Him
"We are never so defenceless against suffering as when we love, never so forlornly unhappy as when we have lost our love object or its love" – Sigmund Freud
She didn't think about it twice, she decided to stay in that hotel room simply because it was a safe place for the moment, it didn't have sense to run away only because she was alone; she didn't have to worry for his whereabouts, didn't have time to become distressed when she awoke in an empty bed, in hours when the sun was still up, there was no sense in looking for him because she wouldn't be able to cross the door without becoming a pile of ashes, she didn't have time to question where he could be, the note she found over the pillow let everything very clear. What a nice guy Michael, he wrote her so she wouldn't worry, he just informed her he had left. How considerate of him.
Why keep thinking about this particular situation? It wasn't like she felt betrayed, disappointed, astonished, not at all, neither of those emotions had been part of her being and they wouldn't be now, she simply felt a little surprised, it was a quick move coming from him, the best for both of them of course, but she had hoped to be the one who'd decide to leave, and perhaps the occasion he took to leave wasn't the most cordial, precisely the morning after their first night together. Did they have such a bad time?
When the sun starts to descend is clear that there is no sense in going out looking for him, why wear herself in tracking someone that didn't want to be found, nor imagine that her first impression when waking up would've been an empty space at the other side of the bed, that the first thought in her mind would've been "find him", that a carrousel of images would cross her eyes, him surrounded of lycans as he went out to fetch breakfast in one of his typical romantic jolts, not at all, it was better that it was his own decision of leaving her asleep, in the bed they had shared not so long ago, with a brief goodbye note by her side, all a gentleman.
It's simple to explain the reason that keeps her in the same room, in the same bed after a week of his absence, is obvious that the hotel is safe and, besides, half of her problems left by that door along him, it was better like this. But it's evident that going out to look for another shelter or extra blood wasn't necessary, although her actual goods were scarcing... Or stop looking at the door, what for? If there wasn't anything to wait to come through that door, no one to wait for; someone that didn't know her would think that she was staying in the room because of the possibility of his comeback, that is a mistake, there is no reason to wait for him, he left and it's better for both, she does not wait for anyone, not even for him.
She couldn't be blamed for remembering the moments they spent together, it's normal to remember a person with whom you had exceptional situations, she does the same with Kahn, even with Viktor, because it is normal to remember the people you have lived with. For her is normal to remember every word he said, every glimmer the moon made in his eyes, every graze, and the night they spent together, it's normal to remember a person with whom you have lived such exceptional situations.
It's not adequate to inquire into the reasons that took her to spend the night with him, to initiate the chain of events that carried to his escape, to his betrayal, not to her, of course, she doesn't feel betrayed, but the cause, the plan; there's nothing irregular than under certain extern influences, wounds, life and death situations, she would have allowed a major closeness, a graze to her cheeks to verify the absence of injuries, a hug to affirm her respiration was normal, and the kisses, well, the kisses are simple probabilistic inconsistencies, remote events that don't deserve to be taken as indications of anything.
There is no need to deepen in the behaviour he had during their time together, he is a predictable guy, maybe not as much as she believed, but it's easy to deduce that he constantly tried to come near her, touch her, kiss her and in the majority of occasions a look or a word would stop his attempts, it was indispensable to keep the distance, but she must accept that there were occasions when the tiredness got the best of her and didn't stop him, she would accept his gestures without returning them, of course, but all due to the tiredness, because of the tiredness.
There's no place to proclaim the injustice of their relationship, the imbalance, when he got close he was immediately rejected, unless the tiredness influenced, she has to admit that each time it was more recurring to give up, exhaustion took hold of her more frequently, but that's not the point, if he had denied to one of her advances given by her, there wouldn't have been problem, she wouldn't have been offended or resented, but he never denied, incapable of disdaining her approaches, but it wasn't her fault, it was interesting how sure she felt of knowing him in all its extension, honest in everything, it was a matter of time to deduce his nature and hence it was easy to augur that he would never refuse her company, he would never leave her after a night together, fine, she was mistaken, but the same had happened before with other people, there was no reason to get alarmed, to get angry, to bother herself in hating him, she didn't lower herself to primary emotions, for anyone, not even for him.
Anger is a logical consequence of the situation she's going through, after all she went through a lot of inconvenients to keep them safe and the least she deserved was a farewell, a handshake and a goodbye; her annoyance was normal since she spent a lot of time making future plans for their flight, staying together was the best tactic to increase their surviving possibilities, it's not like she need him, not at all, but the strategy that she had had in mind was falling a part and it bothered her to have to begin on working on a new one, one in which everything depended on her, that was how she liked it, not needing anyone, not trusting in anyone, not even in him.
It was normal that every time she remembered his lasts words her blood boiled and an eventual blow to the wall awaking the neighbours, it's perfectly usual that she remembers the exactly words he used, after all listening carefully was a warrior's indispensable quality and it is common that she took his promise seriously, in the exact moment where her passion reached a limit, to the climax, in that occasion there weren't any precedents that let her suspect a possible treachery, not that he had bretayed her, but in that moment it was natural to believe in what he said.
Surely due to her distrustful nature, she feels irritated at finding he had deceived her in a certain way, it's not like she cared, but it's interesting to note that she believed him when he made that promise, maybe being concentrated in more pleasant matters distracted her a bit, but in the same instant she heard it she found it was only romantic and innocent foolishness, yet she took his word, after all he had offered it.
She's not intrigued at the fact that he had broken his promise almost immediately, she simply felt curiosity for the way he said it, it seemed the boy had more shrewdness than she thought, and he was a good liar too, very convincing.
It is attributable to the tiredness of the centuries that in this instant she doesn't care about the war, it is normal that after so many time of worrying about combat now she doesn't care, nor the possible closeness of Death Dealers or the anxious and disrupted search of the beasts.
There is no need to fall in the banality of associating her lack of preoccupation with him, it would be a mistake to think that his escape could affect her in such way as to make her forget the risk she was in, she was not a rookie and never believed in sentimentalisms that could prejudice her concentration, and there was no reason to begin now, not even for him; it isn't eccentric that the only weapon that she wished to grasp would be the one aimed to his head.
It didn't disturb her the incapacity of calling him by his name since he left, it must have been because of the lack of familiarity with this situation, a normal consequence was that she didn't want to think of him as Michael, it is easier to define him like abomination, hybrid, traitor, deceitful, it is not like he had a reason to call him like that, but it couldn't be forgotten that he showed qualities for the deceit, it was something to remember.
There mustn't be hurry to judge her because of her body's reaction, the instantaneous sensation in her belly, the tension in her muscles, the expression in her face quickly erased. There wasn't any reason in staying in that room, just strategy, though it can be mistakenly interpretated as a search of this moment, she doesn't change for anyone, doesn't wait for anyone and let alone for him, she didn't expect to see him cross the door, him, Michael.