Disclaimer: Clearly, I am not Chris McClean, and therefore I have no legal right to force annoying teenagers into situations that will potentially kill them. Kind of a shame, considering some of the people I know... I'm kidding.

HEATHER.

Of course I wasn't surprised to be in the final four. I mean, all this talent, flexibility... Not to mention, of course, my unparalelled intellect, which helped me claway way here. And, of course, I would go even further. I was going to win, I was SURE. The competition were all complete losers. Sierra was too busy blogging and obsessing over her "Hubby", plus even without Cody she was a stupid lunatic. I had to pretend to like her, because I needed as much support as possible, but she was easy game.

Cody also fell into that category. Sierra stuch to him like whiny, purple haired glue. While she was around, he was so busy trying to avoid her desperate-for-a-kiss lips (Huh, like that was ever going to happen) to actually be a threat.

So I was a front runner for the final two, and when I won, I could spend the million on the most amazing shopping spree ever (Gucci, here I come!) and still have heaps left over for a fabulous long weave, so awesome it would put Courtney's dingy hair to shame- I must have been desperate to yearn over that rat's nest.

And there was no problem. I could use my expertise to smash those idiots and finally get the title I deserved the moment I set foot at camp Wawanaka. There was absolutely NO competition. Everything was FINE.

Okay, so I was lying to myself just the TINIEST bit.

There was one problem; the chiselled, talented, amazi- I mean, pathetic Spanish cockroach. I had to admit, he could give me a run for my money. I'd come into this competition thinking I was the strongest competitor, but my perfectly balanced ego (who said that I was conceited?) took a serious blow. That idiot had seemed like one f those boys who'd meet his well deserved downfall soon enough, but surprisingly ( or not so much, really, when you thought about the sub intelligent competitors I had been matched with) non of the girls saw through his pathetic, flirtatious facade. He got to Bridgette, Leshawna... Even Courtney. Ugh, it was barf-tastic seeing them feeding each other cookie.

And no, I was NOT jealous. Not in he slightest bit. Fat, ugly Blainely and pathetic Duncan were laughably wrong when they said I liked Alejandro. Huh, that thought was disgusting. We are totally NOT laid for each other- I.C.K.

If anyone else suggests that, they will need severe surgery to reconstruct their face. He's SO beneath me! I am a strong, beautiful, intelligent girl. He's just... So... Stupid and ugly... I don't like him...

Why on EARTH would ANYONE think that? I mean, am I the only sane one on this show?

Why am I even asking that question? of course I am! But still... Our alliance was completely, 100% strategic.

It was.

Seriously...

Author's note: what did you think? Was I in character enough? I just wanted to have a crack at doing Heather's mind. Plus, I mentioned Alejandro a bit because I find it hard to ignore their whole love/hate thing.

Reviews get you virtual barf bags of airline peanuts! :)