I don't know why.
I truly don't.
I don't know why I have to feel the way I feel. I don't know why I have to keep the zodiac under my control.
These feelings.
They come, they go. They aren't mine. Whenever I feel that someone has to be punished or when I spit out words I don't mean, they come.
They override me so that I'm taken with them. I'm not able to do anything about it. Nothing. I'm just going with them because I have to. I never want to do anything these feeling want.
I can't control it
Every one hates me for them.
Everyone hates me for a trait that isn't even my own.
I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want people to fear me, but that is the nature of my curse. The curse of the God.
My curse is just like their curses. It binds me in a same way. I feel the chains that are wrapped around my body. They are tightening. Tightening so that one day they can choke me. They want to choke me out of existence. They want me gone. Just like every one else in this family.
Everyday I live in an air of my own death. Someday those chains will tighten enough so that my last breath will be taken.
When they do will some one mourn?
No. I know the answer, but I continue to tease myself with the possibility.
The girl gave some possibility. She said she would miss me, but how could she? She can't know me. Nobody knows me. Not the me that is the god, but the me that is scared.
Nobody knows me.
I can't let them.
They can't know I'm weak under this body. I'm the god. Gods aren't weak.
But, I'm weak.
I'm trapped like every single one of them, but my trap is worse.
My trap I have to face alone.
But, I'm used to being alone, because no one loves me.
Why would someone love me?
I'm just a broken useless creature. I'm ugly. Why would anyone want to even think about helping me?
I'm giving myself these thoughts of help that might be coming.
But, they're not coming.
No ones coming.
I'm alone.