Disclaimer: I don't own or profit from these characters.
A/N Bed features quite heavily. You have been warned.
Brendan was restless. Truth be told, Brendan was always restless these days.
He tossed and turned, rolled over and tried desperately to fall asleep again.
"Stephen, Stephen, Stephen." He murmured like a mantra. Like a grown-up lullaby.
It should have soothed his soul, placated him, brought peace and sleep.
Not tonight though. Not this night. Not recently.
Things had gone awry –again.
It had been over three weeks since Brendan and Ste's "misunderstanding." Brendan liked to shield his mind from the truth. His misunderstandings with Ste usually involved his knuckles, the palm of his hand or his boot. Brendan often misunderstood the reason behind these outbursts, but Ste never misunderstood their meaning.
Unusually, this latest meeting-of-minds had left Brendan on edge.
"Hey nows the time we crack open a beer, sit down and laugh about how stupid we was huh?" he commented as he tried to smooth the waters.
His offer was declined.
Unruffled he'd stepped in close to Ste's ear and had whispered.
"You'll come back to me"
But he hadn't.
Three weeks and counting, but still no Stephen. Now Brendan could bide his time, but this was getting ridiculous.
There'd been no contact, none whatsoever.
His mind and body complained incessantly.
Brendan repositioned his pillow and cast his mind back to happier times, fun times with Stephen.
One of the things Brendan liked about Stephen was his eagerness to try out new techniques. If he didn't know him better, he'd swear the boy was looking these things up on the internet. Some may say he's not the fizziest drink in the fridge, but he has skills. Pleasurable skills; and he's not afraid to use them.
On one such occasion their session had started out in the usual way, Stephen prone, Brendan on top, biting his way along his collarbone and grazing his teeth lightly over his Adam's apple, when Stephen had flipped him.
For such a slight guy he could display flashes of amazing strength when he wanted to.
Now Stephen was in command, which was a rarity. Brendan had succumbed to his kisses, which followed a direct line from his engorged nipples, through his chest hair, over the slight rise of his stomach, down his snail trail to his cock.
Stephen had pressed the tip against his mouth and Brendan had felt him smile, before he slipped it inside, but just only just. He lightly licked the head in small circular motions.
This was amazing, but Brendan needed more. He had tried to grab the back of Stephen's head, to urge him on, but Stephen had shaken his head away from his commanding grasp. He had had other ideas.
Knowing they were out of lube due to the recent frequency of their sessions, Stephen had licked both of his palms and had taken a firm hold of Brendan's best asset.
Setting up a rhythm he knew he could maintain, Stephen had caressed Brendan with firm, hard, overlapping strokes. As his hands reached the top of his mounting excitement, he sharply twisted his wrists and descended in a fluid figure of eight pattern. Over and over again.
It was a good job that Brendan was lying down, because his knees buckled.
Stephen's lips then joined the party, supporting his handiwork by applying just enough pressure to make Brendan pant heavily.
The addition of his small teeth nipping and biting caused Brendan to arch his back for
the first, but not the last time that night.
Then he was gone.
Stephen had left the bedroom.
Brendan remembered how shock and disappointment had coursed through him.
Before he could protest however, Stephen was back in his bed, in position and play had been resumed until,
JESUSMARYANDJOSEPH.
Brendan had encountered the fire and ice that duelled for supremacy in Stephen's mouth.
The heat of his tongue contrasted with the ice cubes that clinked against Stephen's teeth.
The resulting sensation had sent Brendan supernova.
He released a slow silent cry to the Gods, as Stephen watched his evident joy cascade up his chest.
As the heavens cleared, Brendan remembered glancing down at Stephen and asked.
"Where did you learn to do that?"
"Do what?"
"You know what Stephen, that?"
"Pilates".
They had both fallen about laughing at the notion.
Brendan had forgotten how funny Stephen could be.
However he couldn't forget his manual dexterity.
Brendan growled from the base of his throat at the recollection.
This brought back memories of his first time.
The first time that really counted.
He thought about him. He never did get his name.
He remembered his hands though. He remembered the wall he had been pushed up against. The sound of his zip being lowered.
His hand that had stolen inside, and ringed his cock confidently.
Brendan had had hand-jobs before obviously, from good Catholic girls, who couldn't or wouldn't go any further on a Saturday night.
They were usually quick, awkward, fumbled affairs, painful even, if rings and nails accidentally became involved; but this had been something else.
Was it because his hands were bigger? The stroke was firmer?
His movements had made Brendan vibrate, made him hum with need, made him forget his name.
His breath on Brendan's neck had emblazoned a trail straight to his cock. Brendan had wanted to moan. He had cupped his balls and rolled them in his hand. He had gently pulled them down and forward and played with the space behind. No-one had ever paid them so much attention. Then he had leant in, Brendan had turned his head away from the kiss.
No not that, that's what gay guys do,
I'm not...
Brendan had started to moan. He had opened his mouth only to find his tongue already there.
Surprise and satisfaction, in one fell swoop.
Brendan had been cut adrift. His desires had broken free of their reins and were running amok up and down his body.
His vision had blurred. His ears buzzed. The ache that had been building incessantly across the top of his pelvis had exploded and the rush that this resulted in, had sent him sliding down the wall, landing him unexpectedly on his coccyx.
For a while he wasn't sure he could speak.
For a while he wasn't sure he wanted to speak.
Time had stood still.
Brendan had listened to his own heartbeat. The beat of fear.
Then he had hit him. In the stomach. Twice.
He had thrown him to the ground, like he was an empty burger box.
"Piss off outta here ye hear. You disgust me."
Never let it be said Brendan was ever the romantic-type.
He had made it to his feet and walked away.
Furious. Still aroused.
Home. Whiskey. Bed.
It was a bitter-sweet memory for Brendan.
The dye had been cast.
-OOO-
Brendan turned onto his side and let out a groan. Sleep still wasn't within his grasp and now he felt frustrated as well.
Why was Stephen being so stubborn? Why wasn't he here?
He'd already tried everything, manipulation, dominance physical and emotional, subterfuge and skulduggery, but his spirit wouldn't be broken this time, no matter how hard Brendan tried.
This situation was beginning to get out of hand.
Stephen was a succulent dish that Brendan didn't like the taste of losing.
Maybe I should keep things simple he reasoned. After all possession is nine-tenths of the law.
After spending months refusing to acknowledge that they were a couple, Brendan finally conceded this point.
We can get through this, he thought. We can get through whatever this dalliance has turned out to be. We can get through anything, once I've had some sleep.
With that Brendan got up, got dressed, and left his flat.
He pulled the door firmly shut behind him.
Enough already Stephen.
As if on autopilot, Brendan's feet carried him towards the part of town he usually avoided.
Devoid of rest, his brain was tapping into thoughts he normally rationed.
This is getting sorted. I'm not done with the love of my, er the man that I like.
I just need to be near him.
Did I just say need? I mean, I meant, oh sod it, need will have to do. I'm too tired to think straight.
As Brendan approached Ste's run-down council house, he considered and rejected the idea of knocking.
He entered and traced his hand along the wall that led to Ste's bedroom.
It felt like familiar Braille to Brendan. He read the promise of peace through his fingertips.
Once at his bedside. Brendan had just enough time to kick off his shoes, before the elusive veil of sleep covered him.
-OOO-
Warm milk. Recently Ste had become addicted to warm milk.
He'd started making it for Leah and Lucas to help them wind down of a night.
To help him calm them down, in time for beddy-byes.
Beddy-byes, listen to me he thought. I've been babysitting for too long.
Three straight weeks in fact.
Ames is on a summer course, getting some qualifications, so she can join the A.T.A. Association of Teaching Assistants, (I didn't realise there was one). She was determined to improve their lot. They had been going through hard times recently, but the kids never knew. Amy had put all the money they had, on their plates. She was good like that Ste thought. So I've been left with the night after night shift and I can use all the help I can get, he mused.
As much as Ste loved his break, his accidental hibernation was tinged with sadness and lately, wherever there was sadness there was Brendan.
Ste felt his happiness ebb slightly. Brendan! Every time he felt that progress was being made, he had been rudely mistaken.
"I'm a mug me" he said to no-one in particular.
Almost threw away my family for him. Thought he might be my family.
Thought wrong.
I'm not even on his mind. Pete is. His not-so-ex ex.
I can't believe I was so stupid, thinking that he liked me enough to leave town with me. Thinking that he lov...
All I wanted was a new life, a safe life.
As a reflex Ste touched the space just under his eye, where his bruise had been.
I just don't get it. I just get hit time and time again, for asking for, what everyone else thinks is normal.
He's a monster. A caged animal lashing out every time I ask anything of him and he thinks I'm dumb enough to keep coming back.
Well not anymore. It's over, finished, done.
Brendan can have his Pete again and I hope they'll be very happy together- in hiding.
-OOO-
Fridays were always busy days in the Barnes-Hay household.
Leah and Lucas had swimming lessons and packing all their paraphernalia always brought added value to the morning routine.
Coupled with this, today was art collection day from nursery. Ste always had to remember to bring home their weekly craft projects, which naturally had to be displayed as soon as they reached home.
It wasn't uncommon for Ste to carry Lucas on his non-existent hip, because his buggy was crowded with bags, armbands and dinosaurs.
Just to add a cherry to the top of the cake, today Leah had a play-date too.
This meant that Ste would have to spend an additional two hours making awkward conversation in a virtual stranger's house, whilst trying to stop Lucas dressing up alongside Leah, as a princess also.
To say that he was exhausted when he eventually got home was an understatement.
Bedtime couldn't come quickly enough.
He almost asked Leah to read him a story, he was so tired.
He was actually asleep before his head hit the pillow today, but that wasn't to last.
It wasn't long before Ste felt his bed compress sharply, interrupting his R.E.M.
He reluctantly opened his eyes, expecting to see Leah beside him, asking for one last cuddle.
Instead he saw Brendan.
Brendan is in my bed!
WTF!
-OOO-
From the very beginning, Ste had been a hands-on parent.
Following the latest child-rearing fads was not for him. He was very instinctual, very primal. If something needed doing he would do it. If something needed sorting he would sort it.
So the sound of a crying child overrode any shock that he currently felt.
My child needs me. End of.
Ste sprinted from his bed towards Lucas.
Tripping over Brendan's discarded shoes on the way.
Lucas seemed very distressed. He'd woken up screaming from a bad dream.
Ste picked up his son, cradled him in his arms and kissed away his fraught tears.
"It's alright, it's alright Daddy's here." He repeated continuously as he gently rocked his youngest back to sleep.
Once Lucas was asleep again, Ste laid him in his bed and almost joined him there, as he thought this would be safer than returning to his own bed.
Knowing that this wasn't really an option, Ste headed back.
The optical illusion was still there.
Still there and snoring actually.
"Brendan, Brendan, Bren." Ste called as he prodded the comatose man with increasing intent. However Brendan was dead to the world, refuelling his subconscious.
After several attempts, Ste gave up, gave in and crawled into bed beside him.
Defeated.
As Leah and Lucas ran into his room in the morning. Ste stretched out his arm to discover the opposite side of his bed empty.
He had been deserted.
Ste was puzzled about the previous night's event. Puzzled and a little unnerved.
Why had Brendan shown up like that? Out of the blue. Why?
Ste shook his head, in an attempt to clear his thoughts.
Who knew what went in that man's head.
As long as it don't happen again, I s'pose I can ignore it, he thought.
-OOO-
Sun 02:05 Brendan dis-robed this time, before climbing into bed with
Ste.
Mon 02:17 Brendan brought his eye-patch.
Tues 01:45 Feeling ever more comfortable, Brendan lay diagonally
across Ste's bed. Taking up almost all the space. Forcing
Ste to hover precariously near the edge.
Weds 01:25 Brendan arrived with his toothbrush.
Ste looked down at Brendan in sheer disbelief.
This here is a whole new level of cheek!
As Ste let rip, expressing all the frustrations he had felt throughout the week, Brendan pulled faces behind him.
"You do know I can see you in the mirror, don't you?"
Brendan didn't, he momentarily bowed his head, chastised.
Ste continued.
"Get out Bren."
"No."
"What are you doing?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"I don't want you here."
"I'm not taking requests."
"How'd you get in anyway?"
"I'm displaying the skills of a mis-spent youth Stephen."
"Get outta my house, right the fuck now."
"Temper temper, you might hurt my feelings."
"Like you ever cared about mine."
"Shhh, sleeping now."
Unbelievably; with that, he did just that.
Thurs 01:59 Brendan slipped quietly into bed with Ste. Turned away from him
and promptly fell asleep.
"Enjoy the closet.
I'll make sure I shut the door on the way out."
Fri 02:30 In bed, in the dark, Ste was waiting for Brendan to arrive.
Things had to be said.
As soon as he did, Brendan immediately sensed the charge in the air and sat down on the bed, facing Ste and waited.
"What are you playing at Bren?"
"Playing? Why do ye say playing?"
"Well these nightly trips, why are they happening? You know we're not together
anymore?"
"I know that."
"Then why?"
Brendan sighed.
"I just want to be "he gestured with his hand "here, with you."
Ste was beginning to lose the battle to remain calm.
"You had me Bren and you didn't really want me. I offered myself to you and you said no."
"I didn't – I never said those words."
Ste sat up in exasperation.
"You didn't have to. Your ex turned up and you suddenly went off meh."
"Pete's not my ex."
"Whatever Brendan, whatever. All I know is that you don't give a toss about me."
"Stephen no."
Brendan made a move towards Ste, but he flinched and moved farther away from him.
Pained, Brendan's breathe caught awkwardly in his throat.
"Stephen don't, you're looking at me as though I should be signing a register somewhere."
"Well can you blame meh? Why are you here? What d'ya want from me?"
Without pausing for breath, he carried on.
"You have no idea how much you hurt me."
"I do."
"You don't. I came back here and cried all the tears I should have cried as a child and then covered them with adult tears.
I was gutted."
Brendan couldn't fail to be moved.
"Come 'ere."
"No."
"Come here Stephen." Brendan tried to take Ste into his arms.
"No Bren, it takes more than that."
"I do want you."
"But you've got to do more than want. Want isn't enough."
"What if I was to open that door?" Brendan hesitantly asked.
"What door?"
"The, the closet door ye mentioned."
"Not good enough, you have to step outside."
"I can't."
"You won't. There's a difference."
Brendan suddenly desperate not to waste this opportunity, implored.
"Give me another chance Stephen. I know I was cautious when I should have been brave."
"You were a knob."
Brendan gave a weak smile and nodded his head.
Ste gave him a hard stare.
"Oh and another thing, you have to stop belting me one."
"I will. I'll try, honestly I will."
Ste went on.
"There are other ways to fix things you know.
Hello, that's what words are for. Language was invented so we don't have to just point...or hit."
Even in the dark, Brendan could feel the daggers Stephen aimed at him.
"As someone who loves talking, I'm surprised that point is lost on you."
Sometimes even Brendan had to admit Stephen made sense, but he stubbornly refused to accept this tonight and he remained silent.
Too exhausted to argue any more Ste banged his head down on his pillow in frustration. He was so slight that as he did, he actually bounced.
Brendan Brady was too impossible for words!
-OOO-
When asleep, Brendan's body seemed to forget that they weren't together anymore.
His arm would snake around Ste's waist, pulling him close into the spoons position.
His mouth always found the nape of his neck to nuzzle.
On more than one occasion, his hand would protectively rest upon Ste's heart, as if to ward off all danger, overlooking the fact, he represented that danger.
Tonight however Brendan suddenly felt Ste give way.
The urgency, with which he needed Brendan, overwhelmed him and Ste opened up immediately. He scrambled to insert him with over-excited hands, all previous aptitude forgotten.
Brendan interlinked his fingers with Ste's as he rode him gently. It had been a long time, too long since they had connected in this way.
Gentleness however was not what Ste needed. He moaned, he bit, he bucked his hips, frenetically urging Brendan to pick up the pace.
He raced towards oblivion with an abandonment that Brendan struggled to keep up with.
Too soon his groin flipped a switch, rhythmically communicating his bliss to Brendan.
Ste came hard, his issue sticky and strong, sandwiching them together with a spermy jam.
"Fuck me." Ste said in exhausted elation.
"Just did darlin'" came the reply.
The silence that followed seemed to stretch like elastic.
Both Ste and Brendan were well aware that this had been the first time that Brendan had uttered a term of endearment.
Babe, hun, and lover had tripped from Ste's lips, but not Brendan's. He had steadfastly refused to follow suit, until now.
In acknowledgement, Ste reached up to draw him into a deep wet kiss. Brendan made a move to pull away, but Ste raised his legs again and wrapped them even tighter around his waist, crossing his ankles, holding Brendan in.
"Stay in me" he moaned.
"Please, I like it" he added.
"Sure".
Brendan smiled with his soul and his lips.
It was in this position; they both greeted the new day.
-OOO-
It felt great to wake up together again.
Brendan gazed steadily into his Stephen's eyes.
Arctic ice meeting sky blue.
As he took in his sex-bruised lips, a ghost of a smile graced his face.
He felt he had come home. Peace had been restored.
Before he had a chance to hint at his happiness, the bedroom door flew open.
"Ello Unkle Bwendan." Leah chimed, totally unfazed to see him lying there next to Ste on yet another morning.
In keeping with the child-like notion that all adults are there to help them in some way, Leah scrambled clumsily onto the bed.
Grabbing a handful of Brendan's shirt and putting her knee to his groin for leverage.
Lucas' demand was simple and direct.
"Up" he shouted, arms outstretched.
Ste couldn't help but laugh as he gathered him up.
Brendan couldn't help but wince at the brief, sharp pain Leah inflicted.
With the children settled between them, Ste beamed as he took in this new family portrait.
Feeling mischievous, he asked Brendan.
"Would you like some breakfast hun?"
"Yeh, that'd be great."
"Well the kitchen's that way. Roam free. If you find anything and can identify it, it's all yours."
Brendan tried not to show his shock.
"Cheeky fekkah." He said sotto voce.
"Dee fast pleese." Lucas solemnly said.
"Daddy I want toast." Leah added as she now slid down from the bed and made her way towards the kitchen.
"Alright, hang on, I'm coming." Ste reassured.
Scooping up Lucas, Ste followed Leah into the kitchen. He almost trampled underfoot the blue balloon that Leah had brought home from the kid's party she had attended the day before. He bent to pick it up and pointed to the number printed on the side and asked.
"What number is this Leah?"
"96" she yelled.
"No, 95 Leah."
"96" she offered again.
Ste threw the balloon playfully at her head.
"Muppet" he softly chided.
Moving around the kitchen with well-practised efficiency, snippets of the previous night echoed around Ste's head.
Brendan had been uncharacteristically tender.
"Lie on me" he'd said.
"I like to feel your weight on me.
I like to feel your heat
You make me feel secure."
Ste had blushed at this.
Glad of the darkness. Glad of the compliment.
This was a side of Brendan, Ste seldom got to glimpse. He loved it. Craved it in fact, but something was niggling him. Was Brendan only revealing this part of him, here, now, as bait? Was he only doing this to reel him back in again?
Ste knew deep down that he'd be better off without Brendan.
This isn't right. I know this me I do.
Nothing had been resolved. Nothing had changed and yet he was back in bed with him. No, Brendan was back in bed with him.
The thing is, he came to me. He tracked me down, time and time again. That's got to mean something. It's good isn't it?
Ste metaphorically crossed his fingers whilst he buttered the toast.
This is a step forward right?
-OOO-
A different day brought a different mood.
As Brendan strode towards Chez Chez, he had a chance to be reflective.
His plan, such as it was, appeared to be working.
He and Stephen were together again, well not together together, but that was only a matter of time surely?
Brendan had never liked the idea of being part of a couple.
A twosome- how gruesome and yet when he had been in the bathroom this morning, he had inadvertently smiled when he'd caught sight of his toothbrush, standing to attention next to Stephen's.
It had almost warmed the cockles of his non-existent heart.
Yet there were still obstacles.
Why does Stephen whine so much?
He's like an old woman, any woman in fact. If I'd wanted a girlfriend...
There's no denying it though, life is sweeter with him around.
Less empty.
Maybe Stephen has a point. Maybe we should talk.
By that I mean, I know his mouth will move rapidly, but I can pretend to look like I'm listening.
That's it.
I'll go round early tonight.
To talk.
While I'm still awake.
-OOO-
The best laid plans...
He entered the bedroom stealthily, then stopped, captivated by the sight.
As with a newborn, Brendan watched Ste breathe, but then he started to feel far from paternal.
Ste lay face down on the bed. Arms raised and legs akimbo.
Brendan crept onto the bed, held himself aloft by his elbows and surveyed his prize.
As if on cue, Ste rolled over and looked directly into his lust-blown eyes.
Ste knew that look; normally Brendan only looked at Malt Whiskey that way.
He craned his neck, to reach up and initiate the kissing. Something that Brendan was allowing him to do more and more these days.
Breathing became an issue, as neither of them wanted to release the other, so that they could perform this vital function.
Brendan managed to move downwards slowly. He then licked the sweat out of the hollow at the base of Ste's throat with fervour.
He continued on his journey, sucking and tasting Ste as though he was a tray of hors d'oeuvres.
Brendan then reached his goal. He tasted the little drop of pre-cum there, like it was an aperitif. There was no way he was sending this bottle back.
Raising Ste's knees, he then traced his finger round and round his puckered entrance; as though he were a wine glass.
He now wanted to make Ste whine.
Before events overcame him, Brendan turned Ste over and licked all the way down his arched spine. When he reached his inviting tail-bone, he paused before parting his cheeks and sinking his tongue into his favourite spot.
The place that only he had entry to.
Brendan easily reached around Ste to take hold of his cock. He pumped it vigorously as Ste pushed his buttocks upwards to meet Brendan's face.
Needing more, Brendan quickly replaced his tongue with his member.
Ste pushed himself flush against Brendan, determined to be as close as possible when the climax hit.
He yelled, he whimpered and gabbled freely, right through the main feature until the end credits.
Only his toes showed their appreciation of Brendan's skills silently.
"I thought you weren't religious Stephen?"
"I'm not."
"Well ye were calling out the name of ye chosen deity quite a lot there."
"Funny, you think you're a funny guy."
"Don't think. Know." Brendan replied somewhat smugly. There was a twinkle in his eye however, which took the edge off.
Energised Brendan reached for Ste again.
"No." Ste wriggled Brendan's favoured body part away from his hand.
"Whoa...why?"
"No." Ste whispered.
Brenda instinctively turned and gripped Ste's face and wrenched him towards him sharply.
Old habits die hard
"Tell me why?" he queried.
Ste's face created a new shade of red. Vermillion didn't even come close.
"I'm still um ..well.. sore from the last time" he finally stuttered.
"Oh oh oh." Brendan laughed. He clasped Ste to him and held him close, inhaling the scent of his hair.
"Then this will have to do for now" he chuckled and kissed Ste, opening his mouth with ease. He ran his tongue along the fillings Ste was ashamed of.
He didn't stop there.
Kisses rained down on Ste's body, every secret spot was found, no pulse points were missed on his travels.
Within seconds, Ste's nether regions were encased in a warm, wet and very experienced enclosure.
Ste knew it was wrong. Knew it could never work. Knew it made more sense for him and Brendan to stay apart. Knew he should be angry, mad even at the situation; but as he slipped over the edge for the second time, he couldn't find the strength to resist.
-OOO-
That morning, Ste found himself alone in bed and smiled.
-OOO-
That night, Brendan found the door on the latch-again.
-OOO-
Comments are always appreciated.