Title: CVALDA!
Author: Verbena the biatch
Disclaimer: Uh... no?
Summary: I eat babies named William. It's highly suggested that you download the song Cvalda by Bjork and listen to it while you read this. This fanfic is called CVALDA!, afterall...
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One night Verbena was sitting at her computer listening to Cvalda and writing another pointless fanfic in Notepad. She loves Cvalda. She BREATHES Cvalda. Cvalda is great. Cvalda is bitchin! Everyone loves Cvalda! Well, Bob doesn't, but his opinions really don't matter because this is America.
Did I mention that Cvalda is great? Cvalda. CVALDA. C-V-A-L-D-A. CAAAAVAAAALLLLDAHH. It's so great, I even named this fanfic after it. Download Cvalda. DOWNLOAD IT! Yes. It is delightfully strange.
Mulder really couldn't control his bladder. He didn't know why. It just had a mind of its own. He thought about peeing into a cup and then offering Scully some "apple juice" (hehe), but the little Gene Simmons in his head told him that that was not a very nice thing to do.
There's a Gene Simmons in all of us. He tells Verbena to burn things. And to write pointless fanfics that probably don't make you laugh if you're a member of the cupboard.
Why are all those people trying to run a country in a cupboard, of all places? And how do they all fit in there, anyway? If you ask me, that's pretty stupid. But this is America, after all.
Wow, someone just tapped me on the shoulder and told me that it's really supposed to be called the "cabinet". Same thing.
Scully saw herself in Feria. So she went to the store and bought Infusium. She went to work and was promoted. Doggett whispered to Skinner, "She shampooed her way to the top."
One day Skinner wanted to buy a Princess Diana rose. Bjork told him that she was violently happy. Then they went to court and danced with the jury and the judge and "Aldrich Novea", who tap danced on the table. They were having a lot of fun. But then they found out that they weren't because it was all a dream.
Floribunda.
Doggett lieks milk, and also lieks sex and the womens. Heheh.
Doggett tried to kiss Scully, but then Mulder saw them and squeezed Aquafresh on Doggett's head and threw Scully's teddy bear into the lake and then bitch-slapped her. It was the bitch slap heard 'round the world.
Scully and Mulder were outside stargazing again for like the BILLIONTH time. Notice how everyone is always looking at the stars? It's always STARS this and STARS that. Geez, don't pads feel like diapers? OMG! Scully's belly-button started talking. "I'm coming out!" it said. So Scully stole Santa's clothes while he was skinny dipping and pretended she was Sponge Bob Cow Pants.
Sponge Bob Cow Pants didn't buy it. Because HE was Sponge Bob Cow Pants. There was only ONE Sponge Bob Cow Pants, so how could there be TWO?
Reyes decided to quit the FBI to teach kindergarten children about menopause. They all laugheded with happy, and Reyes laugheded like a whale in heat.
The sound of the machines was loud. Everyone started dancing because it was music. Scully directed the music because she was God. "Clatter, crash, clack! Racket, bang, thump! Rattle, clang, crack, thud, whack, BAM!"
The music got much louder. "CLATTER, CLASH, CLACK! RACKET, BANG, THUMP! RATTLE CLANG CRACK THUD WHACK BAAAAAAAM!"
Cvalda rules. Hit Me Baby One More Time does NOT. Neither does Hanging By A Moment. Nobuo died. :( Haha, just kidding.
Mulder hadn't seen elephants or Peru. He had better to do.
Spatula.
Spatula.
Spatula.
Hello, my name is Monica and I sniff ground up whales. It gives me a "high".
Steven Colbert is a cutie. You gotta admit, so is Donnie Pfaster. But don't tell Scully I said that.
I wonder what Chris Carter was smoking when he named an episode "Fearful Symmetry". Haha. Retarded. What the hell does F. Emasculata mean? WTF is the Erlenmeyer Flask? What does Die Hand Die Verletzt mean? Excelsius Die? Oubliette? Syzygy? Apocrypha? Teso Dos Bichos? Talitha Cumi? Heheh, Hell Money. The dudes are using coins from the underworld. Hehe.
Whut does Herrenvolk mean? Unruhe? Teliko? Sanguinarium? Tunguska? Terma? El Mundo Gira? Kaddish? Gethsemane? Kitsunegari means fox hunt. I think. Hehe, I are intelygent. Whut does schizogeny mean? What the hell is the Pine Bluff Varient? Whut does Folie a Deux mean? Agua Mala? WTF is the Goldberg Variation? What does Sein Und Zeit mean? En Ami means friend or something. Je Souhaite means I Wish. Per Manum means By Hand. Amor Fati means Love of Fate. See, I did my homework.
And then there's the dumbest episode name of all: This Is Not Happening. Yes. We GET IT.
Undeniable proof that Chris Carter is hooked on EBONICS! I mean, drugs. Yeah. Drugs. Ebonics, also. Whutchu talkin' bout bitch?
The End.