So, hey! I've decided to start a drabble collection. I'm hoping that it will help me out of this rut of writer's block. It's terrible! Hopefully, I'll be able to add to this collection regularly – things should be pretty sweet once uni is out for the year!

So, please, R&R. It really motivates one to keep writing if one has feedback to work with!

Unfortunately, I own nothing.

Why?

You asked me to live for the both of us, but I can't even live for myself. I'm living half a life and it's not good enough and its –

I don't speak much these days. But I'm hurting. I hurt – every single day. I think Tifa knows. I wouldn't know for sure because she hasn't been speaking to me much lately. I think she's been avoiding me. I think it might be because I'm such a sad case –

just so pathetic.

I think everything that has happened lately has rattled her. The planet may have been saved from complete destruction, Sephiroth may be gone, but things are a long way off from being okay.

Zack, I –

I loved Aerith.

I know you wanted me to keep an eye on her, to make sure she was okay. I bet you didn't count on me falling for her, did you, Zack?

I don't know if she knew.

But I loved Aerith and I let her die – just like I let you die.

Maybe if I had told her how I had felt, then she wouldn't have gone off to the temple alone. I should have told her that I wanted her to stay, that she didn't have to play hero –

She didn't have to sacrifice her own life.

Sometimes when she looked at me, I had a feeling she was seeing you. She saw you, Zack.

She loved you.

I think Tifa loves me. I'm not sure.

But how could she?

Sometimes I think I love her too.

It's different to how I felt about Aerith. I always wanted to be around Aerith because she made me feel good about myself; she giggled and flirted with me and made me feel good about myself. I was drawn to her.

She reminded me of you. Sometimes, when I looked at her, I could see you, Zack.

Tifa makes me want to run. The feeling frightens me.

When she looks at me I feel everything at once, Zack.

I want to cry, to scream, to take her in my arms and fall apart – because I see all of my pain in her eyes, because everything I have been through is reflected in her own being. My hurt is her hurt, hers is mine.

What does that mean, Zack? Am I crazy?

I still remember the moment you walked away – I will always remember the moment you walked away that one, last time.

I was still in a foggy haze; in the midst of an inner battle. I was in a state of a blurry subconscious; torrents of painful memories were chasing each other in my mind but I couldn't take a hold of any of them. I slipped in and out of consciousness constantly – I slipped in and out of a haunt of faceless figures. All of them were screaming my name. All of them scared me and I was constantly trying to run from them. It was like trying to fight my way out of myself. The only thing that ever kept me from complete insanity was your voice. Yes, I could hear you.

Yes. We are friends, Zack.

I tried to reach out to you, Zack. Did you see me? Would you have stopped if you had seen that I wanted you to stay? That I didn't want you to go play hero; that I didn't want you to sacrifice your own life for mine?

Why did you have to be so fucking stupid, Zack Fair?

Why were you so selfless and courageous and loving?

Why were you all the things I could never be?

Why –

why does it still hurt this fucking much?