Title: Sanctuary
Summary: Bella Swan normally does not leave handwritten notes behind everywhere she goes.
Word Count: 668
Rating: PG-13
Warning: The fic ends in Jacob/Bella, so for the Edward/Bella 'shippers out there...you might want to stay away from this. And it also contains spoilers for both Twilight and New Moon. If you haven't read those two books (ahem, you should fix that ASAP), then this won't make any sense to you.
Disclaimer: The Twilight series isn't mine; it's all Stephenie Meyer's. The quote "Forever was happening now, always changing - it was what everything was really all about." is taken from Sarah Dessen's lovely book The Truth About Forever; the credit belongs to her (even though I changed it just a little bit). The only thing I own is this ficlet. Yep.
Notes: This goes out to Chrissy, whose writing style has influenced my own so much. And because she's awesome. I know Twilight/New Moon isn't your fandom, Chrissy, but...I hope you like this.
And this also goes out to Sandra/Facade, not only for being godly but also for making me write this. Hopefully this isn't too horrible?
One more thing.. This is set during New Moon; however, I put my own spin on Jacob and Bella's personalities. Maybe you'll like or hate it.
Okay, I'll shut up now. Enjoy it?
- - -
Bella Swan normally does not leave handwritten notes behind everywhere she goes.
She isn't the kind of person who does that sort of thing, scattering small pieces of herself all over the place.
This time, though, it's different. She keeps herself tightly locked up now - no one, not even her beloved Edward, can reach in and pull her out of the darkness.
(Break me. She pleads silently in her head. I dare you to. I'm not delicate.)
There has to be a reason why she was doing this. (She's untouchable, unforgettable.)
Jacob wonders if she's ready to let someone in. Is she trying to tell them - him - something with her notes?
He wants to see what she's writing, find out her secrets (he wonders if she'll let him in).
She walks away when she sees his shadow approaching -
Doesn't leave fast enough.
(Let me fall.)
-
He's half torn - he can't decide on whether to shake her or help her heal. Let her be alive again.
(The pain is still raw fresh bittersweet.)
She feels empty and hollow inside. It's as if she's nobody's girl anymore - she doesn't belong to Edward now. Was I really your everything? Your heroin, your stars, your heart, your strength, your life?
She can't feel anything. She only feels nothing.
She's dead.
-
He had promised her forever. She was given six months and a goodbye. Say hello to your broken heart.
She knew only first loves and fractured kisses. (Forever was happening now, always changing - it was what everything was really all about.)
She's learned to stop believing in promises. They offer nothing but false hopes.
So why does she still hope, wish for the impossible?
(Because I need something to believe in.)
-
He watches her as she loses herself in the darkness. (She's breaking him. Slowly, piece by piece. Until there's nothing left.)
"Do you ever wonder what my notes say?" Her voice startles him.
"Notes don't speak." The words leave his mouth before he can stop them - damn my lack of self-control.
She laughs harshly. It's ugly but beautiful music to his ears. "There's a secret they all hold but won't tell."
"Will you tell me?" Am I digging my own grave?
"I just wish he would come back," she says suddenly, "even though I know he's not going to. Not as long as my life's still on the line."
He listens. That's all he can do for her right now.
"You want to know what I write in my notes? It's a message to Edward. I ask him to come back, to save me. I tell him that I'm going crazy." I'm dying slowly. They know the words left unsaid.
"Why am I still torturing myself?" She whispers to herself. "Even though I can't feel anything . . . it still hurts. Is this the kind of pain that never goes away?" (She already knows the answer.)
The words he wants to say are stuck in his throat. So he says nothing. Only walks closer to the ornate bench where she's sitting. Can't get too close or else I will shatter.
"I've forgotten how to live." Her mouth forms a sardonic smile. "How ironic is that. All I know now is how to die."
"That's not true, Bella." His voice is hoarse; it hurts to say her name. "And you know it." All you know is how to live. She knows what he was going to say.
"Living is such a hard thing to do," she says quietly.
"Dying's worse." This time her laugh is real.
For the first time in a long time, they begin to talk.
(I'll live again.)
-
It happens gradually. As the days go by, it starts to hurt less and less whenever she smiles or laughs. Maybe laughter really is the best medicine. Edward rarely appears in her dreams now.
She leaves her last note on the Cullens' doorstep. I'm happy now, Edward. I can live.
Jacob squeezes her hand. (She gives him a devastating smile.)
Bella's never felt more alive.