Title: Heal
Pair: Max/Victoria
Rating: Teen-ish
Disclaimer: I own nothing! So don't even try to sue me.
I just got this idea stuck in my head and I just knew that I needed to write it down.
Hope you enjoy!
Side note: I also recommend listening to "Heal" by Tom Odell because it was kind of what brought on this story idea and fueled it.
There was a moment that everyone would suffer through during some time in their life; and in this moment they had to decide if they were going to face up to everything that they had done and take reasonability for it or if they would turn away and refuse to take the blame.
The time that these moments took place varied from person to person, some would suffer through this trail at a young age while others it did not come until late in their lives; it was hard to imagine which time would be harder to handle. If it was early then chances where something had taken place to awaken it while if it was later the person was faced with so much more to answer for.
For Victoria the moment had come hard and fast slamming into her with the force that only a body almost crashing into the ground could bring. It had sunk its claws into her flesh and forced its way beneath her skin; the rain that soaked through her clothes becoming the blood that seeped out from the now open wounds but instead of warmth she found all she felt was cold, a cold so deep that she began to actually believe that her heart really was made of ice.
The rain stung her eyes as she continued to stare up at the ledge above her, eyes fixated on the space where Kate had stood just minutes before; her phone hung down uselessly at her side, knuckles white as if she was trying to shatter it between her fingers. In a way she longed for the pain that it would bring, the sharp tentacles of pain that would flare out across her palm as the broken pieces punctured through her soft skin.
She replayed the scene over and over again in her mind as she watched Kate slide closer to the point of no return as if it was being projected in front of her like some morbid drive in movie. She did not want to think about what would have happened had Max not shown up, she did not want to accept that had Max not been there to talk her down, had not been there to take her hand, she would be replaying a completely different scene one filled with death.
A death that she would have caused; she may not have been up on that roof and pushed her but she put her there.
She made Kate feel as if there was no other choice.
Forcing her eyes away from the ledge she focused them down on her phone, easing her fingers open to expose the screen and was instantly met by a wave of a guilt rushing up her throat to rest heavily against the back of her tongue when she saw the image that still remained on her phone; the screen paused on the screenshot of the video that she had just recorded of Kate's attempt to end her own life.
When had she become this person?
When had she stopped caring about everyone around her?
A sudden flare of anger burned within her as if it had been lit by a match, gasoline filled thoughts flowed through her which only succeeded in fueling the fire. She clenched her teeth so tightly together that she felt a ache began to pulse behind her temples that continued to build with each passing moment until she felt as if she was going to burst like a kettle forgotten on a stove top. The tears burned like acid in her eyes as she burned a hole through her phone screen, her finger tips digging into it as she felt her body begin to shake.
"Fuck!"The flames had become to much, the fire too hot as she yelled out between clenched teeth; eyes squeezed tightly together in an attempt to stop the flow of hot tears before she finally snapped and with every ounce of strength she could muster pelted her phone across the yard watching as it shattered against the side of the building.
She felt exhausted both physically and emotionally; she knew that there were things that she could fix but this was not one of them. She could not go back in time and stop herself from the doing the things that she had done to Kate, she could not take back the words she said or the pain that they caused. These wounds would become scars and no matter how many times she tried to make them go away; scars could always be seen no matter how light they were.
Tilting her head back and staring up into the dark sky, needing the rain more than anything in those moments to cool the burn that still singed along her flesh. She breathed her air in roughly through her mouth as she tried to calm herself, to try and find something that would anchor her to the ground. Everybody had left once the police had arrived leaving her standing frozen in place, some had questioned her but in the end they had left as well and she hadn't felt that loss of their presence more than she did right now.
"Why are you still here?"She didn't even have to look down to know who it was, didn't have to face them to know the look that would be on her face. Max had just saved the day so it would make since that her next mission would be to go after the villain. "Relishing in what you caused perhaps?"
She slowly dropped her head down and focused on Max who now stood a couple feet away from her, taking in the fact that she was not under an umbrella and was allowing the rain to soak her through to the bone without a second thought, at least she wasn't the only one. She had expected her voice to be full of anger maybe even going as far as fury but all she heard was exhaustion. She was tired, this much Victoria could tell. The residue of what appeared to be a bloody nose still stained the underside of her nose, her eyes were narrowed in a way that could only mean she was currently suffering from some sort of headache.
"Do you have nothing to say for yourself?" With each new question that was thrown at her the weight of her sudden reasonability grew; did she really have the strength to carry the weight of her wrong doing. There was still time for her to turn away and put blame on others, to ignore her part in everything that had lead up to this moment. She could simply shrug off the questions and shoot some sarcastic remark at Max and storm off because that is probably what was expected of her.
Everything she had done had been in one way or another expected of her; she had become the predicable villain of Blackwall.
A role that most people would just joke about, a title that was not in anyway serious and that might have been true but the moment this role had caused her to lead someone down the route towards suicide it became anything but serious.
She would accept the weight because it was hers to carry.
"Nothing I could say will change the past, but…"her words croaked out through a dry mouth as she tried to speak past the lump that was forming in her throat; an even mixture of the guilt she felt and the sobs that wanted nothing more than to escape. "But I can make now right…I will make it right."
She could not read the expression that crossed over Max's features, she expected for her to not believe her because honestly she didn't know after everything she had done if she would believe her but words meant little unless followed by actions and she would make those actions.
Max's sudden movement towards her pulled her free of her thoughts, focusing once more on the smaller woman in front of her now standing close enough that she could reach out and touch her. She knew that Max was studying her, looking for an answer to a question that she had never asked, a question that she would never know. After a few slow moments Max seemed to come to a decision, her head cocking slightly to the side before reaching out and taking her hand, her fingers curling lightly around, fingers pressing firmly into her flesh sending a sudden wave of warmth up through frozen skin.
The sudden touch was like a lighthouse in a storm, the warmth flared up and burned away the haze that had been clinging so tightly to her just mere moments before and for the first time she felt an ounce of calmness; the weight was still there but it seemed just a little more bearable with Max's hand holding her own.
"Come on."Blinking down at the smaller woman, she felt her tug lightly against her hand directing her towards the dorm room. "It's cold and we are both going to catch colds standing out here."
She followed Max without really thinking about it, simply allowing herself to be lead into the building and out of the constant down pour of rain. She did not know how she was going to fix the wrongs that she had caused, did not know if anything she said or did would even be accepted for believed; she did not know any of that but what she did know in that moment and believed with every ounce of her being was that with that strong hand holding hers she might just be able to heal.