Accident

Nicholas Rush laid on the bed in his quarters aboard Destiny feeling like a complete idiot. It wasn't a feeling he was particularly comfortable with, which made it even more difficult or so he supposed. Certainly it wasn't something he had experienced in a long while. He was one of the smartest men on Earth, a genius in his field, so how in God's name had he got himself here? He wasn't even certain exactly how the little accident in question happened in the first place.

One moment, he and Belle French, his self proclaimed 'pet linguist' ( and oh, didn't that conjure up some images better left alone, certainly ones he didn't want to think about any more than he already was) were alone in the computer console room. They were working on a particularly tricky piece of coding that had eluded them for weeks when suddenly, as if by magic, it all came together.

And that was where it all went wrong. Somehow, one minute they were grinning happily at one another across the screen and the next, they were kissing, her soft lips against his, tongues tangling in a dance as old as time, that needed no words. Then, just as quickly, it was over. There was an awkward silence where moments before there had been complete understanding.

Then Belle made an excuse, something about the fact that they had been working for thirty hours straight and she needed a shower and some sleep, and then she fled, face flushed with embarrassment. He might have been blushing as well, he wasn't sure. Actually Nick wasn't sure he could blush at his age.

How could he have been such a fool? He didn't even know how or why it had happened. In fact, when they had first suggested getting Dr French involved, he'd been reticent. After all, he understood Ancient as well if not better than most of the people involved in the project, better than most people full stop barring Daniel Jackson himself. Still, after some arguing back and forth, it had been decided to add her. After all, she was just the subject matter expert he needed, a fact he had only realised later. If he'd had her, they'd not have needed Eli and the boy wouldn't be stuck out here with them, far from his Mum. Still, by the time they had got everything arranged, she had not actually arrived to join them until the day it had all fallen apart on Icarus.

Nick tried to push those memories away as well, but it only brought back the other thoughts. It wasn't that he didn't desire her, he did, in the worst possible way. He bloody well dreamt about her, her bright eyes and pale skin flushed with desire. But that was fantasy, and this was Belle, the real, breathing Belle. She was everything he was not, kind, beautiful, a friend to everyone on the ship. And him, he was a scientist, skinny, no longer young and irascible.

Rush sat up just a little and ran a hand through his shaggy hair. He was a little surprised that a lynch mob had not shown up at his door, led by Sergeant Greer who didn't like him on the best of days. But no, that wasn't Belle, she was too sweet, too kind to run off and screaming of sexual harassment, and there was little doubt that was exactly what it was. Then there was the other thing, there was something else about Belle, an innocence about her. Not that he thought she had never been kissed before, she was to beautiful for that. Still. He was a monster, of that there was no doubt.

Yet, even knowing, admitting to himself his true nature, he couldn't stop thinking that he should do something to stop himself. Instead, he was laying in his bunk, achingly hard in a way he hadn't thought he would ever be again, unable to banish the thoughts, the feel of her lips, her taste, from his memory. Unable to stop thinking about what the rest of her would taste like, or what her lips would feel like on other parts of his body, what she would sound like in the heat of passion. It was maddening. Nick groaned and pulled himself out of the bed, wishing he there was some way he could reprogram the showers for ice cold. Maybe then he could clear his head, and forget.