Unfamiliar

Chapter 1: The Reflection's Reality

Lauren stood in front of the mirror, trying to figure out who she was looking at. The person was the same – she'd always been the same.

The body she saw…was different. Not at all the one she was use to seeing. Not the one she'd grown to love over the years.

The summer after junior year had been…severe. It'd started with a twinge, the smallest pain in her stomach. It was so small that she'd been able to ignore it, and almost forget it completely since it wasn't there all the time. Until it was. She was pretty much use to some kind of nagging ache or pain what with wrestling and all. This wasn't that though, and after it got constant, it got really painful, really quick. So painful that it landed her in the emergency room one night, then on an operating table the next morning.

Her little stomachache turned out to be a defective gallbladder that needed to be taken out. The doctor had told her parents it would be 'routine,' but something had gone terribly wrong. Her mom wouldn't tell her what. She wasn't even supposed to know. But nurses sucked at keeping secrets and not gossiping, and she'd overheard two of them talking outside the door. Lauren rarely got scared, but being so sick she needed surgery, then hearing that she could have died? That was fucking scary and it had shaken her up pretty bad. She never said anything though, partly because she wasn't supposed to know. Partly because she really didn't want to tell to anyone she had fears.

The aftermath has been even worse, which she didn't think was even possible. She could barely eat anything. Not the things she loved, like chips. Not the simplest things, like normal milk or cheese. Everything made her feel sick. Her entire diet had to be changed just so she didn't have to spend half the day in the bathroom. And forget working out or practicing. That much jostling, even after she'd healed completely, was too much. The only thing she could manage to do was walk, so she did. There was a stretch of July where she didn't even bother unlocking her car. It got to the point where she thought she was walking right out of Lima.

The toll it all took on her body was visible to her now as she stood in front of the mirror. Her curves weren't gone but everything looked a little smoother, a little smaller, under her clothes. She couldn't see bones or anything like that but as someone who knew her body as well as Lauren did, it was a pretty dramatic change. A thirty-five pound change, according to her doctor. He'd seemed pleased with it, smug bastard; he'd always been on her about the extra weight. Mostly, she ignored him because…it was her body and she liked it. Scratch that. Loved it. She hadn't been BSin' when she told people she was hot as hell.

For the first time, though, she was unsure. It wasn't that she didn't love her body anymore. It was that she couldn't say for sure that she did without having to think about it. In fact, there wasn't a lot she wasn't over thinking as she turned, looking over her shoulder in the mirror.

How does this look? Why did it look so much better than before? Did it really look bad before?

The last thing that crossed her mind was probably the most annoying.

What was Puckerman going to think?

She'd gone all summer without really seeing him. Sure, they talked and texted a ton – it was actually pretty adorable how hard he'd worked to keep track of her. For all his big talk about being a stud, he was kind of a sucker when it came to her. Between the songs and the waiting – he'd waited 'til just before she got sick to get in her pants and he'd probably been waiting since for another go – he'd proven that this wasn't just a game for him. That she was the real deal. He'd even come around a bunch of times to see her during the summer but she'd had her mom tell him she was having 'female issues,' because she figured he wouldn't ask too many questions about it – and he didn't. He just kind of accepted it. Any other time, she might have been ticked at him for just giving up. But she just hadn't felt up to seeing him. And, right now, that same feeling was dwelling in the vicinity of her ever shrinking gut. That and a strange sense of dread. He'd always been into how she looked – and the really shallow part of her loved that. What if he wasn't into the new body she was sporting? Or…what if he was? Did it mean something – like he hadn't really been as into her before as she thought?

With a sharp jerk of her head, she forced her thoughts to a grinding halt. This was stupid. She knew she shouldn't even care. She was Lauren fucking Zizes. The hottest girl at that school. Or was it former hottest girl, she asked herself as she heard her mom scream up the stairs that she was going to be late.

Walking into school, all eyes were on her and for the first time, she wished they'd just stop looking. It was like they'd never seen someone who'd dropped a few pounds before. Didn't these people have TVs? Hadn't they ever seen The Biggest Loser? That thought made her even more miserable. As soon as she found her new locker, she wanted to crawl in and stay there the rest of the day.

"You'd totally fit now," she mumbled to herself as she shoved her book bag in there.

"Fit where?" A familiar hand came down on the small of her back. She nearly jumped at the contact. "Already thinking about shoving me in a locker, babe?" He leaned in, probably expecting to get a long awaited kiss but she turned her head to avoid that.

"Knock it off, Puckerman. The last thing I want this early in the morning is a twenty minute lecture on the evils of touching and how a kiss leads to other unsavory behaviors from Figgins."

It annoyed her – a lot – when he laughed, mostly because she knew he'd only done it because she sounded timid. Like she needed the reassurance. It was like all her fiery ferocity had been sapped from her. Like that stuff had been stored in her gallbladder.

Almost like his sixth sense kicked in, his arm drew tighter around her. "Everything alright?"

Was he serious right now? He couldn't be. Puck may not have been the brightest most of the time, but he seemed to have a pretty good handle on people. Figuring them out and stuff. So how did he not know what was going on with her? Or was he just ignoring it because she was? Whatever it was, it was bugging her. He was bugging her. "Gotta get to class."

When she tried to step away, she felt the resistance of his hand on her hip. Just to make a point, his other hand clamped down on the opposite one, holding her where she stood. "Hold it. I don't see you all summer long, live off texts – and not even sexy ones – now you don't want to kiss me? Forget that, you don't even want to see me. You're freaking me out with this shit. Tell me what's up."

Normally, she'd have told him to fuck off. He had no right to be in her business. She just wanted to be away from him now. The thought of breaking up with him crossed her mind but that seemed pretty desperate. Even her new, obnoxiously whiny inner self knew that. Besides that, she really didn't want to break up with him.

Instead, she just pushed him away. Hard. He stumbled a bit then gaped at her at her with a look that was somewhere between 'what the fuck is your problem' and 'she's not okay.' It quickly changed into something different though. Like something she'd seen before – once when he sang Fat Bottomed Girls to her and she didn't like it, and again when he'd joined celibacy club and she'd gotten pissed – but this was just…so much sadder. Was that…was he hurt, she wondered.

"I told you to knock it off." The words were kind of soft and probably sounded pathetic. Her irritation did a complete 180 and looking at him made her feel bad. Life worse than she had walking into the building. Still, she couldn't make her mouth shut because she didn't want to open up. "I'm really going to class now. See you later."

He mumbled okay and she hoped that he'd actually want to see her later. Or that he wouldn't. If he didn't, things would be easier. Or not. Because she'd miss him. Because she kind of…loved him.

Stop, she told herself as she settled into her seat in math class.

Just stop.