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A/N This is the first fic I've posted and I don't know if its any good but I hope you enjoy it. I just got the idea in my head and stayed up 'till 3:00 this morning writing. It's two parts maybe more depending on how people like it next chapter will be up asap. So enough from me, Enjoy.
I couldn't stop crying, I watched the worry in her face turn fade into an insecure panic. "Baby what's wrong? Is it me? Have i done something wrong please
Stop crying" she begged.
She loosened her embrace on me and held me out at arms length so she could look into my overflowing eyes, i tried to nuzzle back into her neck but she wouldn't't let me. She touched my face "Do i not make you happy anymore?" Silence. I started to cry harder and put more effort in to my attempt to nuzzle back into her neck. She made sure i stayed at arm's length. "Hu?" she questioned, now with a harsher tone in her voice.
I had been with Sara for a long time now and i knew about how insecure she got. But i also knew if she wasn't reassured often then those thoughts and feelings would over take her mind and body and she'd have no control. I knew as a teenager she'd turn to pain to overcome the feeling's of insecurity, she'd put matches out on her arm's thinking in some warped way she was balencing out the way she was. I never understood. As she grew older she turned to drink to reassure her instead of the pain. But since we'd been together she'd stopped drinking and turned to me to reassure her. But today i couldn't, i didn't have it in me. A part of my world had just come crashing down, i couldn't have reassured the most confident, secure person everything was okay let alone my insecure, underconifdent lover. I guess I'd just have to let the insecurities win this one, and hope we'd come out on top at the end of it.
I looked into her now noticeably darker eyes, silently begging her to drop this crazy insecure idea and let me cry it all out in her arms. But i saw the insecurity and rage subconsciously take over. "Are you just going to ignore me?" she spat as she increased the tight grip on my shoulders. The tears were still streaming down my face.
"Please let go," i retorted, much quieter and frightened than i would have liked it to have came out. Sara sneered as she once again tightened her grip on my shoulders, her long nails digging into my bare skin.
"Answer the fucking question Cat!" she yelled as she shook me hard, my whole body trembling at her force. I knew this wasn't my Sara, this was insecure, unsure Sara taking over, controlling. All i needed to do was answer her, calm her down and she'd stop. But i couldn't, not at this moment in time, everything was falling apart I couldn't even calm myself down or stop myself from crying.
I yelped as she dug her nails further into my skin. I could see the confused and scared girl behind her rage and anger in her now almost black eyes. "Sara, Your hurting me," i said barely above a whisper this time.
She ignored my protests and started yelling again, "So I'm not good enough, is that right? You don't love me anymore? You never did? i can't say i don't blame you. Not enough, Right?" I let the all ready streaming tears keep falling as i watched the last rationalized parts of her mind be taken over by the insecurities. She was so wrong i loved her with every single fibre of my being. She did make me happy, everyday. She was good enough; in fact she was too good. I just, i couldn't covey that to her right now, not while i was in the state i was in, neither of us were ourselves.
"Sara-" I tried but i was cut off. She violently swung me around and forcefully pushed me up against the wall, she started yelling again, this time in despair.
"I just wanted to love you, that's all i wanted…" SLAM! she pulled me forward and pushed my back against the hard wall. "I wanted to make you happy…" SLAM! she repeated her earlier actions. "what did i do wrong!" When i didn't respond she quickly but masterfully hit my across the face, i fell to the ground, my silent tears now turned into wrenching sobs again.
"I'll go pack my bags," she mumbled quietly, turning to make her way up her stairs. i could tell in her voice some of the rage had subsided and she was starting to feel guilt but that didn't mean she still wasn't insecure.
"No," i managed to coke out between relentless sobs. She didn't even turn around as she made her way up stairs.
Review and let me know what you think. Good and bad comments are appreciated. (:
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