I can't take it back. Nothing. The lies I've told to everybody.

My clan.

My parents.

The other clans.

Jayfeather.

Lionblaze.

Hollyleaf.

My mate.

Brambleclaw.

I guess I really can't call him my mate anymore. Since he found out about the truth, since everyone found out, he's been trying to avoid me. I don't blame him. I would too. When ever he did look at me there was always pain and hurt in his eyes. I know it was my fault and that really hurt me. It was like someone clawed my heart out.

Leafpool said we'd be together forever. At least thats what she said. She had gotten a sign from Starclan where me and Brambleclaw were walking side by side with are tails twinned. There was a trail of pawsteps but you couldn't tell which was from which cat. It was as if we only walked one path always together. That we will always be together. Close

Lies.

That was a flat out lie. If Starclan could see us now. How wrong they have been. We were not the match made in StarClan. We've fought more times then you could count. I even almost took Ashfur as my mate until I realized that he wasn't the right cat for me. But as it turns out he thought that I was the right cat for him. How many troubles that has caused.

I have realized that maybe Leafpool's dream wasn't about me and Brambleclaw being together forever. Maybe it was a way out for her. That me and Brambleclaw were so close that us having kits wouldn't bother anyone or surprised anyone. And Leafpool was pregnant with Crowfeather's kits which was against the warrior code. It broke two rules. If she gave her kits to me no one would suspect anything. I had to agree, I mean we're sisters for StarClan's sake. I couldn't let her down i cared so deeply about my sister. I quite sure why I never told Brambleclaw. Maybe it was because he was so proud of those kits since birth. I just couldn't let him down.

Most of the this pain was Leafpool's fault. I would never blame my sister. Never. She had lost everything. She gave up her medicine cat duty, lost the respect of many cats. Lost her one true love, Crowfeather. Her own kits hated her. I think they're starting to forgive her and myself slowly but I'm hoping they will fully one day. She lost Hollyleaf. I couldn't blame my sister because it would tear her apart.

But seeing Brambleclaw day after day tears me apart bit by bit. It makes me just want to die. I want to do something, to show him that I love him, that he should to forgive me but...

it really is to late to apologize.