Hey all. I know… I haven't written in anything in a while. I am trying so hard to be strong right now, and I am failing terribly. I thought this story might sum up for you how I'm feeling, from the point of Grace looking after little Neytiri as she suffers. This is probably going to make me feel worse, but you know what? Right now, I honestly don't give a damn.

A song lyrics story, featuring the song 'Never Grow Up' by Taylor Swift. Just a one shot. Rated M for strong coarse language in one scene.

Dedicated to Gabby, the one person who's never burned me or scarred me, and is genuinely there for me. I don't even want to think about where I would be if I didn't have you.

Oh Darling, Don't You Ever Grow Up

"Your little hands wrapped around my finger,

And it's so quiet in the world tonight…

Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming

So I tuck you in, turn on your favourite night light."

"Gracie! Gracieeeee!" came a little squeal. I immediately looked up from where I was sitting on the log, my Avatar's tail folded neatly around my legs. I nearly got tangled in it as I jumped up when I saw my little charge running over to me, hollering like some dog had come and torn at her queue. I came over to her, the poor thing sobbing her eyes out. It was like a levee had broken in a dam.

Ignoring the clan's eyes on me, I knelt down to the muddy floor, ignoring the pain in my knees. The princess was crying and the Avatar was the one she was running to. I knew what they were thinking, about how close Neytiri and I were. But it worked that way. "Baby Girl, what's wrong?" I asked as she cried.

"Telan said he would marry me. And now he's gone off and running with Lelia," she told me.

I paused for a moment, trying to remind myself of her age. Hell, she was only six and worrying about such things. But then again, at that age, your best friend was someone who liked the same colour as you, or had the same length of tail. And you had chosen the person who had wanted to marry just for the reason that you figured everyone married somebody – you didn't know about the concept of love. Or you did, but on a very vague tone. I smiled a little. "Now why would he do something like that?"

"He said I wasn't pretty enough…"

I shake my head with a sigh, wondering how to cheer a broken hearted girl up. If she were maybe ten or twelve years older, I would have probably stuck a cigarette in her mouth and given her a fifth of whiskey. I didn't really know how to comfort a child. I had with my little niece Bree, but this problem had never arisen.

Slowly, I picked the little Na'vi girl up, coming to place her on my lap on the log. She was sniffing and almost choking on the tears that were running down the back of her throat. "Listen to me," I said, turning her head to face me. I held on to her little chin – not tightly, but to make her look at me and know that this was important. "You don't let any boy hurt you like that, you understand me? No one has that right. No one has the right to walk all over you, and don't you let anyone tell you otherwise." She looked up at me with large, watery topaz eyes, absolutely mesmerised, like I was the best thing since she had ridden a horse. I brushed the tears away from her cheek. "You're a good girl. You're a smart girl. And you're beautiful and kind."

A small flicker of a smile came onto her features, and I knew that I had done right. I held her to my chest, and let her cuddle me for a while. I felt her little tail curl around my thin arm, and I knew that meant she trusted me. I kissed her cheek and ruffled her hair, and just let her sit with me until she was all fine again.

"To you, everything's funny

You got nothing to regret.

I'd give all I have, honey

If you could stay like that..."

···

"Gracie?"

I couldn't answer. The tears were coming too fast and I knew if I spoke, my voice would be in shambles.

"Gracie, are you okay?" came the little voice again, this time in English.

No. I wasn't. But how could I tell a little girl that? She wouldn't understand, and no amount of explaining would do the trick. She was just too young, and she had never been in such a situation herself. "I… I-I'm fine," I lied, so glad she couldn't see my face as I hid behind the little tree cove. It was my personal hideout, the place where I went if I was distressed, and no one could find me. They could hear me, but no one had found my little entrance into the makeshift natural room. I rarely used it – Neytiri gave me too much to smile for. But on this day, no amount of her tracing my stripes or tugging at my shirt or singing human nursery rhymes or chasing my tail would crack a smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she queried. I could hear her little, tiny feet pattering along the ground, trying to find my secret entrance. A huff of annoyance came from her as she found none. Good.

I sighed. I knew I had to pull myself together and get out there, but I just couldn't. My heart hurt to the point I felt someone had driven a knife into it, and they had. Metaphorically, but it hurt more than any real steel knife would – this one wouldn't stop. I hadn't eaten in days, as members of the clan were noticing. Adaman was fussing over me all throughout dinner, trying to force feed me grits and grubs. I usually eat their food, but even human food I knew would make me want to be sick. I still wanted to be sick, but there was nothing in my stomach to do so.

I dug my nails into my thigh, trying to get my brain to get back to normality. But I just couldn't. Not right now…

Things hadn't been good back at Hell's Gate since I could remember. The new boss, Parker, was sending the place to the dogs, and all the scientists were starting to discover unobtanium underneath Neytiri's home. But mostly, my love life was the one that had taken the hit. Hence the tears.

I didn't know what had happened. Suddenly everything had gone wiry, like a train running off the tracks. Miles had always been faithful to me, I thought. I had found that out through a reliable source that in fact, he was not.

"What's up with Gee-Gee?" Anthony, one of the scientists I was close to, asked our group a few days before. I had just left the room to go and get some fresh air – by that, I meant smoke – and I had barely shut the door when they started talking. "She's all… sullen."

"Oh…" Olly, one of the ones specialising in the Na'vi DNA project, talked through a mouthful of the processed food that he had just taken. "That cunt cheated on her. I found out, told her… rest is history."

"Shit," Anthony hissed through his teeth, casting a glance back to the door where I had left. I quickly ducked more behind the wall so he didn't notice I was there. "Is she okay?"

"They were together, for like… what, eighteen years? How do you think she's doing? She's probably like death warmed up." He sighed. "She doesn't want to lose him. She loves him more than anyone on this world, except maybe that little Na'vi girl she's always with." Did they notice that?

"If you ask me, the jackass did her a favour. Now I reckon we go and put together some of that old ebola virus and set it loose in his office." Oh Lord.

I tried to pull myself together. It was bad enough Miles had been hitting on the girls, but Olly had evidence that suggested it went farther than that. I just wanted to curl up and die.

Neytiri wouldn't allow me that liberty. She kept on calling for me. "Gracie… You are worrying me, please come out."

I gave a sigh. I stretched and cleared my throat, taking some deep, calming breaths. They didn't make a dent on my reddened eyes and my tear streaked face, and Neytiri noticed immediately. "What is wrong?" she asked me.

I shook my head. I didn't need to whine about my problems to an eight year old. What would she understand? She had never known heartache, not in this sense. But she was insistent, and slipped her little hand into mine, and that girl started dragging me all the way to the lounge area. At least it was empty. "What wrong? Did I do something?" she asked again, looking at me earnestly.

I swallowed, but there was barely any saliva in my mouth. "Just… a bad man hurt me, darling. It's not your fault."

Neytiri quirked an eyeridge. "How did he hurt you?"

How to explain this… I sighed, moving to cross my legs on the floor. I was surprised when Neytiri didn't crawl into my lap, like she usually did. "Well he… he found another girl much prettier than me and… he's probably going to leave."

She got all serious, her brow creasing which made her look like she wasn't an eight year old, but someone with all the wisdom in the world. Then she did something I didn't see coming. She reached forward and grasped my chin, turning my face to hers. I always did that to her, not the other way around. "Did you not tell me, men do not walk on us?" I slowly nodded. "Did you not tell me, that you should never let a boy hurt you like that?"

Oh what the hell did I know? How the hell was she remembering this? She was child, I remembered. Everything I said she absorbed like a sponge. "I… I know," I whispered, my eyes having to drop from hers, out of shame. "But I… oh Baby Girl, it is so much more complicated than that…"

"How so? He hurt you… why are you still with him?"

"Because… I… I'm… I can't…" I looked down into her innocent face, yet wise beyond her years. She looked at me so deeply, it was as if she were seeing into my very soul.

That did it. The tears came, rolling down my cheeks. I tried to look up and make them go back, but before I could, she had clambered into my lap and placed her tiny little hand on my cheek. She brushed those tears away just as I had, before she wrapped her arms around me and cradled me, kissing my forehead. I sniffed and sobbed. What was with this role reversal? Neytiri didn't care. She knew I needed her, and she was there for me.

I don't know how long we were like that. Neytiri rested her head against my shoulder. We watch the rain starting to come down, coating the forest in a shiny film. Something came over me, and I just sent up a prayer. A prayer… to who? God? He wouldn't listen to me. Eywa? Why would She? I was there for the rituals and everything, but I wasn't Clan. Still, I just needed to know someone omnipotent was watching over me. I cuddled Neytiri and prayed… Prayed that everything would be all right. Back to the way it used to be. I was feeling so sad, I don't know, something just came over me. The words just came out.

"I don't want you to ever grow up," I told Neytiri softly. Not something you'd want to say to a child, but she needed to know.

Neytiri looks up at me. She was listening.

"No one's ever burned you. No one's ever left you scarred… And even though you want to… Just try to never grow up." Neytiri's ears flickered as I hummed the tune to the old, old song my grandmother Emilie used to sing to me. It was probably all messed up in the lyrics order, and I was probably adding some of my own, not to mention I was most likely way off-key, but Baby Girl didn't care. "Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up… Just stay this little. Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up – it could stay this simple…" I looked down at her, brushing a bit of hair from her face. "… Won't let… nobody hurt you. Won't let no one… b-break your h-heart." Neytiri's ears went down as my voice started to crack again. I forced a smile, touching her chest where her heart was. "And even… though you want to… Oh baby, please never grow up…"

Neytiri just looked at me. Lord, that was a sorry song if I ever heard one. I probably messed it up big time. Neytiri watched me with those big, doe eyes, and she smiled. "Sing it again?" she asked softly. And so I did.

···

I woke up in that familiar, coffin-space. I didn't want to move. I looked down at my skin – my boring, white skin. I didn't have a tail anymore. My eyes were back to their mousy brown and my hair was gone from slick, raven black to a bottle-dyed red.

Finally, I pushed myself out of that link chamber, and dragged myself to my cold, hard bed. I turned over to the side, looking at where my other used to sleep. There was nothing but the cold material. I turned back to the bedside table, looking at the photographs I had. There was one of myself, Neytiri, and her older sister Sylwanin. One of myself and Miles next to it, happy… I sighed, brushing my finger over his aged face. The face I had come to memorise so well. Slowly, I swallowed and picked it up, turning it over so I couldn't see. I breathed out slowly, feeling the tears coming back. "… I wish I'd never grown up…"

"So here I am in my new apartment

In a big city, they just dropped me off.

It's so much colder than I thought it would be

So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on.

Wish I'd never grown up…

I wish I'd never grown up.

Oh, I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up

Could still be little.

Oh, I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up

It could still be…

Simple…"