brute: "It's over heretic slayer!"

Mangor: "Hey can you guys wait a little while before firing?"

Brute: "Um sure….why?"

Mangor: "You'll see….."

The marines began loading the Spartan onto the dropship.

Mangor: "So, how are the wife and kids?"

Brute: "They were pretty good until I ate them yesterday."

Mangor: "Now you see that's the difference between Elites and Brutes…we don't eat our young."

Brute: "We don't eat our young! We eat our ANYTHING regardless of its relationship with us."

The dropship started taking off.

Mangor: "Ok you can fire now."

Halo music began to play as the brutes and Jackles began firing at Mangor as he ran over a ramp leading over a large fall. (They are on one of those weird reeaaaaallllyyyy tall buildings like the one you are in when you play the Arbiters first mission.)

Dodging the explosions, Mangor jumped off the ramps and landed on the back of a Pelican dropship.

Brute: "NOOOOOOOOOO! I forgot to tape that! CURSE YOU MANGOR!"

Mangor could not help but pity the Brute for missing that first action scene so he threw the Brute an early Christmas present. By that I mean he stuck him with a plasma grenade.

Several other dropships formed up behind the first.

Marine 2: "Where are we going?"

Pilot: "To the warship Achilles. You know the one we arrived on."

Marine 2: "I thought there was only one ship at Delta Halo."

Pilot: "The author can simply make things up. For example his explanation for this ship was that it was going to a planet where a civil war was being thought. You know the Red vs Blue wars. And it had to make two jumps to get the total distance, and coincidentally this jump happened to lead us here."

Marine 2: "I see. And why is it that this dead Spartan isn't turning into a zombie and attacking us. I mean it WAS killed by the flood."

Pilot: "Bungie didn't design a zombie Spartan yet and the author isn't gonna make one up."

Marine 2: "That is one lazy author."

Pilot: "NO! Don't anger the author. Something bad will happen."

Suddenly the Spartans chest exploded. The flood had hollowed out the armor and several parasites managed to cram themselves inside.

Marine 2: "Awwwwww they're so cuuuuttttteeee."

The Flood apparently didn't like being called cute and jumped on the marine and…well….we all know what happens from there."

Mangor was about to crawl inside the Pelican when some dozen of flood flew out the back of the dropship and started going inside the others behind it.

Mangor somehow managed to get from the roof of the Pelican to inside of the pelican (I don't think that's physically possible) only to see a zombie/flood/dead human with a shotgun. The flood thing fired and Mangor was thrown out of the dropship.

Random Brute: "Heh serves him right."

Sad music started to play as the famed heretics slayer's body fell towards the earth. Then he realized that the sad music was his cell phone ring.

Mangor: "Hello?"

Elite: "Brother! It is good to see you are alive!"

Mangor: "HEY! Good to see ya Darlmon! What's up."

Darlmon: "I just regained control of my ship. The brutes have betrayed us brother. The covenant is being torn apart."

Mangor: "I know. I just had an encounter with those brutes. Long story short I'm kind of falling to my death here. Of course, this is a reeeeaaaalllly pointlessly long fall. The kind of fall that you would only see in Halo. I could starve to death before I hit the ground."

Darlmon: "Hang on I will pick you up."

Meanwhile Up in space….

Brute: "SIR! Darlmon's banshees are going back into his ship. We think he's about to warp."

Reignor: "What? Where is he warping!"

Brute: "To the surface of Halo."

Reignor: "Only a fool would attempt that kind of stunt! Send the three ships under our command to follow him."

On the surface of Delta Halo, every covenant, human, and halo fan in sight's jaw hung open as a large covenant ship appeared out of no where, flying in between the large and pointless towers.

Chances are their jaws hung even lower when they saw three other ships appear out of a split space rupture. The first of the new ships warped literally inside of a tower and exploded in huge (and really cool) flames of doom. The second appeared unharmed, and the third crashed into another pointless tower but wasn't destroyed.

Darlmon: "Get a ship to retrieve my brother in mid-fall. All guns aim at the second ships hanger."

As banshees went out of the second ship they were destroyed by Darlmon's ship.

Suddenly, the tower that the first ship warped inside (the one that has been exploding up to this point) collapsed and a huge section fell on, and destroyed the second ship.

A Phantom carrying Mangor landed in the hanger of Darlmon's ship.

Mangor ran into the bridge.

Mangor: "BROTHER! We have a new objective."

Darlmon: "How did you get to the bridge so fast? Your ship carrying you here landed 5 seconds ago."

Mangor: "I don't know but that doesn't matter! Brother the flood have taken over the humans and their ships. They are going to infest the human ship Achilles!"

Darlmon: "I thought there was only one human ship."

Mangor: "I know I know. It's a long story mainly revolving around the authors laziness."

Darlmon: "Well we can talk about that later. As for now. ATTACK THE HUMAN SHIP!"

Elite: "SIR! We don't know where the human ship IS sir."

Mangor looked at the Elite with an expression that sang insanity, homicidal, evil, maniac.

Mangor: "Are you disobeying the captains orders!"

Elite: "Um…no sire."

Mangor: "YES YOU ARE!"

Elite: "No I'm not!"

Mangor: "Did you just contradict me!"

Elite: "Yes sir."

Mangor: "Oh we have a trouble maker now do we."

Elite: "No sir."

Mangor: "You contradicted me again! You are really asking for it."

Elite: "I'M SORRY SIR DON'T KILL ME!"

Mangor looked at the Elite with an expression of triumph.

Mangor: "Sorry for what?"

Elite: "Contradicting you twice, disobeying the captains orders, and ripping the head off your teddy bear Bo-Bo when we were three."

Mangor: "THAT WAS YOU! I'LL KEEL YOU!"

Elite: "Wait a minute. You never kill someone without calling them a-."

Mangor: "DIE HERITIC!"

Mangor snapped the Elites neck and then skipped merrily down the halls as if nothing happened.

Darlmon: "By the time we are done with this he will have killed every man under my command. Activate sub-light engines! Follow the human infidel dropships."

Elite: "Hey I didn't know flood could fly dropships."

At that point the flood driving the Pelicans realized they couldn't fly and started crashing into random objects between them and the Achilles. One of the dropships even flew into the covenant mother ship as the Master Chief was poking the prophet of Mercy's corpse to see if he was alive.

Cortana: "….Not a very original plan, but one we know will work."

The pelican crashed into the wall in that hanger.

Master Chief: "Hey! I have reinforcements."

A bunch of flood Zombies ran out of the pelican.

Master Chief: "Ok never mind."

Back in Redemption (I am naming Darlmon's ship the redemption now) Mangor was ordering Pizza.

Mangor: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN COVENENT DIDN'T INVENT PIZZA AND THAT HUMANS DID! HERETIC!"

Actually that has nothing to do with the story so lets get back to the point.

Elite: "Darlmon. The flood have invaded the human ship. They took them completely by surprise."

(FLASHBACKIFY TO TWO MINUTES AGO)

The pelican dropships crashed into the hanger.

Marine: So how did the battle go."

The flood walked out of the Pelican.

Marine: "Hey is that a dead Spartan over there? I thought there was only suppose to be ONE Spartan on Delta Halo."

Flood: "ahgaoag babgaaba." (flood talk)

Marine: "I hear ya. None of what the author does makes sense."

Flood: "ahgahgjajgb"

Marine: "Oh a button that would disarm all ship defenses so that if hypothetically a large group of parasites were in here they could easily kill everyone….yah its right over there in plain sight."

Flood: "aghajgb abgbahhgbjka gkbabkgbkab gkbakgkbjabg." (Translation: "ALL I ASKED YOU WAS WHERE THE BATHROOM IS! Which is odd considering that since I'm a flood I DON'T NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM! Whatever. Hey what does that button do?"

UNFLASHBACKIFY

Darlmon: "How did they get past the human defenses so easily!"

Elite: "I don't know but they have full control of the ship."

Elite 2: "SIR! Our sensors indicate that their ship is about to warp!"

Darlmon: "Where to?"

Elite: "A strange planet where the humans are fighting a civil war to determine what color they should paint the white house. Red or blue. We haven't attacked this planet because the humans waste a lot of resources in this civil war and we want it to continue."

Darlmon: "Very well then. Warp to that planet."

While at the ship they were in combat with…..

Reignor: "What's going on? Why is the Redemption withdrawing it's Banshee's?"

Brute: "Sir I believe they are about to warp."

Reignor: "Then follow them with every ship in our command."

Brute: "Sir this is the only ship in your command."

Reignor: "What! I thought we had three."

Brute: "They were destroyed sir."

Reignor: "We shall avenge those ships! Fortunately, no foe has been able to beat the Condemnation in battle yet!"

Brute: "That is because this Ship was just finished being built three days ago it hasn't been in any battles yet except this one. And were losing."

Reignor: "Well….that means our ship is more recent then theirs!"

Brute: "Actually this ship is an insanely old model that took so long to build it came out after the Redemption was designed and made."

Reignor: "JUST WARP ALREADY!"

While Back in Blood Gulch………

Donut had finished sipping his tea.

Donut: "Now there's nothing to do but to watch the stars where there are no surprises like huge warships warping right about us."

Griff: "Hey Donut…."

Donut: "Yah?"

Griff: "Where the hell did you get a lawn chair and a cup of tea?"

Donut: "I have no idea but it tasted HORRIBAL!"

Griff: "Why were you drinking the tea if it tasted bad."

Donut: "I wasn't talking about the tea."

Griff was about to ask why Donut attempted to eat a lawn chair when a huge warship appeared not to far above them…actually it was way to close.

The warship flew right over Blood Gulch, scraping the tallest mountain as it flew by.

Donut: "Wow I think an alien ship just crash landed here. AND I FORGOT MY CAMERA!"

Griff: "Why does the author have to leave us with a cliff hanger every chapter?"

Yup that was the first chapter. I was going to add more but I figured to split it into two chapters into one insanely long one. Anyways R&R. oh and sorry this wasn't as funny as my other fics but I needed to open up with this chapter and I made it as funny as I could. THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE FUNNIER!