Author's note – this is just a quick piece that's been floating around in my head. I think it stands alone but if inspiration strikes I might come back and add more.

Disclaimer – SGC and all characters remain the property of MGM, etc (except for Captain Rice, who is completely fictitious). Monopoly and Oprah, Dr Phil, etc, ditto as above, they're nothing to do with me.

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'Sir, exactly how long did it take you to put this together?'

'Two days, Carter, two days of physical and mental effort.' He looked up from his masterpiece just in time to catch his 2IC rolling her eyes. Hurrying on, 'But that's not really important now. Come on, grab a seat, and take a load off. Danny and T will be here in a minute.'

'Um, sir, I'm not sure I really have time for this right now. When you said it was important I kinda thought you might mean something … ' she hesitated, not wanting to hurt his feelings but not wanting to entirely let him off the hook either ' … more important than … this.'

'Like what, Carter? What could be more important than keeping your CO occupied in his time of need?' He waved his arm, the one that wasn't encased in plaster from shoulder to wrist. 'Stopping me from going completely around the bend from boredom?' He ground to a halt.

'Sir?'

'Okay, Janet said that if I didn't stop bothering her nurses she'd sedate me and leave me naked in the Gate Room. You can't let her do that to me,' his eyes pleaded with her 'do you know what Captain Rice would do to me if she found me naked?'

Sam couldn't help the laugh that burst forth. Captain Rice was 5'2", 150 pounds of hard packed muscle in a buzz-cut and she visibly salivated in the Colonel's presence. There was a part of Sam's brain wouldn't have minded seeing a naked Jack O'Neill unconscious on the floor of the gate room either but she couldn't, she told herself, in all good conscience leave him to the tender mercies of Captain Rice.

She gave in and sat down on the chair next to his bed. O'Neill gave a gentle air punch with his good arm. 'Yes! One down, two to go!'

'Ah, Sir, does Teal'c even know how to play Monopoly?'

'Yep. Taught him myself when we went up to the cabin. Got sick of him asking where my TV was.' He leaned over slightly closer to Carter and lowered his voice, 'You know I've been thinking, the fastest way to get rid of the Goa'uld might just be setting up some sort of Cable relay to Chulak. If the rest of them are anything like T, they'd be too busy catching re-runs of Oprah to do much else.' He leaned back on the bed and closed his eyes in satisfaction at a job well done 'System Lords would be pretty pissed if the Jaffa started telling them they couldn't destroy anybody this week because Dr Phil's doing a special on 'Talking with your Teen'. No Jaffa and before you know it the Goa'uld would be history and I could get back to my nice, quiet retirement. What d'ya think, Carter? Got potential?'

Sam was saved from having to respond by the timely arrival of her teammates. Teal'c gave her a nod of acknowledgement and turned to the Colonel, 'O'Neill. I am glad to see your health is improving although I have inferred from my conversations with Dr Frasier that you are a less than co-operative patient of her facility.' Teal'c fixed his friend with a heavy gaze. 'It is not my first wish to do so but if you do not obey the directives of your physician in these matters I may be forced to harm you further.'

Teal'c allowed his threat to settle gently for a moment before shifting his gaze back to Sam, who was struggling to contain her laughter. 'Major Carter, was I correct in hearing Colonel O'Neill has come up with a suggestion to undermine the power base of the System Lords?'

Before she could answer, the Colonel butted in with forced humour 'Oh, no, nothing serious, buddy, just a little joking around. Between friends.' He fixed Carter with his own death glare 'Right, Major?'

'Oh. Yes, that's right, just joking around.' She shot a glance at her CO, 'That's the naked truth.' Confident her own threat had not gone un-noticed, she settled back into her chair with a smile.

'Right, Carter, very funny. Everyone's a comedian now.' Turning back to the last member of the team, he smiled 'How's it going, Danny? You up for a game of Monopoly with the old man here?'

Daniel hung back in obvious apprehension 'Do I have to, Jack? Last time I played cards with you and Carter I ended up with 6 stitches and had to have a tetanus shot!'

Jack waved his arm around at their surroundings 'Looks like you'd be in the right place this time then, buddy. Hot and cold running medical attention. They'll have you sewn up and ready to throw the dice again before you even have a chance to miss a turn. Hell, they'll even stamp your frequent treatment card!'

Sam felt compelled to put her side of the story 'Besides, I'd already said 'snap' and you should have known to keep your hand out of the way!'

Daniel took a seat on the end of Jack's bed. 'Okay, I'm in but only so long as we're all clear that this is Monopoly as a non-contact sport!'

'Indeed, DanielJackson.'

Catching proper sight of the board for the first time, Daniel leaned in for a closer look 'Jack? What sort of Monopoly is this?'

'It's Stargate Monopoly! Made it myself. The properties are all planets we've been to and I've grouped them by civilisation and evolutionary level.' He looked around to see Daniel's eyebrows heading north and Sam's eyes widen in shock. Teal'c looked as impassive as ever. 'What? You think I don't know these things? Jeez! Get a grip people!'

Daniel cleared his throat and slid a quick glance at Sam, who was trying not to grin, 'Jack, it's not that I have anything less than the highest regard for your acuity and intelligence but normally you do a pretty good job of convincing us that the most you notice about a planet is the presence, or absence, of arboreal vegetation.'

Sam was threatening to giggle again so Jack glared at her. 'Trees, Daniel, I notice whether or not they have trees. And I think we'd best not dwell on your opinion of my 'acuity'. I'm … irked … that you people think I don't read your reports.' Having reduced his scientific wunderkind to silence he risked a smile at Teal'c. 'So, T, which piece do you wanna be?'

'Thank you, O'Neill. My preference is for the Superior Headwear.'

'Top Hat it is then, Buddy!'

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Hope you liked this – thanks for reading!