" WHISPER IN SILENCE "

I often wonder what is cycling through your mind, why you continue to do these things that contradict what I know you truly are. Those around you tremble in your presence, out of fear that you may find one minuscule detail wrong with their work and terminate their lives. What has happened to you? You are not the person I remember.

I should've sensed it. I did sense it, but I had too much faith in you. I assumed you would work through the rut you had gotten yourself into, told myself that you weren't doing anything wrong. But despite everything I told myself, all the reasoning I thought up to justify your actions, I knew what you were doing wasn't right. It made me feel sick inside. During those last few days, I was so filled with worry that it felt as if the morning sickness that had plagued the early months of my pregnancy had returned. What hurt the most was knowing that you were doing these things for me. But you weren't, were you?

You always enjoyed being in control, loved knowing that you had the potential to unleash such power. I saw it in your eyes as you confessed to me that you had slaughtered the Tusken Raiders that were responsible for your mother's death. You weren't sorry, not one bit. You said you hated them, and you meant it. You still hate them. You do not regret what you did, but I don't think you liked what you felt after you did it. Did the knowledge of what you were capable of when enraged frighten you? Or did it thrill you? I like to think that it was a strange combination of the two, for while you allowed the rage to fuel your actions, it left you shaken after the initial act.

"To protect you," was your reasoning for doing those horrible things that led to the rise of Palpatine's so-called grand Empire. You were never protecting me, not initially. You were damning me, damning yourself, but you were too blind to see it. Blinded by power. I was your excuse, your reasoning, your justification. If I wasn't so sure of your love for me, I would question it. The man you were then was not the man that had captivated me by the lake on Naboo three years prior.

Why couldn't you see me? Why couldn't you see that all I wanted was for you to spend time with me, to hold me, to simply just love me? I felt so invisible to you then. I remain invisible. You were so obsessed with saving me that you ignored me. I can count the number of times you were with me during those days on one hand. I was your wife, I was carrying your child. Why weren't you by my side? If I was fated to die as your dreams foretold, then you should've cherished the time I was still alive and spent it with me. You have no idea how much I wish you had.

I watch you now, standing upon the bridge of your ship, supervising your various Imperial minions as they do your job for you. How can you just stand there and stare at the backs of people who mean nothing to you? I am always watching you, I know that you now know and accept the truth. You know that the Jedi you've been pursuing is your son. My son. Our son. Why don't you move? Why don't you go to him and talk? He was more than willing to let things be and hear you out. He doesn't want to fight you, so why do you continue to pursue him?

He looks just like you, there is no denying that Luke is your son. But, no one knows that he is your son. At least, not the monster you've become. Those who paid attention to the HoloNet news during the Clone Wars know your name and will recognize his. Whether or not the perceive him to be your offspring, I do not know. I watch only you and my children, but mostly you. I was worried for you then and I worry for you now. I can feel that you, the true you, is still in there somewhere. I wish so desperately that I could reach out and touch you, so I could help bring you back to the side you are supposed to be on. If I were to do so, would you reject my touch like you did the last time I was physically near you?

I often wonder if Obi-Wan and Yoda did the right thing in hiding the children I gave birth to. I heard you cry out as Palpatine told you that you had killed me, felt the torment that welled up inside your soul at knowing that you had been the one to end my life. But, you didn't end it. I ended it. I let myself die. I wanted to die. Perhaps it was selfish of me to do so, but I didn't have anything to live for. Obi-Wan said my children needed me, but they didn't. I would've been nothing but a burden to them. I know well what happened to my colleagues in the Senate. I would've suffered the same fate as them and my children would've been left motherless either way.

If you had known that your child - your children had not died with me, would you still be this way? Would you have taken it upon yourself to raise them, to see that they remained unharmed? Maybe Obi-Wan and Yoda were right in doing what they did. Your step-brother and his wife raised Luke to be an honest, kind, and carrying man. And, Bail and Breha did a fine job of raising Leia, the little girl you swore I was carrying when I was so sure it was a son. She is quiet the feisty young woman and I see your spirit and determination in her, but you do not know of her. Not yet. Perhaps it's better if you never know of your daughter, for I'm not sure what you would do with that knowledge. You might hunt her the same way you are hunting Luke.

Oh, Anakin, why did this happen to you? Why are you this way? Why can't you be the noble Jedi Knight that I fell so deeply in love with? I miss you. I miss your kiss, your touch, your smile...but most of all, I miss your love. Do you still love me? I don't know. Whatever it was that bonded us before is gone. I used to feel you when you weren't physically there, when you were lightyears away, and now I don't feel you at all.

You went down I path I couldn't follow. I hope you understand that I never stopped loving you, that I still love you. I don't know if you think of me, think of our time together, but it is constantly on my mind. You have done so many violent, selfish, unforgivable things. But, what the general population doesn't realize is that you are just as much a victim as you are a villain. You are Palpatine's puppet. I just hope that one day you open your eyes and see that before you are eternally damned.

I watch as you move forward, to a console surrounded by men in those dull, grey-green uniforms. You do not say anything, simply watch them with burnt eyes hidden behind that dark mask. You almost seem...bored.

This is the life you chose, Anakin Skywalker. You could've come away with me, but you chose to continue down this dark path. If you are bored with it, then perhaps it's time for you to leave it behind. It's not too late to change. It never is. But, you don't want to do that, do you? I often think that you no longer care.

The woman that I was is nothing but a spirit, a ghost of some sort, I suppose, invisible to everyone around me. Alone, despite the company I immerse myself in. And you, you're alone, too. I wish you would let me back in, let me be there for you like I used to.

I reach out and place a hand upon your shoulder. It is a wasted gesture, for I know that you cannot feel me. But, I freeze an watch in amazement as your head lowers some and one of your hands is brought up and placed upon the shoulder mine is. Do you feel me, Ani?

You are silent for a moment, then you raise your head, looking around for something that you perhaps sense is there. Is it me?

"Pad--" You begin, and it is odd to hear my name spoken by the artificial voice you now use. But, you are unable to fully call out to me, as one of your workers approaches you with a question. And for a moment, just a brief moment, I feel you. But, that moment passes and you are once again gone.

Your hand drops back down to your side and you stroll briskly away, leaving me standing where you once were. Again, you push me away.

I only want to help you, Ani. I just hope that one day, you'll let me back in.

END.

"Star Wars" is © George Lucas.

05.05.2006, edited 05.03.2007